September.....I think.....God help me....I have no idea what has happened other than I am sure that I am back in my own time.!!! I don't know what else to do but try to write down what I am sure of and try to make some sense of it all. I am wet and cold, but thank God I packed that travel pack. I do have a fire and, Nell, bless her heart is here, too, so I am not totally alone. ALONE.......I cannot think of THAT right now. First I must get dry. and warm and I might as well write while that is happening.

I have to try to think what has gone wrong!!! I woke soaking wet beside this river, with Nell puffing in my ear. I am sure it is the same river, but much smaller .... hence the assumption that I am back in my own time. All I can really remember , is thinking I saw something in the water, and as I urged Nell closer to look she seemed to slip and before I knew it we were in the flooded river and I was grabbing for her tail as she was swept by me. I remember hearing someone scream, but whether it was me or one of the others, I have no idea. Now here I am beside this river and have to assume that I have fallen through another time window. I pray that it is my own time and that I am not lost somewhere. Oh Lord.......I cannot think of Rennie. I am not up to that yet. Just get the facts down and think about him later.

September.....Next day.......Ok I have a camp of sorts and a bit of food......thank goodness for the lessons. I have dragged poor Nell up and down the river looking for the smallest sign of the window but have found absolutely nothing. I don't know if I should wait for Rennie to find me or what to do. I don't think there are towns nearby or surely I would have heard something or seen someone. I feel a great numbness inside and must concentrate on making myself comfortable or the other thoughts will be more than I can bear.

September 20........I have found out the date, told some lies and tried to make some plans. Just after noon I heard the roar of a motor and into the little clearing came two young lads on an ATV. They were most amazed to see me and the camp and I told them that it was an initiation for an outdoors club that I was joining. Well the explanation passed and they told me the date and how far I am from the nearest town. Yes, it is my own time and I am within two days travel from home. The plans are a little confused.......do I stay and wait or do I go home? I wonder why this window opened here and not closer to Toronto where I fell into the river.Perhaps this is the same river, but a different area of it. Does that mean that only I am able to use this particulat window? If so, then I may as well go and get on with what is left of my life. It will be so terribly lonely without Rennie not to mention any of the others. I cannot seem to even cry about it......perhaps just as well as then I would be a complete mess.

September 24.......I don't suppose there is much point in keeping this up. I am back in my house and Nell has gone back to the farm. Mr Jamieson was glad to see that I had taken good care of her and I told him that she had scratched her back on a tree limb, which was true. He didn't ask too many questions, and for that I was very glad.

I called all the people I needed to. Tony was glad to have me back and wondered if I wanted him to come home, but there is nothing he can do. Jill cried and so did I, and she is coming for the weekend. I can tell her all about it and have her develop the pictures I took. I can't very well take them to a regular developing studio. Then I will put them away, for I can't bear to look at them now.

I have the ring Rennie gave me that night we joined the band, and the pictures and that is all I have left of this wonderful summer. The journal, of course and the memories it brings, and that will have to see me through. I can't help wondering if Rennie will try to find me......or if he even can. Josephina's prediction was true after all. I had to come back and it was no choice of mine. What about the other part, though, about Rennie coming with me...........

September 27......I have gone back to work and managed to field the questions about my "holiday". No ... I don't have the pictures back yet. Yes ... I had a lovely time. Yes ... I met interesting people. Yes ... one in particular. No .... I probably won't see him again.....he lives too far away.

I've been out to the farm to visit with Nell. Mr. Jamieson says she can board there as long as I want, but he hopes that I will visit often because she seems lonely. Well...she's certainly not the only one in that boat. I have an idea that Mr. Jamieson would be someone who understands all the things that have happened, but I cannot bring myself to talk about it just yet. Even my close friends at work know there are things that I have not told them about my summer.

October 14.......I went to visit Jill for the weekend and had the first look at the photos. They are pretty interesting......especially the ones of the kids. My class. I wonder how they are getting along. I wonder if Hanna and Rosie are managing to keep up the lessons. I wonder if Jemmie was ever found. I just wonder........ There are very few of Rennie and only one of us together that Jemmie took for me. Well one is enough, and though it is painful to look at it I could not bear to have nothing at all. Jill is interested in them for the historical value as well as the things they depict. Things that have vanished from our lives now. The way of living and some few pictures of Ottawa as it was then.

I have been spending time with Nell too, and she seems very happy to see me at each visit. Mr. Jamieson says she spends a lot of time just looking into the distance. I know how she feels. She must be missing Ranger as much as I miss Rennie.

October 25......I've been waiting for Rennie to show up and of course I realize that isn't going to happen. The thought occurred to me that he would be very unlikely to find me at any rate. I don't think he even knows my real name, since he has only ever called me Blossom. Sometimes I wake in the night, certain that he is near, and it always leaves such an empty feeling. I am not even certain why I keep the jounal up. Maybe just to feel close to the whole thing again and to make sure that it was not some kind of long dream.

October 31.......Hallowe'en night. I hate this night......always have. Little kids going to doors of strangers for candy. As a child I hated doing that, especially if they wanted us to sing or do something stupid before handing over the candy. These days it isn't even safe, what with bullies and perverts and people who put harmful things in the treats. I always make up little bags and put in a note with my name and a " Happy and Safe Hallowe'en" wish so the Moms and Dads will know there are still good people out there. Every year I say I will go out for the night , but always end up answering the door a hundred times.

With all the interruptions, there is no point in starting anything that takes concentration. I might as well wrap up this journal and put it away. There's not much point in dragging out the agony by reading it over, and I tend to do that since I have left it out. I can hear another group coming...... this is the last of the candy bags, so I can turn out the lights and call it a night. The candle in the window? Maybe it wouldn't hurt to leave it for a bit longer............

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