All the smart and beautiful people know that although the other riders are OK, none of them compare to Jimmy. Read THE GOSPEL below and find your inner Jimmyness.
Don't try to reach Nirvana
Tis here in cowboy form
Forget Heaven and Valhalla
And come and be reborn
The long johns and the navy colts
The sexy leather gloves
Jimmy doth our hearts assault
We are his many loves
Jimmyholics let us unite
In our common quest
To help the infidels see the light
And find the Jimmyness
THE GOSPEL
By Wendy
In the beginning Ed created Kid.
And it was good.
Ed said "Go forth and bring your goodness to Sweetwater and protect the innocent. Clothe yourself in buckskins and grow sideburns."
And it was so.
But then Ed created Jimmy.
And it was even better.
Ed said "Go forth, pack those pistols on your hips and be the man that Kid cannot be. Be sexy as only you can be. Make the women swoon and have naughty thoughts when you clothe yourself in longjohns, neck-kerchiefs, leather gloves and black hats. Your aim may not be as accurate as my previous creation, but your gun is for a greater purpose."
Jimmy looked to his creator at this point and asked "What is my purpose? I have feelings that I want to express."
Ed, the mighty creator, responded to his sexy creation and spoke, "But that is the mystery of your appeal. Your dark, brooding attitude will only make the females of the universe yearn for your every move. Sexiness is my gift to you."
"What is Sexiness?" quothed Jimmy.
Ed smiled at his creation. "Sexiness is what you are. Sexiness is the ability to just stand there and look hotter than Tucson in July. Sexiness is the essence of your very existence. You shall go forth and express your passion that explodes when least expected. You will use it in every step you take, every word you utter and every cup you drink from."
"But I feel so overwhelmed that all this sexiness goes to me," spake His Jimmyness. "Isn't there enough to go around?"
"Of course not," Ed, the magnificent creator said. "Only you have the ability to carry all this Sexiness. This sexiness is so massive. Your sexiness is like the size of all the universe, where as my first creation, Kid, holds but a pebblefull of sexiness. This is a great load to carry, but only you have the ability to take this Sexiness and use it like no other."
"But what will your first creation get?" spoke His Jimmyness in his too damned sexy manner.
"I'll think of something," quoted Ed. "I'll make him a partner that he will fall in love with and eventually marry. But beware, my sexy creation. She may fall victim to your sexiness, because that's how powerful it is, and even though you may want to react on it, you must back away. After all, since you get all the sexiness, he has to have something to look forward to."
"But can I still be brooding, macho, manly and care for my friends?" spake His Too Damned Sexy Self.
"Of course," Ed replied. "That is what Sexiness is all about. You are finally starting to realized what true Sexiness is. I see I have created a far better being than my first."
"Cool," His Jimmyness said. "I can be groovy with that."
And it was so and it was so damned good.
But lurking in the darkness of the underworld was the evil carnation named 3rd Season Writer, who said. "I shall create The Spawn, that will walk the plains and try to put an end to all of this sexiness."
And this was so very evil and bad. It was bad, I tell you!
And so The Spawn tried to lure His Jimmyness into an evil pit where no sexiness can survive, but he fought and fought. When lo and behold, The Wonderful Wendy comes along and sweeps His Jimmyness from the clutches of The Spawn and slapped her stupid ass for being so damned evil and threw her into a boiling pit of goo.
And Ed, the Wonderful creator said, "Hey I like your style."
And it was so. And all the world was at peace at last.
Amen.
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