I’ll bet you thought we were done after the last report. So did we. However, the hostages have revealed that they were traveling with 10 other people, all of whom are being used as slave laborers. The slaves will be killed and an oil-carrying tanker will be sunk, causing an ecological disaster, the next night. Hmmmm. Moral dilemma.
Our thoughts (I believe) were as follows: Annalee - of course we have to help them, they are American citizens. Paris - well, I am getting kind of bored with the whole salad thing. (Up)Chuck - why not, it doesn’t involve consuming South American water. Jacques - how much money do you think is in the castle. Sheila (of course, I know these were my thoughts) - do we risk life and limb for a bunch of possibly penniless people? Is it any dumber than assaulting Le French Boat?
(Up)Chuck remarks that he is not suffering la mal de mer, so Squid and Cult test the theory by taking us on a wild rocking ride. Although Annalee and Vince are feeling slightly green around the gills, they manage to not puke. Until (Up)Chuck makes an obnoxious comment to Vince, who then turns and projectile vomits on (Up)Chuck’s leg.
Anyway, we decide that we’ll go storm the castle. (Up)Chuck goes with Cult to see what they can find out about the castle. After making a call to ISIS, the agency, not the goddess, (Up)Chuck returns with Jacques bait. He gives a cryptic message about how we should abort the planned assault because of Mulroy.
Vince can barely contain his excitement. A chance to kill Mulroy! The slaves and the impending ecological disaster are no longer important. As always, the rest of us get suckered into Vince’s (lack-of) plan.
We stop at a small fishing village to put the wounded former-kidnappees ashore. Paris was going to stay with them, but there was an appalling lack of salad bars, restaurants, and eligible men. However, there were grapefruit. (Up)Chuck stares dumbfounded at the beautiful citrus display and volunteers to stay with the kidnappees.
So Paris, Annalee, Vince and I get back on Cult and Squid’s boat and head toward the castle. Upon arriving, we all stare up at the 150 foot cliff face. We volunteer Vince to go up and throw down a rope. Vince begins his ascent. Then his descent (which was much faster). "It’s okay," he mumbles, "the rocks broke my fall." Since he can’t make sand angels in the rock, he gets up, hands me his bullet proof sleeves and climbs up again.
Paris and I make it up fairly easily, but the rope comes loose when Annalee is 132 feet up. "I’ve got it, " Vince yells. Followed by, "No I don’t." I manage to grab the rope and we pull Annalee up.
We stand at the top of the cliff, and Vince puts his sleeves back on. As we follow the wall of the castle, Vince is befuddled by a doorless handle. Deciding that he couldn’t defeat that technological marvel, he motions us to move on.
We go to the lower wall and Paris throws our makeshift grappling hook over the edge. Vince climbs up and waves. We wave back. Then he motions for us to climb up. We all make it to the top of the wall and look around. There is an area under construction where there is some activity. We decide to go into the castle. The main door is locked. Vince goes to the service entrance and attempts to pick the lock. Finally, Paris, the agent not the city, pushes him aside and unlocks the door. Cautiously, they open the door. They do the silent "I set off the alarm scream" and quickly replace the wire in the contact. We make our way inside.
We find a secret passage and go upstairs. There is a radio room with four men in it. Rather than risk detection, we opt to go back downstairs. We go all the way down and search around. We have not had much luck finding anything.
Suddenly, we hear the sounds of an assault. Apparently, we are not the only ones storming the castle!!!
Vince runs back to the radio room and we follow. He stops in the doorway and shoots. He actually manages to get some good hits in, but gets shot himself and falls to the ground. Annalee then begins firing, while Vince does his Wonder Woman impression and uses his bullet proof sleeves to ward off bullets.
Annalee and Vince kill the four bad guys and we head outside to rescue the hostages. Paris (who may now be known as the salad shooter) starts shooting, but her gun "breaks." I shoot and kill my target. Vince shoots, but his gun also jams. Annalee then shoots her target. The bad guys shoot back and one gets me in the head. Now I’m pissed! I kill the uninjured guard. Paris uses her other gun, but that one also "breaks." Meanwhile, Annalee and Vince, having cleared his gun, take care of the rest.
Now, even though Vince has not only not tried the friendly sternum rub, but he has also kept his distance, one of the hostages grabs a gun and shoots him. He is developing a complex.
So we throw the ropes back over the side of the castle and descend, and although Vince and Annalee are the only ones who practiced this move already, we all make it down without further mishap. When we get to the bottom, we realize that the Chileans are the other group attacking the castle.
Wow, two semi-successful missions in a row! Our heads are beginning to swell! All of course, except Vince, who is rather annoyed to learn that the message from ISIS, the agency, not the goddess, said the castle belonged to Mulroy, not that he was there.
Oh yeah, and everywhere we went in the castle, Vince left notes saying, "Jack says hey!"
Training Recommendations
Annalee:
Vince:
Paris:
Sheila:
(Up)Chuck: