Where were we? Oh yes, Sheriff Fat Boy and his merry men had just ruined my excellent driving record by issuing me two undeserved tickets, Rossi and Alex had won money in the dive casino on the Reservation, Deputy Dastardly had told Paris that the music world was not yet ready for our little band, and I had prepared not one, but several world-class meals for my team.
The next day Paris and (Up)Chuck decide to check out the Reservation from their smugglers’ perspective, Alex stays at the castle to practice his drumming skills with Deputy Double Shot, Alex, after a night of flash backs to his ecstasy-induced papier mache dragon episode, has barricaded himself in his room, the twins are going to call contacts in Ireland to begin an OTG campaign, (Nun)Chuck is going to Scotland to kill Vicat Wryter (Mathilde Vaughn’s husband), and Jack and I are going to Canada to make fun of some French Canadians.
Paris and (Up)Chuck check out the casinos, although their lack of lovely … anything was offensive to Paris’s sense of universal balance. Jack and I successfully manage to insult several French Canadians. I spot a museum or two that I want to go back and visit, and the customs officials seem to take an interest in Jack during both border crossings.
The next day, Paris and (Up)Chuck go to see Snotty Ass and company. S.A.D (Snotty Ass Dellinger) agrees to put out the word that Paris is a first rate smuggler. Jack and I go to the museum in Ottawa. He is thrilled. On the way back, we stop at a mall. He wants to shop alone for an hour and, even though I am sure he will get himself into some stupid mess, I let him go. I take the opportunity to go to one of those exotic food stores in preparation for my next culinary masterpiece.
Paris and (Up)Chuck go to the Reservation for a meal in the nosy lady’s café and then make their way to the not-so-lovely casino. They get invited to a poker game the next night and want Jack to play. Although the thought of allowing Jack to gamble makes me cringe (here goes another episode of Dr. Jackyl, Mr. Payne), we all plan to go.
I proceed to prepare the most scrumptious feast ever!
Since we are still unable to coax Alex out of his room, we got to the casino without him. Rossi stays behind to practice his drumming and look up a clinic that can treat Alex’s problem.
Jack and Paris both have successful gambling endeavors, while (Up)Chuck and I chat up the others in the room. I mention to tribal elder and museum curator, Forest Lake (even though his name brings back painful gnome memories), that Paris is looking to move things through the Reservation. He tells me she is talking to the right people (those being her poker opponents).
The Indians offer to allow Paris to move her contraband through the Reservation for the bargain price of one million. Jack’s eyes bulge slightly and Paris haggles them down to $750,000.
The team settles in for a good night’s sleep: Jack smiles as he runs his fingers through a pile of poker chips, Paris dreams of a warm tropical beach, Rossi is jamming on stage with Limp Bizkit, (Up)Chuck is accepting his trophy for winning the Strong Man competition, and I dream that the opening of Chez Sheila is an unparalleled success.
In a small barricaded room of the castle, Alex is stuck in a nightmare world of papier mache dragons, origami ogres and terra cotta trolls.