J O U R N A L :::

October 22, 1997

Well it's real. Really real. I think. So damn hazy now, not sure, but I thought it was real. I'm 80% sure it was real.
Woke up last nite, went to the bathroom. Came out and stood in the living room. Thought about peeking out the huge window there, which I often do at night anyway. But I didn't, just stood there thinking about it. And Wham!

Oh it was fucking unreal. Let me tell you, man, I don't know how to explain it. I stood there and it was like a whoosh in the air, my perception of the room shifted for just a second. And in that instant, a second doesn't give you much time to think or do or say anything. But it seems like I thought a lot.

That moment, it was all real. I knew I was awake, I knew they were there, beside me, I felt an enveloping terror that they would do this to me. I always wondered what would happen, how I would react, to have them appear in non dream time. Wondered if I would pee on myself with fear, be traumatized, vomit. None of those things happened. My terror appeared and disappeared in the same space of time it took to blink.

I was paralyzed. Beside me, I felt cool soft hands take my wrists on either side. It was the browns. I couldn't see them, but I knew it from their touch, the musty sweet smell they have. Not sour like the greys.

I was moved, another blink. I was lying on the floor in my living room, looking up, and now I could see them.

I felt the fear returning and then something else. I seemed to find the strength to speak past the paralysis. It was hard to speak, form words, and I knew they wouldn't understand what I was saying, but would understand what I was implying. I was angry, not mad, but frustrated. I asked them something like "why did you come here, why keep doing this. I don't understand."

They actually seemed to smile at this. More of a mental thing, amused at my attempt to argue, pleased that I had the strength to do it. Why, pleased I don't know, just what I felt from them. I swear I could almost see their small mouths, corners turning slightly upwards. There were two directly in my line of sight on each side of me. But there were more, I'm sure. And then I woke up in bed. It was 3am.

I think part of what was so cool, was seeing them arrive. The whole room shifted, like a wormhole, a twist, something shifting in the air at their interruption. No actual hole, but the perception of dropping through rendered fabric. I really can't describe it but see it so clearly. Everything after that was similar to a dreamstate. A hypnotic state perhaps?
Well, whether this was real or not, it was defintely strange. Thought I'd share it with you.

Descriptions

(My reply to some questions)

Well the browns are kind of hard to explain. They do look like the greys, but then again they don't.

They don't seem to wear clothes. Their bodies seem small and underdeveloped like children, like greys. Thin gangly arms and legs, skin feels smooth, hairless. Much like an infants smooth skin. The skin colour is harder to describe. Light coffee with lots of milk, but seeming marbelized with darker streaks of color, like natural suede leather.
Their hands are small, narrow and delicate looking, but very strong. Or maybe the illusion of strength. The face is even harder to describe. The head is more in proportion with the body than the way greys are depicted. The first time I saw them, the head seemed more oval and the eyes were small and palest blue, almost lost in the white. I remember thinking, "God they're ugly." But then I'd never seen one to my memory. The face had odd little pouches of wrinkles around the eyes, giving the appearance of old age, but not old. I think I had described them to you then.

This second time I saw them they were somewhat different but I felt the were the same group or type. And it's hard to say because in a slower state of mind I can only seem to focus on one area of the face at a time. The eyes were larger this time though not very large. No whites, all brown. The face seemed to have the same wrinkles, and at one point the face seemed to change back to the one I had seen before and then returned to as I describe them now. The mouth was small both times. I really believe I saw the closest thing to a smile.

It would seem from physical description that I am telling of two different types. But they aren't. Why would I think that? They feel the same, the skin is the same, the touch and smell the same. Their prescence and persona were the same. I still find them somewhat ugly but in a softer sort of way. They seem to mean no harm that I have sensed each of these two times.
In fact they feel friendly as if in another time or place they could be someone I would share a joke with. (gee I hope nothing happens to change my perception of this) My meeting of them the first time and their surprise at my fear, their attempt to quell that fear and then this time. Their easy going nature and friendly amusement despite my being frustrated has led me to feel this way.

I know there have been visits by others. I have seen the blonde, who seems to be more of a parental figure, the tall thin leather brown, who feels like an authority figure, short stocky ones that I can't describe which I fear, and the first episode with the true greys which frightened me badly.

To read this, it seems I am truly insane. I mean who sees all these things and especially more than one. Who am I to be priveleged or subjected with this kind of recall? I sure don't know.

I have however come to the conclusion that I am not so much afraid of the browns, I feel I like them, but more afraid of the suddeness or something like that. I fear their physical selves in my own reality, but once here, I don't feel it as much. This could be due to my own feelings or to some manipulation on their part. I'm just glad they make it go away, so that I have some semblance of function and self control.