To day is one of those days where i feel like taking a devencive tone to anyone who talks to me just because they are talking. im in an increadibly bad moone. and haver had it with everyones fucking assumptions of me. fuck you. i dont fucking feel like being shit on. i dont care if you feel like im retarded. who cares i might be than wouldn't you feel bad. fuckers. i dont need people at work bitching at me. if im trying the best that i can give or take a fiew minutes extra sleep in the morning and I am still not good enough. fuck than fire me. dont just bitch. what are you looking for when you do that an excuse. oh im sorry. sorry. sss sa sasa sorry. im kind of stupid im lazy. you allready know that. do not expect me to improve. i have nothing to say to you. I have no logical reason for bering stupid except that you all think i am. and if im doing someting. stupid leave it at that if it has nothing to do you with your life.
Thanks Giving time of year. yes again it has come and i face all my realitives. any they all seemed to disaprove of me in some way. oh well. i guess seeing that my 17 year old brother is going to graeduate sooner than i am didn.t help the fact. but im not letting it get me down. no i will endure. i am inevetable which ever way you precieve me. ahah . well hope fully. untill i die of lung cancer. it is raining out now and i got off from work early. Yeah. i didn't know what i was going to do. the odds were against me the wind the rain. all the fucking hungry cuztomers. i work a lot now too by the way that is why i dont frequently update this. i live in a quante little place down town. a sizeable improovemeny to the crack house i was subject to living in before. there is a very friendly retired philosopher who is residing above me. he claims if i proove my self worthy and get my ged in a timely manner that he will write a letter of recomendation for me to admissions and than i can attend the next simester as apieases me. hum,mm. i dont have much of anything really to say. life for now is kind of boring .. im trying to save up money tyo improve my meager standard of living. but now i have some company so i better get going. in the words of ben.. ta ta for now. ahah
so.....humm.. i have been doing a lot of thinking lately im not as depress for all those people who are dying to hear me rant for hours and hours about how much life sucks you may jsut be out of luck. Im putting my irrationality away. if that isn't a word it is now. i realize... lets see. life still sucks but so dose everyone elses. that makes me happy. but not in the morbit way i just made it sound. i have a lot of work to do. i will be poor and slightly lonely for a long time. but i will have plenty of things to keep me buisy. though it is 3:16 and for some reason im not tyred. Im learning to meet people and keem them as fanticies in my mind that never really start and never really end but will be a pleasent thought on a rainy day. I intend to brush up on social skills some day too. but right now that isn't one of my top priorities. im in the mist of gathering my sanity enough to move out.
Well this is it im just putting shit here for now so i can set up the rest of the marvelous links to the other bull shit that will be the proceedings of the rest of this site.
So now that things are comeing to gather i guess i should wright a little bit about my self my ambitions and so one. THis is going to be boring and bland slightly monotonous but than again when youget to know me that part of me is probably thet most likeable i am a needy person that hates to be along i like to read but than again that requires being alone so i have a problem i like tom robbins and h.p. love craft and that is a fiew among some other darkfantacy anthrilogys i tend to love reading e.g. borderlands, the earth strikes back, angry candy. I dont know i like the stranger, replay, ursla la guin if that is right i'm not quiet sure but any way you should deffinetly check out all of those books... I also like to read about diseased haah EBOLA and such pleasent thoughts, and quantum phsycs and space and stuff and some philosophy as long as i dont have to get into any heated close minded discussions with philosophers(fake people who for some reason think its cool to think and brage about it.)that is how i see most philosophers. In my opnion we all fill our minds with something it just depends on what we fill it with. Please if you comment on this do not respond with any remarks about how you think because most of it someone else thought of and you are just relaying some dead geniouses thoughts that you would have never concieved unless it was written in laymens terms for us half witted americains who will never have an origional thought no matter how hard we try. History has gone on to long for us to be uneique. Any way like i was saying i fall in love seldomly but when i do i really like it and freak out when it leave and get extreemly paranoid and discet every part of me that is bad that is where i am now. Im that needy girl with a constant pitty party handing out invitations to people who feel obligated to be my friend. Hopefully i will get over it soon. I love to play guitar even thought i dont have anyone to play with or a guitar that makes noise like is should. Lack of amp or accustic tend to damper the affect of making music all the same i have lots of fun. I act stupid and rambel a lot when im arround people i dont know for a good laugh i have "adhd" or some other mailfunction that keeps me from passing any sort of class. I went to l.s.c for 2 simesters and managed to get away wiht one credit. hell atleast i didn't pay for it. I was born in boise idaho 1982 than after the birth of my brother went to medford oregon. and came here when i was 2 i was raised in a strictly fundimentalist christain home i do believe in god but reaspect others beliefs on a mellow leval. my parents got a divoece when i was in 9th grade and i freaked out i think that has something to do with me being affraid to be alone... i dont know. i hope to go back to school after i get my life togather and become an digital electrical engineer. i suppose thats all for now. I am verry bitter.
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