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Rating: G
Setting: post-A Prefect Murder
Spoilers: Through A Prefect Murder
Summary: Somewhere in Tormented Space -- John and Aeryn get an answer that helps ease a little of their pain.
The medic is ex-PK. She sees that instantly, even as she sees in his eyes that he's made the same assessment of her. That's good. She won't have to explain the stasis pregnancy to him.
She doesn't ask him how he ended up in this place, and he doesn't ask her. They understand each other.
John stands quietly at her side. She wishes she knew what he was thinking, he's been so quiet, but she hasn't said much, either. They need to know about the baby before there's anything to say.
She takes a breath and begins. "I'm pregnant. Not sure when it happened. I need a DNA scan."
The medic looks at John, who now is trying to pretend he's not here, and says, "Is this the father?"
She says, "Possibly," and knows instantly it was the wrong thing to say. She feels John close off, if it's possible to feel someone's emotions when you aren't even looking at them. Frell. It's just the truth. It doesn't mean she doesn't want desperately for him to be the father.
The medic shrugs and says, "Well, let's confirm the pregnancy first." He looks at John, gestures around his cramped office, and says, "You can wait here."
"No," she says sharply, startling both the medic and John. "He comes with me."
Shrugging, the medic says, "Suit yourself. This way."
She realizes belatedly that the man was giving her the chance to tell him things she might not want John to hear. She smiles faintly, following him into an even more cramped examination room. No secrets, not about the baby. No matter what.
John is relegated to a chair in the corner of the room, just barely out of the way as the medic edges around the examination table to retrieve several worn-looking scanners from a cupboard and run a basic diagnostic to be sure they are in working order.
Lying on the table, she can't help contrasting the shabby surroundings with the gleaming medical facilities on the command carrier. She wishes she'd had the baby tested then, but she'd been too stunned to even think about that when they told her, and then there'd been no time. And after that, after she left Moya....she shies away from those thoughts.
She flicks a glance at John.
He is...uncomfortable, staring through her, she thinks. He sniffs absently, and rubs a hand across his nose.
She frowns, but the medic is ready. He steps between her and John, runs a scanner over her abdomen. She picks up the faintest of sighs from him, and looks at the man in alarm.
"You didn't tell me it was a stasis pregnancy," he says to her, reproach in his voice.
Is that all that's bothering him? Her heart stops racing. "I'm sorry, does it matter?"
He shakes his head, steps back so he can see John and John can see Aeryn before he speaks. "You are pregnant. The stasis appears intact, the fetus appears to be in perfect hibernation."
John rouses himself to speak. "That's good, right?"
She looks away so he won't see the tears in her eyes.
The medic smiles, watching them.
She gets the sense that they have passed a test.
The man looks to John and confirms, "It means the baby is healthy, yes."
"But," Aeryn prompts, when John doesn't say anything.
"But, I don't have the facilities they have in the Peacekeepers. Unless I release the fetus to grow, I can't do a DNA test." He waits for a moment for them to absorb that, then continues. "And I get the sense that you're not ready to do that..." He looks back and forth between them.
Aeryn looks at John, and for once since her return, there is perfect communication between them. "No," she whispers to the medic. "We're not."
She is dismayed. She *has* to have an answer, she can't let this wait any longer. She's waited too long as it is. *John* has to have an answer. She thinks furiously, then asks, "Can you tell when it happened? How long ago?"
"What's the point of that?" John asks harshly, drawing her eyes to him.
"If it's any time since I left the Peacekeepers, it can only be you," she tells him, exasperated. That's the only thing that matters to her. It's John's, or it isn't.
He blinks. The tiniest bit of hope appears in his eyes.
Frell. What has John been thinking? Crais? Stark? Rygel? "You know that," she tells him, more gently than she'd intended.
He wrinkles up his face in an attempt to hide the tears that have appeared in his eyes, and chews on his lower lip.
The silence stretches, and the medic clears his throat. She looks over at him, and he tells her, "I can come close. Within a few monens, perhaps."
It will have to do. She hopes it will be close enough. "Fine," she tells him, without looking at John. "Let's do it."
She prays to Zhaan's goddess that it happened on Talyn.
The medic pulls one more scanner out of the cupboard, and begins a series of scans. She lies quietly, tries not to move, tries not to think, tries not to hope. She is reminded that John can't see anything when he clears his throat and asks, "So, what are you doing to her?"
Without turning around, the ex-PK medic tells him, "Making basic measurements of the whole uterine lining, how thick it is, how deeply the fetus is implanted, what the cells surrounding the baby look like. It will help me estimate how long the fetus has been there."
John says "Okay." She can picture him nodding.
After a little while where things proceed in silence, the medic grunts, and she knows he's finished. He steps back again, so his patient and the man who might be her baby's father can see each other while he delivers news that might or might not be good.
Aeryn's eyes are on John while the verdict is delivered. John is watching the medic.
"I can't be precise," the man hedges, and Aeryn wants to scream. Perhaps he sees the tension in her body. He hurries on. "But I would say, from the measurements I've taken, that conception took place between two and a half and three cycles ago."
She's stunned, because it's not what she expected, but she is giddy with relief -- until she sees the look of pain on John's face. He is staring at the medic without blinking, fists clenched tight. He doesn't understand.
"You idiot!" she exclaims, and bursts into tears.
He looks at her, still hurt, perplexed now, opening and closing his fists. After a moment where he struggles with some inner burden, he takes a deep breath and says, "Okay. I'm an idiot. Explain it to me."
"Earth," she whispers fiercely. "The Ancients."
It is his turn to be stunned. "Oh, God, Aeryn, I'm sorry!" He looks away for a moment, at the ceiling, then back again. "I just thought....Talyn....I didn't think....Oh my God...."
The medic clears his throat, and they pay him just enough attention to hear him say, "I'll be in my office if you have any questions." He leaves the tiny room, closing the door behind him.
When he's gone, Aeryn swings her legs over the edge of the examination table and sits up. John gets out of his chair and takes two steps, to stand in front of her.
He reaches for her face, wipes a thumb down each cheek to remove the tears, then drops his hands to his side again.
They look at each other, blinking.
Finally Aeryn ventures, "Well, it appears it's truly our child, yours and mine."
John leans towards her, and she's afraid he's going to kiss her, but he doesn't. Instead, he leans his forehead into hers, and she wants to cry again.
They stay that way for many microts, drawing strength from one another as they used to. Then John takes a deep breath and straightens up.
She watches his face carefully as he indicates the whole situation, the shabby clinic, the renegade medic, by nodding around the tiny room.
"Thank you," he whispers to her.
She bites her lip. "I needed to know as much as you did."
He nods.
"I hope..." she breaks off, looking at him.
"You hope what?" he asks gently.
"I hope it's a start," she says. "I know there's a lot more between us, but...I hope this is a start."
John takes a deep breath.
She sees the internal struggle again, and she waits.
At last, he nods, briefly. He scrunches his face up again, then says, "We should get back to Moya."
"Right," she tells him, taking a deep breath and getting off the table. She pulls open the door, and says recklessly, "There are some things I want to tell you if you want to hear them. On the flight back." Things she'd meant to tell him when she first got back, things that didn't have any promises to hold them back.
"That would be nice," he says, and heads out the door.
He can't see her, doesn't see the look of relief and hope on her face. She covers it up quickly, in case he should turn around, and calls to him, "I'll just tell the medic we're on our way, all right?"
His step falters briefly, and he tells her, "Yes. We're on our way."
