Giant German genetically altered cows are being produced in a secret lab outside Berlin, Germany. This reporter, along with three other crack undercover operatives, discovered that GEN-Corp AG is conducting genetic experiments to produce a pure race of superior bovines. It may be assumed the reunited Germany may be planning an immense take over of the cattle industry. The experiments being engineered at GEN-Corp can, and should, easily be viewed as a hostile take over attempt of the vast cattle markets of the United States, England, Australia and maybe Argentina.

I will recount recent events outside Berlin to illuminate the aforementioned presumption.

Late last night a group of quality confidential reporters was dining in an old-fashioned Inn. This Inn is found just north of Berlin in an area of hard ground and leafless forests covered lightly in a recent snowfall. Afternoon television and radio reports were predicting a heavy snowfall during the overnight. With the predicted storm the team decided that remaining within our lodging was best as it boasted a small tavern with appropriate sustenance and libations.

I have had to change the names of the teams' members in order to protect them from harm. Let me introduce them to you: there is "Karin," our attractive acquisition artist. This assignment is centered around her ability to get what we need. There are two persons assigned to the team to ensure its safety. The first is "Chuck" (that is part of the name he came with - I’ll leave out the other part.). Chuck is a massive muscle man overly concerned with the damsel in distress. Then there is "Ann," she is a brainy, brawny beauty with common sense and a mean backhand. Lastly here I am, Mike Dallas, intelligently imaginative investigator integral to the team's operational success.

As the four of us dine we manage surreptitiously to scan the room for anyone who could help us with our cause. Our cause is the unveiling of possible ex-Nazis’ conducting genetic experiments on living beings. At least this is now our cover story.

Karin’s acute senses detect a helpful local seated at the bar. She approaches with much care and makes an introduction. She is successful, much to Chuck’s chagrin. During Karin’s interlude with Hans, the original German name, the bartender announces that the predicted storm has arrived early and roads are already becoming impassable. Karin cleverly offers to attend to Hans, who Chuck later discovers is actually a courier. They covered most of this story in an earlier piece not written by this reporter but it is, none the less, important to my story. Karin and Hans depart for her room and the shared warmth and information that the group will surely need.

After the couple’s departure Ann does her best to calm Chuck’s fears that Hans, the courier, is armed (other than left and right) and is intending harm to one of the team Chuck is assigned to protect. Chuck finally relents but interrogates and even bribes the heavily accented bartender into revealing that Hans is in fact a courier. Hans parked his van outside the establishment.

The bartender’s accent crosses between Arnold Schwarzenegger and every actor to play the bad Nazi in all those WWII movies you saw on Saturday afternoon or in the middle of the night, before cable became commonplace. He also told Chuck that Hans had a jacket, with a company logo, in the coat closet. Chuck easily found Hans’ UPS jacket there.

After convincing Ann that he is not going after Hans and Karin, he says he is stepping out for a bit. The heavy falling snow convinces Ann and me not to go outside with him. The two of us enjoy a fine stein of beer and some ethnic food. I also take this time to observe the remaining Guests for any further leads.

Outside Chuck quickly discovers the courier’s vehicle. Realizing he needs to enter the vehicle and he does not have a surreptitious de-locking kit he swiftly makes the most of his available resources. Heavy snow brings a great wintery silence over the area. Chuck instinctively knows the snow will muffle his sounds beyond detection. He uses his brute strength and a firearm butt to skillfully breach the passenger’s window enough to gain entry. Once inside the van’s cab he conducts a through search and discovers nothing. The passage to the truck's cargo compartment is padlocked.

Knowing the Master Lock ads that used to run on the television were incorrect, Chuck proficiently uses his silenced firearm to defeat the padlock. He searches the contents of the van and discovers nothing. Unlike this reporter, Chuck does not speak the native language and therefore cannot read the manifest. In an unfortunate defeat Chuck deftly disguises his masterful break-in to look like that of a petty car theft attempt in which the miscreant was frightened off, possibly even by Chuck himself. Lastly, Chuck chucks the broken padlock.

Back inside the tavern I notice an important member of GEN-Corps seated alone at a table. I causally approach him and attempt to begin a conversation in German. He looks at me with a shrug. I immediately realize that he speaks American English and is probably from a Northern Midwest state. I introduce myself and discover his name to be Boon, Daniel Boon. Trying not to laugh too hard, I ask if him if he ever had trouble growing up with that name. He responds that since he has taken up security work he has not.

Through conversation I efficiently discover that Dan is originally from Wisconsin, as previously deduced. He came to Germany for an opportunity as a Security Consultant. Wrongly assuming my lack of knowledge of the area, Mr. Boon also reveals that he is currently working for a lab up the highway. Again my experienced initial impressions were correct.

As I have discovered Dan is a Security person, I assign Ann the task of discovering any of the security-related information Dan may possess. Ann is a security expert and any good reporter knows how to use his resources.

I introduce the attractive Ann to Dan and she takes over, as any good pro would. Not only does she find out that Mr. Boon is in charge of Security at GEN-Corp but she even manages to seduce him into an invitation to the facility. Ann gets Dan to clumsily reveal that the facility is designed so no one ever has to leave. Together we discover that Dan used to work for a Lab in Chicago that was owned by his current employer. Because Dan is the boss, he gave himself some time off and that is his thinly-veiled reason for being at the Inn this evening.

Mission accomplished for the evening Ann and I finish a couple of steins and, wanting to be fresh for the morning, call it a night.

Morning finds more than thirty inches of freshly fallen snow and an early rising Chuck with nowhere to take his morning jog. Brutish exercise at 6:00 A.M. is not most people’s idea of fun, but a true professional needs his workout. Chuck searches high and low for a snow shovel in an attempt to get in his sunrise sweat and even clear a pathway out of the Inn. Frustration almost sets in until he finds a deceptive cook. The cook eventually gives the information on the shovel’s location and a key to allow its release.

Chuck completes his exertion and showers to return for breakfast. Ann is already seated for breakfast when Chuck enters the dinning room and joins her. Ann tells Chuck of the pending trip to GEN-Corp. He is pleased that other members of the team have made progress. Outside the sound of snowblowers and half-tracks firing up interrupt the protectors’ breakfast.

Chuck says that he is bored at being snowed in and not able to come with Ann and me to GEN-Corp. Ann asks if Chuck knows how to play chess. Chuck answers positively Ann returns to her room to retrieve a travel chess set. Chuck, being the clever strategist, waits to see just how good a person traveling with a chess set really is. He finds out when he loses in a three-move checkmate. Their gaming is interrupted by a phone call.

We shall refer to our lead story editor back in the States as "Dante". Ms. Maddox is our local contact and supplier. Ms. Maddox is supposed to deliver us key information on GEN-Corp by today.

Answering her cell-phone, Ann finds Dante at the other end. Ann, wishing to advance her career, has put in a request for transfer and she inquires as to its progress. Dante informs her that he is currently working on it. Dante then wants to know if we have received our delivery from Ms. Maddox yet. That would be a negative. Dante assures Ann that he will contact Ms. Maddox immediately and have her reach out for Ann.

Moments later Ms. Maddox phones Ann and informs her that the requested and promised materials are on the way via a courier. Chuck is quite confident that Hans is not the courier. Ms. Maddox says the information will be there today, possibly sometime this morning. Ms. Maddox’s tone is evasive and Ann suspiciously hears her consulting with an unknown person in the background. Ann and Chuck resume their chess game.

Not ready to show his strength at the game just yet Chuck loses again, in about 5 moves. Finally he chalks up a close losing game and feels confident to attack during the next. Having had enough chess for the morning, Chuck invites Ann outside to enjoy the freshly fallen snow.

I wake to the sounds of children playing in the snow. I look through the window and see Chuck diligently constructing a large snow castle. He has managed to enlist about 30 local youths in his endeavor. I spot Ann making snow angels and playing King of the Hill with some of the children. Seeing the beauty and the beast playing in the snow brings out the camera. As I am photographing the scene, Karin’s overnight guest comes out of the building and begins approaching his vandalized van. Ann cleverly slows his approach by instigating a snowball fight. Some good shots were made by all, including this photographer; I captured it all on film.

Hans eventually finds his way to his van and the damage. Extremely agitated he quickly returns to the Inn passing Chuck, who wants to know what is wrong. Hans quickly explains and Chuck, cleverly completing his deception, offers to call for law enforcement. Hans runs inside and up to Karin’s room. I overhear Hans use explicatives to describe the condition of his vehicle. Some things I hear clearly include that his truck has been broken into and someone has stolen his lock.

Outside I see Ann making snow angels with Brigitte, and Chuck putting the finishing touches on his masterpiece. I also see an approaching sedan losing control on the ice. Avoiding any team members and the children, the out of control vehicle hits a snow bank. The driver staggers out from behind the steering wheel’s deployed airbag.

Chuck quickly jumps into action. He approaches the vehicle, with caution, and begins to render aid to the accident victim. Ann runs inside the hotel to call emergency services. Her lack of German causes her to make very good impressions of emergency vehicles, including a rendition of "Woo-Woo" (complete with flailing arms). She asks what number this country has for 911. Ann’s lack of German causes her to dial 999. Finally a worker appropriately assists Ann and EMS has been called.

Meanwhile outside, Chuck realizes the driver is not seriously injured. Chuck asks him if he likes his castle. Chuck is suspicious when the man doesn’t answer him about the castle but instead is very concerned about a briefcase in his smashed vehicle. Chuck retrieves the case and moves the man inside to the hotel lobby.

Once in the lobby the man indicates that the briefcase needs to be delivered immediately and convinces Chuck to let him make a call. This true courier calls a number and Ann’s cell phone rings. The package is for us.

Ann approaches Chuck and the messenger and notices a bloody nose on the injured man. Having some concern over an earlier incident, Ann asks Chuck if he caused the bloody nose. He didn’t and Ann seems relieved.

Having finally made it down stairs, I am outside photographing the efficient German law enforcement and emergency service personnel. I covertly listen to (and tape) Hans, the NOW not a courier, give his complaint to the police. Ann and Chuck take the package that was so cleverly handed off to them as a result of a motor vehicle accident and a good Samaritan rendering assistance. I told you this was a crack team.

Hans is distracted with the local police and Chuck takes the opportunity to stealthily slip away. He proceeds directly to Karin’s room in an effort to ensure her safe condition. Karin seems overly content and definitely safe. Chuck joins Ann to check on the package.

Ms. Maddox promised to deliver floor plans, security details and other inside information that would assist us in our investigation. She seems to have delivered as Ann and Chuck review the contents of the recently delivered package. Chuck easily commits all the information to memory. I wrap up my outside photojournalist’s activities and return to my room to prepare for Ann and my trip to GEN-Corp.

Ann drives up to the GEN-Corp lab. Upon our approach I photograph the surrounding area. Once inside the perimeter we notice only 11 cars in the lot, a lot less than we surveyed earlier in the week. There is an eighteen wheeler parked next to the building, purpose currently unknown. We enter the facility and call on Dan Boon. Security issues us security badges with small radiation detection film attached to them.

Dan is very pleased to see Ann and me. We are given the better than a nickel tour of the facility, which reveals the following information.

• There are five dogs on premise and Dan wants at least three more.
• 1st floor has a kennel for the dogs and the top floor has a dog-run.
• The building is manned 24/7, not just security.

• 12 security team members are working in the building at all times.
• The sub-basement is open only for security and lead Chemists.

• All communications are hardwired.
• Dan’s office is next to the security monitoring station and has a cot.

• There is a DNA lab in the sub-basement.

• The 3rd floor is a resident habitat complete with working kitchen and a 5'2" Argentinean Cook.

• Halls passing labs have Plexiglas window walls for easy security checks.

Dan Boon is also kind enough to take us to see Babe. Babe is a huge cow around four months old. With my covert camera I have been photographing our tour and take some extra perspective shots of Babe. While we are busy visiting with Babe, Mr. Boon seems to get into a verbal confrontation with a Dr. Fritz-something or other. According to Dr. Fritz, Dan has a bad habit of always bringing people, especially women, down to see the lab. This apparently upsets the good doctor.

On our exit Ann and I see at least two other cows of enormous size. These appear to be calves bred longer and larger for better cuts of veal. During our tour we come across another Doctor, also not pleased with Dan’s tour guide business.

Dr. Sebastian insists that Ann and I are to be gone in twenty minutes or less. In order to give Ann more time to survey the facility’s security I think quickly and act decisively. I manage to damage the radiation film on my security badge in hopes of delaying our departure.

This plan works much better than expected. Realizing that I will probably be searched or even possibly stripped down to confirm contamination, I expertly deposit my covert camera down Ann’s blouse. Then I am taken to restricted areas in the lower portions of the facility and Ann goes with Dan to the security monitoring area.

Dan appears to be getting in trouble for bringing his tour through the laboratory and having one of them contaminated. Ann is skillfully checking out the security console. She covertly interviews the crack guard at the console to obtain information regarding the cameras and their viewing areas. Ann also manages to get some operational information out of the unsuspecting protector.

I, of course, endure the rigors of a chemical decontamination wash down for the good of the team. A task which my body easily endures. I am concerned that during the tests a lab technician removed five vials of my blood for testing. However, when I saw the lab cart leave there where only four vials on it.

Realizing that their TLD malfunctioned the scientists clear my condition for release. Ann and I are quickly escorted from the facility.

On the return trip to the Inn our car gets a flat. I leap into action and get the vehicle repaired so my driver may continue. When we arrive back at the Inn, we discover Chuck out on the town.

In our absence Chuck has managed to meet one of the children’s mother. She is a Jennifer Aniston look-a-like named Hilda. Hilda runs an occult shop in the town with her young son, William. When Ann and I caught up to Chuck, Ann wanted to know if Hilda was armed and if Chuck wanted Ann to break into the occult shop to check her out. Not having a lockpick set, Ann volunteered to use her gun. Chuck didn’t seem amused and declined. We gather up Chuck and head for the Inn.

Back at the Inn we find a relaxed Karin sitting by a warm hearth singing softly to herself.