J O U R N A L :::

April 12, 1996
The Dream that Started It All

I wake sweating and scared.
After a glance around the room, I reached over and shook my husband awake and started to tell him the dream. He's peeved that I woke him, and get's up to get some water. I followed him to the kitchen all the while relating the dream. That a UFO landed in the yard and aliens rushed into the house. I stopped, pointed out the window for effect, and said, "It landed right there in the yard. And the skies even looked the same." And then I gasped and jumped away as a UFO landed in the yard.

My husband saw it too from the kitchen throughway. "Oh shit!"
Everything turned to chaos. Loud noises and rumbling, shouting. My husband and I ran toward the bedrooms, knowing they were already in the house.

I wake sweating and scared. Again.
I held still and looked around the room, then reached over and shook my husband awake and started to tell him the dream. He get's up to get some water. I followed him to the kitchen all the while relating the dream. I stopped, pointed out the window for effect, and said, "It landed right there in the front yard. And the sky even looked the same." And then I gasped and jumped away as a UFO landed in the yard.

My husband saw it too from the kitchen throughway. "Jesus, fuck!"
Everything turned to chaos. Loud noises and rumbling, shouting. My husband and I ran toward bedrooms and he grabbed our daughter, and I paused at the second room. Too late, they were behind me and I rushed after my husband through the bedroom to the addition where his office was.
My husband held our daughter and tried to phone for help, while I slammed the office door.

The door blew open and they rushed in.

I could hear my husband screaming; a terrible thing to hear a man scream. But I was paralyzed with terror, so strong I couldn't even do anything to help my own family.

A girl who appeared to be my age was suddenly poised directly in front of me. Straight, blonde hair, and large, dark, almond shaped eyes. She even resembled me somewhat.
Choked words came from my mouth. "Please, please! Oh God! This isn't real!"
She mimicked me, word for word, her voice soft and raspy, though her mouth didn't move, just a faint smile, perhaps amusement.
Her imitations of me took the terror to a level brodering insanity, and at that moment I realized I could not wake up and it was all real.
"Oh God, oh God," I sputtered, "this really is real! I'm not dreaming! This is real!"
She repeated my words, over and over. "This is real. This is real. This is real." And all the while I could still hear screaming, and I started to scream, too.

I woke again, sweating and terrified. It was four thirty in the morning. I lay there for over an hour. Afraid to wake my husband, afraid it would repeat itself. Sometime during the wee hour when light of dawn started to show, I finally went back to sleep.

Of course in the bright light of day, I related this all back to my husband. I should also point out, our second child was just a over a week old, and was in that second room. Why I didn't go in is beyond me. It's possible, as a dream, he was too new to the family for me too include. As a dream, it could all be interpreted as running from the newfound pressures of having a second child.
As anything else, it was suggested to me years later, that someone's intentions were for him to be left alone in that room.

Whatever happened, whatever it meant, the realness of it never left. And there are other things that ply at that memory; floating things, and a dark place. But mostly I remember the fear and screams. And, that there is a gibbering point of madness that anyone can reach when pushed far enough.

It was some six months later we discovered the internet, and my search for answers started there, and has continued every since.
With each connection I made to things in the past, each opening of the mind to explore and discard concepts and ideas, some things changed. But the nightmares kept coming.