| Setting: Jarrett's birthday Jarrett: Uh huh. Cool. Cake and stuff. Ritu: Okay, time to open presents! Here Jarrett, open Julie's first Jarrett: Uh huh cool. I had one of these when I was little! (one of those round things that where you pull the string and it says "the cow goes "moo" mooooooooooooo.) (Jarrett giggles and continues to be amused by Julie's gift) Audrea: (pouts) Jarrett! You're not paying attention to me! I'm cute! Jarrett: (continues to play with Julie's toy) Julie: Just face it Audrea, he loves me more than he loves you. Audrea: (snatches toy out of Jarrett's hand and breaks it) Jarrett: Uh huh. What did you do that for? (starts to cry) Lupino: Real men don't cry! Stop crying you sissy bastard! Before I bitchslap you! Your wussiness might be contagious. Julie: Real men also don't wear dresses on a regular basis Jarrett: Its my party and I'll cry if I want to Ritu: Someone is knocking at the door Audrea: I'll get it! Cuz I'm an Audrea! Audrea likes to answer the door! Jeremy Jones: Hi guys! What's up? I know you didn't invite me or anything but I figured it might have been a mistake because we're all friends and I know you wouldn't not invite a friend to your party! So what's up? (plops himself in the middle of Jarrett and Audrea on the couch) What's the matter dude? Why are you crying? Aw, its okay. Come here. Cry on my shoulder. I know what its like to feel pain. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Ritu: Jarrett, stop crying. I have a very special surprise for you. Jarrett: Uh huh. I like surprises! Ritu: That's right. For your birthday Billy is going to give you a lap dance. (Billy comes out wearing skimpy thong) Billy: I don't know how you talked me into this. (mutters obscenities) Lupino: I always knew you were a fag! Jeremy: Yeah me too! He tried hitting on me once Everyone: SHUT UP JJ! Jarrett: Yeah. Uh huh. Shut up I want my lapdance. Audrea: He's not gay! He flirts with me all the time! Because I'm an Audrea! Billy: I need a joint. Oh fuck this. I'm leaving. Jarrett: He's not giving me my surprise? (sniffles) Julie: Oh no, not again. (grabs spoon and hands it to Jarrett) Look Jarrett: Shiny! Jarrett and Audrea: oooooooh! Ritu: Its okay Jarrett, my present is even better than my surprise. (retreats into room and fetches cage with armadillo in it) Armadillo: Sup Homeslices? Word. Everyone: (gasps) Oh my god! It's a talking armadillo! Armadillo: Damn, ya'll act like you've neva seen a talking armadillo befo. I'm so sick of you damn honkeys treating me like I'm different than you. Julie: You are different. You are an armadillo that talks. Armadillo: Why you gotta be hatin? Can't a nigga get some peace? Ritu: What is he saying? I don't understand slang Jarrett: Uh huh huh. COOL! Thanks Ritu! Julie: Okay guys, time to cut the cake. I'll cut it. Keep the sharp things away from Aud and Jarrett. Ritu: Everybody put on their birthday hats! Lupino: No way I'm not wearing this gay thing! FUCK THAT! (tears hat) Aud: Audrea looks cute in this hat! Jarrett: Uh huh huh huh huh Jeremy: I remember my fifth birthday. My dad ran out on me and he went to go have sex with a prostitute instead of be there for my birthday. Its okay though. I'm not mad. I mean yeah he scarred me for life and ruined my chances at ever having sex Ritu: Oh my god, someone please SAVE ME from this freak show Zac Hanson: My darling, I heard you calling Hey cool that rhymes. Maybe I should make that into a song. Anyways, I heardÊ you calling and I'm here to save you from your misery. Run away with me. Hey that rhymed too! I think we have a new hit single! Those Nsync bastards won't be on top for long! I can grab my crotch too Ritu: Ooh, I can grab your crotch too. Anyways, sorry Jules but I'm out of here. You are on your own. Jarrett: Uh huh huh. Cake is good. Audrea: Not as good as Audrea! Lupino: Can't you two eat your damn cake without making such a fucking mess? What the hell is the matter with you? You've got frosting all over your fucking faces! UGH! Jeremy Jones: And then, I found out that he used to frosting on my cake to put all over the prostituteÊ and lick off Armadillo: What? And I don't get cake? Of course the armadillo doesn't get cake! YOU BIGOT BASTARDS! Julie: *screams- NOOOOOOOOOO!!! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!! I can't take it anymore! (starts twitching uncontrollably) Will Julie be saved from the circus freaks? Find out on the next episode of "Folks from Tennessee" |
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