F O R W A R D ::: Alien phenomena, nightmares, phobias, ghosts

Forward

How does a person try to describe something outside the norms of reality? How do they reach the balance between belief and disbelief?
There aren't any easy answers. Everything is subjectional, depending on who you are, who you know. And most people realize, they risk everything by broaching a subject that a majority scoffs at.
Why risk the ridicule? It would be so much easier to stay silent. But there's a need to tell.
For some, a very small some, that need may be for attention. Being or believing something different will get you noticed to an extent.
But I think for most, it's a need connect with others who have knowledge of the same ideas, or beliefs, and to know they aren't alone in some mass insanity.

After years of starting, and never completing journals on a variety of strange events, I've come to realize, that I may never be able to say one way or the other what is happening in my life, or of others. There are no pictures, no hard facts and evidence; not in my case. No implants that I'm aware of, no events that match the norm of what an abduction or contact experience is supposed to be, as related by common media.
There are those in the UFO community who assure me that everyone is different, that not all encounters are text book, made-for-movie, experiences.

Some people have vivid experiences, eye witness accounts, scars, implants... and others speak of contact on a dimensional level. That of psychic rape, or even love, torment with little evidence, or feelings of well being and protection, depending on who you speak to, and what type of visitor is paying the visit. And the visitor accounts can be as varied as one type to many types, the latter making the whole thing even less believable in some eyes.
Many people have vivid childhood accounts of monsters, that in adult life, manifest in nightmares and phobias. Others are the reverse, recalling fear of the dark and ghosts, that now manifests as real 'monsters', or aliens as the topic is, they've only begun to realize as they piece their life together.

The Short Version

I fall somewhere in between all of the above.
As a child, there are recollections of ghosts, balls of light, monsters, and even missing time. As a teen, it was nightmares and a pervasive paranoia, that I was being watched, would be attacked, would be stolen away. I took great pains to avoid 'abduction' (by anyone) by wearing clothes to bed, running shoes, setting occasional traps by the bed. And sabotaging all that by sleeping with the radio on so I wouldn't hear any strange noises.

My twenties were the same, and followed by an acute phobia of night.
It wasn't just a simple fear of the dark. Nightfall brought the bogey man. Once the lights went out, there'd be no escape into bright, safe, sunlight. Perversely, I'd once loved the night and all the secrets it held, and I still longed for what I'd once enjoyed.
In particular, the phobia revolved around the house. I feared the lights going out, things behind doorways, dark rooms, and ... really stupid things like my kids toys and the laundry.
Go ahead and snicker, but I was terrified that those things would come to life, float up from where they lay and launch at me, wrapping around and smothering me, or worse. Think of the movie "Poltergiest" and you'll get a better picture of what I imagined, most simply because it was what my nightmares often involved; things floating around the room, entrapping, and smothering me in darkness. I slept with the lights on for over a year.

In my late twenties, a culmination of events brought me to where I am today. Two extreme, and very alien 'nightmares', an immersion in the UFO community, and subsequent withdrawal, a hypnosis session, all have left me with the realization that no one knows what's going on. And though I realize something is going on, I retain belief tempered with skepticism.
In other words, I don't know.

Afterward

I'm in my thirties now. I no longer fear my home, the night, or any number of 'silly' things. Occasionally, I'm afraid to sleep, or to wake. It's not the dark I fear, but what hides in the dark. There are still nightmares and strange events, but they're fewer for whatever reason. And I see now, a similar pattern evolving in my children. My attentions, and events that happen, are more often diverted to protecting them. Terror has been replaced by injustice, and the night's battle cry has more often changed from, "Why?", to, "Get the hell out of my house!"

Psychosis, dream state, reality... Whatever it is that manifests itself remains unexplainable, in my life, and I'm sure many others.
My extended family is that of skeptics, coworkers would scoff, and any career go down the drain. However, I cannot deny that something strange is going on.
What I offer are dreams and events as best as I can recall, and some commentary on the side as to what could or might have happened, where applicable. I'm not stating that anything is true or false, or right or wrong as a behavior, or even real or not. But there are people who need to know they aren't alone, and if something is afoot, then someone will need all the information possible to find out why and what it is that's happening to so many.