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The graveyard shift of the Metal City CSI Headquarters was all sitting in the break room. Catherine was holding a magazine with a sticker cover. She tried to open it but I wouldn’t budge since it was pink plastic.
“God darn it stupid magazine! Nick can you pass me that pink plastic spoon on the counter please” Catherine asked.
Nick got the spoon and threw it at Catherine. The spoon hit her right in the face.
“Your lucky I’m rubber or that would of left a mark” Catherine yelled at Nick.
“Sorry Cath I didn’t mean to whack you in the face” Nick replied trying to hold back his laughter.
Catherine ignored his apology and tried to crack open the plastic magazine. She kept prying at it and then the head of the spoon flew and hit Grissom right in the rubber temple.
“Ouch! Who threw that?” Grissom asked in pain.
All rubber hands pointed at Catherine and she looked at him innocently since she couldn’t change her expression.
“It was an accident, and if you were here on time then you wouldn’t be standing there” Catherine protested.
“Well I would have been here on time if the girl that was moving me didn’t have to go to the bathroom. She left me laying down in the middle of the hallway making me look like a corpse then maybe I wouldn’t have a migraine right now!”
“You have a rubber head you can’t have a migraine, and I thought you were the genius!”
“What’s our case tonight Griss?” Sara asked with a smile, even though she permanently smiles trying to change the subject.
Grissom took out a piece of cardboard with squiggles all over it and his plastic reading glasses with no lenses in them.
“Um Grissom, I hate to state the obvious but that’s a piece of cardboard and those glasses have no lenses in them.” Warrick stated.
“Well it’s all cardboard and plastic in this darn city! By the way our case is at Barbie Manor, we have a missing persons.”
“Oh Goodie” Catherine said sarcastically.
“Hey guys does anyone know what day it is?” Nick asked.
“The calendar has been December for like ever since it’s a god darn sticker and our watches are plastic so I don’t even know what time it is!” Sara yelled.
“Okay, everyone just calm down and take a few deep breaths” Catherine said in her soothing motherly tone even thought they couldn’t breath.
“Who’s missing?”
“Ken” Grissom answered in a one-word statement
“Ken who?” Catherine asked.
“Cath, you know that we are the only ones in this city that have last names because Metal was not smart enough to give every Barbie doll they made a last name they were to lazy. Anyways it’s Barbie’s husband so we will have loads of fun on this one”
“Okay, lets go before the girl that moves us has to go to the bathroom again” Nick suggested.
The girl picked up all the little plastic Criminalists and placed them into 2 pink convertibles since Metal didn’t make Tahoe’s and with each of her hands pushed the cars along her make belief strip of Barbie homes to Barbie Manor.
The Criminalists pulled up into the cardboard driveway that was made to look like stone in their pink convertibles. They slowly walked to the front of the house because they couldn’t move very well with their field kits hand.
Barbie came out to the front foyer with her daughter Kelly in her arms. She sure didn’t seem to upset over her husbands disappearance I mean her eyes weren’t blotchy from crying and her makeup didn’t make smear lines down her cheeks and she was smiling for goodness sakes…Oh yeah I forgot there dolls and not real humans.
“Mrs. Barbie, I’m Gil Grissom and this is my team of CSI’s we are here on the matter of your missing husband Ken,”
“Hello Mr. Grissom. I came home from the park and I found this sticker ransom note on the coffee table and I called 911, but I thought that 911 gave you the police but you guys are crimin…criminals” Barbie stuttered to the group.
“We're Criminologists not criminals, we are the people that put the criminals away in jail” Catherine explained.
“Also 911 is the police, we are part of the police as well and if show us were the ransom note is then we could put the kidnapper away faster” Nick said.
“Alright anything to get my husband back”
Nick Warrick and Barbie headed into the living room were the note was while Catherine Sara and Grissom stayed right were they were because the little girls hands were full.
“Pure blonde we have to work with” Sara whispered to Catherine and Grissom.
“Yeah that’s for sure” Catherine replied.
Grissom shot a serious look at both of them but since he was plastic he couldn’t change is smile into a more serious gesture.
“Come on let’s start processing the house” Grissom replied.
“Umm, Griss we have a missing persons. What is there to process?” Catherine asked.
“Right sorry my head or plastic brain is a little messed up from the spoon that got flung at me when I was walking into a room!”
“Excuses, excuses”
“Now children let’s not fight,” Sara said.
“Sara’s right let’s stop fighting and take a look at the ransom note” Catherine answered.
Once the little girl had arranged Nick, Warrick, and Barbie with Kelly in the living room she came back for Sara Catherine and Grissom and placed them around the coffee table as well. The ransom note read:
My Dearest Barbie,
If you would like to see your precious husband and son Tommy again you must pay me 500,000 buttons by Sunday night or they will be murdered. Deliver them to the plastic doll club by midnight!
Sincerely,
The Pink Panther
Xoxoxo
“So now we have two people missing, and were the hell is the plastic doll club,” Grissom stated.
“I know were it is, it’s in the older part of Metal city I used to work there as an exotic dancer” Catherine said.
“Alright since we can’t remove the ransom note without ruining it we will have to take the whole coffee table back to the lab, be sure to take many photos and dust for prints before removing the evidence.”
“Grissom, our camera’s are pink and plastic they don’t work.” Warrick stated.
Just then the little girl took out her Barbie digital camera (sadly I have one of those) and took pictures of the sticker ransom note with it and went over to her computer and downloaded the pictures. She then printed them out and cut them out to make it smaller. She then placed them in the Lab for the Criminalists when they got back. She then took out some blush and used the stick thingy and dusted the note for prints while the Barbie’s stood there in awe of what was happening. She then got some clear tape and lifted the print and placed that in the lab as well. Now back to the Barbie’s.
Sara opened up her field kit and Catherine looked at the out side of the kit with a puzzled look (well not really but you know what I mean) on her face there was a red cross on it and it was white it was the first aid kit and not her field kit.
“Sara, you seemed to have grabbed the wrong case out of the convertible.” Catherine pointed out and she pointed to the Red Cross on the side of the case.
“That would explain why there are medical tools in here and not my crime scene equipment” Sara admitted and tried to close the case again. The little girl got fed up with trying to get the doll to close the case that she just closed it herself.
“It doesn’t matter anyway, we should head back to the lab and get processing, the guys can stay here and comfort little miss ‘two brain cells’”
“Yeah, I can’t stand this place anymore, it makes me feel so…god darn rubber head why can’t you think of the word” Sara said trying to hit her head but the girl realized the arm doesn’t bend that way.
“Jealous?” Catherine asked.
“Yeah! I mean how can a lady who does nothing for a living and her husband works in a button factory which pays like 1 cent an hour end up living in a manor, were as we get like 20 bucks an hour and I live in an apartment?” Sara said walking slowly back to her and Catherine’s convertible.
“I don’t know maybe she got money from her parents to live off of, or maybe she was mixed up in a lot of bad stuff and stole a whole bunch of money?”
“Ha! Why would anyone steal our money it’s cardboard!” Sara stated and the girl placed her in the car along with Catherine in the passenger seat.
“Well some people are just stupid and when you have 2 brain cells it makes it worse”
“Do you think we should tell the guys were leaving?”
“Nah, they won’t even miss us, for all we know Barbie could be putting on a naughty show for them right now”
The girl pushed the pink convertible backs to the cardboard box that is the lab. She pulled them in the make believe parking lot and took her dolls out. She placed them in the same layout room were the pictures and prints are located.
The girl put her dolls in the chairs and went into the part of the ‘lab’ that was DNA and went to go get everyone’s favorite lab rat, Greg Sanders who is also a GI Joe.
“Hey girls what’s your case this shift?” Greg said leaning against the cardboard doorframe since there are no doors in the lab.
“Missing persons case” Sara said not looking up from the floor since she can’t move her head on her own.
“Oh, and who’s missing?”
“Ken” Catherine stated as she looked over at the cardboard wall across from her since she like Sara couldn’t move her head on her own.
“Ah, Barbie’s husband, well if he ends up dead then maybe I’ll have a chance at going out with her”
“I doubt that Greg, if you don’t have a chance with Sara then you sure the hell don’t have one with Barbie.”
“Ouch that was mean Cath” Greg said trying to hold his heart even though technically he doesn’t really have one, as if it were in pain but since he can’t change his expression there really was no point, plus his arm can't bend that way.
“Go back to your lab, we’ll call you if we need you” Sara said as the girl finally moved her head to have Sara looking at the pictures on the table that were two sizes to big for the small pink table.
The girl made Greg leave and placed him back in his small little lab which really was the pet Barbie thing (sadly I have one of those as well tear) and waited for someone to give him come pretend DNA on a cotton swab.
Back at Barbie manor Barbie did not give the guys a naughty dance (sorry to anyone that was hoping for that...but that would be just wrong!) and the guys were leaving. They spotted only one car in the stone drive way and didn’t make much of a fuss about it since they knew they girls weren’t too keen on Barbie. They all slowly walked over to their car and the girl placed them inside along with the table, no one knows how it worked but it did, and placed them in a plastic baggie from down stairs in her kitchen. (That’s why it took the guys so long to leave, she had to go down stairs and get a bag). She slowly pushed them down her carpet that is now a road and back to the lab. She placed them in the room were Catherine and Sara were and then the girls phone rang.
~*~ Ten Minutes later ~*~
The girl finally came back to her game and began playing again, thankfully these Barbie’s couldn’t complain about sitting in the same position for a long time. Or being kept in a box in the closet or some kids would be learning the words ‘law suit’ at a very young age…anyway back to the CSI’s.
“So what did you guys find out at little miss pent house?” Sara stated as she saw and finally realized that the guys were back.
“Um, Sara that wasn’t a pent house it was a mansion” Catherine corrected and flashed her a smile, this time meaning it.
Sara blushed from head to toe, and bowed her head in shame. Nick picked up, well tried to pick up the picture but the girl got fed up with trying she held the picture in front of his sticker eyes as he noticed something that was not right.
“Hey guys, do you see this foot that’s sticking out from underneath the skirting around the couch?” He said as the girl turned the picture around for everyone to look at except Sara because her head was still looking at the floor.
“Yeah, it looks to be a mans foot, let’s go back to the house, Warrick can you bring this print to Greg and put him to use, I know he usually does DNA but he should know how to use a computer, Sara your with me and Cath” Grissom said.
“What do I do?” Nick asked.
“Stay here and…Oh I don’t know do something productive”
“Okay I’ll go take a nap…with my eyes open”
“You know, you should be so proud of yourself for being apart of the 1 % of the world population that has that ability” Sara said and laughed, “Nick?” she said, and realized that he had passed out, and started to snore, “Give me some warning the next time! Geese!”
The girl moved Warrick over the ‘DNA Lab’ with the print on the piece of scotch tape. She then lay Nick down on the plastic pink couch that had sticker pillows on it in the so-called ‘break room’. Finally she placed the other CSI’s in Catherine’s convertible and pushed them down the ‘road’ back to Barbie’s manor. She took them out and walked them up to the front door, made of paper. She knocked Grissoms hand on the door so hard that instead it went threw and tore the piece of paper.
“Well, there’s another thing we’ve broken, you know ever since we’ve started this job all we’ve done is wreck things! I wish I was a real boy!” Warrick whined.
“Oh shut your pie hole, and stop quoting Pinocchio” Catherine hissed.
“I can’t help it, it’s just so easy relating a wooden boy to us plastic men”
“At least we don’t have to listen to Greg talk about liquid latex,” Sara said and they all looked at her quizzed, “What? Plastic latex, get it? He’s made of the stuff!”
“Oh…” they all said and rolled their eyes, well tried to.
Finally the girl decided that someone should answer the door and used her free hand to hold Barbie. She poked her plastic head through the rip in her paper door, even though she could see them through the door since it was like transparent, and white tissue paper. It was a good think that hurricane’s were not a big problem in Mattel city because the whole town would be as flat as a pancake in less then thirty seconds, it being paper and cardboard and all.
“Oh no, not you guys again” Barbie said as she was in her bikini and all wet because she just got out of her pool that had an inch of water, in the deep end.
“Sorry to bother you again Miss, but we missed something on our first visit, would you mind if we came in and took care of it, it will help in the investigation.” Catherine said, disgusted with the way Barbie had answered the door.
“I guess, if it will help”
“Thank you Mame” Sara said and they headed inside the house once again.
They walked over to the plastic blue couch with sticker skirting and lifted it up with their rubber hands, although because the stickers were so fragile they ripped when Warrick reached for it causing a big gaping whole.
“You ruined my couch! Now I have to buy a new one! You know how hard it is to find a couch that isn’t pink in this town!” Barbie shrieked.
“I know the feeling,” Catherine mumbled, but covered it with a smile. “You can just replace the skirting you know, and we didn’t mean to destroy the beautiful print of, what was it?” Catherine questioned.
“Teddy bears!”
‘Those were teddy bear?’ Catherine thought, but decided not to say it, “Yes teddy bears, I bet you can find another one, actually to make it easier I’ll order one for you from E-bay”
“We don’t have computers!”
“OKAY! You know what! I’m trying to be nice but you’re just making it so…difficult!” Catherine screamed at the housewife. “Urgh! I’m out of here!”
“Catherine! Catherine get back here right now! If you walk out of this house your fired!” Grissom threatened and she stopped in mid stride, her left plastic leg as still up in midair. “Now get back here and finish your job!”
Catherine sighed, giving in only because she didn’t want to resort to looking for other employment in this town, that usually meant going back to dancing. She spun around on her one plastic leg and stalked back over to the group. If she could she would of shown the expression of anger, but the plastic prevented her from such.
Grissom turned his attention back to what him and his team were about to discover under the couch that Warrick had no nicely destroyed. Both him and Warrick lifted up the plastic couch, it wasn’t heavy, but it felt heavy in their plastic hands. It was really hard to grasp the thing because they couldn’t move their fingers, actually all of their fingers were so nicely stuck together, which made it even worse, but now wasn’t the time to be complaining about how they were manufactured. They had a missing persons, and possibly a homicide.
All the CSI’s were stunned at what was revealed, the corpse of a little boy. He was all green and rubber was torn away from his face (the girl got creative and used markers and a needle to pry at the rubber). He was almost indistinguishable, considering for added touch she had her cat claw at the poor doll for 10 minuets. The girl got her camera and took multiple photographs of the boy and printed them out on her computer.
“Oh my goodness, that’s-that’s my son Tommy!” Barbie panicked and tried to run out of the room but tripped and fell. Catherine and Sara tried their best not to laugh.
“Mame you need to calm down,” Grissom said coming to the woman’s aid. “Now who would have access to your house?” he asked helping her up to her feet again.
“Well my whole family does, including our friends” she replied sniffling
“Do you like leave the door open to just anyone?” Sara asked, and wondered if the answer would be yes, considering it was just made of tissue paper, see through tissue paper.
"NO!” she shrieked right in Grissom’s ear, he’s luck he’s made of plastic or he would have gone deaf right then. “Of course not! I would never let a stranger in my house”
“Barbie you have to calm down, take a few deep breaths,” Catherine said looked at the corpse again, “We’ll have our coroner take a look at the body and determine the cause of death” she finished.
“You’re going to cut my baby boy up?” Barbie asked.
“Yes, it will help us in our investigation” Warrick replied.
“You can’t! Won’t that hurt him? I don’t want him hurt! I don’t want my boy in anymore pain that what he’s in right now, I know he’s not dead! He’s, he’s playing dead!” Barbie stammered, she didn’t want to reality of her son’s death to sink in.
“I’m sorry but he’s not playing, he’s dead, and he won’t feel a thing” Gil tried to explain. He now understood what Sara and Catherine were talking about before.
“Okay, if you say so, you’re the experts,”
“Thank-you,” Gil said and he pulled out his pink plastic cell phone to call David so he could come get the body. “Barbie, your house is now a Crime Scene, you’ll have to leave and allow us to do our job.
Barbie nodded her head and walked back outside to grab her daughter and then she left in her convertible. No one knew where she was going, they were just glad that she was gone.
“I’ll call Nick and tell him to get his butt here” Sara said and pulled out her phone.
“Couldn’t she smell her son rotting under the couch?” Catherine asked.
“Probably not, the only way you smell plastic is if it’s burned, and I think that’s one thing that didn’t happen to this kid, but good try on trying to prove she more stupid.” Warrick replied and smiled.
“That’s not just stupid, it’s also bad parenting,”
“Yea, but she’s got a plastic noggin like the rest of us, no one programmed it to have all the attributes of real human beings, and we especially did not get the same treatment in the wardrobe department, I mean we’re still living in the 80’s man!”
The girl got busy setting up each of her CSI’s in certain positions and having them each doing separate jobs. Nick had arrived about three minutes afterwards because the girl only had two hands and couldn’t move everyone at once. After each part of the house was photographed and the corner had come to pick up the body of Tommy their was nothing left to do in the house.
“There was nothing in the bedroom or the bathroom upstairs,” Sara replied to the group.
“That’s the same all over this house, it’s spick and span, she must have a maid because I cannot see her doing any housework” Catherine retorted.
“Well I guess were done at the crime scene then, lets go see if Doc. Robbins has anything on the body” Grissom said and everyone left the house.
It was 10 o’clock at night and time for the little girl to go to bed. She left all of her CSI’s in their convertibles stranded in the middle of Mattel Road, and shut off her light. She got dressed into her Barbie pajamas, brushed her teeth, kissed her mom and dad goodnight and then went to sleep.
T.B.C
