Ah, back in my still neat and orderly apartment (Jack and (Up)Chuck have been nowhere near here in months!). I catch up on tons of mail, throwing out the postcard to Mulroy that was returned as undeliverable; erase all of the answering machine messages from Andre le Couer ((Up)Chuck’s gay detective admirer) and my cronies at the Louvre; check on the plants; and leave a message for Inspector Clusine telling him that I’m back and Jack says ‘hey.’
As I am enjoying a rare quiet evening at home, my internal proximity alarm goes off (that’s my sixth sense that tells me when one of my crackerjack team members is close by). I break out in a cold sweat, and am relieved when Karin calls me and tells me that the team is in Germany. Phew, that was close! Anyway, she is concerned about her ability to accurately report the team’s escapades. Happy to do this from afar, I tell her to give me regular updates and I will take care of it for her.
After some initial confusion as to where in Germany they are supposed to meet, the team ends up in Bonn. The team consists of Annalee "I want a transfer" Knight, the abdominally challenged (Up)Chuck, Karin "that word is not in my English slang to German dictionary", and MacKenzie "the girl who beat me up was really big" Daniels.
Annalee is in a foul mood because Lufthansa has lost her luggage. She makes some irate phone calls to follow up on the mountain of paperwork she filled out to fix the this-never-happens situation.
Operative Dante tell the team that the mission involves ‘removing’ some numbered specimens from a cold storage facility at a place called Struob Lab for our client, GenCorp Genetics. They will not have plans for the lab for another three days, but the team tries to put together a wish list of items they think they’ll need anyway: the standard issue drop cloth and duct tape, electronic lock picks, a company car, a van, weapons (although (Up)Chuck edited MacKenzie’s request for an MP3 to an MP5) and a flame thrower, although nobody seems sure why they need one. Annalee asks Dante for the status on her transfer.
The team heads off in the snow to the hotel where they will be staying. Along the way, they stop for some refreshment at a restaurant recommended by Karin for its great food, atmosphere and acceptance of loud out-of-tune singing. Karin demonstrates her bier-trinken skills and joins in the singing of a ditty about a Bavarian farm girl. MacKenzie uses his (slowly) developing German skills to join in with a chorus about his swollen lance (Karin opts not to correct Mac’s German). (Up)Chuck goes out into the snowy evening to breathe fresh air, enjoy the silence and sit on a wet park bench to read a soggy English language newspaper.
I chuckle as I sit in my warm sweats and heated, dry apartment.
Eventually, the team decides they’ve had enough merriment for one evening, and they drag Karin out to the car. Annalee drives the car with Karin providing questionable directions to their hotel, and (Up)Chuck follows in the van with MacKenzie. Annalee has a close encounter with a road median on the icy roads, but the close following (Up)Chuck is able to avoid doing further insult to the already damaged company car. Karin politely translates the insults hurled at them by passing German motorists.
I sigh and take a sip of my martiki.
The group eventually checks into their hotel. Karin falls into bed; Annalee and (Up)Chuck make plans to go running in the morning (for which Annalee borrows clothing from MacKenzie, who thinks this may indicate that he should be the subject of Louie le Couer’s affection instead of (Up)Chuck; Annalee makes more threatening phone calls to Lufthansa; and MacKenzie goes on-line to find out more information about Struob Labs and GenCorp Genetics.
The next morning, Annalee, clad in MacKenzie’s clothing, and (Up)Chuck go running in the fresh snow. They return to the hotel and wake up the sleeping MacKenzie and Karin. The team heads to the next hotel, conveniently located in a town near Struob Lab. After checking in, they go out to do some recon on the lab. They find that the lab is located in hilly and hostile terrain, surrounded on the non-hilly sides by a fence and has canine patrols. There are quite a few cars in the parking lot, but none have been cleared of snow (odd because it is Sunday), nor are there any tire tracks on the access road, although the parking lot has been plowed.
Annalee and (Up)Chuck decide to check out the hilly side of the property for possible entry. Annalee climbs the rocks and slips and falls on (Up)Chuck, who escapes injury. She then deftly scales the hillside but slips again - doing her best imitation of Jack climbing a Chilean cliff - and falls on (Up)Chuck, who once again avoids serious injury. (Up)Chuck then attempts to climb the hill, only to fall on Annalee, who also manages to escape injury from the falling (Up)Chuck, who failed Snow Angels 101, and falls face first in the snow. Karin is trying to tell MacKenzie that the dynamic duo is re-enacting a Three Stooges episode, but he is busy blowing dust bunnies off of his precious camera lens.
Dripping wet and cold, (Up)Chuck and Annalee return to the van, and the group returns to the hotel for some nourishment and dry clothing.
Dinner that evening is uneventful, as Karin is suffering from a scratchy throat from the previous evening’s song and beer. Mackenzie shares what he learned from his Internet research: the CEO of Struob Labs is a very well preserved 87 year old Donald Sutherland look alike named Adam Schubert with a past history questionable genetic research. Schubert worked in Chicago for a time with another slimy geneticist named Johannes Schmidt, whose history includes killing a pedestrian in the Windy City. Both men disappeared for a few years and reemerged at about the same time in Germany. The owner of GenCorp Genetics, Max von Hausmann, is also well preserved for his age and known for working on cattle genetics. Taking Mackenzie’s information and their thoughts of Dolly the sheep (personally, I would have cloned a llama and called it the Dolly Llama …), the team goes to bed.
The next day is unseasonably warm, causing the snow to melt and create a nice layer of water that will freeze so a there will be a nice layer of ice underneath the heavy snowfall that is expected to begin falling that evening. (Up)Chuck and Annalee go for their morning run as the sleepy German town heads off to work. While MacKenzie and Karin finish getting their beauty rest, (Up)Chuck and Annalee visit the local surplus store so Annalee can replace her missing wardrobe with army boats, warm clothing and a knife (if you knew Annalee that wouldn’t strike you as odd).
When they return to the hotel, Karin is in the dining room having coffee and strudel and MacKenzie is in his warm room. While the team is having breakfast, Mackenzie spots a man opening the back of their van and putting something inside. Since Annalee forgot to mention to the overprotective protector person that they were expecting the arrival of their goodies, (Up)Chuck charges outside to assault the delivery guy. Annalee has to run outside to prevent (Up)Chuck from doing further damage from being done to the miserable messenger.
Once again, the team heads out to check out the scene at the lab. Surprisingly, they find fewer cars than there were on Sunday. Mackenzie takes some pictures and the group returns to town. Deciding that some mountain climbing equipment might benefit the team, (Up)Chuck goes to purchase some supplies with Annalee, while Mackenzie buys some developing equipment and Karin reinforces her winter wardrobe with some thermals and warm boots.
I snuggle into my Bonnie Prince Charlie slippers.
Karin calls Miss Maddox to ask where the plans for the lab are. Miss Maddox tells her that three days have not yet passed, and Karin’s analogy to Christ rising on the third day (which in reality was only approximately 36 hours later) does not impress the impassive Miss Maddox, who says that the plans won’t arrive until tomorrow.
Mackenzie’s infrared photos have revealed several ‘hot’ windows in the lab, and he and Karin return that evening to get some more pictures. The pair returns to the hotel and MacKenzie heads to his room to develop his film, while Karin heads to the bar to develop her interpersonal skills with a handsome chap named Hans.
Annalee’s cell phone (which is not made by Electro-shock Corp. (the company that manufactured mine) rings and she answers it. Dante wants to know why (Up)Chuck attacked the delivery person and Annalee wants to know the status of her transfer.
(Up)Chuck and Annalee return to the hotel only to find Karin engaged in heavy negotiations with Hans. (Up)Chuck, who is convinced that Hans is armed, pulls his I-am-a-protector-of-all-fair-maidens routine, which Annalee refers to as his scary-ex-husband-jealous routine, and approaches the involved pair. Karin tells him she is fine and returns to her carnal negotiations.
Mackenzie brings his photos down to the dining room to show (Up)Chuck and Annalee his new find: three thermal human shaped images in the craggy hills behind Struob Labs. Annalee’s military experience tells her that there are likely more than just those three hill dwellers.
The bar tender makes an announcement that the snowstorm has arrived ahead of schedule and anyone who is expecting to drive that evening should get on the road. Annalee goes to Karin to ask for a translation and is fairly convinced that Hans is unarmed (beyond the two muscled appendages attached to his broad shoulders that Karin intends to make good use of). Karin convinces Hans to avoid risking the treacherous roads and spend the evening in her room. They head upstairs and Annalee prevents (Up)Chuck from following the pair.
I look out the window at the cold, but sunny, winter Parisian day and smile.
As the snow falls outside, the team snuggles into their warm beds with visions of … stuff … dancing in their heads: Annalee dreams of strangling the Lufthansa baggage employees with lost luggage forms; Mackenzie dreams of receiving a Pulitzer Prize for his in-depth exposé on German genetic engineering and human experimentation; (Up)Chuck is saving girls around the world from well-built German men named Hans; and Karin is dreaming of an unprecedented snowfall that would trap her in her hotel room with the hapless Hans for days.
I take a last sip of my martiki, remove my Bonnie Prince Charlie slippers and go to bed.