Where were we? Oh yeah, I am about to board a wee little ship so I can head to the sub with Luke, Maggie and Trevor Thyne, Jack, Karin, (Nun)Chuck, Mitchell and Fiona are preparing to storm the island, and Paris and (Up)Chuck are getting ready for the evening’s festivities.
So Paris, (Up)Chuck, Corey and Dana go to center of the island. A large crowd has gathered and sitting in the center is none other than Sir Keene - to take over Scotland - Elliott. (Up)Chuck pays his respects and then decides he should go get some last minute pointers from Corey in preparation for his upcoming battle with Flaky Flinn.
Loony Laura has hooked up with Bennett and his monkey, Ronnie (as in Reagan).
Paris stays and exchanges verbal barbs with the lofty lord, after which she decides that he is the mastermind and Flaky Flinn is really Flunky Flinn.
Back on the ship we are preparing to storm the island, sink the sub, etc. We arm ourselves with spearguns, knives, MP5s, you know - the usual, except for the drop cloth, because nobody wants to carry it. Why am I on the sub sabotage team, you ask? Well, it’s just one more thing for which I can thank my good-for-nothing ex-husband, he taught me to scuba dive.
Luke, Maggie, Trevor and I get into one boat in preparation for being thrown overboard at breakneck speed so we can surreptitiously approach the island. I told you I couldn’t wait for this, but could it be any worse than being thrown off a balcony by your roommate? I have to say, after the, ummmm, less than elegant water entries of the rest of the team, I am wondering about the future of the special forces unit of the world. Great, the only thing I’m good at is falling off a boat, maybe it’s just because being thrown off of things is a specialty of mine: balconies, motorcycles, you get the picture.
Fiona, Mitchell, (Nun)Chuck and Karin get into another boat with Jack driving. (Maybe this whole scuba thing is a fortuitous event - I don’t think Jack can drive a boat …)
Jack takes the team to the drop-point on the island (not without nearly losing one or two overboard, mind you) and beaches the boat - not like the successful, surreptitious insertions you see in the movies, it was more like (Up)Chuck’s hijacking in New York harbor.
While Jack prepares to fix the hole in the boat with his ever-present roll of duct tape, Fiona notices three armed men (although there is no sign of the midget … never mind) approaching. She asks if anyone has any silenced weapons and then suggests that Karin should take her top off as a distraction. Karin tells her to take her own @#$* top off (her English is definitely improving), so Fiona does. She runs off hoping to distract them. When the team realizes what is happening, Mitchell kisses Karin and Jack, although momentarily confused as to why Fiona is running half-naked across the beach and Mitchell and Karin are engaging in international relations, complains about the damage to the boat. (Nun)Chuck is doing his whole melt-into-the-shadows thing.
Two of the men approach the battered boat and one follows Fiona. When he gets close enough, she touches his chest. When he goes to do the same (to her, not himself), she shoots him twice at point blank range, removing a leg and head - the one with the brain, I mean the one that controls involuntary body functions.
On the beach, Karin realizes that the guard has seen Fiona’s MP5 in the boat and is about to get on the radio. She begins to shout in German and in the confusion that follows, Jack throws a knife at one of the guards (um, you didn’t think he hit the guard, did you), Mitchell shoots the other, (Nun)Chuck throws a knife through the radio, and Karin picks up the MP5 and yells ‘refrigerate’. (Mental note: find her copy of Seven Silly Synonyms for every English Word and burn it.) Everyone, including the team, is so stunned by her shout, that nobody moves. Karin smiles at a job well done (now we’ll never convince her that she used the wrong word). Finally, the team recovers enough to kill the remaining guard.
Mitchell heads to the left. Then team realizes that there are three more bad guys approaching and split up. (Nun)Chuck and Karin go to the right, Jack stays by the boat, and Fiona heads off toward Mitchell.
Mitchell shoots the guard that is heading towards him.
Jack and Fiona shoot the guard coming towards them. He dies of multiple bullet wounds.
Karin shoots at the guard approaching (Nun)Chuck and her, but misses. (Nun)Chuck then makes a guard ke-bob (I think that’s some sort of Oriental culinary masterpiece) by impaling the man on one of his swords. Unfortunately, he is still alive. Jack shoots the guard in the head. Finally, he hits his target!
As (Nun)Chuck is trying to retrieve his swords, he is hit upside the head by the flat edge of a sword. Karin radios to the team that (Nun)Chuck is surrounded by a bunch of armed men and a robed figure that can only be Flunky Flinn. Flunky Flinn is trying to get (Nun)Chuck to pick up his swords so they can engage in Mortal Kombat.
Mitchell and Fiona are headed toward the center of the island in the hopes that Sir Keene Elliott will be killed by a stray bullet (preferably one of theirs) .
Loony Laura and company are making their way to the beach where the rest of the team is and the Bungalow Brigade is not too far behind (they’d probably be closer but Paris had to exchange her knightly joust heels with a pair of serviceable melee on the beach flats).
Anyway, that’s where we are: I am doggie paddling (just kidding) to the sub with the rest of the Scu-Bee Doos, (Nun)Chuck is about to exchange blows with Flunky Flinn (we’re a little concerned because he’s not in a restroom), Fiona and Mitchell are searching for Sir Keene Elliott, Paris and crew are heading toward the action, and Karin and Jack are hiding in the bushes to watch (Nun)Chuck’s battle. Lordy, I’d try and pop some extra-strength aspirins, but I’m sure that the salt water would have some adverse affect on my wonder pills.