Okay, so maybe the last mission went a little haywire. But it was all the fault of the now deceased international terrorist Jacques La Lane! ISIS, however, felt that a training mission was in order. Annalee and I knew it was a training mission, but Jacques, aka Vince Larkin, (Up)Chuck and Nadine did not.
So, training was the order for the night. Did we benefit? Doubtful. However, the NYPD had the opportunity to respond to numerous "false" alarms, shots fired and a car accident.
Our mission: to boldly go where others have gone before (now that a certain alarm omission has been corrected) and steal some crated artwork.
The team: Annalee, the major with what was once a nice car, Jack/Vince who is now gambling in the stock market, Nadine, the greedy - even for a thief - thief, (Up)Chuck who finally managed to stay healthy long enough to fly back to the United States and me, and I have my life back, now that Jacques La Lane has been blamed for the European disaster.
We carefully go through the plans to the building of Flash Studios and find yet another flaw in the alarm system: a window that has been left without any contacts on it. Satisfied that we have a good idea of how to get to the basement vault, we make a shopping list and go to Staples and the Home Depot.
The major and I go to the studio and try to occupy some of the employee’s time so Nadine and Vince can get a look around. (Up)Chuck has gone next door to the Gentlemen’s Club (can you believe they let him in?) to do some reconnaissance on a stripper named Bambi. The Dynamic Duo come in to the store disguised as a Russian tourist couple who have broken their camera.
Vince has instructed Nadine to complain loudly about the camera situation and use a limited English vocabulary. He attempts to explain his camera situation as she offers that her husband, or Dickhead as he may be known from this point forward, broke the camera. A fairly convoluted conversation involving racially motivated black market deals, dickheads and communists ensues.
Nadine and Vince leave the studio and Vince, who is now totally caught up in the whole phallic thing, goes for a hot dog, while Nadine returns for a roll of film. She doesn’t know what speed film to get, so she goes back outside to check with Dickhead.
We meet for dinner to discuss our progress: Nadine and Vince have made a lasting impression on the store employees, the major and I have an appointment to have our picture taken for Nana and (Up)Chuck has committed Bambi’s performance schedule to memory.
We decide to put our plan into action Saturday night. Annalee and I wait outside the building for "Flash" to leave. We follow him first to a restaurant and then a club, and inform the team that they can go in. While (Up)Chuck stands guard in the alley, the Dynamic Duo stealthily make their way to the fourth floor un-contacted window.
They are momentarily stumped by the bullet proof glass because they were supposed to cut through it, but then use their lock pick set to open it. They make it in and descend to the third floor. Unfortunately, we erred in our planning and they will have to make it through several more alarmed doors than we thought.
Vince defeats the door contact, well, almost and sets the alarm off momentarily. They hide while the house-boy tries the door and returns upstairs. They cautiously descend to the first floor. There they unlock the door and defeat the contact, well, almost and damage the keypad in order to stop the alarm. They go to the basement and hide again.
(Up)Chuck has been monitoring the radio for police activity. Realizing that the police are on their way, he runs down the block to meet them and tells them that a man with a package was seen running down the street away from the building. They thank him and drive past him to the studio.
As the cops are searching the building for an intruder, (Up)Chuck goes to a pay phone to call 911. He makes a distress call and discharges a round into the sidewalk. Back at the building, the police leave post-haste without finding Vince and Nadine.
Annalee has hidden in the trunk of her car, and I valet park it where "Flash’s" car is parked. She then triumphantly leaps out of the trunk to give his car a flat in order to delay his return home. Oh wait, wrong mission. No, she calls me on the cell phone to get her out of the trunk which has latched shut and won’t open.
Vince and Nadine emerge from hiding and finally make it to the vault. After dealing with the security inside the vault via the panels outside the door, they go to work on the safe. It becomes apparent that they are not going to be able to open it without some Tim Allen-type safe tools. Vince goes to the garage, rolls well and finds a device labeled Acme Vault Opener.
Vince and Nadine go to work on the vault and Vince thinks to himself, "I am really hot," but then realizes that is only because he is burning his fingers on the overheated drill bits.
Outside in the alley, (Up)Chuck feels his illness kicking in again. Then he realizes that it is not his stomach rumbling, but the vibration from the Acme Vault Opener, and the US Geological survey office reports that there was some seismic activity in the Metropolitan area this evening.
Back at the club, "Flash" is in his car on the way back. (Up)Chuck gets a description of the car and the occupants from us and calls 911 again to report a traffic incident in which the couple pulled a gun on him. The police stop them several blocks from home (where they had all gone in search of a madman firing bullets into the sidewalk).
Meanwhile, back at the studio, the Dynamic Duo have gained entry to the vault. Nadine is horrified at the empty shelves of the vault. They open the crates only to find that the artwork has been forged. Nadine proceeds to slash the fake art work. Almost as pissed at the empty shelves as was Jack when the French authorities got his gambling money, Nadine makes her way quietly to the third floor gallery. Did I say quietly? Sure if you don’t count the sounds of breaking objects, including a big-screen TV. And of course, there is the small matter of the alarm box, which has now definitely been tripped. Unable to disarm it quickly and out of patience, she shoots it. Did I say she shot it? No, not it, but there is a new art deco design in what’s left of the wall around it.
The "Flash" diversion has not worked (surprise) and he is heading for the apartment again. Why we took it this far, I don’t know, but Annalee and I want to slow his arrival down, so I get in front of him and slow down. There is much bird-flipping. When he tries to get around me at the next intersection, a combination of bad dice rolls results in an accident and an hysterical Annalee, whose car has just been totaled.
(Up)Chuck sees a man leaving the building via the fire escape and radios to Vince that there is man in a blazer with a gun coming out. At first, Vince is dismayed at the thought of a Blazer driving onto the fire escape, but then pictures an article of clothing and feels better. A light bulb goes on in Vince’s head and he realizes that this a training mission. He shares his revelation with (Up)Chuck as well as the fact that the weapons have been loaded with paint pellets.
Nadine steals some portraits off the wall and goes to the street in front of the building. Vince leaves out the back and sneaks away. The ISIS man comes off the fire escape and catches (Up)Chuck, who reveals that he knows it is a training mission. Annalee is being treated for hysteria and I (believe it or not) am feeling really bad about her car.
The real Flash pulls up to his building and confronts Nadine, who is carrying his pictures, on the street. He asks for his pictures back and she offers to sell them to him.
Nadine grabs (Up)Chuck, who is walking back towards the Gentlemen’s club, and asks him to wait with her. Flash returns and invites them to the Gentlemen’s club with him. (Up)Chuck reminds her that, should she need protection, all he can do is stain their clothing with a paint pellet.
Flash offers Nadine several methods of payment, and she opts for the exclusive Mediterranean Cruise in order to make the cash exchange.
So, while Nadine may be about to come into some money and (Up)Chuck may be cultivating a relationship with a stripper named Bambi, the rest of us were not so lucky. Vince got a really bad nickname, Annalee got a smashed car and I got a headache. (And Flash’s alarm consultant may get a new pair of concrete shoes.)
Somewhere in Europe, Paris, the agent, not the city, has had a lovely evening.
Training recommendations:
Nadine:
Vince:
(Up)Chuck:
Annalee:
Sheila: