TITLE: SAVAGE HEART
AUTHOR: Jennifer Bates
FEEDBACK: Yes! Good or bad. I've been writing for several years and this is the first story to see the light of day. purplehazejb@yahoo.com
RATING: I wouldn't let my 13 year old daughter read it, so I'd have to say it's rated R. Mature adults only. But, it's not pure trash like some of my others.
MAIN CHARACTER/S: Buck and Lou/Louise.
STATUS: Complete
DISCLAIMER: Although I would love to make him mine, I don't own Buck Cross/Gregg Rainwater. And I also don't own any of the others who might appear in this story.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: Kid/Lou buffs will not like this one at all, so if you favor them, don't read this. In my personal opinion, I always though Buck and Lou should've been given the chance to be together. Have fun!
A dismal haze settled on the still, soundless village, a hindrance to the first light of dawn. Fragments lay scattered in all directions, burning and broken, bearing no resemblance to the homes that once were. The acrid stench of gunpowder and death filled the air, permeating his senses and rousing him from a state of nirvana. His movements were slow and lethargic as he arose, wincing at the excruciating pain that exploded within his head. He clutched tightly to what remained of his clothing and looked over the savage destruction before him.
With a heavy heart, Running Buck trudged through the debris and ruins of his beloved home, mindfully aware of the ‘white-eyes’ that were hidden and watching. He knelt and retrieved a golden necklace, a locket. It had been a gift to his mother, Little Wren, from his grandfather, Grey Wolf, when Buck was born, before she succumbed to the white man’s disease, small pox. He lifted the locket, turning it round over and over, memories flooding through his brain.
Running Buck knew why his life had been spared, why he wasn’t forced to leave with the other Kiowa. It was the color of his skin. Above all distinguishing characteristics branding him an Indian, his pale skin belied his rightful heritage. Buck also knew that because he was considered a half-breed, he’d been wounded and left to die as a dog. For if the ‘white-eyes’ hated anyone, it was an abomination such as himself.
For the remainder of the day, Running Buck worked tirelessly in gathering the carnage into one massive pile, casting the bodies into the fire as well. No longer able to withstand the smoke and horrible stench of charred flesh, he mounted a stray gelding and abandoned the only life he’d ever wished for. His only life of refuge, a shield of protection from the cruel and sadistic world of the white man had been stolen from him in the blink of an eye. Buck was ashamed to admit that he felt downright terrified of re-entering into a place that harbored such evil and madness. They had proven their ability to ravage, kill, and overpower anyone or anything they had yet to understand. And, they did it without remorse or grief.
At that moment, a sharp, blinding pain jolted him back to reality. He knew that he must find shelter soon, must seek their medicine for his wounded head quickly. The nearest town was Rock Creek and there was a doctor there by the name of Wheeler, the one who made regular visits to the village to immunize the children. He could find help there without alerting the soldiers and Dr. Wheeler wouldn’t turn him away, nor would he send for the troops.
Running Buck was a mere fifteen years old, already a man of his people.
Without another thought, he urged the gelding into a brisk run, holding tightly to its mane with great difficulty, the ground underneath them spinning rapidly, causing him to lean unsteadily into the horse’s neck. Darkness closed in, threatening to overpower the need to stay alert until he reached town.
Several men scurried about, shouting at the grey horse to stop, running in all directions at
once and they only succeeded in alarming the gelding even more. He bucked and snorted, tossing the rider, now limp and unconscious, face-first into the dust. They reached down and hauled the young man to his feet and carried him over to Dr. Wheeler’s office. The old man had already came out to see what caused such a fuss. When he caught sight of the poor man, he ushered them to bring him into his office, instructing the men to lay him down in the room next to the kitchen. The ladies that had followed stepped into the living quarters and sat patiently in wait for their husbands and fathers.
Running Buck lay dreadfully still, his breath came very shallow. A terrific gash on the right of the inner thigh had been bleeding so profusely that the doctor wasn’t sure he could save the man’s life if he were to stitch him up. But, it didn’t stop him from trying. He undressed the patient and covered him with a sheet, cleansed the wound, sterilized the medical instruments and carefully administered the anesthetic.
Buck felt the sharp needle pierce his skin, slicing through nerves and seemingly into his own insides. He yearned for a peaceful release from this torture, welcoming the paralysis that enveloped him like a warm, soft blanket. He drew a great, shaky breath and willed his mind to drift into another dimension. Within moments, he gave himself up to darkness, sleeping quietly, oblivious to the doctor’s cautious laboring.
Dr. Wheeler knew what had happened to this poor soul without having been told. He’d seen it numerous times before and, in fact, had lost one patient just last year from such as this. Yes, he’d seen the soldiers staggering into town, so drunk they could barely walk. And they had laughed and bragged about what they had done. He was disgusted, outraged that those yellow-bellied cowards in U.S. uniform could get away with such atrocity to humankind. It literally made his blood boil to even think of it!
Setting his angry thoughts aside, he worked slowly and meticulously, giving very serious attention to tying the final stitch. Sitting back, exhaling a deep sigh of relief, he hoped it would be sufficient to the healing process. He arose from the chair and stepped into the next room, greeting and thanking the ones who had helped the young man.
"I’d like to think he’d have done the same," Nate Jenkins spoke softly, an echo of agreement filling the room, "I just pray he’ll be well soon."
"So do I, son, although it doesn’t look very good."
He offered everyone coffee and they declined, saying they needed to return home, knowing that Dr. Wheeler would be too busy for serving others at this time. He would wait up all night or until the man came to his senses. And it was to be a long wait, until three the next morning.
All the while, he never left for more than a moment, bringing in bandages and cool water for the man’s head. A raging fever had taken control and didn’t seem to want to let up. Finally, as a last resort, he packed him down in ice and went for more alcohol in the storage room upstairs.
A loud cry erupted from the tiny room, sending Dr. Wheeler into a run. He reached the young stranger just as he was about to crash into the glass case next to the entrance.
"Here, now," he said, soothing the man’s anxiety. Apparently, he had no idea where he was, if he even knew who he was, "Let’s get you back into this bed and I’ll bring you some water. Do you know where you are?"
A deep groan and some unintelligible works told the doctor that he must still be under the anesthetic. He fetched a glass of water and raised the stranger’s head up gently, lifting the glass to his lips. Running Buck opened his eyes and stared intently at him, silently drinking the cool liquid. His eyes told the whole story and the only thing Dr. Wheeler remembered was that they were the saddest eyes he had ever looked into. So filled with grief and misery, pain and anger, dark and almost hating. It sent a chill through his very soul and he knew it was a look the young man would carry with him for all of his life, however long or short it may be.
Placing the glass next to the bed, he went into the next room. His bones were tired and he ached all over. By dawn, he’d finally fallen asleep, worrying about the patient in the next room, praying silently for his recovery.
That look. That haunting look.
CHAPTER TWO
Running Buck stirred, rose halfway and was nearly blinded with pain. A dim light illuminated the small surroundings, casting a faint glow upon its contents. He peered into the shadows, somewhat fearful of this unknown and strange environment. Where was he? Had he made it to town before...was he dead?
The sound of footfalls made him struggle to gain an upright position in order to see who it belonged to. His dark eyes, glazed and watery, followed the unseen sounds and he squinted as the harsh light flooded the room. When his gaze adjusted to the rude invasion, he focused on the old man smiling toward him. His fear disintegrated and he returned the smile the best that he could.
"I guess I made it," Buck whispered, his voice cracking.
"You almost didn’t," Wheeler replied, "Your horse came flying into town and ended up throwing you off. Some of the townsfolk brought you in."
Buck began to peel away the bandage, curious to see what the damage was. He knew it was bad before but he didn’t realize until the gauze was removed just how close he came to losing something very valuable indeed. His face distorted at what he saw. He realized then that the soldiers had missed their mark. The true thought of what could have been made him sick to his stomach and he retched violently. Wheeler noticed the pale of the man’s face and reacted in the nick of time, retrieving a small bowl.
Afterwards, the memories came flooding back, causing him to fall back onto the pillow, anguish and intense sorrow clouding his senses. The doctor extinguished the lamp and left the room without a word. Buck lay there in the darkness before the dawn, contemplating his next move. Grief overwhelmed him and his eyes filled with mourning, escaping the corners and trailing down into his ebony hair. He was sorely ashamed of these feelings but, in the night, no one could observe his weakness. So, with a heavy spirit, he allowed himself to express that which he vowed to never do again. Heartache and complete misery. He cried soundlessly for his lost people and seemingly meaningless life ahead. For Grey Wolf, Red Deer, Summer Wind, Little Wren, many others. And, most of all, for Running Buck.
For, he knew that if he were to make a life in the white man’s world, he must go by a white man’s name. Since he was a half-breed, Buck decided that he would forever be known in this world as ‘Buck Cross’. But, in his heart of hearts, savage though it may be, he would forever be known as Running Buck of the Kiowa.
Low voices in the next room prompted Buck to sit up, a trained ear picking up the words that Wheeler had spoken to a young woman.
"Well, he should be healing in a couple of weeks or more. I can’t say. The last one didn’t make it, so, I don’t rightly know."
The last one?
"But, is he dangerous, Poppy?"
Buck’s eyes narrowed, yet his heart skipped three beats. Never in his life had he heard such an angelic voice, magical in its perfection. Who was she? Dr. Wheeler’s daughter? No, more than likely she would be his granddaughter. He listened closely, waiting for that voice to speak once again.
"No, Brianna, he wouldn’t hurt you," the old man chided, "Besides, he’s not getting up from that bed anytime soon. You don’t have to help if you don’t want to, I’ll finish caring for him."
"No, I’ll help," she volunteered, reluctantly, "You go on and get some sleep. You look as if you’ve been up for days."
"Well, I have for the most part. Didn’t know if he’d come to, what with that fever. I’ll go in and check on him if you’d start some breakfast."
"Of course, I’ll bring the tray in later."
Dr. Wheeler went in to find that the stranger had one of his medical books and was leaning against the wall, reading intently.
"Get back in that bed!" he scolded, "You’re in no shape to be traipsing around and risk re-opening that wound."
Buck’s eyes widened as he placed the book down and did exactly as he was told. He lay back on the pillow and stared at him, unsure of what to say to explain his actions. Hell’s bells! He didn’t know he couldn’t get up. What was he supposed to do? Lie around in bed all day?
Before the old man could admonish him further, she stepped across the threshold, smiling warily. Buck could never explain what happened to him then. He lay there, gazing into the most beautiful picture of a woman he’d ever seen, Indian or white. He hadn’t imagined her face even in his most wildest of fantasies and there she stood, eyeing him cautiously. He felt, rather than heard, her quick, sharp intake of breath at seeing a half-naked man propped up on the mattress. A smile crept into his eyes, mocking her.
"I...I’m going to the mercantile," she stammered, "We’re out of flour."
Brianna was speaking to her grandfather, but she was looking directly at the mysteriously attractive man lying in bed, holding her gaze with his own, blaze clashing with an inferno. Then, he spoke to her. His husky, deep voice sending shivers into the very core of her being. Brianna fairly exploded with elation, her own heart afire.
"If it’s not too much trouble," he drawled lazily, attempting to mask the raw desire and sudden lewd thoughts he was experiencing, "I’d like a rock for sharpening my knife. Seem to have lost mine."
Dr. Wheeler sensed the strong feeling between the two and chuckled to himself when she didn’t answer, only nodded and left them quickly. Buck averted his gaze from the old man’s laughing one, hiding the blatant and apparent fire that coursed throughout his body, threatening to burn him alive.
"So, I see you’ve met Brianna," Wheeler remarked, enjoying the sheer irritation of the younger man, "She would be my grand-daughter. But, I don’t see any need in introducing you. You both accomplished that feat by yourselves."
With a soft laugh, he left Buck staring a hole into his back. A second longer, and Buck didn’t know what he would’ve done. Brianna was the most exquisite, most exciting creature he’d ever had the good fortune to lay eyes upon. Her longing stare matched his fiery one with equal emotion, he was sure of it. His blood surged through his veins, bubbling with a pure heat, searing his whole being into life, creating a stir within him that he hadn’t felt before. His heart threatened to beat from his chest and he was positive that she could hear it. A feeling like none other wrenched its way into his soul and twisted, it turned, a response so unnatural to him that he knew it must be a precious gift from the Great Spirit. He wanted to reach out, touch her, hold her, make unlawful and ungodly love to her, to take her to places that she’d never been before. Neither had he, for that matter.
But...he couldn’t. The realization of why he wouldn’t lay a hand upon her body in any fashion weighed on his heart heavily. And the most important reason for that was because he had nothing to offer her, let alone the fact that Brianna is white. For them to be together was unthinkable and Buck knew that he would fare better in Rock Creek if he simply let her be. Besides, the vision of a hanging didn’t appeal to him, either. But, the thought of not being able to love Brianna was a vision he didn’t want to see and hurt even more than the thought of death itself.
The last thing he needed was a woman in his life anyway. She’d only become a problem to deal with and Buck had enough to take care of right at this moment, what with finding work and living arrangements. He didn’t wish to drag this young lady with him all over the great countryside and it wouldn’t be long before she would tire of moving around so much. He didn’t see any reason to burden her with that sort of life. He’d be better off alone anyway, not having to worry about someone else receiving the treatment that he’d been subjected to for most of his life.
And Brianna would always be branded as an ‘Indian lover’. Or worse things could happen. People were cruel, Buck knew that much firsthand, recalling some of the many things that were said or done to him each time he left the safety of his homeland. Even his own mother had been subjected to the white man’s violence simply because of who she was. And that’s how he had been born.
He would do his ultimate best to avoid Miss Brianna Wheeler in the future and if she left him with no other choice, then he’d simply brush her off. That would change her mind real quick about spending time with Buck Cross again. And she could find some other poor soul to torture with those baby-blue eyes and soft, golden hair, that voluptuous body that seemed to beg for his touch and his alone.
Dammit! Enough! There could be no other way but this and he must go through with it, despite how much her beauty and lovely voice bewitched him. Buck knew that he must leave as soon as his wound healed. Just go and never look back. Maybe, someday, she would understand why he had to do this and maybe she would learn to forgive him. Buck didn’t think so.
CHAPTER THREE
(Two years later.)
"Whatsamatter? Dummy can’t talk?" one of the men scoffed, shoving the young man in the middle of a group to other men who were laughing boisterously, "Well, then, why don’t you cry for us? C’mon, ya freak! Cry me a river!"
Buck Cross watched the scene unfold before him, shocked that everyone in this town of St. Joseph would allow this to happen in the middle of the street. At that same moment, one of the men, a huge and dirty looking one, cuffed the boy hard and sent him sprawling against a wall.
Buck felt rage tear through him at the sight of this mistreatment and he also felt sorry for the kid.
"Leave him alone!" Buck heard himself shout, "He ain’t done nothin’ to you so let him be!"
"Oh, so the ‘Injun’ wants to play, too!" the ringleader remarked sarcastically.
Every eye turned in his direction. Some people scattered and ran indoors. He now had their full, undivided attention, whether he wanted it or not. Pure anger led him to step forward until he and the big man were standing eye to eye. Buck was ready for the first swing and ducked, running under the fat man’s legs, causing him to lose his balance and topple over sideways. He heard a loud rush of air as the man’s stomach met the dirt. At once, the others jumped atop of him and he saw the boy rush in just as he caught the first fist underneath his jaw.
What on earth had possessed him to do this? They beat the tar out of both of them and walked away, laughing so hard that they could be heard down at the blacksmith’s shop. Buck groaned inwardly as he felt his ribs give way, gathered what strength he had left and pulled himself to his feet.
The young man looked up to his newfound friend and smiled broadly, even though his face hurt like hell. He tried to say thank you by forming the words with his lips but his friend didn’t seem to understand so he picked up a stick and scratched it in the dirt.
"You’re welcome," Buck replied, volunteering a handshake, "What’s your name?"
The kid wrote, ‘Ike McSwain’.
"Pleased to meetcha, Ike, I’m Buck Cross."
Ike wrote, ‘Get cleaned up’.
Buck nodded and together they walked over to the bathhouse, arms around each other’s shoulders. Yes, a true friendship between the two young men had begun and it would be the kind of friendship to last a lifetime.
The next afternoon, Ike and Buck sat outside the mercantile and practiced the signing that Ike was attempting to learn. Buck was surprised at how quickly he caught on, for the first time realizing that this was no kid. He was a young man such as himself, about the same age, seventeen. And, Ike was no dummy.
"Water," Buck spoke as he made the sign, pleased when Ike followed exactly, "Now, this one is hard, so watch carefully. Grandfather."
Ike sat motionless for a moment or two, and gradually followed the movement. He then pointed to himself, wishing to say his own name after ten years of nothing but silence.
"Do this," Buck instructed, "I...k...e...m...c...s...w...a...i...n. That’s very good, Ike. You’ll be talkin’ my ears off by the end of the week."
He laughed heartily as Ike punched his shoulder, shaking the already tender rib cage. He moaned in pain, still laughing and made the sign for hurt.
"I’ve got somethin’ that’ll make it a lot easier until you learn this."
Ike gave a humble grin as Buck produced a slate with some chalk. He accepted the gift with such gratitude that Buck could actually sense it without words.
Ike wrote, ‘Where you going?’
"You mean from here? I guess the next town over is Sweetwater, it sounds kinda nice, doesn’t it?"
Ike nodded, pointed to both of them.
"Yes, both of us can go," he replied, glad in his heart to have finally found someone who looked past the color of his skin, "We can head out in the mornin’, if you want."
Again, Ike nodded. Then, he wrote something that made Buck’s blood run cold.
‘Happened about ten. Scarlet fever, almost died.’
At once, Buck felt enormous pity for Ike, knowing what the disease had done to his village, nearly wiping out their entire tribe. Several of them ended up the way that Ike did, or worse. Three women could barely get around anymore because they had been very old when they had contracted it.
"Do you have any family?" Buck questioned, feeling a wave of sadness at his own horrible losses.
Ike shook his head and wrote, ‘Killed after I got sick.’
"Me, neither," he responded, sensing the need to tell what had happened two years ago, "I probably have no family left at all. They were moved onto a reservation and if they didn’t freeze to death last winter, the soldiers probably starved them to death or killed them."
Ike reached out and touched his friend’s shoulder in a gesture of sympathy. He, too, knew what is was like to have lost everything you’d ever known. His mind went back to that fateful day when he had it all taken from him and he stood powerless to do anything about it. His father had apparently owed money to someone and that someone sent their men to take care of it. When his father told them that he’d have it next Wednesday, one of them drew a gun and shot an unarmed man dead right in front of his wife and children. Ike hid in the toolshed as his mother and younger sister were gunned down like dogs. And he couldn’t help them, couldn’t even cry out!
"I know, it hurts, but now we have each other, right?" Buck whispered, hoping to soothe Ike’s tormented heart, "We are like brothers now. Don’t worry, my friend, we’ll be all right."
Ike nodded and wrote, ‘Friends/Brothers.’
Buck laughed and agreed, saying that they needed to pack what they had and get some rest if they were to head out at dawn.
Ike signed, ‘See you at morning.’
The sun had set, casting a warm glow in the twilight sky, reminding Buck of the day he buried so many of his people, the day his life changed for eternity. It had been a day exactly like this, a beautiful day, but it had turned so horrible and wretched. He hadn’t thought of that day in over a year, now, his body and soul mending ever so slowly. It was like watching a snail slide up a blade of grass.
It was nearly nightfall when Ike and Buck made it into Sweetwater the next day, barely missing the last room above the saloon. Both agreed to share it and, since they didn’t know what kind of place they’d come to, one stood watch for three hours while the other slept and vice versa. By morning, the whole town seemed to bustle to and fro. They realized that something was about to take place, they just didn’t know what.
Buck made his way downstairs and inquired to the barkeeper about the noise.
"Oh, that!" he nearly shouted, "They’re makin’ a big deal outta nothin’. The Pony Express takes its ride through here tomorrow and they all wanna make a big show out of it."
"Pony Express?" Buck asked, confused at such a thing, "Never heard of it."
"Aww, it’s just a bunch of riders totin’ mail back and forth. Why? You int’rested?"
He pondered the question, giving this Pony Express a little more thought. Ike was still upstairs getting dressed to find work and they both needed a job. But, the barkeeper explained that it was hard riding and they must be expert riders. Buck knew he had no problem with it, but, what about Ike? Maybe he could teach Ike to ride as well since they had the whole day free now.
"Who do I talk to about this Pony Express?"
"Go six doors down and make a right, the place has a sign, says ‘Russell, Majors and Waddell. Cain’t miss it."
"Thanks."
"Good luck, yer gonna need it, mister."
Buck took the steps two at a time and burst into the room, spilling the story about the Pony Express and how they could sign up. Ike agreed to go down and seriously give it some consideration. After all, they’d be together like they’d planned. What could go wrong?
CHAPTER FOUR
Standing next to Ike and listening to a man called ‘Teaspoon’ ramble on about what was expected of them caused Buck to wonder if he’d decided wisely. He whispered to Ike that they could give the money back and ride out now, if he had a mind to.
Ike shook his head, implying that he wished to give it a shot.
Buck looked at the other characters who’d given application. There was a man they only called ‘Kid’ who looked either scared or nervous. He didn’t know which one to choose for him. There was a skinny, wiry looking boy named Lou. Buck didn’t expect him to be selected until he saw him ride. There was a cocky, know-it-all by the name of Cody, who didn’t stand a chance of outlasting this job. William F. Cody. What a name!
Then, there was a wise-ass in the outfit. His name, as he so proudly stated, was James Butler Hickok. Buck surmised that Hickok would undoubtedly be the eldest of them all. And for some unexplainable reason, he held a high respect for this James Butler Hickok and he hadn’t a clue as to why. Maybe it was the false bravado. Maybe the man was genuine and would kill you in the beat of his heart if the reasons were right. Buck couldn’t attain the answer but he decided then and there to remain clear of Hickok’s path.
Finally, Teaspoon announced after they’d each shown him that they could ride out a dust storm, that they’d all been hired and proceeded to lead them to something called the ‘bunkhouse.’ This would be their sleeping and eating quarters. There was also a makeshift shower, whatever that was. Ike related to Buck that he would learn about that later. Right now, they were all busy unpacking what meager belongings they had, each one in complete silence. Buck didn’t envision a lasting future here and said the same to his friend later inside the barn. They had been designated to brush down the horses until a lady named Emma returned. Ike didn’t agree.
On the slate, Ike wrote, ‘Give them a chance.’
"I’d like to, Ike, but they’re so...different."
Ike pointed to each of them and wrote, ‘We’re not?’
Buck considered the fact that the other riders were likely thinking the same. What position did they take to a half-bred Kiowa and his bald friend who didn’t speak? He arrived at the conclusion that they, he and Ike, were the strange ones.
"Boys! C’mere, wantcha to meet somebody. Boys, this here’s Emma Shannon. She’ll be tendin’ to yer meals, washin’ and ya need anythin’, just ask her or yours truly. Now! Let’s git some supper, shall we? After you, Emma."
Teaspoon was a comical character, tipping his hat to the lady and winking at the riders. Everyone laughed nervously until Cody spoke up and then they all joined in true, boisterous laughter.
"Thanks, don’t mind if I do," he shouted, "Whatcha got good? I’m starved!"
Inside the bunkhouse, everyone busied themselves instead of giving over to conversation, everyone except for James Butler Hickok.
"Whatsamatter with him?" he mumbled, looking directly at Ike.
Buck immediately jumped to Ike’s defense, ready for battle, as usual.
"Just can’t talk, that’s all. Why do you care?"
Hickok attempted to chuckle, instead he snorted and Lou began to snicker.
"I don’t," Hickok replied, shrugging it off, "Just asked. You find somethin’ funny, Lou?"
Lou ducked his head and shook it at once, not bothering to look up again throughout the meal. Kid didn’t eat anything, he just played with the food on his plate.
"You gonna eat that or just look at it?" Cody said with a mouth full of food.
"It’s yours," Kid answered and shoved his plate in Cody’s direction.
"Kid, yer up first in the mornin’, don’t recommend ya do that," Teaspoon advised, pleased when the boy pulled it back.
"Dammit!" Cody muttered, banging a fist on the table, causing Hickok to draw on him.
Buck knew he had been right all along about this one. In a beat of his heart, he’d kill you.
Everything happened all at once, it seemed. When Hickok drew on Cody, Teaspoon yelled, Emma screamed, Kid drew his revolver, Lou yelped, Ike started from his chair and Buck held him still. All the while, he sat there at the supper table, amazed at this fine lot of folks.
"Sorry," Hickok mumbled, "Tired is all."
"Damn right," Cody shot back, his loss of appetite very evident.
"Boys, I think it’s time to turn in," Emma suggested.
Teaspoon echoed her words and bid all good night.
"Don’t," he hesitated long enough to let his words sink in, "kill each other."
"We’ll try not to," Cody quipped and turned away when Teaspoon shot him a warning look.
After Teaspoon and Emma left for the night, it was quiet again until Lou spoke in a hushed whisper to Ike, touching his shoulder.
"What’s your name again?"
Ike looked at Buck pleadingly and Buck answered the questions that were certain to come.
"His name’s Ike. Ike McSwain."
Hickok chimed in his two cents.
"Didn’t mean nothin’ by that, Ike."
Ike nodded toward the strange, young fellow to let him know his apology was accepted.
"What happened to ya?" Kid asked, "If ya don’t mind my askin’."
Buck looked at Ike and Ike nodded.
"Scarlet fever," he replied, "Anything else?"
"Yeah," Cody spoke up, sauntering over to them, "You ‘Injun’?"
"Cody!" Hickok yelled, "That ain’t right!"
Buck felt an overwhelming need to kick this Cody in the face with his boot heels, then thought better of it. He made his way to Cody and stood face to face with him, a scowl on his own.
"It’s okay, Hickok. Yeah, Kiowa, half-breed. Is that the answer you’re lookin’ for?"
Cody grinned and stepped back, nodded and turned toward his bunk. The house fell silent again as they readied their beds and climbed into them.
"‘Night."
Hickok.
"‘Night, all."
Lou.
And they slept. Somewhat.
CHAPTER FIVE
(Three weeks later.)
"Rider comin’!" Emma shouted, startling Cody who had fallen asleep in a chair propped against the wall and he fell...hard!
Lou snickered again and Hickok snorted.
"Ain’t funny!" Cody yelled, "Emma, ya ought not do that from now on. Could scare folks half a mile away!"
"Sorry, Cody, didn’t know you needed your beauty rest."
Kid ran past Buck and Ike, mounted the paint horse and was out of sight in seconds. Ike looked at Buck worriedly. Buck knew what he was thinking. Could they do that every day? Buck wasn’t at all sure that he could maintain his strength very long.
Emma walked up behind them and put her arms around their shoulders.
"Don’t worry, boys, you’ll do just fine."
And she went inside, leaving all of them to stare after her. She’d known exactly what they’d all been wanting to know. But, how?
"And just how in the hell did she know that?" Buck asked aloud to no one in particular.
"Instinct," Cody replied for them.
"Mother’s instinct, Cody," Hickok corrected, a hint of sadness in his voice.
"I like her," Lou added.
Ike nodded in agreement and they watched as Hickok turned and walked away. Cody got up from his chair and followed.
"He’s got a lot of ghosts," Lou whispered, his own memories returning from years past.
"Who doesn’t?" Buck answered, recalling visions of a happier life with the Kiowa.
Ike simply began to cry softly and Lou patted him on the back gently and quickly turned away so as not to join him. Buck started back to the barn to clean the stalls when Emma re-appeared, calling out to Hickok and Cody.
"They’re not here, Emma," Buck informed her, remaining silent about their conversation earlier.
"Now, where’d them boys run off to? I need some help."
"Ike and I will help you," Buck volunteered.
"Thanks, that’s sweet of you," she said, smiling at them both, "I need some water from the creek. Can you get it for me?"
"I can do it, Ike, if you want to finish up for me here?"
Ike agreed and Buck went about the task, enjoying something different that took his mind away from home. After all this time, the Kiowa would forever be his home and he didn’t plan on remaining here for long. It wasn’t what he truly wanted.
When he reached the water, Buck found out that it wasn’t a creek, as Emma had called it, but instead it was more of a lake. And it was a nice place, too. The water seemed to invite him and he ignored the beautiful temptation to take a quick swim. Instead, he set about the chore he’d promised to do. But, just as soon as that small feat was accomplished, he set about a more pleasant chore. With the last of his clothing tossed aside, he dove into the cool, refreshing liquid, reveling in the sensation that he was, at last, alone with his familiar surroundings.
He didn’t enjoy it for very long, for when he dove into the water, a faint and to familiar yelp caught him by surprise. That was strange because he’d taken extra care to see that the water was unoccupied.
"Lou?"
"Yeah...that would be me."
"Sorry, I didn’t see you," he called back.
"Thank goodness," Lou muttered under his breath.
"What?"
"I said, ‘that’s okay’!" he yelled again.
Oh, Lou, how will you get yourself out of this one?
Buck swam closer to Lou so they didn’t have to shout at one another. But, the closer he got to him, the stranger Lou became. Buck couldn’t understand why he kept backing away from him. Was Lou a...did Lou like men? He didn’t think so, but, there was something definitely wrong here and Buck swore to get to the bottom of it.
"Lou, can I ask you somethin’?"
Embarrassed, Lou looked away, unable to look Buck in the eye after that little show earlier. When Buck got undressed, he thought no one was here. But, Lou had perfect vision from far off and saw everything. Great! Fantastic!
"Promise you won’t get mad?" Buck asked warily, unsure how to approach this delicate subject.
"Cross my heart," he called out, swimming backwards a little at a time.
Buck cleared his throat, looked Lou in the eye and said exactly what he’d been thinking.
"Okay, here goes," he stammered, hoping the answer would be ‘no’, "Somethin’s not right since I got here, we both know that much. I’m makin’ you uncomfortable just by bein’ here. Why? Do you...do you like men or somethin’?"
Lou didn’t know how to answer that. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Oh, to hell with it! Buck won’t tell, will he?
"Well, Buck, there’s only one way to answer that question but you’ve got to swear on your life that you won’t tell. I mean anyone! Not even Ike. Swear!"
Buck, taken aback, could only nod.
"I swear...what is it?"
"Dammit!" Lou muttered again, "First day, and already this has happened. Well, I got to see you naked, so fair is fair. Go ahead, take a look."
Buck didn’t like this, not at all and said so strongly and stood his ground adamantly.
"No! What the hell are you tryin’ to do because I don’t like this, Lou? You’ve gone too far and it’s time to stop."
Lou advanced closer and now Buck began to swim backwards, but not only a little bit.
"Buck!" Lou exclaimed, "Trust me."
Buck still didn’t like this game, but something inside of him said that he could trust what Lou was saying. Cautiously, he lowered his body into the water, watching Lou’s each and every move.
"Try anything and I’ll cut your throat before you can take another breath," he warned.
"I’m standin’ still!" he yelled, "Look. My arms are up in the air."
Lou watched as his head finally disappeared below the surface, laughing aloud when several bubbles disrupted the still waters. Buck shot out of the water, nearly to his feet and Lou got more than an eyeful.
"Lou?!" Buck fairly screamed the name, sputtering water from his lungs and wiping it from his eyes.
"Louise, that’s right," she corrected, silently relishing the thought that this man had just seen her completely naked.
He quickly attempted to cover his own nakedness and made a start for the water banks.
"Wait!" she called out, panic in her voice, "Buck, wait, please!"
The pleading in her voice stopped him in his tracks and he turned to face her. They both stood still and silent for what appeared to be hours. At last, Buck spoke.
"I won’t tell, you have my word," he vowed, "but, why?"
"Can you honestly tell me that Teaspoon would’ve hired me thinkin’ I was a girl?"
Buck groaned inwardly. The sight of Lou...Louise caused his mind to wander to other places, places he hadn’t thought of since he was in Dr. Wheeler’s care. The truth of the matter was, and what made it so difficult for him, was the fact that Louise was indeed more well rounded than Brianna had been at that time. But, that was two years ago and Brianna was only thirteen.
"Woman," he corrected, biting his lower lip nervously.
Louise blushed to the roots of her hair, ecstatic that Buck apparently had a really good look. She prayed fervently that he admired what he’d just seen.
"And, no, you’re right," he said, interrupting her thoughts, "I don’t think he would. But, you didn’t tell me why you’re doin’ this."
By now, they had closed the distance between them and stood only inches apart, their voices now spoken in low whispers.
"Because, Buck, my sister and brother are in an orphanage in St. Joseph and I need to make enough money to move them with me and support ‘em. You’d do the same."
"Yeah," he replied without hesitation, "Reckon I would, at that. Well, Louise, guess we’d better be gettin’ back. Emma’s probably wonderin’ where the water is."
She stepped back quickly after realizing how much closer they had gotten while they talked. The same realization dawned on him, too, and he did likewise. Suddenly, the water around him felt unusually warm and he still had the mental picture of her naked running through his brain like fire. At once, his body responded, humiliating him to the near breaking point.
"You’re right, Buck, turn around."
He laughed aloud at her words, only to regret painfully that he did so. She blushed even more and began to look angry.
"You’re the one who came traipsing down here and stripped down without lookin’, Buck Cross! Don’t you dare laugh!"
Fresh, hot tears coursed down her lovely cheeks and he felt a fool for being so inconsiderate. Dammit! He’d ruined everything!
"Lou!" he called out after her, his shouts falling on deaf ears, "Louise, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean..."
Without shame, she made her way to the embankment and began to dress as if he weren’t there at all. Buck could do nothing but stare in awe at this brazen beauty who stirred his blood so fiercely. Her light brown hair, though it was cropped as short as any man’s, did nothing to deter the hammering of his heart that caused his chest to throb painfully. But, that wasn’t all that pulsated. He would have a very difficult time exiting the lake now.
Louise whirled around in his direction, felt the flush on her face grow hotter by the minute. The way he leered at her with those eyes, those hypnotic, piercing eyes, insinuating that he wished feverishly to take her here, now, no matter the consequences. No matter that they’d only met three weeks ago. The flaming attraction began the moment Buck saw her as a woman and he seemed so damned close, too close. The scent of him filled her nostrils, permeating every sense. He stood still, not speaking. Then, without warning, his face grim and serious, his eyes shadowed with something he would never in a million years admit to, Buck began to emerge from the water, never taking his gaze from hers.
My God, she felt weak and helpless as he approached her, swaying slightly, his body alive and virile. Louise’s body sprang to life as well, although Buck couldn’t see it. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the magnificent view of him, his dark hair falling against one high cheekbone, shadowing part of his face, a plain look of animalistic lust clouding his features. She saw it, felt it, she wanted it, would have died for it! She stepped toward him, intent on seeing how far he would go, how far she could go. Buck never missed a step, and now he stood before her in all his born glory.
Louise didn’t want him to come any closer, she was still afire, still in distress. Her insides ached terribly as she felt a sudden, white-hot jolt course through her entire body, searing her thoughts and shocking her senses.
Buck had meant to finish the game, if only to see how far she would go, how far he could go before this went too far. It already had went way out of control and he hated being out of control in any given situation. Standing before her, he chided himself for not seeing Louise as she truly was. Any man with a trained eye or body would’ve spotted her for good. But, not Buck. He was acting on pure, natural instinct, having no idea of what to do.
A strong silence filled the air around them, thicker than the water dripping from his body. They both felt it, tearing at them like knives.
Buck longed to bury his hands in her hair, delighting in the silky sensation of her tresses. He also knew that he wasn’t good enough to touch a woman like her, but he wanted to anyway, in every way, over and over. She stood there, fully clothed and he could taste her kiss, see her drowning in ecstasy. She should belong to someone who could give her what she so deserved and he had nothing to offer Louise but himself. All he owned were the clothes lying in a puddle at her feet and what sparse belongings he’d gathered on the day his whole world fell apart. Buck
knew that something that felt so right didn’t come along but once in a lifetime. He would never be this lucky again.
"Buck..."
"Louise, I can’t stop this, nor do I want to. I warn you that, if this begins, there will be no turning back."
She jumped at his words, knowing full well what they meant. Everywhere his gaze fell, she could sense her body warming, as if his eyes were his hands, searching each part of her, provoking an unspoken response from her. Louise looked hard and deep into his face, noticing the tightness of his jaw, knowing that his hold upon sanity would burst at any second, as would her own.
"Buck! Lou!"
The shouting voice jolted both from their heavenly world and they called back in unison. Buck started for his clothes and Louise stopped him, saying that he should act natural, after all, the rest thought she was a young boy and it didn’t matter.
"No, Louise, I don’t like being seen by other people..."
"Dammit to hell!" Hickok shouted at the two, furious with them for taking off without telling anyone, "What do you think you’re doin’? Swimmin’! Didja know that everyone in Sweetwater has been lookin’ for you two? Emma’s worried sick. You’ve been gone for three hours!"
Buck was the first one to make apologies, stating that they’d lost track of time, all the while dressing as quickly as possible. And just in time because Emma popped out and ran to them, scolding both as if they were children.
Louise and Buck avoided each other’s eyes for fear of belying the feelings that had only passed between them moments ago. They followed Emma and Hickok back to the bunkhouse where they received a very strong reprimand from Teaspoon. Ashamed, Louise never looked up. Buck tried to catch her glance now and again, but she didn’t budge. When the discussion was finally over, both promising never to do that again, Buck wondered what Louise meant by it. She spoke not one word as they walked outside. He tried to catch up to her, talk to her, but she was fast and he was too tired physically to give chase.
Ike came over and stopped short at Buck’s expression. His eyes seemed to ask questions that Buck avoided.
"I’m sorry, Ike, I’m not up to answering anyone, right now."
Ike watched his friend enter the bunkhouse and he wondered why the sudden change, the sudden closure of his good nature. Buck would usually talk to him about anything. But, not this time. And, why Lou? Did they have words? There was only one way to find out. Ike headed toward the barn and saw Lou leaning against the post, his back to him.
Gently, Ike tapped him on the shoulder, and the face that turned around had been crying!
"Sorry, Ike, just a bad day," she began, "No doubt you wanna know what happened, too."
Ike nodded emphatically, worried that this was a very unusual situation and he didn’t know what to make of it. Why would Lou be crying? Why did Buck seem so...angry?
"Ike, you’re a good person and I feel like I can trust you, right?" she whispered, hoping no one could overhear what she was about to say.
Again, Ike nodded, assuring Lou that, whatever it was, the secret would be safe with him.
"Ike, I’m not a young boy, I’m a girl, a woman," she repeated, hearing Buck say those words to her over again in her head, "But, you can’t tell anyone or Teaspoon will fire me when he finds out. I’m only telling you because you’re Buck’s best friend and I asked him not to tell you, either."
Ike appeared relieved for he’d been worried about the same thing Buck had asked her about at the lake. Louise sat down on a bale of hay and sighed. Ike sat next to her, wanting to ask what had happened between them to cause such turmoil within Buck’s soul and hers. Then, he thought better of it.
"I know, you’re thinkin’ that somethin’ happened between us," she answered for him, "Well, Ike, it did and it didn’t. It almost did. But, he never touched me. I don’t understand it."
Ike placed his hand on his heart and smiled. Louise returned his smile and nodded.
"But, now what do I do?" she pleaded, a frown creasing her brow.
Ike shook his head, meaning for her to do nothing.
"You mean...he’ll eventually come around?"
He nodded, sure that he could talk some sense into Buck. The man had to cease being so hard-headed at times. And this could very well prove to be one of them.
"I’ll heed your advice, Ike, not because I want to, but because you want me to. And, thank you."
He smiled again as he watched her go. In his boyish, innocent heart, Ike knew that this was meant to be and he would certainly see to it that Buck didn’t ruin everything. Ike made his way to the bunkhouse for a long talk with his friend, hoping he would see things differently. Only time would tell.
CHAPTER SIX
(One month later.)
Buck was impressed by the change that developed over such a short period of time. None of them appeared to be the same since that first day they’d met. Just goes to prove that you can’t judge a book by its cover.
First of all, James Butler Hickok was now referred to as plain Jimmy. And he wasn’t as bad as he seemed, only scared of what Lou had said were ghosts from days past. Though he’d still draw on you if the mood was right, he never drew his six-shooter on Cody again.
Cody. That one was still cocky, but gentler now that his hand had been forced to kill a man at William’s Station. He didn’t act so filled with false bravado as before. Buck supposed he’d been brought down a notch or two, yet he took pity on Cody at the same moment. He recalled the massacre that he’d witnessed only years earlier, and it somehow altered your outlook on life, made your heart hardened to such things. Buck knew that they’d all soon feel that way.
Kid appeared to be the only one who hadn’t changed as much as the other riders. He remained friendly, yet menacing when crossed. He held a quiet, almost serene aura, beckoning to those who sought peace of mind. Each one, save Jimmy, who fought with Kid nearly every day. Buck worried that it centered on Lou…Louise. By now, all of them had learned the truth, except for Emma and Teaspoon. And Kid was struck on her, jealous because he speculated that Jimmy also held strong feelings for Lou, too.
Buck sighed deeply, a weight creeping over his chest as he thought of Louise, the woman who had changed all he’d ever known. And she’d accomplished that without words. He didn’t rightly know how it happened, either, since the two rarely spoke any longer. Yet, he found that her lips needed not move, form a sound, for Buck could listen to her eyes each time he met them. A smoldering gaze would greet him at any given time but he wasn’t positive that it could be construed as anger. He saw her raging glare for what he wanted it to become…wild, torrid passion. He could merely wish that his own eyes belied his honest feelings for her.
Louise stood, hidden and watching her tall, handsome Indian from behind the barn door. She was at the right angle so as not to be seen and took advantage of the chance to observe him in deep thoughts. What visions came to him, what had fallen so heavily upon his heart? Did he think of her and was that the reason he seemed so dispirited? Did she truly mean so much to him that it made his heart sad when she avoided him as she’d so been doing? And, anyway, what was she to do about it, act as if that day at the lake never occurred? Like she hadn’t seen his naked body standing before her, blatantly offering itself to her every whim, nearly conquering her with just one heated glance from his fiery eyes. It caused her grief, not to be able to walk over and touch his shoulder, his hair, his hand, whisper to him that he’d walked in her dreams at night, filling all of them with an unbounded love that only they could share.
Buck sat perfectly still, aware that he was being watched, unsure of whom the culprit was. He hoped, prayed that it was Lou that eyed him from behind the barn door, and he wondered what thoughts she had of him. His thoughts were raging rampant as of late and it called for all of his strength to retain control of his sense whenever she entered any room. He could now think of nothing but Louise and how much he so savagely yearned for her. That day beside the lake didn’t end there. No, not in Buck’s fantasies. When he dreamt about her, the whole scene would unfold in front of his eyes, like a storybook romance. Or more like one of those novels he’d seen in the mercantile, with a man and woman on the cover in an arduous embrace. He wished for that, wanted it, yearned deeply within his soul for a touch of her hand. If that’s all he could receive, Buck would accept anything except for her silence, her avoidance, her…fear.
"Buck, you comin’?" Cody shouted from the doorway, Jimmy behind him, startling Buck from his reverie, "Supper’s almost ready. Hey, what’s eatin’ you?"
"Not hungry, I guess," Buck muttered.
Buck lowered his head, purposely dropping his hair around his face so his eyes couldn’t be seen. But, Jimmy closed the door and walked over, taking a seat next to him.
"No, somethin’s wrong, I can feel it. What’s the trouble?"
Buck liked Jimmy but he wasn’t sure if he could be trusted. Ike already knew what had transpired between Lou and he, but Ike wasn’t much help. Not that he didn’t give it his best shot. It just wasn’t working.
"You wouldn’t understand, Jimmy, don’t worry about it," Buck replied, casting a wary glance at the known gunfighter.
"Yeah, I’d understand more’n you’d like to hear, Buck, so, go on, out with it," he coaxed, "Just say it, whatever it is, and I’ll say what I can to help ya."
Before he thought about what he was doing, Buck had related the entire story, leaving out the section about standing naked in front of Lou, merely begging for her to take control of something he’d already lost anyway. Jimmy leaned back against the wall in his chair, meditating on the words Buck had spoken. He bit his lower lip to keep from laughing out loud. He couldn’t help but see the humor in this situation, being the kind of man that he was.
"Well, Buck, I see it like this: if you want a woman, then, by all means, don’t let anything in hell stop you from goin’ and gittin’ her. What’re you waitin’ on? The question is: does she want you, too?"
Buck saw Jimmy’s point and understood what the man was saying but it simply wasn’t that easy, not with all of the emotions between them. It was, at times, too much for him to think about, much less take action to. Yet, he wished he were brave enough to just walk up to Lou and say what he felt, what he wanted, what he needed from her.
"I think so, I’m not sure about this, Jimmy," Buck stated, "I wanna tell her what I’m thinking. But, it won’t come out. And no matter what I say, it’ll be wrong, I just know it."
Jimmy looked at Buck with such seriousness, Buck didn’t know if the man was going to say something strong or pull a gun and shoot him. They were the same look.
"Buck, trust me," Jimmy commanded, "Just say what you feel. Then, let her do whatever she wants to about it. At least, you won’t be mopin’ around anymore. I would."
The more he thought about it, the more he deemed Jimmy to be right about the whole damn thing. And why the hell not? What did he have to lose now except a little face? He’d lost pride before and he could work on losing all of it forever if it only meant that Louise would accept him for who he truly was.
"Ya know somethin’, Jimmy? You’re right and I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna walk over there and tell Lou…Louise exactly what I want to. She’ll slap my face for it, but, I’m doin’ it right now."
Jimmy laughed aloud this time, slapping Buck on the back and telling him to get going.
Buck stood, pins and needles shot through his feet and ankles, a sign for him to sit back down. His heart pounded from within his chest as he made the first step toward the barn, knowing Louise would be busying herself with some menial task in order to ignore his presence. But, it didn’t matter to him because he would say what he came to and she could do what she wanted with it. He would say it and it would be out in the open and he’d be done with it, to carry on with his own life and stop pining over this thing he wanted so very badly.
"Lou!"
She jerked around, startled at the sound of her name called so sternly
"What do you want?"
"You."
Her jaw dropped open and her hand dropped the brush she’d been using on the horse. What did he just say? He what?
"Excuse me, I’ll be late for work," she mumbled, attempting to push past him.
Buck stepped in her path, his eyes dark and dangerous. He wasn’t allowing her the relief of escape, would make her stay here until she heard his confession.
"You’ll go when I’m finished."
Louise swallowed a scream, fear coming into her gut, wrenching it, twisting her mind into a gnarled mess. She couldn’t think straight, had to run, get back to the bunkhouse where she would be safe from whatever he had a mind to do.
"Let me pass!" she uttered, her voice squeaking, her body shaking with terror, her throat closing.
She formed her lips, then, fell silent again, the metallic taste of fear on her tongue made her stomach churn. Bile rose up in her throat. She didn’t know what to do next. Louise felt reality sink and she knew that this man had been pushed way too far. And, now, he would do something drastic, something to punish her for her inconsiderate words and actions.
"You will not leave, Louise, until I’ve had my say."
Say? Is that all he wished to do? Talk to her?
"But, you…I thought you meant…"
Buck had seen the horrific expression that marred her innocent features when he blocked her path. He also knew that she thought him a savage Indian, one who lived with the animals, doing what they pleased, taking whatever they wanted whether it belonged to them or not. He knew she’d been fed that kind of talk for most of her life and he wanted to make her forget all she knew about the Indian, especially the Kiowa.
"I know what you thought, Lou, and I’m really not very surprised at you."
Louise sat down, rather sank down to a bale of hay, her brown, doe eyes wide with questions. Questions she couldn’t ask in a million years.
"You’re not?" she whispered, barely audible underneath the approaching storm.
The sky had darkened, became angry and violent, the wind taking heed to no object within its path. Thunder rolled and crashed in the low-lying clouds above them. A strong, electric current ran through the air around them, enveloping them heavily. Buck wondered if it was the storm outside or the storm that lay just ahead of them that caused such a fierce heat to well up within his soul.
"No, and I didn’t come here to harm you, even though you expected the worst from me. You’ve been pushing me to the breaking point, yet I wouldn’t think of hurting you, Lou…Louise. I came to tell you everything about my feelings for you and, then, I’ll ride out. You’ll have to torture some other poor soul with those eyes of yours."
Louise sat, stunned at his words. She had never thought to hear them from his lips, assuming that it would be over between them. Apparently, Buck wanted the last word. Well, the least she could do was to let him have it.
"I’m list’nin’," she said softly, anticipation sending shivers through her being, the fine hairs standing up on the back of her neck.
Buck stood directly in front of her, almost the same way he had done at the lake, offering himself up to her, making a difficult sacrifice in order to be with her. This time, he spoke harshly, a furious expression on his face. Louise decided that she would be wise to open her ears and close her mouth, at least until he finished.
"If you ain’t got the guts to admit what’s happenin’ here, then I guess I’ll have to!" he shouted, then taking a gentler tone, he went on, " Lou…Louise, that day we were at the lake, I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my life. The last time I felt that way about any woman was over two years ago and I ran from it. But, this time, I’m not running unless you ask me to. If you want me to go, I will."
"No…no," Louise muttered, starting as a loud boom of thunder cracked open the sky and let out a torrent of rain.
Buck had to fairly shout over the noise of the rain pounding against the tin top. He stepped even closer and Louise swore she could see the sizable bulge at the juncture of his breeches. His scent, one that belonged to him alone, made her recall the warm smell of the outdoors, a musky, heated scent that stirred her blood. She knew that smell, had only known it once, three years ago. It was the scent of a man’s lust and she liked it.
"I’ve been thinking about us for a long time, now, and I’m just gonna say it like it is. Louise McCloud, I want you, have always wanted you and I still believe there lies a hope for us, even though we came from separate worlds and I’m a half-breed. I think we could make somethin’ out of this if you’re willin’ to give me a chance. Please, just tell me where I stand with you. I need to know."
Louise sat quietly, studying his every move, contemplating the reason he chose to confront her when he could’ve just as easily walked away, as he’d said he’d done before. She knew at that one moment in time that Buck honestly meant what he had said. He really did care for her. It was more than the heat of the body it was the fire of the soul that threatened to intertwine their lives together forever. And, all Louise had to do was answer yes or no. So simple, yet, so difficult. To her, it mattered not that they belonged to different worlds. Right now, her world would be wherever he wanted it and she felt powerless to stop this from taking place.
Buck gazed at her from his stance directly above her and he knew. It was her beauty that entranced him, the short, dark wisps of hair that curled just below her earlobe, her slightly upturned nose, those full and pouting lips. Her skin looked so soft that it set his heart to racing again and Buck at once wanted to touch her face, revel in the sensation of his skin caressing her own.
Louise knew that it would be now or never. Slowly, carefully, she rose to meet his longing gaze, brushing back a strand of ebony hair that had fallen onto his cheek. Buck sighed deeply, shuddering as her hand touched his face, a shaky breath exhaling from his overeager body. Dammit, did she know what she could do to him so innocently?
"Lou…ise…don’t," Buck stammered, fighting with every ounce of strength not to take her down and make her his, right here, right now.
She flushed to the roots of her hair, stood on her toes and kissed his cheek, slowly, savoring the feeling of his warm skin against her lips. Buck turned quickly, forcing her lips to meet with his. Then, something happened next that neither of them could ever explain with words. It was too magical.
Louise melted into his arms, her own arms encircling his waist. Buck, stunned by her reaction, broke away. Her eyes had darkened, dancing, half-closed, her lips eagerly awaiting his to return. A sudden, compelling force moved deep within him as his mouth overpowered hers, his tongue, gentle at first, then seeking, yearning, demanding. A heat such as the fires of hell swept through him, enflamed his soul and he was too weak to defend her now. She was asking and he would give.
Louise threw all caution aside, sensing the ardor of his sweet, vicious attack. Her head fell back, supported by his strong arm, a warmth ran through her veins, her blood was like boiling, molten lava. Lou wished for nothing more than the fulfillment that only Buck could provide. Only him, no one else!
Buck lifted Lou into his arms as he’d so often dreamt about and carried her further back into the barn, savoring each step. His lips never left hers. A raging, violent intensity arose within his being as he lay down next to her on the soft hay. They were bathed in a dim light, the sun obscured by the thick rain clouds. Buck worried that Louise would become frightened, worried that he could hurt her in some way.
"Louise," he whispered, his voice barely making a sound against the pouring rain, "If you wish to go, you must do so now. I warn you that if you stay in here with me, I will have no other choice but to make passionate love with you."
Her sweet, soft, gentle smile gave Buck the answer he’d been searching for. He felt that if he didn’t remain calm, he could explode before ever completing their pleasurable task.
They lay together, touching, tasting, kissing, and teasing. Louise was yet unskilled in her efforts and Buck understood that, proceeding to teach her a little. There would be more for Louise to learn later. Now, he only wanted to give her pleasure. It wouldn’t be a time she would soon forget, if ever, he swore.
He slowly undressed her, piece by piece, kissing each inch of her fevered skin, delighting in the gasps he drew from within her. Buck stroked her smooth, flat stomach, sending shivers through Louise with his mere touch. This was pleasant, sending butterflies into her insides. He moved his hand across her breast, leisurely, hearing her gasp once. As he did so, one rosebud nipple beckoned to him, crying out for his touch again. He obliged with his searing lips and tongue, his heart gladdening as she called his name.
Buck let his fingers travel to her navel, lower, to the soft mound of dark hair at her thighs. They parted for him, bade him enter, begging for a touch that had yet to be given. Louise moaned in sheer ecstasy as his fingers searched and found the point that gave her the most exquisite pleasure she thought she’d ever known. He caressed her there, felt her hips arching into his hand.
A suffocating blanket of warmth shrouded her as Buck’s strokes came rapidly, seeing rather than feeling the quick, blinding burst of light at the end. She arched her hips one last time, reveling in the aftershock of his skilled ministrations to her most private possessions. A raspy sigh escaped her lips as she spiraled back down to reality, knowing the time had come for the most painful, crucial part.
Buck knelt between her legs, sitting up on his haunches. His own body was visibly aroused, seeming to burn, a scorching heat smothered him, and tiny beads of sweat appeared on his sun-kissed flesh. He’d waited as long as possible, then he stood and all but tore the clothing from his body, watching her face for signs of fear. What he saw, instead, was nervous anxiety.
Louise had waited a long time to finally be with Buck, yet, she worried that he wouldn’t be pleased with her. She remained untouched up until now and the sight of his enlarged member was frightening to her. It was massive, long and thick. The width of it alone would surely tear her apart!
His eyes locked with hers and he knew that she feared him, feared the suffering that was inevitable. He came to her and covered her with kisses, attempting to kiss that worried frown away. He lay above her, poised, ready to enter her as no man had ever done.
"Louise, I know you’ve never felt love this way," he spoke in a hushed tone, relaying her own fear, "And I’ve only done this once. I’ll try not to hurt you but…I’m afraid there’s no other way. If you want me to stop…"
"No, Buck, I want you to love me."
He felt the tears falling into her hair as she steeled herself, only heightening her terror.
"Trust me, Lou?"
"I do."
Louise bit her lip in anguish until she tasted blood as she felt the searing, white-hot knife tear into her insides. She was sure that she’d been ripped to shreds. The foreign object pierced her deeply and she writhed underneath him, an attempt to free her from being cruelly impaled. A sob tore from her lips and Buck leaned down, propped up on one elbow, careful not to move in even the slightest. He stayed as he was until she adjusted to his invasion.
Buck forced himself to look away as his own tears threatened to spill over his dark lashes. The thought that he’d been the one to actually receive her precious gift made him proud. The fact that no other man had lain a hand on her in that fashion made him even prouder that she now belonged with him, not to him. As he passed the barrier of her innocence, he could scarcely hold on to his self-control. The silken, velvety folds stroked him only once, yet caressed him to the breaking point of madness. He bit the inside of his mouth…hard!
Louise had grown accustomed to his body intimately pressed into hers, his body actually being inside her own. She wanted more! Buck had begun to thrust gently, gradually diminishing the aching pain and replacing it with a driving need to seek release, yet not knowing why. Her entire being craved him, urged him to delve still deeper. Her hands dug into his hips, grinding their feverish bodies together, as if to melt him into her. Their frantic heartbeats meshed, became one, their animalistic sounds echoed around them.
Buck moved within her, matching her movements with his, moving quicker, feeling the glorious insanity of his impassioned desire for her. He cupped her chin in his palm, forcing Louise to look at him, to see what lay buried deep within his heart. So much he wanted to give her, things he needed to say to her. Her hot, sweet breath puffed over his neck, heating his blood until he felt is sizzle in his veins. Her eyelids were heavy with newly awakened desire. Her large, brown eyes captivated him with their depths, held him prisoner from now until the final end of time.
A warmth as golden as honey spread through her limbs like wildfire, her soul escaping her body to float up, higher, reaching a place she’d never traveled. She exploded within, soaring higher to the highest peak or her new revelation. She cried Buck’s name aloud and clung to him, absorbing every last quiver of her being, relishing the remnants of the last shivers.
In all of his life, no one had ever prepared Buck for the feelings this woman, only this one woman, could elicit from his soul…it rocked him to the core! He felt her release, felt her wrap around him from inside, contracting, embracing him. He’d never known, or would know, anything like this again with anyone but Louise McCloud.
Louise watched, amazed, as Buck’s hair fell forward, scraping against her cheek, tickling her, his features tightening. His hard, male body quickened, pumping into her with a vengeance. He didn’t want this to end, yet, his body ached for release, refusing to wait any longer. His head shot up, fell back, swirling his ebony hair all around his shoulders as he called her name aloud as well. He erupted, twisting, his climax earth-shattering, unleashing a part of his mortal heart, his soul’s essence spilled into her, shuddering over and again. The blinding burst of indescribable pleasure was sharp, unlike any he’d ever known.
Buck collapsed next to Lou on the hay, arms wrapped tightly about her, holding close. His breath exhaled weakly from his chest.
"Buck?"
He faced her, a strange, new look in his eyes, smiling at her unsteadily, curious about her feelings now that they had done this at last.
"Are you sorry?" he asked, afraid of her answer.
Louise smiled, stretched and giggled, laying her head on his chest. Another giggle erupted loudly into the silence.
"The rain stopped," he mumbled, tousling her hair, "Don’t ya think we’ll get caught out here like this? You didn’t want Teaspoon to know you’re a woman, he might find out today."
"Sh!" she said, raising a hand, her ear still at his chest.
"What is it, Lou…Louise?"
She sat up, unashamed that they were both naked for the second time. A serious, worried expression crossed her face, causing Buck to sit up also.
"It’s…your heart, Buck, has it always been like that?"
He laughed, feeling guilty that he’d forgotten to tell her that his heart raged out of control at any given moment that he thought of her. And, now, it was really in a fit.
"It’s all right, it’s what we call the savage heart."
"Savage heart?" she questioned, not understanding his meaning, "But, why?"
"We have a saying among my people, that a man or woman has never experienced true love until they feel the beat of a savage heart. It’s a gift from what the Kiowa call the Great Spirit."
Lou nodded, smiled at Buck and thought more about this ‘savage heart’ stuff. What the hell kind of a saying was that? She’d never heard of it before but she didn’t know much about the Kiowa, either. Just then, something Buck had said stole her breath.
"What…Buck?"
He stroked her hair, enjoying the realization that washed over her face. He knew it and so did she.
"All right, then, say it if you mean it," she quipped, instantly back to her intolerant behavior, "Quit foolin’ around and say it, or are you too chicken? You always come up with the most strange and unusual…"
Buck knew that it would be now or never.
"I love you, Louise."
Her eyes widened, her own heart stopped beating for a second, then, returned to twice the normal rhythm. Maybe Buck had been right about the savage heart, but it sure seemed to be contagious because Lou believed she’d caught it.
"I love you, too, Buck."
Buck was surprised at her sudden impulse to hug him fiercely. He returned her affection, followed by a loving kiss and, this time, he made love to her savagely, roughly. Louise encouraged him or he would’ve taken her slowly, gently as he had the first time.
It was purely animalistic, his desire for her, yet, it was a love he would cherish for life. Buck pumped furiously into her, urged by her cries of passion and fever. All too soon, his seed spread hotly through her once again, at the exact moment Louise came to a shattering halt.
Buck stroked her hair as Louise slept peacefully. By now, all the other riders had bedded down for the night and so would he and Lou. They would remain undisturbed until morning came. Buck realized then that he loved Louise. Loved her now and would always love her, even if she later decided that she didn’t want to be with him. He had let Brianna go because of his Kiowa heritage, knowing she couldn’t face the hardships that would have befallen them both. But, Louise was different. She’d been dealt many blows in her own life and supposedly bounced back from them, all the stronger for it. Buck knew that she was able to withstand the cruel taunts and deeds of others that would disapprove of their union. He fell asleep, knowing that she was his, forever, until the last dying breath of life in his body. Death, and only death, would keep Buck from his beloved Louise.
THE END
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