Europe

When I think of all the fun I could have with Swedish names in reports, I am saddened by the fact that we've never been there. Of course, it's cold, but for a pale skinned person like me, that's not necessarily a drawback.

Finland, the land of Reindeer. Yes, I know there are other things there, lots of snow and ice, but reindeer is the thing that sticks in my mind. I could never bring Jack there - too close to Mother Russia. Talk of his БАБУШКА (Jack has an incredible attachment to his grandmother) would just drive me insane and all the duct tape in the world wouldn't be able to save him.

Now that I've finished thinking about possible travel to Scandanavia, between Finland and Sweden, I don't think I could bear a trip to one more really cold place. Of course, if I never make it to Sweden or Finland, I could always have fun with Norse names.

After the Russian's brutal treatment of Jack's fingers (and Jack is one of them (the Russians, not his fingers), more or less), why would we want to go to Russia? However, the fates conspire against us in matters such as these, and perhaps we will someday be forced to travel to Mother Russia.

Poland, the land of my ancestors. Home of the people with names that the GM cannot pronounce. Someday, I will go there just to annoy him with Wikowksis, Wozniaks, Kwiakowskis and yes, even the occasional Lewinsky. And in case you wondered, every time I get talked into some stupid Jack plan, I do recall from whence the prior generations hailed.

If they thought our first experience in Italy would go smoothly, they shouldn't have made Jack the operative. Just kidding, Jack. This team will screw up no matter who is in charge. Oh, and the rumor is true. Emma Rose is hiding out in Italy.

Who was it who said, 'the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on history is the belief that Hitler was German and Beethoven was Austrian?' The few times I have passed through Austria, I have usually had encounters with the police and/or bad guys. I try to keep my distance.

You know, now that I think of it, we haven't offended anybody (recently) in Spain. I think I shall plan my next vacation there.