It’s too bad there are no Martiki ingredients on this ship, because we should toast this momentous occasion. We are actually sitting around and planning how to get (Up)Chuck close to Flinn. After several minutes we formulate a plan: we shall descrew the scrub and use a dormant mime to get all of the Jet Li fish. Yeahm um … now you know why we don’t plan very often.
Okay, so we scrap the first plan and try again. We decide to have (Up)Chuck challenge Flinn to a duel of sorts. The rest of the team will divide and some will sneak up and kidnap Flinn while the rest sabotage the sub. Then we shall accidentally leave him in the care of former torturees Paris and Jack. Well, we’ll see about that part.
Anyway, it’s no problem to use our multiple resources to send a message to Elliot, Flinn and company that (Up)Chuck wants to do battle. A small email program that slaps him with a white glove and delivers the message should do. (Up)Chuck’s concern regarding the whereabouts of Nick Diamond momentarily panics Luke and Maggie, who are afraid that a visit from the infamous Nikki Diamond is imminent. They are relieved to realize that (Up)Chuck is simply more hopeless with names than I am, and he is, in fact, referring to Bob Diamond.
Just in case you’ve forgotten where everybody is, I’ll recap. On the ship we have (Up)Chuck and his bottle of Dramamine; Trevor and his middle name, Thyne; Fiona and her new undergarments; Mitchell and his new bottle of shaving cream; (Nun)Chuck and his incessant craving for sushi; Karin and her Foreigner’s Guide to Idiotic (I mean idiomatic) English; Deputy Darling and his longing for Paris, the agent, not the city; Paris and her ‘Do Not Kidnap’ shirt; and me (with my ever-present extra large bottle of extra strength aspirin). Rossi is in New York attending his father’s wake and funeral (Paris remembered to send flowers from the team), the twins are in Liverpool about to begin the OTG bombing campaign and Jack is gambling his way through Nevada.
Not surprisingly, the Scottish contingent accepts (Nun)Chuck’s challenge. Paris sends a message telling them they should bet the $80 million they think she owes them on the outcome of said challenge.
I note our proximity to the island of John and Laura Roche with interest. If anybody can create a distraction with a noisy crowd, they can. I make a call.
Meanwhile, in Liverpool, Sean saves Maureen from making some critical errors in the bomb-making process. They successfully set off the bomb at one of Tin-Lam’s clubs, causing damage and death. Then they set off for Amsterdam.
(Up)Chuck goes to a nearby island, where he is met by the fun-loving Jamaican smoking Mr. Bennett, to be transported to Sir Keene Elliot’s island. Corey goes along as (Up)Chuck’s trainer. Onboard Bennett’s ship, the nerves-of-steel (Up)Chuck is scared shitless when he is brutally attacked by Bennett’s monkey. (Up)Chuck grabs the poor creature only to stare down the barrel of Bennett’s gun. Bennett tells him to drop the monkey. (Up)Chuck complies.
Apparently, (Up)Chuck and Bennett do not hit it off (especially when Bennett lights up a huge Jamaican stogie) and a discussion regarding the shape of (Up)Chuck’s asshole ensues. (Up)Chuck, in an attempt to defend the integrity of his lower intestinal tract, assures Bennett that it is perfectly round, and tells Bennett he can check the art in my apartment if he has any doubts. Now I’m not sure I want everybody to know about the photos of (Up)Chuck’s colonoscopy I have enlarged and hung on my wall in the guise of ‘Modern Art(hur Drake).
Back on the ship, Paris receives a response from Flaky Flinn telling her that her bet has been accepted, but she must attend the challenge and welcoming her to the club, as in the club that Sean and Maureen blew up.
Meanwhile, in Amsterdam, Maureen saves Sean from making some critical errors in the bomb-making process. They successfully set off the bomb at one of Tin-Lam’s clubs, causing damage and destruction. Then they attempt to leave the Netherlands, however, and I know this is going to surprise you, they get caught and detained because the British are still listing them as wanted for the whole shooting at the Quickening thing.
Back on the ship, Mitchell summons me. The MI6 team want to know if I know anything about the twins. Let’s see, I can tell Britain’s snootiest that I unleashed the McBobsey we-can-make-a-bomb-and-cause-murder-and-mayhem-in-England Twins in Her Majesty’s kingdom, or I can invoke the whole plausible deniability thing. A good roll on my part and pretty crappy rolls on the part of the MI6 team result in their buying my "I don’t know a thing" story hook, line and sinker.
I now consider the fact that I haven’t heard from Jack in some time and I am thinking about calling him when it is reported that, although Jack was traced to Reno, no particular-to-Jack sightings have taken place. I decide to call him, but there is no answer on his cell phone.
In the meantime, Paris and Deputy Devoted are headed to Bennett’s boat so they can attend the challenge. Deputy Distressed has pulled a gun on Bennett’s deadly monkey. (Up)Chuck tells Paris not to touch Bennett’s monkey, something she readily agrees to.
Apparently, Deputy Disagreeable and Bennett have not hit it off, either.
Jack is having pleasant dreams of unprecedented success at the blackjack table when he realizes that he is not in a casino at all. Instead, he is lying in a darkened hotel room. Worse than that, he is handcuffed on a bed and there is no woman around. Jack uses one of his ever present keys (well, ever since Paris, the agent, not the city, and I refused to release him without being paid in Paris, the city not the agent) to unlock the handcuffs. Unfortunately, it breaks. He uses another key and manages to free himself. As he heads toward the door, two armed Russians enter and chain him up again.
Jack once again uses the key to free himself. This time, he heads to the window. He rips up the sheets and makes a rope for himself. As he is heading out to the terrace, the Russians enter the room again. Jack quickly ties the rope to the railing and jumps over the edge to the balcony below, thus avoiding the shots that are being fired at him. Faced with a hostile room inhabitant one floor below, Jack punches the man in the throat and escapes the hotel by pulling the fire alarm.
Avoiding the stares of passing people at his lack of shoes, belts or over garments, he heads to Turnberry Isle, one of Cahill’s luxury resorts in the area. He attempts to call ISIS, the agency, not the goddess, but they hang up when he mentions his code name, Messenger.
On the ship, we get word of Jack’s distress. I have Karin call her acquaintances at the hotel and tell them to put Jack up in a room. Although he is a little suspicious, he finally allows Karin’s friend to find him to a room. Then he calls me. As we are talking, I get the sneaking suspicion that the communications people (and Mitchell) on the ship are listening in on our conversation. I tell Jack to watch what he says because everybody is listening. I don’t know why everyone thinks I am paranoid …
Jack tells me that his gambling was going fine, until he fell asleep and woke in a Miami hotel room handcuffed and held captive by some Russians. He hangs up to go to his room. Then he calls me back and I tell him that the sailors are listening. His unappreciated rant about how he was a Marine and he dislikes sailors goes on until I stop him. Since the G-men are willing to pick him up, I tell him to go to the roof.
Eventually, Jack arrives on the ship and (Up)Chuck, Corey, Deputy Dork Head and Paris arrive on Elliot’s island. They are greeted on the dock by Laura, although the big bad Deputy Daring hides. Laura calls out a greeting to Deputy Detected.
Flaky Flinn meets them and bemoans the flurry of media activity that Laura has brought with her. He tells the team to go Bungalow Two to get ready.
So that’s where we are. (Up)Chuck and Paris are dressing in suitable joust attire (he in chain mail with a matching sword, she in an evening dress with a matching bag, Corey and Dana are preparing to protect their charges, Jack is looking for someone on the ship who wears his shoe size, Mitchell, Luke, Trevor Thyne, Maggie and I are preparing to sabotage the sub, Jack is preparing to act as a sniper, and the rest of the team are readying their assault plan to kidnap Flaky Flinn.
Boy, I can’t wait to see what happens next!!!