Well, I waited for Karin to call with a second report, but she never did. So I called her, but all she kept saying was Hans or hands, or maybe it was Hans’s hands. At any rate, I was afraid that any report fashioned from Karin’s less than eloquent words would end up sounding like a bad love scene from a trashy romance, instead of my usual professional and unbiased reporting, so I decided to leave her to her Deutsche diplomacy and gave up. Then I came across an article written by none other than Mackenzie Daniels, who is cleverly disguising himself as Mike Dallas, reporter … or maybe he’s really posing as Mackenzie Daniels, spy, and couldn’t resist writing part two.
Reporter Mike grabs his audience with an introduction heralding the arrival of a new force of genetically engineered Nazi cows. I couldn’t help but wonder if those cows were infected with Mad Cow Disease, a fact that would surely make it the perfect mission for this team.
He was very careful to change the names of the team members to protect their privacy. He changed Karin to "Karin" (a clever tactic that would probably only work on a pattern matching computer program), (Up)Chuck to Chuck and Annalee to Ann. Yeah, nobody will ever connect Karin, Annalee and a man who turns green and pukes at the mere mention of hospitals, rolling seas or Sheila’s Scottish Surprise with this team.
Anyway, while Karin and Hans are sharing … experiences, the rest of the team learns that Hans is a courier. (Up)Chuck, possibly due to his newfound dislike of couriers, goes outside to do injury to the courier’s vehicle. The stunned (Up)Chuck, realizing that he has neither shuriken, nor dumbbell (not to mention a deplorable lack of duct tape), must use some other means to gain entry into the truck. He uses the butt of his gun to break the window. After finding nothing in the cab of the truck, he uses the other end (of the gun) to get into the cargo compartment. I should note that I found this part of the article to be (most probably) accurate, except (after hearing Karin recount the lyrics he (Mackenzie) was singing in the bar) for the part where he compares (Up)Chuck’s lack of Germanic skill with his own superior linguistic abilities.
Then reporter Dallas meets Daniel Boone, who is (big surprise) an American. He is also in charge of security for the Neo-Nazi cow creators down at the lab. Better than that, he is smitten with Annalee and he invites Mike and Annalee to the lab the next day.
The next morning, (Up)Chuck attempts to go for his morning jog, but finds himself up a snowdrift without a shovel. While they are waiting for the snow plows to clear the roads, Annalee thrashes (Up)Chuck (at chess) - several times.
Mackenzie goes on to reveal that they have had a phone call from "Dante" (not to be confused with Dante) and he still has no word on Annalee’s transfer (this means that I will be getting yet another whiny phone call from the aforementioned operative asking if I know anything about Annalee’s transfer and between him and (Up)Chuck’s gay admirer, I now need to change my phone number). "Dante" has Ms. Maddox call Annalee to tell her that the promised information is on the way. (Up)Chuck pants at the opportunity to assault yet another courier and/or his vehicle.
According to Mackenzie, he awakens to look out the window and see (Up)Chuck making snow castles (oh please, the man failed Snow Angels 101 and he’s making a castle - what’s he going to do - set fire to the snow carpets and puke in the snow closets? Oh, read on, he has children helping him, maybe it will resemble a … Scottish keep - after one of our teams has stayed there) and Annalee (who’s never failed a course in her life) making snow angels (the right way).
Mackenzie takes pictures of the ensuing snowball fight, and of the horrified Hans as he emerges from the love nest to find his vandalized van. Mackenzie states that he hears Hans return to Karin’s room and then hears lots of cursing (of course, those German words, he knows).
As Mackenzie continues to watch the Winter Wonderland scene, a car comes skidding into a snow embankment. (Up)Chuck runs to the vehicle to perform the friendly sternum rub - I mean - first aid. (Up)Chuck, upon realizing that this is their courier, fights back the disappointment of not being the one to have damaged the vehicle and its driver. Annalee has managed, apparently through great difficulty, to contact emergency services. She then turns her attention to the courier’s bloody nose, immediately suspecting that (Up)Chuck is responsible for the courier’s condition, however, (Up)Chuck’s obvious disappointment tells her that he didn’t do it.
(Up)Chuck takes advantage of Hans’s involvement in reporting the vandalism of his vehicle to slip away unnoticed. After making sure that Karin is okay (she is, trust me), he and Annalee look over the lab floor plans in preparation for Mike and Annalee’s visit.
They go to the Alamo - I mean lab - and Daniel Boone gives them a tour. They notice fewer cars than were there previously. They also find out lots of good security information, such as the canine coverage, the layout of the lab and the security arrangements.
They visit Babe, the cow, not the pig, while they are there. Apparently, Daniel Boone has displeased a Dr. Fritz-heim-mann-en-stein, or something like that, by bringing visitors to the lab. Eventually, Dan is ordered to have Annalee and Mackenzie out of the lab in twenty minutes. Mackenzie then states that he acted impulsively - I mean quickly and decisively - in damaging his radiation badge in an attempt to stall their expulsion. He manages to give his covert camera to Annalee before doing his best Silkwood imitation while being stripped and having his skin scrubbed raw - I quote, "I, of course, endure the rigors of a chemical decontamination wash down … a task which my body easily endures." Translation - screams that loud haven’t been heard since (Up)Chuck’s up-close and (inter)personal encounter with an endoscope. Mackenzie is also slightly concerned at the fact that, while six vials of blood were drawn, only five were seen being wheeled out on the medical cart.
Eventually, Mackenzie is cleared to leave, and he and Annalee head back to town. Once again, I quote, "… our car gets a flat. I leap into action …" - so I’m wondering - did he take pictures while Annalee changed the tire?
Anyway, they return to the hotel to find (Up)Chuck talking to the mother of one of his castle architects, Hilda (which loosely translates to Bambi), who works at the local occult shop. For once, (Up)Chuck will be checking for proof of Christianity instead of age.
They all go back to the inn and find Karin warming herself by the fire, still murmuring something about Hans’s hands.