In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

At a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

At a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

A Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Coolers and Heaters: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor.

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive sideways

In a Beijing department store: Mickey Mouse High Fashion Apparel

Name of small guest house in mountains of northern Pakistan: 'Sea View Hotel'

On a menu in a Hong Kong restaurant: Spanish omelet (tomatoes, mushrooms, onion) Omelets surprise (two parsons)

On CD cover of local artists singing various western songs, name of well-known Roberta Flack song: 'Tonight I calibrate my love for you'