Duuuuudes and Babes, Rossi here.
So like I’m at the hospital…you know again, and there’s Paris scribbling on some hospital stationary. So I’m like all you know "Whoa Rossi Dude, like everyone writes what you call ‘um?…. reports and junk so like why not you dude?" so then I’m like "Sh’yeah ..right! and then they’ll like grade me and stuff" So I come back with "No Way Duuude!" "Way!" "Nut uh" "You sure?" using my coup de grace "Dude" (can’t really argue with that can you?) So I say "Kewl…I’ll write one" So here I am.
Let me try to recap like the recent events. Alright, so like there’s this hottie from Switzerland, whose dad , an old dude from Switzerland ( I know it’s like weird right) who has this mondo expensive piece of hardware . Along with her is a body guard, Stefon, dude is bigger than Up-Chuck and friendlier ( hasn’t sent me to the hospital …yet) Then there’s a dude named Guy (wouldn’t it be funny if it was a guy named Dude…whoa almost like twilight zone there for a second) another guy not named Guy or Dude, but named Jean (French for John….yeah I know , weird) and another hottie named Dubois(pronounced Doo-bwa, but I’m calling her Do-boys, maybe she’ll get the hint…Hey a dude gotta try right?)
Oh by the way our crew is made up of ; The lovely Paris ( Paris is way cool and a major hottie but definitely off limits and way way out of my league, plus it’s easy not to scope on a babe whose boyfriend would kill you with the same difficulty of making a lunch order, the dude is like ….intense ) Course where’s Paris , there is Up-Chuck…Whoa that sooooo came out wrong and defiantly sounds bad…uh… how bout just Chuck for now. Dude is like Huge, I mean you’d have to go on safari to see something that big, kinda has a tude problem, and if he didn’t have all those guns, the ninja training and all those muscles I would like totally kick his butt, lucky for him that he does .
Then there’s Karen, I like Karen , what’s not to like, cute, loves the brews, and my English is just as good as hers. Granted the past few days she has come up to me a couple times and asked "Are you in or out" Doh! Babe if you have to ask that then I’m doing something wrong (whoa I kill me sometimes hahahaha) Karen Is kewl, just watch your slang around her , no compound words, and if she’s pissed, dude be at least like arms length ,plus beer bottle (long neck) distance from her.
Let’s not forget Annalee, known to some as The Major, (majorly Kewl is more like it)a no nonsense babe(just don’t tell her I called her a babe) does her job, pulls no punches, probably cause she was a Marine , but that dude Jack was a Marine too and doesn’t act anything like her(on the up side , that dude is not here and that means neither is Sheila)
Finally there’s me….The Rossi Dude, sunglass wearing, car thieving ladies man. In a nut shell my job is , and this is a stretch for me, to "drive da car" so like when I get the chance I chime in "I keek da ball" Yo Karen is like giving me the weirdest looks when I do that, she even looks for the ball once in a while, must be one of those European soccer things or some junk.
So like their crew is here with our crew, Mission: safeguard Item to New York, Jersey (yuck), to chi-town, and then L.A., Plus keep and eye on swiss hottiewho wants to Par-Tey
Whoa sorry about that , got off the track for sec, there were like a bevy of nurses and you know.
Alright so swiss brat (bratwurst, worst brat, that’s for you Karen, ha ha)wants to like Do the town, so I’m like " All Riiiiight!" and Chuck is like "No waaaaaay!"so then I’m like "Bummer"I think you know what I mean. The brat does convince Chuck that we are going out( luckily he’s so big he doesn’t see me dancing behind him with joy, unfortunately Paris and Karen do…..doh busted! Dude you want to talk about looks of horror)
So like we keep on having these little incidents over the next few days and when I say little I really mean totally whacked. Our trip is like completely put on hold when the labs in jersey and Chicago are trashed. So we stay in the big apple for a few more days.
In those few days, Paris danced on a bartop with several very friendly ladies(where’s my digital camera when I need it?)I sacked a guy on the street so well my coach would have made me first string and never mentioned the words "Hippie" "Haircut"and "No sunglasses on the field" again. Karen followed simple enough instructions of 1.) break bottle 2.) insert here (here being a bad guy) Stefon got a chance to try out his shiny black machine gun, while we were in another club and Chuck tested his bullet-proof vest at the very same club, when we had a close encounter of the Gangsta kind. As for St.Pattys’ day don’t like to say it but it’s true, green beer = green puke, nuff said on that. Paris, who doesn’t appear to behaving a lovely time is still very quiet about it.
Then , get this we find out that the swiss miss, thinks we should hire someone to take out the bad guys for us, someone like this (as she turns the laptop around) NO WAY! Jack has his own web page….there’s even a pict of me too….very kewl!
Dudes and Babes it was enough to convince me and others that this swiss cheese stanks! Before I go on let me vent for a minute or two.
Now for my complaints about Chuck, I mearly suggest taking the hottie to a club, next thing I know I’m waking up with a hell of a headache and five count’um five hickies and I think ‘Duuuuude you scored!"but then they tell me that they are from Chuck" EEEEeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!!!!!"like the rumors are like totally true then!" so before I toss my cookies(good luck figuring that one out Karen)they tell me that Chuck used some sort of Vulcan Darth Vader death grip neck pinch thingie on me,.
Like a few days later I again, being the team player, offer to take the kung fu hottie(she flipped me when we first met, not flipped for me) to another club like place, boom , gigantor is crushing my foot with his, to where I utter the words " I’m NOT Oh –Kay!!!" On the way to the hospital, Karen dropped the rossi but picked up a guy and not necessarily in that order.
So to try and apologize ( cause I did tell him I was going to call my Mom on him)he goes out and spends like a 100 k on a champagne gold Porsche….now part of me is like "Whoa! bad color but you can definitely get pulled over in that, or sell it" but it last for like only a second when reality sets in "DUDE! How the F@#& are you going to drive a car with a standard shift with only one foot?" So yeah he’s a meathead but he meant well…I think .
Okay so like I’m trying to rest and junk, the pain pills aren’t working and the hotel has crappy movies . So I’m thumbing through a copy of Forbes…..What? I can read! Okay granted it was an article about the president of Ford , so sue me! When I hear a commotion involving Chuck, basically it’s like a borderline riot. With pistol , tucked in the waist band of my jimmies, and crutches in place I make my way to the main room. And there is chuck wrestling with a guy prettier than me (no really dude I like swear) (as If!) Then I hear Paris Screaming " TOM!…TOM!" (whoa that Tom is one lucky Dude!)The everyone decides to leave the room…really really fast, heck why not run over Rossi with the broken foot, in truth Paris did get me out the door, by dragging me out, course in doing so I turned in to a human shield for the bomb that blew up our room
(you’d be surprised how often this stuff happens to me)
So that brings me to now….don’t know what has happened, where the swiss brat is, , all I do know is the interns are circling Paris, my nurse mentioned something about "you poor dear" and I think the Morphine has kicked in , so for now…..nighty night dudes