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TITLE: Memories

AUTHOR: Jennifer Bates

FEEDBACK: Yes! Good or bad. purplehazejb@yahoo.com

RATING: R

MAIN CHARACTER/S: Jimmy and Rachel (also Lou and Buck)

STATUS: Complete

DISCLAIMER: The usual

MEMORIES

The soft moonlight cast an eerie shadow across the young man’s face as he slept fitfully. He tossed around on the uncomfortable mattress, searching for a comfy position, finding none. Exasperated with his futile efforts, Buck Cross jerked away the blankets and stood, a deep scowl marring his handsome features. He stepped over to the window, peering out into the unusual brightness of the night. Running his long fingers through his coal, black hair, he exhaled strongly and opened the heavy, wooden door and stepped out onto the porch. With an uneasy soul, he took a seat on the old swing and rocked slowly, back and forth, memories flooding through his weary mind.

Rachel Dunne would be arriving tomorrow, following the news of Ike Cross’ birth five days ago. She was coming to help Lou and him adjust to their new world and he had to admit, the thought of seeing her again thrilled him immensely. It had been over a year since they’d last seen Rachel and Buck hoped against all hope that she had finally mended her broken heart. He also prayed secretly that Jimmy Hickok would have better things to do than come all this way just to see the new baby. It wasn’t as if he didn’t wish to visit with his long-lost companion, only that he understood what the consequences would be to Rachel at seeing him after all this time.

Buck heard Ike’s cries and scrambled to his feet, intent on reaching him before Louise awoke. It had been a very difficult delivery and she needed to rest. He snatched the already warmed bottle from the kitchen table inside and tore through the house to the nursery, closing the door gently behind him. Walking over to his newborn son’s crib, Buck smiled proudly as he bent to retrieve him from the blankets. His cries hushed as soon as the boy tasted milk and Buck sat down in the rocking chair, amazed that he was actually holding him after waiting so long to do so.

The infant’s large, brown eyes were open wide, gazing at the new face before him. Buck smiled at his son, his fingers playing with the thick, black hair that crowned his head, astounded at the features the child inherited from him already. Not only had he duplicated his father’s dark, coarse tresses, he also held a rich, deep tan to his skin that spoke of his Kiowa heritage as well. Though the shape of his face and the large, soulful eyes belonged to his mother, Buck realized that no one would mistake who his father was. And, at once, he was proud.

A soft knock came at the door and Buck turned, a quizzical expression crossing his face. Why would Lou knock on the door of their son’s room?

“Buck?” a familiar woman’s voice whispered, “Buck, you in there?”

Rachel!

He jumped up, startling the sleeping babe in his arms, forcing him to cry in fury. He flung the door open and hugged Rachel with his free arm, delighting in her surprised laughter. Buck was grateful for her presence and instantly recognized how much he had missed her good-natured spirit.

“I thought you weren’t gonna be here ‘til tomorrow,” he interrogated, grinning like a schoolboy.

“I thought so, too,” she replied, setting the valise down and reaching for Ike, “But the stage got in earlier than expected. Oh, Buck, he’s beautiful! Have you named him yet?”

“His name is Ike,” Buck responded, “It was Lou’s idea. I thought about it months ago, but I didn’t know if she would want to.”

Rachel’s eyes grew somber at the mention of his dead friend’s name, her tears spilling over her cheeks. She was ashamed to cry in front of Buck but it couldn’t be helped. Straight away, Rachel thought of Noah. And while she was tickled to be here, the memories of the past slapped her in the face abruptly. The old waystation looked the same as they’d left it so long ago. Everything appeared to have been intentionally left alone, recreating so many of the good and bad recollections of the ghosts that inhabited it from simpler times.

Buck identified with Rachel’s wistful gaze, also remembering how many times he’d sat down at the empty table they’d once gathered around and he felt extremely lonesome. But, now, a part of that was returned to them and he brightened yet again as he observed how she looked at Ike with such emotion and tenderness. Yes, Buck had previously resigned to the fact that this child would be spoiled terribly with both females fussing over him constantly. There would be nothing he could do or say to stop it, either.

“Ike would be honored, Buck, ya know he would be so proud,” she spoke softly, placing Ike back into his crib, “Didja let all the others know?”

Buck nodded, realizing that she wished to ask if he knew of Jimmy’s whereabouts, but she wouldn’t dare let on. Rachel bit her tongue until she thought she tasted blood and swallowed the words she’d longed to say. Her pride plainly couldn’t allow her to speak his name aloud after what he’d done. After all, she must maintain some dignity though he hadn’t left her with much to work with.

“Teaspoon’s comin’, should be here day after Sunday,” Buck offered, hoping to avoid the subject they both wanted to discuss, “He sent a telegraph sayin’ so. And, you’ll be glad to know that Jesse’s comin’ next week.”

A hand went to her heart at the mere mention of Jesse. She would be happy to see Teaspoon once again after all this time, but Jesse was Rachel’s favorite of them all and everyone knew it. Though she loved the rest of them equally, Jesse always had a way of tugging at her heartstrings. She’d wondered what became of him and prayed that it would be good, although she had her doubts. After Noah’s death, he’d disappeared and never wrote to anyone until now.

“Jesse,” she whispered, a small smile spreading across her lips, “I can’t believe he’s really comin’, Buck. Teaspoon, yes, but no one’s heard from Jesse since he left after Noah died.”

“ I know, I didn’t think he’d get the message we sent, but he finally sent word yesterday and he’s been up in Virginia all this time,” Buck answered, “And we haven’t heard anything from the rest.”

Rachel sighed and turned to leave the room, Buck following closely behind. He stopped only to check on Lou and found her sleeping soundly. With that, he followed Rachel into the kitchen where she set about brewing coffee. Her mind wandered back to the times they’d spent in this very room, back before the war when everything was somewhat peaceful at times.

“Is Cody still with the Army?” she asked, doing everything possible to avoid bringing Jimmy’s name into their conversation.

Buck understood what Rachel had been attempting to accomplish ever since her arrival a short time ago. Well, if that was the way she wanted it to be, he wouldn’t dredge up the painful past that she had yet to overcome. Buck knew what happened between them and he could’ve choked Jimmy for his childish foolishness. After all Rachel had done and after he thought she’d finally reached through to him, Jimmy left her side in the middle of the night, never to return. He hadn’t left a note explaining his actions to her, only gathered the rest of his belongings from the bunkhouse and disappeared for good.

“I think so, Rachel, at least that was the last we heard from him. But, that was over two months ago, so we don’t know yet.”

A face peered around the doorway and when Louise caught sight of Rachel, she squealed, surprising Buck so much that he dropped a full cup of coffee onto the hardwood floor. Rachel yelped and ran over to her, squeezing her as gently as possible since Lou had given birth to Ike only a few days ago. The two women laughed triumphantly and swung each other around like silly children.

“I thought you wouldn’t be her ‘til tomorrow, but I’m so glad yer here now!” Louise giggled, bringing a pleasant smile to her husband’s face as he witnessed her joy.

“Oh, Lou, I missed you so much!” Rachel exclaimed, hugging her once more, “And you have the most beautiful, baby boy I think I ever seen!”

Louise grinned sheepishly at Buck with those soulful, brown eyes that constantly pierced his heart. He smiled back at her while he cleaned up the mess she caused him to make with her unexpected entrance. Buck kept looking at his wife after she’d turned back to Rachel and his heart soared. He still had trouble believing that she’d said yes when he asked her to marry him after the night they shared a year ago in the old barn outside. He’d been terrified that Kid would steal her away from him but she held firm to her promise to him and they were married two weeks later.

“Buck!” she shouted, elbowing Rachel when she laughed heartily, “Are you still with us?”

“I’m sorry, Lou, I was somewhere else,” he confessed only half the truth, “What didja say?”

She linked her arm through Rachel’s, her bright eyes shining with happiness. Buck loved to see her face light up this way and he was grateful to Rachel for coming after all, even though he realized it must be hard for her to come back here of all places.

“I said,” she emphasized, “that Rachel and I are goin’ outside. Ya comin’?”

“No, I’d better get to sleep, you two go on.”

“Ya sure, Buck?” Rachel inquired, her brow furrowing, “We don’t mind if you don’t.”

He shook his head and set the pot down into the sink, stretched and kissed Lou firmly on the lips. She acted embarrassed and swatted his behind as he walked away from them. This caused Rachel to break into new laughter and Buck felt his heart swell as his wife joined her. He heard them talking before they even reached the door and he knew they needed to talk alone, woman to woman. And he also knew that Jimmy’s name would undoubtedly find its way into their conversation somehow.

Buck got undressed completely and climbed into bed, snuggling deeper underneath the heavy blankets. For some strange reason, he felt relaxed and sleepy when he hadn’t been able to close his eyes earlier. Maybe it had something to do with Rachel’s arrival and the peace she continuously brought along with her at any given time. She had a way of keeping the riders together during the hard times with her wisdom and calm serenity. It was good to know that she hadn’t lost that soothing disposition.

CHAPTER TWO

“Rachel, ya ever hear from ‘im again?” Lou questioned cautiously, afraid to say Jimmy’s name aloud.

The older woman shook her head and swallowed the lump in her throat. Her soft, green eyes brimmed with tears yet again and she fought the overwhelming sensation with all her strength. She had cried too much for this man who apparently hadn’t loved her enough to stay and the odds be damned! If only he had given her the chance to prove that she was indeed willing to face anything along with him. To this very day, Rachel couldn’t bring herself to speak his name aloud without losing control of her emotions.

Louise reached for her confidante’s hand and squeezed it firmly, a gesture that she understood what Rachel felt. She longed to take her pain away and instead place it on Jimmy Hickok’s shoulders where it rightfully belonged. The thought of what he’d done to her closest friend made Lou’s blood boil in her veins. Rachel hadn’t deserved to be abandoned in the middle of the night while she slept and he should have at least awoken her and explained his selfish actions. Lou and Buck hadn’t heard from him either so maybe he wouldn’t grace them with his unwanted presence now that Rachel would be here for a while.

“Teaspoon’s comin’,” Lou interjected, hoping to bring some good news to her companion, “He’ll be here day after Sunday. Jesse too. I wondered whatever happened to ‘im.”

“I know, Lou, so did I,” she replied, a smile once again crossing her face, “I always hoped he’d find a good life, one without that troublemakin’ brother of his, Frank.”

“I know that he rode with ‘em for a spell, but I don’t think he wanted that life,” Lou shared, “So he stayed in Virginia workin’ as a blacksmith.”

Rachel laughed as she thought of the one young man who’d been her favorite. She recalled that Jesse loved blacksmithing and she was relieved to hear that he stayed away from Frank and his gang. Those boys had been nothing but trouble and Rachel had blamed Frank, not Jesse, for Noah’s untimely death. It was in Frank’s best interest that they never meet in this lifetime for she had a few words to say to him, whether it mattered or not. And, Rachel also prayed with all her heart and soul that he wouldn’t decide to drop in as well, for she had more than a few words to say to him as well and he would not like what she had to say.

“Teaspoon still the marshal in Seneca?” Rachel said, changing the subject.

“Yep, been there ‘bout six months now, we see ‘im every now and again,” Lou replied, “He heard from Cody about two months ago and he’s s’posed to still be scoutin’ for the Army. Kid lives just outside Rock Creek and he owns a ranch now with about twenty horses. Too bad the Express ain’t around no more.”

Rachel gazed up at the full moon, its brilliant light shining down on her attractive features, and a wistful stare in her somber green eyes. Lou felt it, too, knew the lonesome stillness that sometimes invaded the small house. It should be like it was, filled with voices and people who cared for one another. At times, it was much to quiet and both she and Buck had trouble letting go of their simpler past. A past that held few bad memories and numerous good ones even though no one realized it back then.

“So, how ya doin’, Lou? Feelin’ alright?”

Lou squirmed, a twinge of discomfort causing her to squint slightly. Ike’s birth had been very complicated and her insides were still tender and aching. While she was overjoyed at seeing Rachel, all the laughter they’d done earlier brought her great suffering even then. She knew it would be another week or two before she could return to normal. Lou hoped that Buck would understand.

“I’m feelin’ much better, thanks,” she replied, “But, if it’s all the same to you, do ya think we could continue this in the mornin’? I’m pretty worn out.”

Rachel smiled compassionately as only Rachel could do. She patted Lou’s hand and assured her that they would pick up where they left off come morning. Lou got up and went inside, leaving her company outside on the swing alone. Rachel didn’t mind since she actually looked forward to the time when she could sit unnoticed and reminisce about the happier times in this house.

She had been ecstatic when Kid informed her that Buck and Louise bought the old station after they’d married. Rachel felt bad for Kid, knowing how much he’d adored Lou when they were here. But, Buck had gotten to her first and that had been the end of that. While Louise had never treated Kid badly, she always let him know in no uncertain terms that her heart belonged to the Kiowa warrior. And Kid, loving her so deeply, merely wanted to see her happy and he wished both of them well at the wedding. He also respected his friend enough not to cause a scene or make any trouble.

Teaspoon Hunter. Now that was a familiar face that Rachel longed to see again. She remembered how he’d been her rock of salvation more times than none. He had to have been the wisest, most considerate man she’d ever come across and Rachel sensed that she could put that wisdom to good use right now. Her heart weighed heavily in her breast as she rocked slowly, her mind drifting back in time for the millionth time since she arrived. Maybe it hadn’t been such a smart thing to do, coming here after so long and baring her soul to the memories of the short-lived romance they’d shared. Maybe she should stay until Jesse came so that she would see him as well and then go back to Sweetwater where she belonged.

Cody had contacted Rachel at about the same time he sent word to Teaspoon that he was scouting for the Army. There had been some trouble with the Sioux rebelling against moving onto the Reservation and he reluctantly helped round up the stragglers. She recalled how much he hated the fact that working for the Army would entail mistreating the Indians, especially since he valued Buck so highly. But, during these times, a man had to do things he despised in order to survive, same as a woman working in the saloon. Rachel swore that she would absolutely starve to death in the street before going back to that type of living. That way of life had nearly caused her death in Lincoln and she wouldn’t be lucky enough to have a second escape.

She must have dozed off because the next thing Rachel remembered was falling down from the swing into the strongest arms imaginable. She scrambled to her feet and straightened her dress, muttering her apologies to Buck.

“Sorry ‘bout that, Buck, guess I was more worn out from that trip than I thought,” she said, her voice hoarse with sleep.

“Well,” a lazy, familiar male voice drawled, “I ain’t Buck, but it looks as though I got here just in time to save ya. Hello, Rachel.”

Dear God in heaven, it couldn’t be!

Rachel couldn’t speak. She stood rooted to the floor beneath her feet, a wave of shock coursing through her frozen heart. Then anger swiftly overtook her and she lashed out without thinking about what she was saying.

“What in hell are you doin’ here?” she shouted, her tiny hands clenched at her sides, “And how dare you even come near me after what you did? Yer not wanted here so jus’ get back on that horse and ride out, I mean it!”

“That ain’t fer you to decide, Rachel, I got just as much right to be here as you do,” Jimmy argued, “’Sides, you’d be hurtin’ good right now if I hadn’t caughtcha and…”

Jimmy Hickok never finished his sentence. Already, he regretted that he came because he should’ve known she’d be here with Lou. He didn’t know what forced him to drop everything and ride out here but he did it anyway. Now, standing here before her with her bewitching green eyes and her golden curls falling down around her delicate shoulders, Jimmy cursed his foolishness. He should’ve stayed where he was. Then, he wouldn’t have to see the sadness in her face, the tears in her eyes and know that he’d put them there.

“Too late,” she spoke in a heartrending voice, “I was hurtin’ before ya caught me, Jimmy.”

It had been nearly a year since Rachel spoke Jimmy’s name and now, after doing so, a muffled sob escaped her and she ran past him and into the safety of Buck’s house. Once inside her room, she furiously slammed the door, forgetting in her fury that the entire house was still sleeping. She heard Buck open their door and his footfalls came near. He knocked softly, calling her name with worry.

“He’s outside,” came her reply.

He? Who was outside and why hadn’t she let them in…aw, damn! Jimmy!

Buck fairly ran to the front door and swung it wide, laughing softly as he saw the confused look on Jimmy’s face. He couldn’t help but smile at his long-lost companion and he invited him in, thinking how coincidental it was to have them both show up on the same night. What were the odds of that happening?

“She ain’t standin’ behind this door, ready to let me have it, is she?” Jimmy laughed, smirking the way he always did, “Guess I made her mad.”

“Guess so,” Buck agreed, then decided to drop the subject, “We wondered if you got word. Hadn’t heard from ya since ya left. Where ya been, Jimmy?”

He shrugged, dropping his bag of belongings onto the floor. With a heavy sigh, he dropped down onto the sofa, its comfortable cushions nearly lulling him to sleep.

“Pretty much all over,” he answered, “Went back to Sweetwater for a while, moved on to Lincoln. Been there ever since. Where’s that good-lookin’ kid o’ yers anyhow?”

“He’s sleepin’ right now, you can hold ‘im in a few hours if you want,” Buck teased.

Jimmy yawned and stretched out onto the large sofa, his boots and clothes falling to the wooden floor. Buck retrieved a blanket from the cedar chest and laid it out across him, bidding him goodnight. On his way out, Jimmy muttered something unintelligible and he returned to ask him to repeat what he’d said.

“Said, whatdja name ‘im?” he mumbled with his eyes closed.

Buck smiled and leaned over to Jimmy so that he was sure to hear him clearly in his drowsy state.

“Ike McCloud Cross,” Buck emphasized.

Jimmy grinned and pulled the covers up around his neck, shivering slightly.

“Ike woulda loved it,” he said, slurring his words badly, “’Night, Buck.”

“’Night, Jimmy,” he whispered, “And welcome back.”

CHAPTER THREE

Streams of bright sunlight woke Rachel and she stirred underneath the heavy quilts, wishing she could stay in bed for another hour or two. The air around her was cool and she reluctantly tossed back the covers and snatched the robe from the corner of her bed. Ike’s cries reached her ears and she smiled at the sound as she opened the door and made her way to him. Lifting him into her arms, she headed for the kitchen to warm his bottle. Rachel stopped short at the figure bundled up on the couch asleep.

She was instantly fuming because he’d stayed anyway, knowing she didn’t want him here. Had he done so only because I told him to go away? Her green eyes glared at him as she sat down in a chair adjacent to him and proceeded to feed Ike. The only thing she could do at this moment was hope that he would go on sleeping, for she had no interest in talking with him. But, that also wasn’t to be.

Jimmy heard the child wailing to be fed and he wanted to move, but his bones were so weary that all he could do was bury his naked body further into the comfortable surroundings. He cocked an eye open when the cries ceased, wondering if Buck had already gotten to him. In his fogged mind, everything seemed distant and out of reach. Within seconds, he fell back to sleep only to be awakened by the creak of a rocking chair next to him.

Rachel’s heart leapt into her throat as she sat helplessly by and witnessed Jimmy throw the covers back, oblivious to her presence. Without one word, he slipped into his long johns and turned to catch her intense stare. He nearly laughed aloud at the sight of her stunned expression and then decided to shrug it off as if it mattered not.

“Mornin’, Rachel,” he quipped, stumbling past her to the door, intent on reaching the outhouse.

She said nothing, only nodded vaguely as she could only watch him walk away. Her face felt hot and her pulse raced like a stampede of wild horses. Ike, sensing her discomfort, squirmed in her arms. She realized then that she hadn’t stopped wanting him, needing him. The look in his eyes when he blatantly mocked her had held that realization and he played upon it as if her emotions were nothing but a toy. She had no idea that his being there would bring back so much passion within her that she’d given up on ever knowing again. A tingling sensation made her shiver and catch her breath.

Damn, but he still looks so good, hasn’t changed much at all, if for the better. How can it be that I still want him so? He’s just gonna do it again and I know it! How am I s’posed to hate ‘im when he looks at me like that?

Jimmy stepped outside and snickered, enjoying the look on Rachel’s face when he jumped up off the sofa. Truth be known, Jimmy hadn’t known she was there. He honestly thought it was Buck and he didn’t mind getting dressed in front of him. But, the look in Rachel’s eyes when he turned around told him all he needed to know. After all this time and after the way he’d left her, she still wanted him. Well, that made two of them because he wanted her as soon as she’d fallen into his arms last night. Jimmy hadn’t known she was here already and he thought he could come and see his friends without running into Rachel. But, for some strange reason, they were both here now and he would make the best of it. Even though he delighted in teasing her, he promised himself that he wouldn’t become involved with her again. It would only make things worse. He hadn’t planned on staying more than a couple of days and Jimmy didn’t want to hurt her anymore.

“’Mornin’, Rachel,” Lou muttered sleepily, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, “Want me to take ‘im?”

Rachel only shook her head as she lowered her eyes, hiding her thoughts from Louise. The last thing she wanted was questions and there would definitely be no answers. All she could do was make the best of a bad situation until he had notion to take off again. It wouldn’t be very much longer because she knew from experience that Jimmy Hickok never stayed in one place for any length of time.

“Buck said Jimmy’s here?”

Again, Rachel nodded wordlessly, avoiding Louise’s stare. She’d already grown suspicious when she noticed the quilts on the sofa and Jimmy’s clothes piled on the floor.

“Where’d he go?” Lou interrogated, biting back a grin at her friend’s embarrassment.

“Outside,” Rachel muttered, “You go on, we’re fine here.”

Louise stepped out onto the porch and spied Jimmy leaning against the post, same as he always had. She tiptoed over to him in order to surprise him but should have known that it couldn’t be done, not with a gunfighter.

“Mornin’, Lou,” he drawled in a deep, sleepy voice, “Thought ya’d know better than that by now.”

He turned toward her and accepted the warm, friendly embrace that followed. She squealed furiously when he tugged her long hair firmly. Jimmy laughed heartily, pleased to find that Louise hadn’t changed very much at all. He was actually a bit relieved that she allowed his childish behavior and he rewarded her with a kiss to the forehead.

“Wher you been, Jimmy Hickok?” Lou asked, a stern note in her voice, “Seems like ya could at least send word every once in a while.”

Jimmy responded with his famous crooked smile and shrugged. They took a seat in the swing and sat together without words for a long moment, each reflecting on days gone by. It felt as if decades had passed since they shared the old Pony Express station and the dusty roads seemed lonely somehow without the thundering horses hooves carrying one of the riders home again. Even the corral seemed empty and desolate.

“Mem’ries sure do have a way of gittin’ under yer skin sometimes, huh, Jimmy?”

He nodded, recalling the day he learned that Lou was in fact Louise. And he’d felt so stupid and foolish because he hadn’t noticed a woman’s body underneath the disguise and it wounded his pride terribly. In order to soothe his hurt feelings, he told himself that it was because he had yet to experience any woman sexually…until Rachel.

Damn! Can’t stand it, can ya? Jimmy scolded his own heart for its inappropriate timing. Ya just gotta go and make me think about her all over again! Wouldja just stop buggin’ me about Rachel? It’s over and done with and I don’t wanna hear no more about it!

“Jimmy? You alright?”

“Yeah, jus’ thinkin’ about old times, Lou,” he replied, knowing his sentence carried a double meaning, “Guess I can’t help it either.”

Louise understood Jimmy’s hidden meaning behind that statement and she didn’t pry further into his reflections on the days ago. Instead, she remained seated and silent when he wordlessly arose and went back inside. She sensed the tension in the air around Rachel and Jimmy already and knew that it wouldn’t end until each one vented their feelings about that day when he left her. Even now, Lou saw Rachel’s broken heart in her eyes and there wouldn’t be any quick mending for her until her feelings were voiced aloud and known to Jimmy Hickok.

“Well,” Lou said aloud to no one, “If any man deserves it, its gotta be Jimmy.”

She shook her head solemnly as she thought of the unavoidable conversation that would take place. At once, she took great pity on Jimmy because she knew that the man still loved Rachel, would love her until he died, and her words would undoubtedly pierce his heart until she drew blood. Louise also realized that if Jimmy’s cool reserve and iron willpower were to crumble, that Rachel would not let him walk away a second time. Rachel loved Jimmy beyond comprehension to many and she could never rest until all was said and done.

Lou simply didn’t wish to weather the storm alongside them.

CHAPTER FOUR

Buck and Louise had taken a trip into town at daybreak for some much needed supplies and Rachel stayed behind to care for Ike. Neither of the new parents wanted to leave their son but she argued that they needed time alone together. Jimmy was still sleeping as was Ike and Rachel sent them off to spend the day as they wished. She needed some time to herself also and the early morning hours granted the peace she so craved after a long three weeks. There were so many things to sort out that Rachel didn’t know where to begin. Her mind and heart were constantly focused on Jimmy and both were worn with exhaustion.

Jimmy had barely spoken to Rachel after that first night and she was overjoyed in the beginning. Now, she yearned to be acknowledged at any given moment. At times, Rachel would force a response from him if only to hear his voice. No one appeared to notice that she had done so, least of all Jimmy. But, these childish games were taking their toll on her mental stability and there must be an end to it very shortly. Rachel didn’t know how to approach him and she truly didn’t want to. But they must come to a mutual agreement or understanding that what had occurred in the past remained there. The situation of residing under the same roof must be dealt with maturely, especially since it involved close friends. Rachel vowed not to cause any more trouble around Buck and Louise for they had an abundance of issues to be concerned about.

Ike began to whimper and Rachel got up and made her way to his room, glancing at the closed door of the room where Jimmy slept soundly. She paused in the hallway as her mind went back to that first morning when he had slept on the sofa and dressed in front of her so unashamedly. She thought of him now and her fingers itched to grasp the doorknob and turn it. She could almost see his strong, muscular body, naked and warm, snuggled beneath the quilts. She longed to crawl underneath them and feel the exquisite sensation of his bare skin lying next to her own. The memory of his perfect form had etched itself into her brain and she saw it a thousand times over. Rachel missed him and missed the uncontrollable, fiery passion they’d once shared.

The sound of Ike’s hungry cries brought Rachel from her reverie and she quickly went to him before he woke Jimmy. The baby boy sent a joy and sadness through her heart all at once. Her arms had ached for years to hold a child once more after the devastating loss of her own little one. His dark, wiry hair fairly stood on end and covered his head entirely. His deep, brown eyes and olive complexion made her wonder if Buck had looked the same as a baby. It was a good possibility.

After warming the bottle and feeding him, Ike rested quietly in her arms. Rachel rocked in the chair slowly, back and forth, her thoughts swirling around her. She felt more content in this house than she had in any other since they’d all said their goodbyes. Even with Jimmy around, she was calm and still, a peaceful serenity surrounding her. Rachel dreaded the day she would have to leave and she pushed that thought into the recesses of her mind to keep from ruining her happiness.

“Mornin’, Rachel,” Jimmy drawled sleepily, his voice husky and deep.

Did he always have to look this damn good in the mornin’? And doesn’t he know how much I love that deep voice when he first wakes up? Why can’t he just go on about things and leave me be?

“Mornin’, Jimmy,” she replied, her eyes cast to the floor.

An all-too-familiar warmth spread through Rachel’s soul as she witnessed Jimmy standing in the kitchen clad only in his long john bottoms, his back to her as he rummaged through the cabinets. She wondered if he’d forgotten his shirt on purpose in order to torment her further and decided that it was likely. She stole a furtive glance at him and admired the way the tight fabric clung to his firm, back end. When he finally turned in her direction she saw more than she bargained for and it only became worse. Rachel swiftly looked past him and out the window.

Well, hell, good to see he hasn’t lost that anyway, she reflected, I sure wish he hadn’t left so soon.

Jimmy stifled a laugh and turned it into his crooked grin when he saw what it was that held Rachel’s attention so strongly. It made him proud and enflamed him all at once, the same way it always had. He couldn’t explain it but that constantly aroused him whenever Rachel’s eyes fell upon him in such a sensual manner. Even now and even though Jimmy knew it she would never let it happen again, he wanted to take the sleeping baby from Rachel’s arms and drag her back to his room. He yearned very much to feel her gaze travel the length of his body again, admiring it the way she had once, feeling her soft and delicate hands follow them, the comfort that her arms provided him with. Jimmy missed her and he missed the overwhelming, obsessive ecstasy he felt when they were alone together. He needed to regain that which he had lost, that which he had given away so carelessly and he cursed his foolish heart for being so afraid.

Aw, hell, Rachel, don’t look at me that way, Jimmy wanted to shout aloud, Those damn green eyes make me want ya all over again. Don’t ya know how much I still want you?

“Want some coffee?” he asked, remaining safely at a distance in the kitchen.

Rachel nodded, got up and walked down to Ike’s room, praying that he wouldn’t follow her. She didn’t trust herself alone with Jimmy, didn’t know what would come out of her mouth once they talked about what he’d done. The thought actually frightened her because she felt the love for him still alive in her heart. No one could ever know that she had lain awake at night listening for the footfalls of his boots. God, how she wanted him!

Jimmy got up as well and followed Rachel, even though his head screamed at him not to. He couldn’t help it; he still wanted to be near her after all. Maybe she wouldn’t bring up that night he regretted so agonizingly. Maybe she had gotten over him and married someone else and had the children she so dearly wished for.

Rachel placed the sleeping child in his crib and turned to see Jimmy staring at her, a wistful expression on his face. At once, her heart beat soundly against her breast and she quickly moved past him, cringing as her arm brushed his. She had to go, get out of there, away from him before she did something irrational.

“So,” he spoke a bit too loudly, startling her, “ya ever git married, Rachel?”

She shook her head and turned back in his direction, curious to see where this conversation was heading. Jimmy shrugged and grinned his crooked smile that always made her want to reach for him. Rachel clasped her hands behind her back and waited for his next move.

“Shame,” he muttered and surprised her by walking past her and out the door.

Damn, but he could still infuriate her! Just what business was it of his anyway whether she married someone or not? It wasn’t like he gave her any choice when he made her fall in love with him. He knew she would never marry anyone else and he played with that knowledge as if it were some sort of toy. Rachel stamped her foot in exasperation and heard him chuckle softly as he closed the door to his bedroom.

“Damn you, James Hickok,” she grumbled, “Damn you anyway.”

Jimmy hated to tease Rachel that way but it brought life back into her eyes when she became angry with him. Her eyes seemed so lonely, so empty when he first saw her again after all this time and Jimmy wanted the Rachel back that he remembered. He knew that it was mostly his fault that she no longer appeared to be the same happy woman he once knew and Jimmy declared to himself that he would make it up to her somehow. It would take more time than he normally spent on winning a woman over but Rachel wasn’t just any woman to Jimmy. Jimmy loved Rachel and he would prove that love to her so that she might forgive him for running away when he should’ve stayed.

Late that afternoon, Buck and Louise returned, grinning helplessly at one another like teenagers. Rachel saw how much they truly loved each other and a pang of jealousy and loneliness struck her deep inside. She was happy for them but she was grieving also for the lost love that stood in that same room. Louise began preparing supper and Rachel helped quietly, smiling each time Lou sent Buck a knowing gaze and he returned it threefold. Jimmy watched Rachel out of the corner of his eye as he pretended to be listening to Buck’s rambling on about some restaurant they’d gone to.

A loud knock resounded in the room and Buck answered it, bursting into laughter when he saw the man on the other side. Rachel, Jimmy and Louise all stared after him as if he’d simply gone mad. When he moved away and the man stepped inside, Rachel was the one to run to him with her arms stretched open wide. Fat tears coursed down her face and sheer delight shone from her eyes.

“Teaspoon!” she yelled, wrapping her arms about him tightly, “Oh, Teaspoon, it’s so good to see you. I missed you so much!”

“Well, Rachel, didn’t ‘spect such a welcome,” he laughed, taken aback by her reception, “If I’d known that, I’d shown up sooner. Lemme have a look atcha.”

Rachel leaned back, smiling broadly at the one man whom she considered a father, even though she’d yet to know her own father. Teaspoon had given her so much sage advice and so much unconditional love that she often wished he had been her father since birth.

“So purty,” he complimented, turning to Jimmy, “Well, I see yer still tha good marksman, bein’s yer here.”

Jimmy sniggered and shook his head at the old man’s good-natured fun. At last, here was someone who was the same as he remembered. Louise set the table and Rachel filled their plates as she’d always done, enjoying the duties she’d taken for granted so long ago. Her eyes fell upon Jimmy a time or two throughout the meal and he looked different, a thoughtful expression marring his features. A distant light shone in his eyes and he didn’t appear to notice that she was looking directly at him.

“Saw Jesse in town tha other day and he’s headin’ out fer Virginia,” Teaspoon related, a stern appearance on his own face, “Said he’s gonna join up with Frank so don’t guess he’ll be comin’, Lou and Buck. Sorry to be tha bearer of bad news but I knew ya hoped he’d be here.”

“Aw, no, I really wanted to see Jesse,” Rachel voiced her disappointment, “Now we may never get to at all.”

Rachel realized what she’d said and how it sounded so much like they’d never see Jesse alive again now that he would team up with his brother. She felt badly for saying it as the room became extremely quiet and still. Her eyes looked up at Teaspoon sheepishly when Jimmy pushed his plate away and left the room. Ike startled all of them with his sudden wailing and Lou wordlessly left the kitchen to tend to him. Buck soon followed her and that left Rachel and Teaspoon alone in the empty room.

“Teaspoon, I’m sorry, I spoke without thinkin’,” she apologized, “I didn’t mean it the way it came out…”

Teaspoon held his hand up and waved her words away, taking her hand with the other. He smiled at Rachel the same as he always had whenever she needed reassurance or someone to confide in.

“Never mind that, Rachel, it was bound to happen sooner or later and they’ll fergit about it tomorrow,” he counseled, “Question is, what about you and Jimmy? How’re ya’ll gittin’ along bein’s yer under tha same roof and all?”

Rachel lowered her eyes and dropped her head. She’d been handling the situation moderately well until her all-knowing friend asked his question. A dam burst inside of her at the sound of Teaspoon’s compassionate concern and Rachel broke down. Huge, salty tears fell like rain against her cheeks and she made no apologies for them. He sat quietly and allowed her time to grieve for the lost love of Jimmy and the future loss of Jesse that they all knew would inevitably happen with time. This entire ordeal proved more than Rachel could process and she simply needed to cling to someone who understood her heart and that someone had always been Teaspoon.

After having a good cry, Rachel mumbled her apologies and he once again waved her away and handed her a kerchief. She smiled half-heartedly and wiped her face, her glistening eyes casting a worried glance around her to see if anyone else had witnessed her outburst. No one had.

“Thank you, Teaspoon,” she said and handed the kerchief back, “I hadn’t realized how much I missed you ‘til now.”

“Rachel, sometimes it does a soul some good ta git things off o’ yer chest,” he instructed, “Maybe whatcha need is ta say whatcha gotta say and be done with it. Ya hear what I’m sayin’ to ya?”

She recognized the chance for what it was and decided to act on it. She excused herself, much to his satisfaction and agreement and made her way outside, intent on finding Jimmy so that this could be resolved once and for all. The time was now or never and it was inescapable.

Rachel opened the barn door and caught sight of Jimmy with his back toward her. Fear and anxiety settled within her soul and she bit her lip nervously. He seemed unconcerned with her presence, although she knew he’d heard her come inside. But, this time, he would not ignore the words that she had to say. She would force him to listen if she must.

“Jimmy, yer gonna brush the hide right off that horse,” a woman’s voice spoke gently behind him.

He dropped the brush and whirled around, taking Rachel by surprise at the look that crossed his face. It was a mixture of anger and frustration. They stood completely still for a few seconds and then he turned back to the chestnut mare without a word to her. She waited for him to say something, anything at all. Wasn’t he pleased to see her? Or did her presence only bring back bad memories for him? Rachel chose the latter and eased out of the barn toward the house. She hadn’t come to see him after all, it was Buck and Louise she was concerned for.

Rachel stopped in her tracks, realizing that she’d been wrong in leaving it this way. She’d come here to say her piece and she would damn well say it. It didn’t matter if Jimmy responded, this had to be done and she wasn’t backing down that easily because she knew that was what he hoped for.

“What did you come here for, Jimmy?” she inquired, annoyance edging her usually charming voice.

He looked down and kicked at the dirt like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. Jimmy didn’t know how to respond to such hostility coming from her and he truly didn’t wish to.

“Jus’ wanted to see how Buck was doin’ is all,” he mumbled, instantly aggressive, “Don’t see as that’s any of your worry.”

Rachel saw that Jimmy had taken on that defensive guard she used to hate so much that it constantly made her blood boil. This day hadn’t turned out the way she wanted at all and she was ashamed, angry, tired and grieving all at once. Now would be the time to tell Jimmy exactly what she thought of him for walking out on her in the middle of the night, leaving her with absolutely no defense at all.

“Ya know what, Jimmy? I been wantin’ to say this to you for a long time. The reason I didn’t do it was because I didn’t wanna upset Buck and Louise any more than necessary but I gotta tell ya, it looks like I was right about you nevertheless.”

Son of a bitch! Jimmy thought, nervously shuffling his feet, here it comes. Don’t do this, Rachel, please, not now. I can’t guarantee anything.

Jimmy nodded and spun around, intent on getting out as fast as he could. But, Rachel wouldn’t have it that way and he knew it. She wanted to throw the past up in his face and there would be nothing he could do to stop her. All he could do was tell her what he’d rehearsed for the last year.

“Rachel, I’m sorry I left but I had no choice, ya know that,” he launched, “I don’t have enough ‘pologies or excuses to make up for what I did, but I can only ask ya to forgive me.”

. Jimmy’s words shocked her beyond comprehension and she realized that he had changed, really changed. The old Jimmy would never have admitted his wrongdoings and, yet, he stood there fully aware that he was confessing his sins against her. He just apologized, a feat that Rachel hadn’t deemed possible coming from him. At once, her outlook and demeanor switched back to her normal disposition.

“I…I accept your apology, Jimmy,” she breathed, “I just wanted to know…to know what went wrong with us.”

He sighed deeply, searching for a way to convince Rachel that it hadn’t been her fault that he left, it was his own faults that drove him away from her. Jimmy loved her then and he loved her now, had never ceased loving her and that was the reason he ran from her. Once, she read him like a book and he hoped she could do it now for he didn’t know how to say those things to her without hurting her all over again.

Within seconds the recognition of why Jimmy had chosen life without her slapped Rachel in the face. She didn’t know why it hadn’t dawned on her earlier, during all those nights she spent waiting for him to return. During all those lonely nights when all she desired was the strength and protection of his arms holding her close, Jimmy still loved her. He had truly loved her and he left her because he didn’t want her to suffer the same fate that seemed inevitable to him. In his own way, he had protected her without her knowing he had done so.

“Jimmy…how many times did I tell you? How many times did I tell you that I loved you and it didn’t matter to me what the future held for us? It didn’t matter to me, Jimmy, as long as you were there with me. I needed your love and your strength and your devotion. I didn’t care, didn’t care at all about your reputation as a gunfighter and you knew it. All I ever wanted was you, all I ever needed was you and you couldn’t see that. Why couldn’t you see it? Why couldn’t you be strong and fight the way you told me you would. You promised me, Jimmy, and you broke that promise…”

Rachel was aware that she was rambling but she couldn’t stop it. An entire year’s worth of anger, hurt and sadness welled within her again as it had the morning she awoke and discovered he was gone. No note, no goodbye, just gone. Fat, salty tears fell slowly down her face and a sob escaped her, left her feeling remorseful at the distressed expression on his face, the pleading look in his eyes. She knew he wished her to quiet and so she remained silent, awaiting his response. When he did respond, she wished he had done so before he ran away from her that night.

“Rachel…I hurt you, I know, and I’m sorry,” he whispered, a shimmer of tears glistening in his dark eyes, “But, I loved you and that’s why I chose to leave you. I promised you I would stay, yer right, but I stayed up one night when you slept and I looked at ya and I saw how much you loved me and then I saw life without you and I couldn’t stand it. Do ya hear me? I couldn’t stand the thought of my bein’ the reason fer you gittin’ killed! Rachel, please, understand me the way ya understood me then, because ya know what I’m sayin’ is right.”

She nodded, feeling the tears fall harder, knowing that Jimmy was right. She’d thought about the same thing on many occasions, fearing that she would lose him to death sooner than expected. At that time, she tried to help her feelings and his by pushing that fear aside but it got to Jimmy first and petrified him so abruptly. Rachel was aware of the fact that a life with James Butler Hickok could not be lived in the way she so ached for. He simply would not survive that long. With that thought in mind, she took a step toward him, her arms reaching for him and he dropped his head sadly.

“I understand now, Jimmy, I do,” she whispered as she walked forward.

Jimmy didn’t trust his willpower especially when he touched Rachel, and now he had both arms wrapped tightly about her waist, hers possessively surrounding his shoulders. Time stood still, allowing the souls to mend and release the past that haunted them both for a long time. Jimmy sighed against her hair and the curls moved vaguely, as if to beg for his touch yet again. This time, he couldn’t deny what he was desperate for all these months. Each night, he could merely dream of holding Rachel this close to him all over again, feeling the soft, ample curves of her body pressing gently into his. Standing here with her, he felt at peace once more, his heart beating fiercely in his chest, threatening to break with the heaviness of his guilt. He should by no means have left her side.

Rachel didn’t want this to end, didn’t want to move away from Jimmy’s protective embrace. She felt safer with him than she had felt with any one man alive and she clung to him as hard as she could, with all her strength and all her love that she held onto. The past haunted her dreams way too long and now it faded, bringing serenity to her tortured spirit. Jimmy loved her, he had said so then and he revealed it today. Rachel wanted it to last, wanted to somehow make him see that nothing made a difference to her as long as he remained by her side. She knew that it wouldn’t, because someone who sought a horrible revenge had unfairly dealt his cards. No matter, Rachel cherished him still, wanted him still and would do what she must to prove that to him.

“Rachel…” he sighed, his breath flowing across her hair, sending shivers down her spine, “Rachel…please…I have to go…”

She held tighter, hugging Jimmy as if she were dying inside. Her heart murmured to his own that he couldn’t leave her now that they’d found one another for a second time. He couldn’t leave her at this instant when he knew how she loved him still, so passionate and unyielding. Jimmy halfheartedly struggled with Rachel, trying to break free of her loving grip but his heart just wasn’t in it. He reminisced about how right it felt lying next to her, how her tender hands held his calloused ones and she wouldn’t let go then, either.

“Don’t, Jimmy, don’t leave me again,” Rachel exhaled soothingly, “I can’t lose you again, Jimmy Hickok, don’t do this, please…”

Dammit to hell, he wanted to yell aloud, don’t play with my heart this way, Rachel, it’s already broken!

But, he couldn’t bring himself to let her go just yet, not until he could taste the sweetness of her lips again, recalling how much he missed her affectionate kisses and the way she so wantonly gave herself to him. Jimmy had established that Rachel wasn’t one to make a habit of surrendering herself to just anyone and he immediately wondered if she had been with anyone else since. Knowing her, he doubted it.

Rachel felt him tense beneath her hands, his back turning to stone as she hung on to him for dear life. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to make love with anyone else since Jimmy’s departure and she wondered if he had acted similar. Knowing Jimmy, she doubted it. But, that was immaterial because right now, it was her that he held onto. Once she fought his resistance, Jimmy declined and permitted her to sway him. She knew then that he’d missed her as much as she had pined for him. And she had missed so many things about him, his gentle touch, his obsessive kisses and how they claimed her body and soul. She missed the way he slept with one arm across her and one leg swung over her own legs. But, most of all, she missed the way he could be tender, yet, dominating in making love with her.

“I love you, Rachel, my God, I love you still…” he declared, all his efforts for naught, “I never stopped…”

Jimmy heard her sharp intake of breath and leaned away, gazing directly into her beautiful, hazel eyes. He searched for and found the one thing he was looking for…she loved him now as much as she had then. This had been a bad idea from the start but he didn’t mind. This was meant to happen, should’ve happened before now. He only stayed away from her since her arrival from Seneca so that he wouldn’t lose his mind and crave the same thing from her that he wanted back then. But his attempts were proven fruitless.

“Jimmy, I love you so…please let me show you,” she breathed, her desire for him evident in her flushed face, “Let me show you that we can make it, we can be together and everything else we’re afraid of can go straight to hell!”

With that invitation staring him boldly in the face, Jimmy kissed her with a fervor that he hadn’t dared release upon her in the past, a kiss that screamed how much he wanted her, missed her, needed her and loved her tremendously. He was astounded when she matched his ardor with all the intensity she could gather. It had been so long and Rachel learned that she needed him to make love with her in order to continue her existence.

“Love me, Jimmy, love me, please,” she whispered against his ear, her lips caressing it lightly, “I’ll die if you don’t.”

Directly, Jimmy pulled away, his eyes steely and dark with the realization of what she demanded of him. He wanted to love her, wanted to love her with everything he was and ever would be. But, did she know what lay ahead of them should they go on? Did she realize the repercussions of his very presence in her normal life?

“You’ll die if you do,” he hurled at her, his words striking her deeply, “I don’t wanna lose you like that.”

“Stop bein’ afraid of what you don’t know anythin’ about,” she shot back, her emotions in turmoil, “You don’t know that for certain and you can’t let it stop what we still have after all this time, James Hickok. I don’t care if I die tomorrow, I love you today!”

Without delay, Jimmy picked her up in his arms and carried her into one of the empty stalls, placing her delicately into the mound of hay beneath. Her eyes stared up at him, her heart praying that this wasn’t a dream and if it was, that Ike not wake her from it. She’d hungered for this moment and she wanted nothing to steal it from her grasp ever again. Her body awakened once again after so long and now it would not wait to be quenched. She needed Jimmy, must have him next to her, devoted to her in a way that only he understood.

Time stood still for them, revealing a connection all their own, providing them both with a vision they’d wished for with each breath, each beat of the heart. Rachel stared in amazement as Jimmy rid himself of his clothing in all of about two minutes. He stood proudly before her, thrilled that she was still eager to look at him in this way. The lustful, animalistic passion they’d shared remained within them both, simply waiting to be freed at last.

Rachel gasped in alarm, her eyes widening at the sight of Jimmy standing before her. She recollected how well endowed he was back then, but now, his physical build seemed massive, frightening. He had definitely changed all right. She was truly afraid then, her green eyes tearing away, her face flushed in embarrassment that he’d caught her staring at…that!

Jimmy tilted his head, slanting his fiery lips across hers, invading the softness with his conquering kiss. His fingers traced through her hair, releasing the pins that held it, entangling his hands within the silky, golden curls. Stretching out above Rachel, he moved sensuously against her in an impassioned embrace, his strong muscles holding her tightly to his feverish skin. Her entire being cringed when she sensed his erection invading the dampness between her thighs, his shaft entering slowly, familiarizing his hard body with her soft one. Jimmy knew he would hurt her even more so now and he hated that fact. He secretly wished they’d never parted so that she would’ve been accustomed to his growth from a young man into a grown man.

Time stood perfectly still the moment Rachel’s gaze met with his. Jimmy nearly lost his breath at what he saw in them, so much affection filled her beautiful face that he turned away, unable to grasp the idea that her adoration had not ceased one iota. In fact, it became more potent now. His dark eyes returned to hers once again as he thrust gently, then deeper, nearly defeated in his quest to prolong his own climax. As her soft, velvet folds enveloped every inch of him; his restraint became a thin shred of nothing. He grit his teeth and willed his body to respond to his commands.

Rachel’s arms were cast about Jimmy’s shoulders, her nails digging into the sturdy muscles of his back. She wrapped her legs around his and encouraged him to delve further still. The excruciating pain gave way to ecstatic pleasure, a savage gratification that blocked all else except the rising of her spirit, nearing that heightening fulfillment, her cries piercing the air around them. A white-hot electrical bolt seared throughout Rachel’s insides, surging, spreading like liquid honey through her veins, a wildfire branding her heated skin. Her limbs fell weak and limp at her sides, exhaustion controlled her every move and she forced herself to meet Jimmy’s movements, matching their rhythm flawlessly.

Jimmy bit the inside of his mouth…hard! He felt her release against his ever-hardening flesh, caressing it with her silken contractions. His actions accelerated, his breath came harsh and quick, inflaming him to push his body further into Rachel, harder and faster with each beat of his heart. A tremendous pressure built up in him, his force neared brutal and animalistic, twisting his abdomen, a scorching flame erupting in rapturous paradise. Jimmy screamed aloud for Rachel, his head falling back as a never-ending wave off intoxicating spasms rocked his entire core.

His head fell forward, resting in the groove between her head and shoulder, burying his face until the tremors stopped, though it was the last thing he wanted. They both lay breathless in each other’s arms, a thin coating of sweat appearing on Jimmy’s brow. Rachel wanted to move but didn’t want to break their intimate union, sighing heavily when he finally tossed over to her side, his wandering gaze traveling the length of her and back again to her soulful eyes.

A feeling such as no other gushed forth and refused to be subdued into silence. Rachel felt her lover tense and saw the apprehension in his face and attempted to kiss his fears away. She did not succeed.

Without warning, he lunged forward and proceeded to dress quickly before his heart got the best of him. He could make her no more promises for fear that he would somehow disappoint her by breaking them again. Jimmy treasured Rachel too much to wound her heart anymore.

“Jimmy?” she whispered, disbelief and shock at what he was doing overflowing her mind.

Dear God, what had she done? What had she fallen for this time? He was leaving again, casting her feelings aside without so much as a glance at her pain-stricken features. Why would he do this now? Was this all that he came for, to use her and push her away now that they had finally reunited?

“I…Rachel,” he began, only to finish with those two words before walking to the door and stepping out into the bright sunlight.

No, she screamed silently, you will not do this to me again. This time I will fight you, Jimmy Hickok, you’re not getting away from me so easily this time!

Clutching at her dress she ran after him, reaching him just before he got away too far that she couldn’t bring him back inside. Jimmy yanked away from her searching hands, his angry glare sending knives into Rachel’s heart. Not this time, he couldn’t treat her this way again. She would not allow him to get away from her so fast without at least trying to piece together the love she cleaved to for so long.

No, she screamed silently, you will not do this to me again. This time I will fight you, Jimmy Hickok, you’re not getting away from me so easily this time!

Clutching at her dress she ran after him in the darkness, reaching him just before he got away too far that she couldn’t bring him back inside. Jimmy yanked away from her searching hands, his angry glare sending knives into Rachel’s heart. Not this time, he couldn’t treat her this way again. She would not allow him to get away from her so fast without at least trying to piece together the love she cleaved to for so long. Jimmy longed to bury his hands in her hair, delighting in the silky sensation of her tresses. He also knew that he wasn’t good enough to touch a woman like her, but he wanted to anyway, in every way, over and over. She stood there, half clothed and he could taste her kiss, see her drowning in ecstasy. She should belong to someone who could give her what she so deserved and he had nothing to offer Rachel but himself. All he owned were the clothes on his back and the sparse belongings he’d carried with him. Jimmy knew that something that felt so right didn’t come along but once in a lifetime. He would never be this lucky again. It was time to let his heart heal and love Rachel the right way, the only way she demanded. Jimmy would have crawled to her on his hands and knees just to be given the privilege to right all of his wrongs, earn her trust again and possibly reveal to her so many of his deepest, darkest fears. Then, he prayed she could accept his complex nature and that he would rather die than humiliate her in that way again. And he wasn’t one to make false promises.

“Rachel, I don’t wanna do this and ya know it,” he began, his own eyes welling up with tears, “I don’t wanna be responsible for gittin’ ya killed or worse ‘cause I ain’t gonna live that long. Ya know this as well as I do but none of that matters anymore. I don’t care what happens, I love you and I’m askin’ for a second chance to make things right. Rachel, please, I…”

A sob escaped Rachel’s throat as she gently place two fingers against Jimmy’s lips, followed by her own lips. A light that had died was reborn that night in her eyes and she knew that his confession was genuine. They had come a long way back then and now they would carry their relationship further into time. Nothing could separate them now, not ever again and they both knew it.

“I love you, Jimmy,” she whispered as his strong arms surrounded her in the safe embrace.

“Rachel, I won’t turn my back on you ever again,” he promised, falling to his knees, “Rachel Dunne, would ya do me the honor of marryin’ me?”

Rachel squealed and fell to her knees before him, laughing the way she used to laugh so long ago. Her beautiful, golden curls reflected in the moonlight and Jimmy knew that he must live with Rachel for the rest of his life, however long that may be.

“Jimmy…oh, God, yes…yes…yes,” she whispered as she felt his arms encircle her body once more.

Their life together may prove to be a short one but at least they would be together for a time. And, for now, that was all that mattered to them both. Tomorrow was another day. Tomorrow they would marry. But, today, was the very beginning of the rest of their lives. And they would make it last.

THE END.

FEEDBACK: purplehazejb@yahoo.com

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