The team wakes up in the morning refreshed and ready for action. We are fine with the whole waiting-in-the-luxurious-castle-for-something-to-happen (well, except for (Up)Chuck, who is bored with the action being limited to early morning calisthenics and dodging Rossi’s drumsticks).
Jack wants to go shopping the next day, so I get a car and take him. I drop him off at the sporting goods store (not without a sense of foreboding) and head off to the exotic food mart. After waiting patiently in the car while my food goes bad, Jack finally emerges with a shotgun, two rifles and several handguns. Luckily, I don’t wear dentures, so my teeth remain in my mouth. Is he f*#($n nuts?!?!?! Well, yes.
I take him back to the castle and endure the horrified stares of (Up)Chuck and Deputy Dana. The same people who told me I shouldn’t tell him not to gamble, want to know why I let him buy guns!!!
I prepare dinner, but the spoiled-by-the-long-wait-in-the-car-for-Jack ingredients and the fact that Paris cut the celery (well, it can’t be me), caused it to be a not so spectacular meal, although Deputy Double Shot seemed to enjoy it. During dinner Paris casually mentioned the need for $750,000 in counterfeit money. I put her in touch with Flash, who hangs up on her. I tell her he’ll call back, since he knows exactly where Diamond’s castle is. He does and she arranges to go to New York and pick up the cash.
Anyway, (Up)Chuck gets in touch with his law enforcement friends and finds out that the International Cabaret Terrorist, Jacques, is in northern New York and has been spotted buying a large cache of weapons. A down payment on the contract on Jack has been paid. He also mentions that the DOD may know something about a certain missing Russian submarine. I notice that Deputy Don’t Tell is affected by the mention of the DOD and leaves the room.
All this talk of the contract on Jack and Paris has put us a little on edge, so the sound of shattering glass is more than slightly disturbing. However, the shouts of "thank you Seattle," "I’m okay," and "no wait, I’m hurt" tell us that Rossi is practicing the drums again. We go to the music room and see that he’s thrown his drumstick through an expensive, irreplaceable stained glass window in an attempt to throw his sticks in the air and catch them again. The large incision in his leg serves him right.
The next day, Paris and (Up)Chuck head to New York City to get her cash. Jack goes shopping again. I find Deputy Dork duct taping the drumsticks to Rossi’s hands and get him alone to ask why he reacted to the mention of the DOD. He denies that he did and then asks why Paris brought him here. This is like high school: Dana wants to know if Paris likes him, Rossi is a rock band wanna-be and Jack is bringing in weapons!
Jack decides that he can do better than I in the kitchen and has begun to prepare a dinner. The high pitched squeal of the smoke detector brings us running in time to see him wielding a fire extinguisher and yelling, "it’s okay, it was only a small fire." Then Jack takes us out to dinner. After dinner, we return to our room and I find a black velvet box on the bed. It isn’t ticking so I open it. It’s a very expensive necklace. I try and contain the penny-pincher in me and thank him for the gift.
Upon (Up)Chuck and Paris’s return, Paris and I go to the kitchen to see what went wrong with my last meal. In another room, Jack and Dana are bonding. This is pathetic. Paris and I debate whether or not they’ll wind up outside in a territorial pissing contest. We decide that would be preferable to them doing it indoors. Imagine walking into the living room and seeing ‘Jack was he’ because he hadn’t had enough to drink!
At midnight, Paris and I begin Midnight Martiki Madness. Karin, Dana’s musician friends, and Rossi join us in the kitchen. A wobbling Jack and Deputy Drunkard come in, too. While Dana Deceiver is convincing the rest of the team that he’s not a bad guy (even though Karin and Jack suspect that he may be the one who shot at them in Miami - I, of course, know that he shot me in both Miami and Amsterdam), he mentions that his employers (Luke Devereaux and Maggie Malone) were called to the east coast by Commander Waverly. These are some ominous signs that bad things are to come.
Somewhere upstairs in his room, (Up)Chuck is popping tums (the mere thought of alcohol disagrees with his rather fragile digestive tract) and wrapping pillows around his head to drown out the sounds of drunken merriment below.