Chief: This is outrageous! I'm beside myself with rage!
Capt: I don't understand. In my culture it's the nuptuals who make
confessions before the vows.
Fount: So you finally admit the truth! But couldn't you have waited until
after the wedding?
Fox: You're a fraud!
Feath: A charlitan!
Arrow: A fake!
Dew: It's absolutely unforgivable!
Roost: I think I've been traumatized!
(enter Daisy and Canoe)
Chief: Daisy! Were you aware of your guardian's deception?
Daisy: Deception?
Chief: By his own confession, he knows no magic what-so-ever!
Canoe: How awful! Your apprenticeship has been for nothing!
Fount: The only thing he's good for is interrupting wedding ceremonies!
Daisy: Oh, shock, oh, horror, oh, confusion!
Squir: Oh, faithlessness, oh, ingratitude, oh, betrayal!
Fount: Oh, anger, oh, justice, oh, vengeance! The tribe will make you pay for
your trickery! You will be left in the desert with no food or water!
You will be hung from your heels! You will be flogged and stoned!
Squir: My love, such words to your future husband.
Fount: What? How dare you?
Squir: (taking contract from Fountain's pocket) According to our contract,
you must marry me this very day because I'm not capable of spelling
a husband for you.
(Rooster gives contract to Chief)
Fount: But David!
Squir: What about him? Did I spell him for you? I think not.
Chief: According to this peculiar contract, I'm afraid there's no helping it.
After Squirrel's terrible confession, you must indeed marry him.
Fount: Tell me this is a joke!
Chief: But the anger of the tribe is another issue. A severe punishment is
in order!
Tribe: Hear! Hear!
Squir: Now, now, Chief, once I've married Gushing Fountain, you really can't
torture me. I'll be Indian Royalty too. You wouldn't want to set a
precident.
Chief: True. But I don't see any reason why the wedding should be immediate.
We still have a few good hours left for a little torture before the
unfortunate union.
Squir: On the contrary, Chief, I don't see any reason not to put the penalty
clause into effect immediately!
Roost: I do. Who knows? Perhaps one of our gods will take pity on you and
endow you with the abilities you've previously claimed. Then you
could fullfill your contract.
Chief: A good point. You woudn't have to marry Fountain and we could still
punish you for deceiving us. Everybody wins!
Squir: But I don't deserve to be tortured! What have I done that was so bad?
Chief: Take a look around, Squirrel. Because of you, my daughter's wedding
has been ruined, all these fine men must be burned at the stake, and
there will be no peace between our tribes! All this because my daughter
cannot marry a cavalry soldier!
Squir: Is it my fault I never joined the cavalry?
Chief: (struck with a deus ex machina, he briefly consults Captain Ferguson)
Flying Squirrel, I believe I have hit on a way you could make everyone
very happy. You may not be able to spell but you do have the power to
make the man my daughter must marry and the soldier I want
her to marry, the same individual.
Squir: I do?
Chief: Yes. Do you think you could see it in your way to join the American
Cavalry right before marrying my daughter?
Squir: I? Join the American Cavalry?
Chief: It would make so many people so very happy. (significantly) Happy
enough to over-look past indiscretions.
Squir: And I wouldn't have to be tortured?
Chief: No, you wouldn't have to be tortured.
Tribe: (disappointed that Squirrel escaped punishment) Ohhhh!
Squir: (reluctantly) I agree then.
(the tribe grumbles)
Chief: (to tribe) Two words: Boot Camp!
Tribe: (satisfied) Ahhhhh!
Fount: I waited twenty years for this?
Chief: Look at all the good you've done, Fountain. Soon, the Cavalry will
be free to go and there will be lasting peace between our peoples.
You will live at the fort and be our ambassador.
And David, poor broken-hearted David, you may find this hard to
believe but some day you will love again!
David: Daisy!
Daisy: David!
David: Oh, bliss!
Daisy: Oh, joy!
Both: Oh, eternal rapture!
Chief: Well, he certainly wasn't long about it.
