| Debra Winger was the voice of E.T. Pearls melt in vinegar It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs. Thirty-Five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: MARLBORO, COCA-COLA, and BUDWEISER, in that order It's possible to lead a cow upstairs. . .but not downstairs. Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands. Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple. "I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7pitches. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. The reason firehouses have circular stairways from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases. The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the “American Pie." (thus the name of the song by Don McLean Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs - Alexander the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321. Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down, hence the expression "To get fired." Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 year later Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like its kissing the conveyor belt. An Ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds. The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar. No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl. The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" movie was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white. If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom. Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating. Actor Tommy Lee Jones and vice-president AL Gore were freshman roommates at Harvard. The fingerprints of Koala Bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th." James Doohan, who plays Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott (Scotty) on Star Trek, is missing the entire middle finger on his right hand lost it on D-Day. The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20. Debra Winger was the voice of E.T. Pearls melt in vinegar It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs. Thirty-Five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: MARLBORO, COCA-COLA, and BUDWEISER, in that order It's possible to lead a cow upstairs. . .but not downstairs. Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands. Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple. "I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7pitches. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. The reason firehouses have circular stairways from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases. The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the “American Pie." (thus the name of the song by Don McLean Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs - Alexander the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321. Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down, hence the expression "To get fired." Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 year later Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like its kissing the conveyor belt. An Ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds. The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar. No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl. The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" movie was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white. If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom. Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating. Actor Tommy Lee Jones and vice-president AL Gore were freshman roommates at Harvard. The fingerprints of Koala Bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th." James Doohan, who plays Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott (Scotty) on Star Trek, is missing the entire middle finger on his right hand lost it on D-Day. The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20. |
| Here's a little part of US history which makes you go h-m-m-m-m. Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in l846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in l946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in l860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in l960. The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost their children while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot in the head. Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners. Both successors were named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln,was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy,was born in l908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by the their three names. Both names are comprised of fifteen letters. Lincoln was shot at the theater named "Kennedy". Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln". Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse. Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater. Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And here's the kicker.. A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe. Creepy!!! |
| Top 10 reasons to show up to work naked 10. No one ever steals your chair. 9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning. 8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk. 7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them. 6. You want to see if it's like the dream. 5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse. 4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants." 3. Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources. 2. Gives "Have you seen my floppy?" a whole new meaning and (drum roll) The number one reason to Go To Work Naked: 1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 7:00!"Top 10 reasons to show up to work naked 10. No one ever steals your chair. 9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning. 8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk. 7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them. 6. You want to see if it's like the dream. 5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse. 4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants." 3. Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources. 2. Gives "Have you seen my floppy?" a whole new meaning and (drum roll) The number one reason to Go To Work Naked: 1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 7:00!" |
| FUNNY FACTS AND SAYINGS |
| Twas the night before Christmas, and Geez it was neat The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat The doors were all bolted, and the phone was off the hook It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I am in the nude Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite. And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee. They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder. I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore. "That was some brothel," he said with a smile, "The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here for awhile. He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention. A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil. "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split." He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!" The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, "The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!" |
| 30 CRUEL THINGS TO SAY TO A NAKED MAN 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahhhh, it's cute. 3. Why don't we just cuddle? 4. You know they have surgery to fix that. 5. Make it dance. 6. Can I paint a smiley face on it? 7. Wow, and your feet are so big. 8. It's OK, we'll work around it. 9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 10. Oh no... a flash headache. 11. (giggle and point) 12. Can I be honest with you? 13. How sweet, you brought incense. 14. This explains your car. 15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow. 16. Why is God punishing me? 17. At least this won't take long. 18. I never saw one like that before. 19. But it still works, right? 20. It looks so unused. 21. Maybe it looks better in natural light. 22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes? 23. Are you cold? 24. If you get me real drunk first. 25. Is that an optical illusion? 26. What is that? 27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents. 28. Does it come with an air pump? 29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. 30. I guess this makes me the early bird. |
| Kissing is a habit Fucking is a game Guys get all the pleasure Girls get all the pain The guy says i love you You believe its true But when your tummy starts to swell, He says 'to hell with you' 10 minutes of pleasure 9 months in pain 3 days in hospital A baby without a name The baby is a bastard The mother is a whore This never would’ve happened If the rubber wouldn't have torn |
| Holy mother, full of grace Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face Bless his hair that tends to curl Keep him away from all other girls Bless his arms that are so strong Put his hands where they belong Bless his dick, the one i sucked Bless the bed, in which we fuck And if my mom happened to walk in Bless the shit I'd be in. |