Disclaimer and apologies: They’re not mine, I don’t own ‘em, just please let me use your characters for a little while and I promise to return them as well as they began this ficlet.
My most humble apologies to fans of Red Dwarf. I don’t hear those characters as well as the Farscape characters, so I’m sure to mess them up. Forgive me please. Thanks in advance.
The crew on Red Dwarf had a little accident, They were hurtling through a froomium induced time-warp distortion in their bug. They managed to get into the bug just as Red Dwarf decided to belch all foreign matter into space.
“Who’s the smeg head that caused this?” Lister glared at Rimmer. Rimmer was usually to blame, so Lister decided to start with the obvious.
“Piss off, I didn’t do anything this time. There you go always blaming me. It wasn’t me.” Arnold Rimmer stepped back, pouted and crossed his arms across his chest.
“He’s right sir. I was adjusting the paddle after our last triplication attempt. I know there is a use for this.” Kryten kept flipping the paddle over and back as he deflected Lister’s accusation.
“Alert, alert. We are approaching a (pause) whale.” Holly didn’t know quite how to phrase the information she was processing.
“What do you mean a whale? We’re in space!” Lister said.
“What would you call it? We’re hurtling towards it now.” Holly said.
“Arrgghhh” They all said.
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“Commander Crichton, there’s a-a thing about to crash into Moya.” Pilot was panicking. This thing appeared out of nowhere.
“Catch them in the docking web before they can do any damage.” Both Crichtons spoke simultaneously.
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Aeryn, D’Argo, John, and John stood, pulse rifles ready, facing the bug. They could hear arguing from behind the door, but the door remained shut. Finally, after a lot of scuffling, the door flew open and a medium built man in a reddish tunic stumbled out. There was an H pasted on his forehead. “Iiieeee – don’t shoot!” The rest fell out of the bug when they heard Rimmer scream.
“Perhaps I can ascertain where we are, sir.” Rygel and Stark entered the docking bay as Kryten spoke. “My name is Kryten, this is Lister, Rimmer, and Cat” Kryten pointed to Red Dwarf’s crew as he introduced himself.
“Great, now there are three Crichton’s.” D’Argo said.
Cat nearly swooned when he laid eyes on D’Argo, and his voice clinched it. “Hey man, where’d you get those clothes? I love your boots. Where can I get those togs. They’re georgeous. Finally, someone with fashion sense.” Cat was all over D’Argo. D’Argo had enough and zapped him with his tongue.
“Man, where’d you get a tongue like that?” David Lister really wanted to know. He’d love to have one. “Where are we?”
One of the Crichtons spoke, “You are on Moya, a ship, a living ship. You were thrown through a froomium induced time-warp distortion, we caught you in our docking web.” The other Crichton finished.
“Smeg, I’m seeing and hearing double.” Lister said.
“Yeah, you got that right. I, we, got twinned. Now we don’t know how to get together.” Both Crichtons grumped.
“Oh sir, I think I may have a solution, and one that will get us back to our place and time in the Universe. You see this paddle. I was using it to triplicate, and then reform the original. Triplication had some flaws. I think if I twist this, and then turn that, then when you push this orange button it will fling us back to where we belong, and reunite the two of you to the one.” Kryten said.
“We’ll do it!” Both Crichtons said desparately.
“Both of you hold a paddle and after we are in or ship, push this button together. Don’t let go!” Kryten said.
The Red Dwarf crew immediately got into the bug and closed the doors. Crichton and Crichton held onto the paddles and pushed the button simultaneously.
There was much flashing of lights, warping of features, and general scifi type wuzzyness, a loud bang and the bug disappeared and John became one again.
Okay, I know it’s lame. But I had fun writing it, and this idea came to me after watching Red Dwarf Sunday night where Kryten (pronounced Crichton) was triplicating strawberries, and then the Red Dwarf.
