All this in tribute to Ana, who gave Jareth's penis a name.


Subject: [labyfic] Welcome to McDonalds (or Jareth forgets his medicine)
Date: Tuesday, May 25, 1999 11:15 PM

The cheeseburger hit the McDonald's clerk in the face and Jareth leapt on
the counter, grabbing her by her long hair. "NO PICKLES!" he screeched. "I
TOLD you, no pickles. There are pickles on my sandwich you horrid creature.
PICKLES!" He sputtered, a ribbon of drool running down his unshaven chin.

The clerk grimaced. Damn these wacko homeless weirdos. Bad enough that this
one came in every day and threatened the soda machine. But now he was
complaining about messed up food he hadn't even ordered. That cheeseburger
belonged to someone else, who had since fled for the door.

"Sir, let go of me." She said politely. "You don't even have a sandwich."

"Don't change the subject." Jareth screamed. "I bet you pet hampsters,
don't you? DON"T YOU!!!!" He flung a muffin on the floor and glared at it.
"And that's enough out of you as well, Mr. Muffin."

"Sir, that muffin is innocent." The girl stammered.

"SILENCE! Do you know who I am? I am a KING you wet twinkie." He ripped off
his shirt, displaying a tattoo of Jerry Lewis emblazed on his chest. "Does
THIS strike your fancy? Humm?"

"Sir, I really think you need to go home." The McDonald's clerk informed
him.

"I am home. Excuse me. I'm going to bed now." He dropped her and climbed
into a trash can, muttering about fried mushrooms all being tools of Satan.

The girl sighed. She hated Mondays. Brightly she turned to the next person.
"Welcome to McDonald's. Make I take your order please?"

"Only if I can take your toenails." The woman snarled at her and stomped on
the muffin. "It was looking up my skirt." She explained.

It was going to be a LONG day.