When last we left our heroes, (Nun)Chuck was locked in battle with Fraky Frinn (as our beloved Orientally confused Ninja dude calls him); Karin and Jack were trying to find cover; Fiona and Mitchell were inconspicuously (except for the MP5 that Fiona refused to put down) running to the center of the island in search of Sir Keene to-escape-this-little-island Elliott; (Up)Chuck, Paris, Corey and Deputy Do-’em-in are headed towards the commotion; and Luke, Maggie, Trevor and I are about to plant explosives on the Russian sub.
(Nun)Chuck is performing the Vietnamese two step as Fraky Frinn attacks. While (Nun)Chuck is busy dancing, jumping, hopping and leaping, Jack is trying to get a shot at Fraky Frinn. (Lordie – am I the only person worrying here??) However, every once in awhile miracles do happen! (Nun)Chuck is astounded that his sword attack has resulted in the complete explosion of Fraky Frinn’s head. He stares dumbfounded at his trusty little swords and says "gorry." Karin is slithering through the brush attempting to avoid detection.
Jack and (Nun)Chuck run toward the porch of the house. Eight bad guys are lined up on the porch like little target ducks in an amusement park. The little ducks are armed, but apparently in an attempt to recoup some of the eighty million dollars he lost recently, Fraky Frinn ordered the weapons from the bargain basement of arms dealers and the weapons have a frequent tendency to jam.
While (Nun)Chuck and Jack are killing the bad guys on the porch, (Up)Chuck, Paris, Corey and Deputy Draw begin to argue the wisdom of approaching the beach where all the shooting is coming from. After all, Paris is not wearing suitable shoes for a beach assault. They turn to leave only to hear the four men behind them start to take aim. They all turn and shoot (except for Corey, who is woefully without a gun or training on how to use one). Remember when Jack made the Fraky Frinn shot and is seemed so unbelievable? Well, the universe will always attempt to achieve balance. In exchange for Jack’s outstanding shot, Deputy Dismayed actually misses! Since Deputy Dumbfounded missed, one of the bad guys might actually have been able to shoot and injure some of our heroes, had he not slipped while trying to un-jam his substandard weapon (I wonder if Electro-Shock sells weapons …), knocked over the rest of the bad guys like a row of well-placed dominos and been knocked unconscious by a falling F’in coconut. (Up)Chuck’s love of grapefruits is fading beneath his new-found admiration for coconuts.
Well, the rest of that battle wasn’t pretty. Apparently, the teams’ weapons have been in close proximity with the bargain basement brand of Fraky Frinn’s men for too long and Deputy Drats’s gun jams, while (Up)Chuck and Paris each miss a shot. After the team finally manages to best their opponents, Deputy Disposer shoots the unconscious gunman with the coconut imprint in his skull.
Another guard emerges from the building only to be injured (by Deputy Discharger), injured (by Pistol Paris) and killed (by (Up)Chuck). Yes, we do believe in overkill. Just consider it a good thing that (Up)Chuck actually stopped shooting when the guy was dead this time (remember the Indian Reservation?).
Meanwhile, out in the water, Luke, Maggie, Trevor and I have managed to successfully set all of the charges. (I know, you’re having a hard time believing that – but since the Universe was doing its best to stay in balance this evening, I’m thinking that one successfully planned (by our team) explosion underwater may lead to some good equalizing explosions on land…
While (Up)Chuck, Paris, Dana and Corey make their way through the house killing everyone they meet, Fiona and Mitchell have arrived at the helipad. Loony Laura and her companions see that the helicopter is about to take off and shoot and disable it. Since Paris isn’t right there, Mitchell notes that it’s broken.
Fiona and Mitchell realize that they are face to face with several bad guys. They start shooting and manage to stop all but two, one of whom Fortunately turns and accidentally shoots the other.
At the back of the house, (Nun)Chuck and Jack are still battling it out with the bad guys on the porch. (Nun)Chuck back flips over the railing and rolls under the porch. Karin, the only East German present, stands and holds up a score indicating a 9.7 on the back flip.
Anyway, Jack and (Nun)Chuck finally manage to finish off the porch protectors and Jack tells Karin to come to the house, it’s clear. Inside the house, Jack picks up the phone and calls the main building. He tells them to tell Sir Keene to-see-Jack-dead Elliott, that Jack says ‘hey.’ (Nun)Chuck, feeling that Jack has made a terrible mistake runs out of the house in the best imitation of the Road Runner ever seen in the Caribbean. Jack somehow manages to make it out of the house just as it explodes and is only thrown a short way by the force of the blast.
Karin, after consulting her dictionary to ensure that clear meant what she thought it did, let’s Jack know how displeased she is with him for implying that it was safe to come to the house.
So, where does that leave things? Well, the submarine has been sunk, the helicopter disabled, the house is blowing up, people are running and screaming … Murder and mayhem. Loony Laura sees Mitchell and Fiona and takes them on her boat to escape the chaos. Karin, Jack and (Nun)Chuck get a ride on another boat making a hasty departure.
So, I’ll bet you think we’re done, right? Not bloody likely. Sir Keene-to-ram-a-torpedo-up-Mickey-Mouse’s-ass is off to Miami. Yes, he escaped. Now we have to go find him, before he blows up the cruise ship and kills innocents.
Oh yeah, we never did find that midget …