FEEDBACK: Yes Please! mail@theyoungriders.com
RATING: PG-13 - 1 neck suck
MAIN CHARACTER/S: Jimmy, Angel
STATUS: Completed
DISCLAIMER: Ogiens/Kane own Jimmy. Joss Whedon owns Angel.
NOTES: This is a crossover with the character 'Angel' who has featured in both "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and the spin-off show "Angel". Die-hard fans should note that I've decided to overlook the fact that Angelus did not become Angel until 1898. Also, I've bestowed extra vampiric powers (such as mind-reading) upon Angel. Some ideas here were inspired by Anne Rice's "The Vampire Chronicles". Poetry forms an important part of this story. Poems are by Edgar Allen Poe. One of these poems has been modified slightly.
Jimmy opened his eyes and sat bolt upright in bed. Heat and fear had woken him from his fitful sleep. His sheets were soaked with sweat which was the sticky result of yet another nightmare. His first feeling was one of relief at the knowledge that the man he had seen in his dream wasn't real. He wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead and quickly arose, pulling the damp sheet around his naked body. The air in the bunkhouse was suffocating and he needed more oxygen. He approached the door, carefully avoiding the creaky floorboard. He had no desire to wake up the others. God knows he had disturbed them enough that week. For several nights in a row, Jimmy had been having vivid dreams. They weren't so bad at first. He dreamt of musty caves and occasionally he saw the figure of a man cloaked in black but he never saw his face. He laughed about them and even discussed the dreams with the others a little bit. What he didn't say was that they were unlike anything he had ever dreamt before. For one thing, they were in color and they seemed so real that he swore he could actually smell them. Each night the dreams increased in their length and intensity until one night the man in the dark coat turned around and showed his face. Kid, Lou, Buck, Cody, and Noah had all asked him what the latest nightmares were about. They told him that he was yelling things in his sleep and waking them all up. They knew he wasn't just dreaming about caves anymore. Jimmy didn't dare tell them about the dark figure he saw. How could he possibly tell them that he thought this man, this creature, was hunting him in his dreams and trying to drive him insane? He felt stupid for even entertaining the idea of the creature's veracity. Cody would laugh his ass off if he knew how much these dreams were affecting him. He was already mad at Jimmy for interrupting his sleep so many times that week. Luckily he had gone on a run now so he didn't have to face him. Jimmy had been brooding around the station doing not much at all. He traded runs with the others because he didn't want to be left alone at night. He wouldn't explain to anyone the reason why he wanted to trade and they didn't question him too much. He knew that everyone was talking about him. The previous afternoon he had approached the kitchen and overheard the others whispering about him. Jimmy walked in and glared at them to let them know that he didn't like being the topic of conversation. They seemed to get the message.
Jimmy stood under the stars wrapped in his sheet. The air had cooled him down but he couldn't clear his head. Against his own will, he starting thinking about his nightmares again. The man was tall, well-built, and pale. His skin was milky white and he wore a dirty, but fine, white shirt and a long dark coat. He had a fine-boned face and was somewhat handsome in a strange way. He had deep brown eyes and they stared out from under his eyebrows with a pleading look. Jimmy could see his mouth move and his voice gradually became louder. He told Jimmy that his name was Angel. His voice was not altogether unpleasant. It was low and steady and masculine and resonant. The words he spoke were strange and poetic.
Jimmy surfaced from his reverie and became aware that he was still standing in front of the bunkhouse. He suddenly realized how cold it was and he shivered as he looked up at the full moon. He tried to force his mind to think about other things but it was futile. He soon found himself trying to decipher the words that Angel had said to him. Words he knew by heart, though he didn't know how he had learnt them. What did they mean? They tumbled over and over in his head.
"From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were-I have not seen
As others saw-I could not bring
My passions from a common spring-"
He understood that part- too well. He had never been like other people either. He never saw what they saw or felt as they felt. He was alone is this world. Even when surrounded by people, he was completely alone. But now this creature, this predator, had penetrated his mind - a place where no one else had ever been. It made him feel vulnerable. He was more scared of the creature finding out what was inside of him than of anything else. He was scared of being exposed for what he really was. Human yes, but barely. A human who could easily express anger or lust but not his most sincere and tender emotions. A human so scared of being rejected that he isolated himself from everyone to prevent its ever happening.
He recalled more of the words Angel had chanted to him.
"From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow-I could not awaken
My Heart to joy at the same tone-
And all I loved-I loved alone."
Again, those words described him. Was the dark Angel was talking about him? How did he know what was in Jimmy's mind? How did he know that Jimmy never felt the joy and love that he saw in others? Happiness was a foggy thing outside of himself, out of his reach. He did feel love of course. How he loved Louise! But he could only love her from afar, in secret and alone. He could never tell her. And all I loved-I loved alone.Jimmy suddenly came to the realization that all of Angel's words described him, his childhood, his character, his life.
"Then in my childhood-in the dawn
Of a most stormy life-was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The darkness which precludes me still-
From all that is bright and warm-
Curse that cloud that took the form!
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view."
Jimmy closed his eyes and shuddered at the last line. Of a demon in my view. Was Angel the demon cloud who had hung above him all his life, who had cast a shadow over him and cursed him, preventing him from experiencing anything good?
He opened his eyes only to see his nightmare embodied in flesh before him. He cut a striking figure. His dark coat blew around his tall frame and his pleading dark eyes stared straight into Jimmy's soul. His skin gleamed in the pale light of the full moon, bringing out the whites of his eyes. Suddenly, Angel's voice surrounded Jimmy in all directions, he even felt the vibrations within him.
"No James, I’m not your demon, that is not what I am at all."
Jimmy's whole body stiffened. His heart ceased to beat, and his blood froze. He felt as though he were about to burst with terror and dread.
"It wasn't my intention to frighten you. Forgive me. I just want to talk to you," said Angel.
Jimmy stared at him incredulously. He hadn't expected the creature to be so human and although he was terrified because his worst fears had been realized, he was somewhat relieved that Angel had finally revealed himself. At least that meant he wasn't going crazy .
"I won't enter your dreams again and I don’t want to hurt you. I'll leave you in peace now but if you want to talk, come to me." Angel said sincerely.
Jimmy closed his eyes and when they opened again, Angel had vanished. Was he the Devil incarnate? Somehow, Jimmy didn't think so. He had never truly believed in Heaven and Hell. Only Earth. But then what was this creature? He was not human but at the same time, he was. Angel's gaze had mesmerized him. He felt a connection with him. Looking into his eyes was like looking into a mirror. Jimmy saw Angel’s footprints but didn’t dare follow them. He stood there in a daze for a good hour before going back to bed, desperately hoping that the predator would keep his word and not return to haunt his sleep.
To Jimmy's surprise and relief, he slept soundly until almost midday the next day. In the days and nights that followed, Angel did not visit him. Rachel, Teaspoon, and the other riders didn't mention the nightmares and neither did Jimmy. Things continued normally and he even started going out on runs but he wasn't quite back to his old self. The experience had rattled him. He was in the barn rubbing down his horse when he found himself thinking about Angel's invitation. His curiosity had been building over the week since the creature had come to him. He kept trying to relive fragments of his dreams. The first couple of dreams had featured scrub and caves. The place seemed so familiar. Where was it? His thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he heard his name being spoken.
"Jimmy".
He spun around to see Buck standing in front of him.
"What is it Buck?, you scared me."
"Sorry, I wanted to talk to you about those dreams you had last week," Buck said with a touch of concern.
"They were just nightmares Buck, nothing more," Jimmy replied, pretending to be distracted by the horse.
"You know you can confide in me don't you Jimmy? Whatever you tell me, I'll know it's the truth."
Jimmy looked at him, trying to make a decision.
"There are more things in this world than most men can admit too," added Buck. "You're not one of those men are you Jimmy? Tell me what you saw."
Jimmy decided to trust his friend, if anyone would believe him, it would be Buck. He spoke quickly, relieved to be finally unburdening the truth. "He's a man, only he's not. He talks to me. He knows all about me. He gets into my head and he reads my thoughts. I thought he wasn't real but he says things, strange and true things. He's not just in my dreams. I saw him Buck. I saw him right in front of my eyes seven nights ago. He says he'll leave me alone now and he has done so far but... but he wants to talk to me," He exhaled, waiting for Buck's reaction.
Buck looked at him. Unsure of what to say. "Do you think this man is evil?"
Jimmy hesitated. "I thought so at first until I saw him in the flesh. When he spoke to me he seemed sincere. I think I can trust him but...," Jimmy took a breath. "I'm scared." Jimmy couldn't believe he had admitted his fears to someone but he figured that Buck probably already knew that much anyway.
"Maybe he will come again and you can find out what he wants from you," said Buck.
Jimmy shook his head, "I don't think he'll come to me but I have a pretty good idea of where he’s hiding. What kind of creature is he Buck? You must know!"
"I don't know Jimmy. He obviously has strange powers but he has a human form. I really have no way of knowing. Do you want to find him or can you just forget about him?"
"I don't think I can carry on like this. I've got to know who he is and what he wants from me. I have to look for him," Jimmy said firmly. His own words surprised him a little. His terror had settled over the past few days and his curiosity had peaked. Every instinct told him to go and find Angel. He was still scared but fear had never controlled him before and he wasn’t going to let it now.
Buck looked thoughtful for a few moments but finally said, "Go if you need to, trust your instincts. You've got to resolve this or it will consume you. I'll come with you if you like."
"Thanks Buck. I know that I can count on you but I think this is something I have to do alone. I don't think he'll hurt me somehow."
His response seemed to satisfy Buck because he simply said "Good, luck my friend and be careful.", before patting Jimmy on the shoulder and vanishing. Buck was like that. He never outstayed his welcome and he truly listened. He had a taciturn proclivity but when he did speak, he was worth hearing. Buck understood that there were some things that you could only face by yourself, even if you didn't know quite what you were up against.
Jimmy decided to go searching for Angel in daylight. He left early in the morning to avoid any questions. He sensed that his stalker was probably asleep, his pale skin suggested that he didn’t see much sunlight. And since Angel had been invading Jimmy's sleep, it seemed only fair that he return the favor. As he set out, the horse seemed to lead him where here he needed to go. He had a pretty good idea of where he was going anyway. He remembered the caves from his dreams and he knew that there were some similar caves three hours out of town. He had passed them several times on his runs. He found himself getting more and more nervous the closer he got to them. What would he do if he found Angel? He had not much time to ponder the thought before the caves were upon him. As though they had come to him. His horse hesitated, so Jimmy tied it up and started up the small slope on foot. He climbed up to the largest cave’s mouth and, summoning of his courage, ventured in. Darkness enveloped him almost immediately. His boots squelched in the soft mud and he stumbled on some loose rocks on the floor. The farther he ventured into the cave, the harder it became to see. The air he breathed felt cool and clammy and he could smell a sour smell which he supposed probably came from bats. He wrinkled his nose, it wasn't a pleasant place to be. The larger cave led into a smaller one and he bumped his head. For a moment, he had to stoop down just a little before the cave rose up again. He could no longer see anything and suddenly lost his bearings and panicked. He groped around wildly in front of him. Out of nowhere, he felt cold hands grasp his gloved ones. He shook them loose and instinctively drew his gun. Because he couldn’t see, his other senses became heightened and he heard movement and a strange growling. Almost without realizing it, Jimmy fired a shot. He heard the bullet make contact with flesh and a slight grunt emanated from the creature. Suddenly a dim light lit the cave. They were standing face to face looking at each other.
"James," said Angel, "I knew you'd come."
Jimmy stared at Angel's face in horror. It was no longer human but a lumpy mutation with demon eyes and protruding teeth. The creature extracted the bullet from his chest and Jimmy watched incredulously as the skin seemed to heal. Jimmy’s whole belief system had just been ruptured. There was such a thing as monsters after all. He continued to stare as Angel's face turned back into its regular, angular self. After several minutes of staring, Jimmy concluded that this creature was obviously magical and if he wanted to kill Jimmy, he would have no trouble doing so. Jimmy finally recognized that the situation was out of his control, so he at least tried to get his body under control. He was no coward. Cowardice disgusted him so he quickly found the courage he had in abundant supply and composed himself enough to ask a question.
"Who are you and what do you want from me?"
Angel smiled at him gently. "My name is Angelus but I prefer to be called Angel, 'It's not important where I come from. I come from everywhere," he paused for a moment and added, "and what I want, is you."
Jimmy was speechless for a moment. Still unbelieving of what was happening. Angel was hypnotic, he looked so beautiful standing there in the dim light of what he now realized was a lantern. Jimmy's resolve weakened and he collapsed to a sitting position on the muddy ground.
"Why?", he asked with his head bowed, "Why me?"
Angel sat down also and reached for his hands again, this time Jimmy let him.
"Because I need you to be my companion. I've been searching for someone like you for a long time. It's been so hard to live alone. I had nothing to do but listen to the thoughts of millions of people. They deafened me. Then one day I heard your thoughts among the many, and I knew I had found my companion. I couldn't believe it when I finally found you here. It's was as though I had found a grain of sand that was lost in a desert. A grain I never believed really existed or dared hope to find. Now I have you in my hands and I won't let you slip through my fingers. I won't let you die. We are so alike Jimmy. You'll see."
Jimmy looked up at him. Trying to comprehend his words. He was a seductive creature and Jimmy found his words enticing. His strong and husky voice seemed to camouflage the pain beneath the surface. "What are you?" he asked.
Angel's hands squeezed Jimmy's a little more firmly.
"Close your eyes," he commanded.
Jimmy closed his eyes and was assaulted by a rush of visions that pushed his mind and body to the point of collapse. Angel's life was flashing before him. He was born in another country, in an earlier time and, like Jimmy, had never felt the full love of his parents. As a young man, he started to drank and whored until one day his depraved ways caught up with him. A beautiful women he met in an alley sunk her long teeth into Angel's neck and drained his blood. Angel almost died when she suddenly slit her breast with a fingernail and let him feed. He had a new mother. He transformed into a vampire and his soul was lost. Angelus now killed and fed on human blood and he enjoyed it. In the years that followed, he tortured and fed upon countless innocents until one day an angry gypsy placed a curse on him and his soul, along with his conscience, was restored. Jimmy shared Angel's wave of pain at the sudden realization of all the damage he had inflicted and the lives he had taken. Tears of empathy threatened to form in Jimmy's closed eyes. He understood the pain. Angel immediately ceased to feed on humans, he fed on rats instead and wandered throughout empty city streets completely alone. He felt nothing but despair and loneliness until he had found Jimmy. At that moment, Angel realized that their souls, though not their bodies, were made of the same matter and that he was not a freak. They were kin. Angel felt a brief surge of hope and suddenly the vision ended. Jimmy opened his eyes again and wept openly for the life he had just seen, and for his own.
Jimmy felt strong arms embrace him, and he let them. "I've found you now Jimmy and I can't let you go, we need each other."
Jimmy looked up at him and he found the only being to ever understand him, looking back into his eyes. It felt truthful and right.
"You will never age James, and you will not die and I will be by your side forevermore," stated Angel earnestly, "but you can never see the light of day again".
Jimmy looked up at him, their noses practically touching. Angel reached out and held Jimmy's face in his hands.
"I've never lived in daylight, even when I have," Jimmy said softly, in a child's voice.
"I know James, and that's why I chose you."
"Maybe, I don't want to live forever Angel," said Jimmy, saying his name for the first time.
"James, I know you don't believe there is a God."
"But it would be oblivion, there would be no pain, I couldn't harm anyone ever again and I could never be harmed."
"At least pain is something James. Something is better than nothing. I could help you deal with it and you could help me ease mine. We could be there for each other. I love you," Angel said softly. His words hung in the air for a moment.
Jimmy reached his hand up and touched Angel's fine white cheek with his gloved hand. He could feel the coldness of his skin even through the leather. How Jimmy longed to be accepted and loved by somebody. He already felt as though he knew Angel completely, not because he had seen his life, but because they were one and the same. He eyes became transfixed on Angel's lips and the soothing sound that came out of them.
"You don’t have to decide today James, but c-can can I ask one thing of you?" he asked shyly. "Can I drink from you, just a little?"
Jimmy nodded silently as he watched Angel's face transform into the demonic one. He wasn't so horrified this time. Angel stood up and reached his hand out for Jimmy and helped him stand up. Angel was taller and his height added to his already overwhelming presence. Jimmy felt heady and closed his eyes in preparation. He felt Angel's arms envelope him and position him for the feed. Jimmy closed his eyes and felt a rough tongue ran down his neck. He then felt his hair being pushed aside to expose his naked necks. He felt Angel's teeth sink into him and suckle and then gulp hungrily. Jimmy heard the swallowing sounds. It didn't hurt exactly, but he felt as though his very inside were being drawn out of him. He heard moans of ecstasy, he didn't know who they came from. He was conscious no more.
The next thing Jimmy was aware of was lying in his bed. He heard the soothing voice again. "Thank you so much my love. Call for me when you're ready. I'll be waiting for you."
Jimmy felt cold lips kissing his forehead and he heard Angel's voice once more. He let the words flow over him as he drifted off to sleep.
"Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
This much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if Hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream;
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep, while I weep!
Oh God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?"
Sometime later, Jimmy stirred and slowly opened his eyes. Although it was night time, he could see Buck standing over him by the light of the lantern.
"Jimmy, you've been asleep for hours, are you all right?", he asked.
Jimmy propped his head up, incoherent for a moment. He felt hollow and weak. How could I be back in the bunkhouse? Where was Angel? Had it been another dream? His head sank back down on the pillow as he tried to regain his faculties.
"Jimmy, say something, " pleaded Buck, "Have you had another nightmare?
He looked up at Buck wanting to answer, but the words wouldn't come from his mouth. He started questioning his earlier conversation with Buck. Had it been real? How long had he been asleep? He looked up at Buck with a confused expression “I don’t know,” he answered, “I don’t know what’s real anymore”.
He felt an itching on his neck and reached up to scratch it. He felt a warm moisture on his fingertips and saw that they were covered with dried blood mixed with the fresh blood of a newly opened wound. He placed his fingers in his mouth and sucked them. He liked the taste.
THE END