Return to Dad's Worst Nightmares
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Disclaimer: Farscape belongs to Jim Henson Company. TPTB belong to themselves.
Writer’s note: This is meant to be funny. I in no way mean any disrespect to any of the Farscape cast and crew. Think of it as therapy fic for all the ‘Worst that can happen’
Category: Humor
In room, with four people sitting at a table. David Kemper is at the head of the table, with books and paper pulled up in front of him. Just to his left is Lani Tupu, Claudia Black is a little further down and Ben Brower is at the other end of the table, facing Kemper. Ben, Claudia and Lani all have single sheets of paper in front of them as well as dice.
Kemper: "Good were all here, now as you remember from last time your characters had just broken into the new Gammak Base."
Claudia: "About time, I was getting tired of wondering around, its time to kick butt and take names."
Kemper: "Not so fast, before you go any way I need to know your marching order."
Lani: "Crais is the leader of this group so he should go first."
Ben: "What are you talking about? Every one knows that Crichton is the hero."
They start to squabble over who goes first.
Claudia: **rolling her eyes** They do this every time.
Kemper: **tosses a six sided dice** "Okay looks like Crais is in the lead."
Lani: **smirks**
Ben: **glowers**
Claudia: "Aeryn will take act as rear guard."
Ben: "Once again I’m stuck in the middle."
Kemper: **clears his throat for attention** "As I was saying. You are walking down a hallway when a Tech walks forward. He stops and demands to know who you three are what you are doing in a restricted area."
Lani: Crais draws his pulse pistol and fires. **rolls a d 20** "Uh oh."
**the number on the dice is a one.**
Lani: "I fumbled."
Ben: "You have the worst luck I have ever seen."
Kemper: **rolls some dice** "The gun explodes in your hand.
Take five points of damage."
Lani: **just mutters under his breath, then marks it down on his sheet**
Kemper: "Alright the Tech jumps on Crais" **rolls his own d20 three times** "Wow three natural 20’s. Looks like the Tech decapitates Crais with his welding tool."
Ben: **roars with laughter**
Claudia:** Just smirks.**
Lani: **sobbing** "Why me?"
Claudia: "Looks like Aeryn will have to save the day again." **rolls, her dice are also
three natural 20s**
Kemper: "The Tech falls dead. Good job Claudia."
Ben: *to Lani** "Don’t worry, Crichton and Aeryn will avenge the death of Crais."
Lani: **still sobbing** "Don’t talk to me. Just leave me alone."
A few hours later, once John and Aeryn reach Scorpius. Lani is still sobbing about Crais getting killed. Ben and Claudia now have Scorpius cornered.
Ben: John draws Wynona and opens fire. **rolls a crit** "Hoody hoo! I got him!"
Kemper: **also rolls some dice** "Not so fast Ben just as John opens fire, Scorpius grabs Aeryn and uses her as a shield." **rolls for damage** "The blast from the weapon tears into her torso. Aeryn is dead before she even hits the ground."
Claudia: **her eyes narrow and she begins to breath heavily in anger**
Kemper: "Now because John has killed the woman he loved all that he can do is kneel at her side. Since he is unprotected Scorpios easily snaps John’s neck like a twig."
Ben: ** is also infuriated.** "What are you talking about! You can’t just kill us off!!"
Kemper: "I can to. I am the GM as well as the Executive producer. Deal with it. As I was saying, Scorpius stands over the dead bodies of John and Aeryn for a few moments. Then another person walks in. It turns out to be Stark, he and Scorpius discuss how easy it was to fool all of you into....Now guys stop looking at me like that."
Ben and Claudia both have looks of pure rage on their faces. Lani has also gotten over his sobbing fit. Thy all move towards Kemper.
Kemper: **nervously** "Now don’t do anything brash, remember I’m your boss. You can’t just go and tie me up.."
Next scene:
Kemper is hanging upside down from the ceiling. He has been tied up in rope and has been blind folded and gagged.
Kemper: **thinking** 'I can‘t believe they tied me up. Next time I let Justin GM for the last episode of a season.'
