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Below are some of the most commonly observed classroom seating patterns. Their circumstances are explained as far as our knowledge can dictate, and they have been named for your convenience.
 This phenomenon usually occurs during the first day of a class where the students do not know one another. Notice how they attain the maximum uniform space ratio, a bold statement of each student's functionality in a nameless system of order. The most common exception to the rule of non-acquaintance is the possibility of bad blood between students, in which case the two affected parties typically sit at opposite ends of the room.
 This arrangement is perhaps the most common among non-freshman level classes, where some students are likely to know one another, but not many. In essence, the pattern closely matches that of its predecessor, up until the disruptions in the maximum uniform space ratio. The small clumps scattered among the otherwise ideal "checker" arrangement have a tendency to fill the loners with unease.
 Perhaps most common in Junior High and various core classes among the educational spectrum, the "Clique-Master" represents the humble beginnings of society gone wrong. Each student sticks to their corner of the four-way grudge arena. Although not the most socially beneficial arrangement, the "Clique-Master" has its own merits, namely the abundance of competition between groups which, when harnessed correctly, can give education an aura of "coolness" in the eyes of each competing clique, with the exception of the pot-heads in the far left corner that are busy carving the number "420" in their respective desks.
 A variation of the "Clique-Master", the "Clusterfuck" implements all the joys of its cousin and wraps them in an air-tight wrapper of holy Hell. The difference here being the lone student lingering near the middle of the classroom, who doesn't stand a chance on any of the four continents surrounding him/her. In the rare case that this individual is incredibly secure, he or she will actually learn something this semester. More often than not, however, this nervous wreck of a loner is an F waiting to hatch.
 Particularly rare, such a system relies on the enrollment of a closely-knit gaggle of underachievers. The citizens of this kingdom of mediocrity dwell in the furthermost quarters of the learn chamber, celebrating their everlasting friendship, and coming to the realization that they will never have to put in the effort required of a civilized human being so long as they can mooch Top Ramen off one another in the future when times get tough. Meanwhile, the individual who starts off the semester with a "can-do attitude" will have the curve to thank for manifesting an A+ out of their 68%.
 Not strictly reserved for Calculus III, this pattern has the potential to occur in any high level math class; the odds of occurance double when the course is taught by a teacher that mysteriously implements '70s street slang into their Russian mathematical vocabulary. Regardless of when they derailed, all students are encouraged to attend class regularly, because as much as three-dimensional integrals hurt at any given moment, their asses will only lose half as much blood during the sideways insertion exercise of the final exam than the asses of those who skipped.
 You get the idea...
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