Wow, this is better than the latest action film. Cut to our team – racing through the night in an attempt to stop Sir Keene-to-get-revenge Elliott from causing more murder and mayhem. Then cut to the bad guys, racing across Florida to reach Disney World and extract their revenge. Next, her Majesty’s snootiest, enjoying a pint of frothy lager in a pub…
We get to Pier 66 only to be met by Crabby Man Wyatt, who tells us that Sir Keene-to-escape Elliott is gone. Shit! We run up to his room to look for clues. We find several brochures for Disney and an air show advertisement in the Orlando area. Let me give the full picture here: the television is tuned to C-Span, which is broadcasting an interview with Senator McConnell (you remember him, the senator (that my have a sideline as a dentist)); I have one ear to the room phone to try and get information on Senator McConnell’s schedule and the other to Paris’s cell phone because Mitchell called (apparently mine is no longer working after being submerged in the salt water – is that all it took to kill the piece of shit?); I am yelling at Rossi (who has been awakened from his catatonic state by a car chase that so damaged Diamond’s car that it will probably send Diamond into a catatonic state), because he is ordering lobster dinners, courtesy of Sir Keene-to-skip-out-on-his-bill Elliott (while adding his order to my soggy, running list of things I will have to pay for); Tony the cop is ranting about how the Gallagher Brothers were able to get all this information that the police weren’t; Paris, taking her cue from Tony, is calling the Gallagher Brothers to ask them to keep their ears open for word on the scoundrel Scot; Wyatt is yelling at me to change into dry clothing; (Up)Chuck is calling his law enforcement contacts for information on the senator; Karin is having difficulty understanding anything that is being said, because there is too much commotion in the room; and outside in the parking lot, Diamond’s car will not stop gagging and choking long enough to stop running.
Anyway, I was correct, the Brits were enjoying a dark, chewy ale while having a hearty laugh at watching the less than planned plunge of my car into the ocean.
I tell Mitchell and company to come to the hotel, leave through the front doors and make a right, because that’s what the scoundrel Scot did.
I am anxious to go in search of Sir Keene-to-have-his-existence-ended Elliott, but everybody else seems to want to wait for information. I wait patiently with them.
After about an hour of mayhem, there is a loud beating sound outside the hotel and we see that a helicopter is landing on the roof. Wyatt tells us that it is our ride to the airfield in Orlando where the air show took place. We all head to the roof, but not before Paris packs a bag so she doesn’t have to run around Orlando wearing yet another stupid T-shirt that reads "I couldn’t afford a World Pass to Disney, so all I got was this stupid shirt and a pair of Mickey Mouse ears."
Jack calls Paris as we are preparing to head for the roof. Paris tells him to meet us in Orlando. He tells her to wave, so she greets her hotel room walls. (Apparently Jack thought she was already on the roof.)
Anyway, since (Nun)Chuck, Jack and Deputy Daredevil are here, they meet us at the – as (Nun)Chuck would say – kericopter.
As we take off, (Up)Chuck is contacted about joining the senator’s security detail and wants us to drop him off in Miami. I thought dropping him over the city was a good idea (hey, I would have given him a parachute), but the pilot lands back on the roof so (Up)Chuck can get out and find a car to get him there. The Brits have called to ask if we are going to land the kericopter in the water. We have room for two more so – after the usual ‘oo should let ‘oo drive the car – argument, Mitchell and Corey come with us, while Fiona and Trevor drive to Orlando.
Anyway, we land at the airfield and start checking it out. Paris gets a call (I kind of like not having a cell phone) stating that Rook is staying at the Polynesian hotel on the Disney complex. Well, well Alex Architect, whose hotel timing is only surpassed by Paris’s usual capacity to have a lovely anything, is in town! After investigating the planes at the airfield, we head to the Disney resort. We descend on Alex’s room in pairs, like animals storming Noah’s Ark in preparation for the storm of the millennium. Alex isn’t there, but that’s no problem. Paris picks the lock and in we go. Eventually we hear Alex returning to the room, so we hide. He opens the door and slams it into Jack, who was hiding on the other side of the door.
The girl that Alex has somehow persuaded to spend the night with him, gets upset, slaps him and leaves. I tell him that I’ll go get her back for him, because no one treats my friends that way, but he doesn’t seem so convinced that I’m his friend. The rest of the team climbs out from their hiding spots. Alex is less than thrilled at his impromptu surprise party. Some people just don’t appreciate anything!
(Nun)Chuck takes it upon himself to go get the girl. There is this really annoying banging from the room below. Just because it’s the middle of the night and we have exceeded the maximum legal occupancy of the room by … well a lot, is no reason for the other guests to get their Goofy up. We bang back. Mitchell gets a call from Fiona and they commiserate on the mutant size of the Floridian insects. He tells her what room they are in and she and Trevor head over.
(Nun)Chuck returns with the girl who is less than conscious (I don’t want to know…). He puts her on the bed, but we make him take her out to a pool side lawn chair. Fiona knocks on the door, Alex answers, and she introduces herself and Trevor, before pushing into the room.
We try to get some sleep: Paris covers herself in Off and heads to the balcony and Mitchell claims the tub. Karin crawls under the bed. The rest of us (Deputy Dastardly, Jack, Alex, Fiona, Corey, Trevor, Rossi, (Nun)Chuck and me) find places to settle in. Not surprisingly, nobody is getting any rest. At 4 am, there is a knock at the door. Jack, wearing his goldfish print footie pajamas answers the door. The hotel security guard seems convinced that there are too many people in the room. Jack assures him that some of his ‘guests’ will be leaving shortly.
The guard is leaving, but (Nun)Chuck’s oral diarrhea, that began with blurting out "Checkers is dead" continues with statements such as "Karin take off your shirt and distract him" and the guard keeps returning.
A short time later, a friend of the Gallagher Bothers’ shows up and offers to get us three more rooms for the night, so we split up and finally get some rest.
The next morning, Paris makes sure that everyone is up in time to check out of our rooms. She gets a call from Patrick Gallagher with the information that some members of the Scottish brigade were seen buying remote control equipment.
(Up)Chuck calls and tells us that the senator’s evening itinerary consists of dining in Cinderella’s castle followed by a viewing of the fireworks. The rest of the team meets so we can discuss our information. We decide that Sir Keene-to-get-revenge Elliott will be using a remote controlled airplane to drop explosives on Disney, (probably Cinderella’s castle) and will also attempt to assassinate the dentist, I mean senator. If only the SPOATS were here…
Now we formulate a plan for the evening: Mitchell and Rossi will go the airfield to watch for planes carrying explosives; Fiona and Trevor will go to the Swan and Dolphin; Deputy Deadly and Alex will roam around looking for possible senator snipers; Paris, Corey and (Nun)Chuck will go to the Floridian; and Jack, Karin and I will go to the Contemporary.
That evening, the team is in position. Mitchell and Rossi don’t see anything unusual at the airfield. Fiona and Trevor soon determine that absolutely nothing is happening at the Swan & Dolphin, so they split up, with Fiona going to the Floridian and Trevor going to the Contemporary. Alex and Deputy Done-That are riding the monorail around saying, "look kids, it’s Space Mountain." The Floridian team has not seen anything. At the Contemporary, however, we have spotted one of the henchman from Sir Scot’s island. We let him continue his surveillance so he can keep checking in, while keeping an eye on him.
(Up)Chuck has spotted the buxom blonde who got out of the Russian social club as the shooting occurred sitting with a man at the castle banquet.
Mitchell and Rossi suddenly realize that they have not checked the flight plans for any of the planes in the airfield. Mitchell cannot seem to locate the tower but Rossi points out that he is standing right next to it. Mitchell goes in and tells the air traffic controller that there is a plane with explosives out there. The tower guy freaks and calls the FAA as he hands Mitchell the flight plans. As he is looking at them, Mitchell realizes that the rogue plane was taking off as he and Rossi were entering the tower.
He and Rossi run out and steal some planes. Rossi tests the ammo. It is live. He is very excited. Mitchell tries his, but no such luck. He is disappointed.
Mitchell spots the plane ahead and tries to tell Rossi where it is. Although Rossi is flying in every direction but that of the plane, Mitchell finally manages to guide him to it.
Back at Disney, the senator’s group is heading out to watch the fireworks. The Floridian group leaves, with Fiona an (Nun)Chuck going to the Contemporary and Paris and Corey heading toward Cinderella’s castle. Paris and Corey spot a suspicious man near where the senator will have to pass. Paris calls (Up)Chuck and tells him.
The henchman at the Contemporary makes a call from a pay phone. When he hangs up, I tell the team it is time to get him. (Nun)Chuck is immediately on the case. He wants to take the guy to a restroom, but I need him (the Scot) alive, so I tell (Nun)Chuck no. Fiona, Jack, Trevor, Karin and I reach (Nun)Chuck and the Scot. I want to take him to a conference room so we can torture, I mean question, him in private, but the idiot jumps over the railing to the level below. (Nun)Chuck jumps after him, Karin and I are running down the escalator (Karin pauses to hold up a score of 9.95 on (Nun)Chuck’s one and a half twisting double somersault off the railing), and Jack is stumbling down the escalator, banging into a few old ladies and some small children in the process. Fiona and Trevor are scanning the hotel occupants for signs of Sir Keene-to-disrupt-the-fireworks Elliott.
(Nun)Chuck throws a knife and hits the scrambling Scot in the arm. The team catches up to the now screaming Scot. (Nun)Chuck holds him down and I ask him where Sir Keene-to-be-caught-by-us is staying. He tells us ‘his lordship’ is in room 1036. Fiona, Trevor, Karin and Jack go running up the escalator to get to the elevator bank. They get on the elevator and listen to the muzak strains of "The Girl from Imponema." Jack dances. Everyone else checks their weapons.
Out at Cinderella’s castle, the would-be-assassin has been spotted by (Up)Chuck, thanks to Paris’s phone call, a few seconds too late. The assassin fires and hits one of the guards protecting the senator. (Up)Chuck fires and hits the assassin several times.
Rossi tries to shoot down the remote-controlled plane, only to find that he had used the last of his live ammo on the test shot. Having no other choice, he tries to hit the plane’s wing and send it off course.
At the Contemporary, I am trying to get the rest of the plan from Scot Boy. He is now less-than-cooperative, but does tell us that the Lofty Lord is operating the remote controls.
Upstairs, Trevor breaks open the door to the Lofty Lord’s lair and the team sees a man standing there (much tot heir disappointment, it is not Sir Keene-to be-riddled-by-gunfire). Jack shoots. Man gets hit. Fiona shoots. Man gets hit again. Karin shoots. Man goes down. (Oh my God, I’m channeling (Nun)Chuck!) Fiona runs in and examines all of the radio control equipment. Since the equipment has apparently lost communication with the plane, she has no choice but to detonate the plane. Mitchell is approaching the plane to try and send it off course, when it explodes sending pieces of debris raining down on Mickey’s world.
Downstairs at the Contemporary, I have left the stupid Scot for (Nun)Chuck to kill, and turned to head towards Sir Keene-to-kill-me Elliott’s room. Wouldn’t you know it! Who is standing on the next level pointing a gun at me, but the surly Scot himself. He accuses me of fucking up his plans. I ask him if he means ‘proper fucked.’ This angers him. He is about to shoot at me ((Nun)Chuck has rolled under the escalator, but Karin is not there to score his move), when he gets shot twice from behind. He falls over the railing and lands on the floor in front of me. I hum "Pennies from Heaven" and shoot him in the head. I look up and wave thanks to Alex Architect and Deputy Deliverer (who had apparently emerged from the monorail in the nick of time).
My only regret? There is no head left to mount on my wall. (Nun)Chuck comes over and also shows disappointment at the lack of a head to cut off.
Never one to stick around after shooting someone in the head at point blank range, I lead the way to the bar at Pleasure Island. Eventually, the entire team congregates, and (Up)Chuck even has a drink!
Then three shiny stretch limousines arrive to take us to a beautiful yacht at Port Canaveral.
We board the ship, but nobody will sit next to (Up)Chuck (between his alcohol intake and the bobbing of the boat, we are afraid of a close encounter with (Up)Chuck’s digestive fluids). Bob Diamond congratulates us on a job well done and asks me for the list of things I owe him. Rossi chooses that moment to drop the keys to the ruined Cadillac on the table and thank Diamond for the ride. Diamond begins to enter the aforementioned catatonic state. I smile, at least he won’t care about the Range Rover, the stained glass window, etc.
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