Let’s see where were we. Oh yeah, Mackenzie is working on his award winning news story, (Up)Chuck is firming up his relationship with Hilda (or maybe it’s Helga …), Paris is firming up her reputation as Smuggler Extraordinaire, Cahill is looking to firm up his reputation as the Kneecap King, Karin is trying to firm up her relationship with Hans, and I am putting the finishing touches on my recipe for German Goulash while sitting in a car with Sunglass Boy and doing surveillance on the most boring man on Earth.
Rossi and I spend two tedious days watching for signs of Schmidt. Cahill wants to know if we have his movements down yet. Yeah ummm, we’re working on it.
Jack has made an uncharacteristically quiet entrance into France. He calls me to ask if I’ll be picking him up at the airport. You know, I hate to miss an opportunity to allow him to wreck my apartment, lose my car and get me into all sorts of trouble, but no - I won’t be picking him up since I am in Germany. A disappointed Jack has to lower himself and use mass transit.
Since there was little else to do while sitting in the car, and I was tired of listening to Rossi whisper sweet nothings to his new shades, I put the radio on - just in time to hear the news report of a shoot out on a Paris ian street involving a public bus. I call Jack and tell him to put the gun down and leave the bus with his hands up, but he assures me that he is the shootee, not the shooter. Then the line goes dead.
Paris has a lovely lunch with Benny the bandit.
Cahill is in all his glory as he meets with the spooks of the world to gather information on the real identity of Ms. Maddox.
Hans and Karin follow Schubert, who is only slightly less boring than Schmidt (at least they got to go to a restaurant). On the way back from the restaurant, Shubert’s car has a blow out and he yells at his driver, saying that he has genetically engineered better men than the driver (okay, so maybe he said ‘made’).
(Up)Chuck is having the mission of his life. He has begun his training as a security guard for GenCorp., along with several other Neo-Nazi looking dudes and makes friends with everybody by excelling at his training. Not only does his understanding wife-to-be not get mad when he goes out after work every night for beer with the Aryan Nation, but she also gets up at the crack of dawn to cook him breakfast and run the shower for him. For (Up)Chuck, life has never been better!
The team meets at a small farmhouse to impart information. Cahill has a plan. We will make Hans up to look like Dead Dante, and have him antagonize (Up)Chuck in a bar (there’s a stretch), so that (Up)Chuck can kill him again (Dante, not Hans). He ((Up)Chuck, not Hans) will then call his employers and ask for their help. Cahill’s newfound police detective friend will then be ready for the fallout.
I attempt to contact Inspector Clusine for information as to Jack's whereabouts, but he has gone home for the day. Finally, months of torturing Clusine pay off! I have committed his home phone number (I'm a spy - that's how I got it) to memory. Unfortunately, his wife seems less than pleased that a woman is calling her husband and an argument ensues (between Papa and Mama Clusine, not between Clusine and me). He is thrilled (as always) to hear from me, but claims not to know where Jack is. Shortly after I hang up with Clusine, Jack calls to say ‘hey’ and tell us that he’s still alive (which we had already inferred from the ‘hey’). Cahill sends him to the hotel where Dante died and I go to pick him up.
Then next day we return to our ultra boring surveillance. Meanwhile, Cahill (who has apparently not seen the Major’s transfer request) calls Annalee and asks her to come to Geneva. After making several promises to help her in her future endeavors and give her his first-born, he gets her to agree. He also has had Ben Black fly in to help us make Hans look like Dead Dante (of course, first he has to look like Alive Dante).
Black and Jack spend the day making preparations.
Cahill and Annalee go to a cop hangout in Bern near where Ms. Maddox, aka Detective Fanelli or Faloni or something, works. As luck would have it, she is sitting at a table in the bar when Annalee arrives. The Major makes some not so discreet inquiries about Dante at the bar in an attempt to draw attention to herself. In the end, Cahill makes an anonymous phone call to Fanelli and tells her to look over her shoulder (at Annalee). Then he asks how many loose ends she is going to leave hanging around.
Fanelli heads toward the ladies’ room. Cahill follows. He opens the door and sees a shadow in the mirror that indicates that Fanelli is hiding in a stall. He tells her to come out and hears her dialing her cell phone. Cahill rolls an 05 and shoots into the stall. Fanelli drops the phone. Obviously she does not use Electro-Shock’s equipment, because she is not immediately incinerated as the phone makes contact with traces of water on the bathroom floor. She comes out, but refuses to drop her gun.
Cahill takes the opportunity to reveal his identity as the Kneecap King, but she is unimpressed. So he shoots her. A bloody Detective Fanelli then admits to being the maniacal Ms. Maddox and Cahill puts another notch in his gun.
Annalee and Cahill return to Germany for the grand finale.
Hans, disguised as Not-Yet-Dead Dante, enters the bar and begins asking everybody questions. When he gets to (Up)Chuck, he gives him a push and they struggle. We all hold our breath that (Up)Chuck (who does not seem to like Hans) will only discharge the four blanks in the gun, leaving the live ammunition unfired. (Up)Chuck gets the gun and passes his basic counting test.
(Up)Chuck’s coworkers are impressed at his shooting and he has to yell at someone to call the police, while he calls GenCorp.
Black intercepts the phone call and we all swoop in dressed as emergency services personnel.
(Up)Chuck is not terribly happy at having to subject himself to arrest and interrogation, but plays along. His employers have an attorney waiting at the police station for him. Cahill and Annalee then dress up as Interpol agents and go pick up the (now) wanted-in-Scotland (Up)Chuck, leaving the local police to deal with the rest of this mess.
A relieved team finally gets some much needed rest and has pleasant dreams: Annalee has Cahill help her get her dream job, where she is surrounded by competent coworkers, Paris is having a nice non-German meal in a five star restaurant, Rossi is driving Black’s Lotus on the Autobahn, Cahill is kneecapping genetically engineered Neo-Nazis, Karin and Hans are having passionate sex - oh wait, that part’s not a dream, Mackenzie finishes his story and wins his Pulitzer, and I find the missing ingredient to perfect my German Goulash.
Of course, not everyone had a good night’s sleep: Jack moans as he is pursued across Europe by assassins seeking the two million dollar payoff and (Up)Chuck, realizing that his dream marriage may never happen, tosses in his sleep, murmuring, ‘Diese ist eine Unverschämtheit’ (he’s been taking German lessons).
Awards
(Up)Chuck
Rossi
Cahill
Paris
Mackenzie
Karin and Hans
Jack
Sheila