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New! Unc's "cut to the chase" links to the cars and useless drivel! Less scrolling, but the same level of boredom. |
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| 69 Camaro SS/A | |
| 99 Corvette SDRA/SoCal Nitro Coupe | |
| 92 Corvette SDRA Pro Mod | |
| '67 Corvette SoCal 150 gram Pro Mod | |
| '79 Plymouth Horizon SS/D | |
| '94 Geo Storm GSi GT/D | |
| '97 Corvette GT/D | |
| '94 Olds SoCal Hardbody Pro Stock | |
| '53 Studebaker SoCal Pro Outlaw | |
| '47 Ford Thames Panel Truck SoCal BB/Gas | |
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Hmm. Can We Hit The Wall Any Harder? |
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18 September 2001 - click on a picture for a larger, clearer (or maybe fuzzier) image |
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As you may have noted here before, in this hobby, I occasionally travel, or at least lead my little friends, kicking and screaming, down paths where not many have tread before. I'm always looking, as in title of the late Mark Donohue's book, for the "Unfair Advantage." Simply, it's that idea or combination or configuration or level of work and execution that, however briefly, gives you an advantage at some level of competition. At least until your competitors figure out what it is you've done and either copy it or ban it. To date, I've only had a few things banned in the last six or seven years, usually to the tune of "That's not what we meant!" and/or "The average guy couldn't do that" To which I usually replied "So why did you write it that way?" or "That was sort of my object in doing it in the first place," depending. What usually happens, though, when one hits on an idea that works, is a brief period of success, followed by the normal DCS, or "Delayed Comprehension Stampede" (see "Thinking Outside the (Kit) Box," below). Such is life. A better way, however, to find that advantage and keep those precious thousandths of a second is to examine what other people have had little or no success with, stuff that has scared them off, and try to figure out why. Then fix it. Sounds simple. It isn't, particularly when your margin for error lies between a decent pass and a pile of scrap plastic. The question, in this case, was pretty simple: how would a '67-'69 Camaro work as an SS/D car? No Pro Mod spoilers, no diaplane, no nothing. Should work, even at speeds well in excess of some of the cars I've seen. Questions about SoCal results were mixed and recollections were uncertain, at least at the speeds and e.t. I was hoping for. Ah, time for what our friends in the aircraft business used to call a "Proof of Concept" vehicle. And what, I figured, would demonstrate the stability of the desired S16D configuration better than, say, a Group 20 motor? Yowza! |
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I know what you're
thinking. "Uh, Unc? Almost every slot car drag racer on earth has
built one of these, to one degree or another. This isn't reinventing
the wheel, it's reinventing the circle it's based on!" Yes and
no. Yes, we've all seen a lot of them; the unmodified ones I'd
seen heretofore at any real speed were, ah, ... less than stunningly
successful. Probably not as much as you do about a lot of things, granted, but enough to figure that properly done, one of these slugs could most likely run in the .7s, or very close to that, with some work. Did it? No, but like I figured, pretty close on the first try. How close? Mid-low .820s in testing with George in SoCal before the Race (I never ran it here, figuring that if it was going to augur in, better him than me, courtesy of my BB/Gas Thames experience). It went quick and fast enough to demonstrate it could handle more mph without a lot of drama, and won and set a new Track Record at an e.t. a little slower than that. Since the quickest I ever heard anyone even lie about was considerably slower, I figure it was a fairly decent start. I don't expect it will be long before a lot of people will be running just as quick. They probably are already. That's how racing works; when someone or some event shows us something can be done, a lot of people suddenly work to figure out how, and they do it, too. The trick is in at least trying to figure it out first, both the how and the why, and then moving to the next step. Which, admittedly, is why all the cars you see on these pages are at least a few months old, usually about six or eight on average. If you see it here, it means I've already figured out how to do another one that's better. This doesn't mean that what I share is slow or cruddy or a failure, and that I pass off failed attempts to unsuspecting customers or friends. It also doesn't mean that that there is, to the best of my honest knowledge, any misinformation or misdirection anywhere on this site. What I share is what I really think, why I really think it, and the cars I show represent my best effort at the time I build them, whether for myself or for someone else. It does mean, though, that at some time during the construction or testing and racing phase of the car's life, I figured out how to improve what I did, and my way of improving a car is to build a new one (being one of those kinds of people who figure a) why mess with something that's already working, and b) you can never have too many cars, right?). I may never actually build it, but I think I know how, should I choose to. I don't really know if that's true until I try, which, I guess, is one of the points of this hobby, isn't it? Which is why there are replacements, under some phase of construction, for every one of the cars on this and other pages here. Late (Inexplicable) Race Update: This past weekend, during a Race thrash at Buena Park, George pulled the motor out of the SS/A car and put it in an A/FC. It ran .728 and TQd. When he redlit with that car, he got permission to pull the motor and put it in his remaining A/FC. He won with it. Oh. O.k., this is good. I dive for the Grp. 20 motor book to refresh my memory about the specs. 'Gonna build a zillion clones of that piece! Ah... Average. Stunningly average, bordering on so-so, built during one of those "Hmm. I've got one arm and one set of magnets left and I need a 20 motor. **** it, it'll have to do." kind of periods we all have. Go figure. |
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Of e-bay, No Decals, and What The Point Is |
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28 August 2001 - click on a picture for a larger, clearer (or maybe fuzzier) image |
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Note: I snivel a lot in these pages, but the following may take said sniveling to new heights, even for me. Sorry. Take it for what it's worth or dismiss it. Your call. I've been a little
depressed lately, for going on two weeks now. Seems I was testing
(speaking of depressing) for our recent Summer Race at Fastrax
a few weeks ago, when Smilin' Randy brought to my attention a slot car
for sale on e-bay. Now I try really hard to stay off e-bay to
begin with; seems my wallet starts an inexorable slide out of my
pocket while my mind says "Holy ****! A '67 Snarling Wombat kit
for only four gajillion dollars! Wouldn't that just slay 'em in
Pro Mod?!" I do not need more weird car kits.
Well, yes, I do, but "productively weird" would be more like
it. If you already have a '76 Pacer wagon (thanks, Ken), how much
weirder do you need to go? How much stranger can you go? What I was looking at was a "Pro Modded" car, with scale tires, body modifications, very nice multicolored paint, some lettering, and an inline wire chassis. It didn't appear to have any side windows. The modifications were to such an extent that it would have to be run as a SoCal 160 gram Pro Mod car, or perhaps a SoCal Nitro Coupe, or, at a stretch, a SoCal Pro Outlaw. |
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At the risk of slamming or in some way diminishing the skills of the builder, let me make it clear that that isn't my point here. I know the guy who built it. He's a really nice guy. I've talked to him, and have seen his work up close. It's great, first class, if appearance is what matters to you. Big if, because that car sold for $275 with no motor. Gee, I thought, I'm looking at a $375-plus car here, that, in my opinion, wouldn't be all that competitive in the Classes it was eligible for even with a great motor. At which point I went nuts. You see, over the years, I've tried to determine who convinced a vast majority of the population of our little slot car world that building a motor or a chassis is worth precisely $25. Mostly so I could hunt him/them down and beat them senseless with a hot soldering iron. This idea has created what I call the "Dance of the Dwarves," where the customer and the builder both keep thinking "I'm getting ****** here!," and one tries to lower prices while the other tries to raise them (and if you can't figure out who is doing which, by all means call me for all your slot drag car needs). Here at Unc's, home of the wage-related phrases "less than a Laotian fisherman on a bad day" and "less than a Taiwanese Crack *****," you'd figure that a guy who more or less does this stuff for a living would figure out how to knock down a better hourly rate for his labor than the drooling Gomer down at the neighborhood Mickey Dee's. Uh, no, not really. How*******ever, thanks to e-bay, now he has. To hell with speed, quickness, reliability, craftsmanship, execution, ease-of-maintenance, help, warrantees, Mom, apple pie, and the American way. If what they want is pretty with decals, and are prepared to pay through the flaming wazoo for it, then give 'em pretty with decals! So what if, like one of my acquaintances, they buy a "ready-to-race" Hardbody Pro Stock and discover that it weighs 122 grams without a motor or wires. So what if some other guy gets a car and finds that the chassis sort of "digresses" from the centerline about 3/4" from end to end, making it sorta, kinda undrivable. Besides being 17 grams over the weight limit with no ballast and no earthly way to lighten it. Who cares?! They look gooood, right? |
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Paint! Decals! What the Bomber has explained to me as the slot car drag racing equivalent of a "(fill in your own description of your favorite male appendage) Contest," as in "Look at the size of my..." Chrome, cast magnesium, billet titanium, carbon fiber, whatever. And always, always, always, bigger than yours. Oh. I wasn't aware..., well, yes, I was, only I wasn't prepared to accept it. Now, however, in my new Age of Enlightenment, I am prepared to soak yo..., uh... those so inclined to the threshold of pain and beyond. Show Me the Money! Show Me the... (sound of medication being taken, followed by a nap for Mr. Cranky) Seriously, though, if what someone wants is a great model of a drag car, aren't there better ways to get one? Or is the real focus of this that painting and finishing a car or model has become so specialized and rare an ability (or art), that some - most? - people are prepared to pay a truly high premium for appearance rather than function? It's not going to change the way I work or what I build and how, but it would be nice to know. Hey, I own four airbrushes, and you never can tell, can you? Before I lost completely lost my mind, I partially mislaid it a bit. The pictures, above, show the end result of an idle thought I had early last Spring: I wondered if one could build a car that was competitive in both SDRA and SoCal Nitro Coupe Classes without any major jiving or modification. As it turns out, yes, one can, inline, with scale tires and all. I actually made two sets of 1.200" tall tires, one at .505" wide, and one at .350". It set the FasTrax track record with the wider ones and a bad controller (a long, ugly story), and a week later ran (to my recollection) about .007 to .010 off the track record at the World Finals with the same @#$%^&* controller. Since Bargain Bob won that Class (despite Dave Napp winning everything else that wasn't bolted to the floor, or, in two cases, redlit to him by two Jerks From Virginia), he really doesn't want to hear any of that moaning "I could have run in the .7s!" **** while he's polishing his trophy. I ran it a few weeks ago at FasTrax and it went .035 faster with a real controller. So it goes. Always a good idea to be the fastest car around a few weeks after a Race, right? Starting life as a GT/D project, it looks like a stock C5 Corvette hardtop. It's supposed to look like a stock Corvette, despite almost thirty modifications and alterations (after I decided against the GT/D business, thanks), and a serious Ball-Mill Festival. None of the mods are all that conspicuous, save for the removable and adjustable styrene rear spoiler, and unless you examine it next to an unmodified kit, it's hard to see what, if anything, was changed. Which is just fine, thanks. In the words of the famed architect Louis Sullivan "Form ever follows function." Check back with me, though, when they start paying decent cash prizes for the combined score of Races and Concours. Oh, yes. Having proved my point, at least to myself, and having figured out how to do the same thing a bit differently, if not also a bit better, this car is now destined for a new owner in SoCal. He liked it (from these pictures), and didn't seem to mind that it didn't have any decals and actually had a motor, too. Go figure. |
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Wow! They Make Black Primer, Too?! |
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28 August 2001 - click on a picture for a larger, clearer (or maybe fuzzier) image |
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So there I was, chugging along, cranking out the cars for what I firmly believed to be my upcoming triumphal return to the World Finals in Nashville (such, as we subsequently learned, was not to be the case - on toast, so to speak). But mid-chug, after building a large number of cars to fill in some holes in my collection, I did some calculations and discovered that while I had a mittfull of cars, I did not have a mittfull of money for expenses. Though I may have enough credit cards to get a ride to the Mir Space Station, and other, as they say in the trade, "assets," we have an understanding here at Casa Unc: I can do whatever I want, hobby-wise, as long as it pays for itself, or I pay for it from funds not dedicated to silly, meaningless **** like food, mortgage, power bills, etc. This means that slot car drag racing has to pay its own way. That, or Nancy the Understanding starts reading Guns & Ammo magazine in the waiting room of a deeply, truly uncivilized lawyer. No thanks. So, unraced, my new Pro Mod went on the block. It was acquired by an "enlightened" Racer, and Unc had the money to travel to Nashville and Bite the Giant Cheese Weenie. Duh. Time passes (images of flipping calendar pages, etc, etc.). Sometime thereafter, in the midst of one of those "I've tried 38 things, and they all made my cars go slower" test sessions, I took a "disgust break" - where you stop doing what you're doing because it doesn't seem to be making any difference anyhow. Turning to said Racer, I inquired how the Pro Mod had run. "I haven't actually
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Mostly being curious, I made a few passes, looked at the numbers, made a gear change, and made a few more passes. At which point I paused to consider the image of a grown man weeping inconsolably in a Slot Car Raceway and decided against that reaction. Bad for the kids present and all. Which leads us to... "The Curse of Unc's Box." For want of a better term, mostly. Not exactly a curse, mind you, more of a condition. As in, when it leaves my box and goes to live with and/or be owned by someone else, it always - always - runs quicker. Not that a large number of the cars I build turn out to be slugs; some do, but they get recycled rather quickly into something else, rather than being pawned off on someone else (see e-bay rant, above). It's just that with the same motors, tires, and even exactly the same gluing, when I no longer own them, they get quicker. Trust me: this is not a condition I enjoy. Example: a few years ago, Clean Gene was traveling to a Race I wasn't attending. Rather than borrow a few cars, he wanted to buy them, then sell them back when he returned. He figured they'd run better that way. Another example: my favorite Monza SS/D car (buried on these pages somewhere) has been a trial since I built (and rebuilt and rebuilt) it. On long-term loan to Jungle George, it wouldn't run for **** him, either. Nonetheless, he liked it enough to want to keep it, so we worked out a trade. Poof. Same car, same chassis, same motor, same gluing, except now it works and runs pretty well all the time. Maybe they can smell fear? Greed? To paraphrase the old radio show, "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of slot drag cars? Unc does. Hahahahahahahah (imagine evil, knowing laugh here). Meanwhile, back at the ranch, owner of said recently deacquired car was a) looking at the track run data board, then b) looking at the Track Record board, then c) quizzically looking at me, still hot lapping his car. Having suffered enough, I cleaned it off and returned it to him. Summoning up my best non-verbal communications, I beamed my best "Want to sell it back?" look at him. His gaze went back to the Record board, then to me. In the Dictionary of Non-Verbal Communications, an entire page must be devoted to recognizing the "What kind of ******* do you think I am?" look. Yep, one of those, right off the top of the page. Worth a try. I politely offered a "Just asking" look in return. Sigh (a little hard to communicate non-verbally). He did, however, let me borrow it back to take pictures of ( whereupon I learned, or relearned, that black cars are lots harder to light properly than white ones, as you can tell from the shots). It's a modified Revell Pro Street Corvette, with the normal Unc atrocities carried out in the name of low drag and light weight. That, and the rear wheelwells are considerably smaller than those Monster Meat caves found on the original kit. Ah, the joys of Evergreen sheet styrene, huh? This is a New & Improved version of the same Pro Mod I've been running for years now, save for the fact that the original is - dare we say? - red. No, I don't know what came over me. It was years ago and I'm better now. Why black? To find out if two coats of black primer and two coats of clear weighed about the same as white primer and clear. Pretty much. Now if I could just work up some enthusiasm for grey and maroon-colored cars... |
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Yet More From Unc's Bottomless Can of White Paint |
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29 November 2000 - click on a picture for a larger, clearer (or maybe fuzzier) image |
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There are some projects you get involved in because you want to - the end result is desirable - or some because someone else asks you to. Then there are those that you undertake simply to see if you can do it, and if so, how well or to what degree you can do it. This '67 Corvette SoCal Pro Mod is one of those latter deals. The car started out as a smoking piece of **** body the Blonde Bomber included in one of his "Distress Sale" packages some years ago. It had - oh, I don't know, twelve or thirteen coats of various paints on it, one of those cowl hood scoops the Bomber is soooo in love with, half a tube of body filler, and a rear wing/airbox made from a plastic "For Sale" sign. Multiple mounting holes of various sizes everywhere. Perfect. The body alone grossed in at, as the Cadillac and Buick fans used to say, a "road-hugging" 47 grams. The original conversation: "Do
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Fast forward 2 years. I'm bored, and really tired of hearing the Bomber ask why I never built a 150 gram Pro Mod (the fact that I'm 3000 miles away and have no personal need for one not having occurred to him, one gathers). I'm moving boxes around in what passes for cleaning up hereabouts, and... what the **** is this piece of bat guano? Oh yea (sound of rusty memory doors being opened and closed). So I stare at it for a while. I must have blacked out from the, uh, exquisite execution of the little hummer, 'cause the next thing I know, it's reduced to its elemental components and the body is soaking in brake fluid to remove the original paint. Grind, weigh. Grind, weigh. Grind again, weigh again. Hmm. Needs some sort of whippy spoiler dealie. Hey, the airbox I did for George's Pro Outlaw (below) made some of 'em nuts; bet I can do better here, maybe even more nuts. A clarification: the SoCal 1969-and-earlier Pro Mod premise is that the body shall remain unmodified, save for cutouts for zoomie headers (translation: notch the front of the rocker panels so you can slam the nose) and the addition of a spoiler/airbox filler panel. This assembly cannot be molded in to the car. Hmm. Ok, if you can add the spoiler, you can disappear everything under it. Maybe. And if you can disappear everything under it, where does it say that the spoiler must be on top of, rather than flush with or below, the body that's left. Too fuzzy, stick with under. One other SoCal habit, heck, one other almost universal habit when people construct Pro Mods, is to look at the necessary spoiler and/or air control and say "Gee, Mr. Wizard! If a little is good, and more is better, too much should be just enough, huh?" To which the chorus responds "Amen, brother!" Which, frequently, leads to spoilers almost as long as the body of the car. An exaggeration to be sure, but not much of one if you've looked around lately. A better compromise: something that mimicked the flavor and appearance of a real Pro Mod, had a neutral to slightly positive downforce effect - tell me again how much a 150 gram car really needs? - combined with low drag and low weight. That, and it had to have some of those nifty vertical vents the Rules allowed for, but that not many people evidently ever bothered to read (something of a supposition, I'll admit, based on the number of competitors who said "Hey, you can't do that!" Four-year-old news flash: uh, yes, you can). As you can see, above, the finished product isn't molded in (hence the gorpy joint where the body meets the spoiler), but it does meet both the letter and spirit of the Rules. Which is the point of the drill, right? More grinding, sanding, filing, and assorted styrene mangling later, it's time for paint. Hmm. Aha! A new, all-time low in sleazy paint jobs! Two coats of nice thin, flat, lightweight, white primer, one heavier coat of clear, and it's done! Added bonus: it doesn't look any worse than two coats of clear over gloss white lacquer. A weight savings of some infinitesimal gram amount, but who gives a ****, it's lighter, right? So the body, complete with bumpers, grille, blower, interior, windows, and all the other necessary additions and reinforcements, comes in at slightly under 31 grams. Doesn't sound like much until you've weighed a few hundred raw kit bodies, and then weighed the resulting slot car drag racing bodies made from some of them. Trust me: it's a bunch. And to think that it only took nine gajillion hours to build, too. Zowie, what an incredibly cost-effective use of time. Now what? Fast forward some more. With zero testing, the car goes out to Jungle George in appreciation for the stuff he's sent me, with a fresh chassis under it, and reusing the motor and some bits from one of his older Pro Mods. It arrives only a few days before the SoCal Octoberfest Race, but in time for the Blonde Bomber to catch a glimpse. "Did
you see the Corvette? How did it run?" Trust me, there's a moral here somewhere. Maybe it's what one of my old friends from deepest Indiana used to say: "One man's sweathog is another man's queen." Or maybe it's that even when everyone knows it's a sow's ear, if it costs enough, or looks neat enough, people will usually treat it like the proverbial silk purse. Or may it's that when you say you hate Corvettes, you should be sure you hate Corvettes. Or something like that. Oh, yes - turns out the little sucker actually ran pretty well, too. Go Figure. Late-Breaking News Flash! Elsewhere on this page you may have read about some parts I asked the Blonde Bomber to send me - the mind dims here - probably last April. Surprise! They arrived a week or so ago. By my reckoning, that means the poor guy he sent to carry them to me must have walked over - gasp! - 10 whole miles a day to get them here that quickly! Not to mention crossing all those rivers and streams. Then there are those mountain ranges and deserts and stuff. Poor fellow. Such dedication cannot go without note, can it? Granted, news of the existance of the United States Postal Service, UPS, FedEx, and/or Rocket Ralph's Rapid Delivery System has apparently not made it to the Bomber's environs yet. You'd think that an area that had telephones, cable TV, Nintendo outlets, and a seemingly endless assortment of porno video stores would have... Sigh. Such must not be the case. I'll have to remind myself, if for nothing else than to honor the Bomber's good intentions, to use that same speedy delivery sytem the next time he calls me up with his hair on fire and a Race a few days away, and starts that usual whamma-jamma-lamma-dingdong, smoke-up-the-orifice, "Unc, you are The Cheese!" business he's gotten down to a science. One can hardly wait. |
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The Return of the Transcontinental Rodent(s) |
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13 September 2000 - click on a picture for a larger, clearer (or maybe fuzzier) image |
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It was the Blonde Bomber on the phone - again - politely inquiring when the box would arrive, being as the race was less than a week away. Very deftly avoiding a direct answers to my questions regarding a) where those parts I asked for in April had gotten to, and b) whether he had any idea how much it cost to insure 13 fairly decent slot drag cars, spare sets of tires for each, and a few spare motors against replacement cost. Getting past that waste of long distance phone time, we get to the Big Question: "Are you sending another Super
Stock D?" "A what!?" There followed a long description of the Mopar lineage of the late '70s/early '80s coupes and sedans. He's thinking four-door brick while I'm trying to describe a two-door cheese grater. "Throw a Monza and a Volkswagen Sirocco into a blender and come up with a combination of mostly straight lines that's less attractive than either of them. OK, it's like the early Dodge Shelby coupes with all the add-on body crap." Yet more silence. "How does it run?" As it turned out, a) he
evidently taped the
wrenches to a 2 x 4 and beat on Jungle George until George was whacked
into senselessness, or at least senseless enough to work on all of the
Bomber's cars as well as his own, and b) with the pile of Rodents as
well as George's cars, the Horizon was relegated to about 15th on the
list of 10 important things to do, understandable and necessary under
the circumstances. So the car pretty much ****** out of the box, at
least as far as I was concerned; I was aiming for, say, a Top 3
qualifying number, but we, uh, missed that by a bit. Not a big bit,
but enough of a bit to know it was geared wrong for that track. Moral
of the story: if you're going to send more than a dozen cars for someone to run
at a big race zillions of miles away, it's probably a good idea if all
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And how did the Rest of the Rodents do at the Globals? Oh. That's a little complicated, but not bad, as it turns out. To the best of my understanding (bear with me here, as my "reliable sources" had a severe case of burnout after the event), and with apologies to anyone else's' stuff I might be taking credit for - like that never happens in this hobby, right? - I think it went about like this: |
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| Class | Driver | Qualifying | Finish | Unc's Contribution | |
| Super Stock D (pre-'80) | Boobie | Not Great | Also Not Great | Car(s), less motor(s)¹ | |
| Super Modified | Boobie | "Dead Last" | His TQ "ambush" didn't work | Car, less motor | |
| BB/Gas Supercharged | Homer Bob | 2nd | Semis | Chassis, motor | |
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George | TQ | 2nd (red), Track/World Record | Complete car | |
| Factory Modified | Boobie | Not Fast | Early rounds, one gathers | Complete car(s) | |
| Pro Modified | Boobie | 2nd-4th? | 1st | Chassis, motor | |
| HB/Pro Stock | Boobie | "Horrible" | Semis | Chassis, motor (?) | |
| HB/Pro Stock | George | TQ | ?, Track Record | None, but I liked the TQ part | |
| Pro Outlaw | Boobie | 5th | 1st | Chassis, body, tires | |
| Pro Outlaw | George | TQ | Semis | Car, less motor | |
| Top Sportsman | Boobie | 3rd | Semis? | Complete Car | |
| Top Sportsman | George | 2nd | 1st | Car, less motor² | |
| Pro Stock Truck | Boobie | 3rd | 1st | Complete car | |
| A/Funny Car | Boobie | 3rd, 4th | 2nd | Complete car(s)³ | |
| A/Funny Car | George | 5th | 1st | Chassis, body, tires³ | |
| Nitro Coupe | Boobie | TQ | ? | Motor (Top Gun) | |
| Nitro Coupe | George | 2nd? | 2nd | Motor (Top Gun) | |
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¹ Super Stock S16D
motors were built by Gene Nichols, and it wasn't his
fault we couldn't figure out the gearing in time for the Race. The
Bomber was "there," but detuned his *** right back into the
pack. |
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Not a bad outing for the gang. Even the cars that didn't TQ - most of them - were within .001 to .005 of the top spot, and ran the same or faster in side-by-side elimination runs. Like I always say, kiddies: "Remember that they give you the trophy and the money after the Race, not after practice or Qualifying." I don't give a smoking **** what someone's car did last Wednesday in testing, or this morning in Qualifying. Get the cars as close as you can to what you think you might need, and live or die on the tree against an opponent. Which, one presumes, is why they call it a "Race" and not a "Time Trial" or some such, huh? But I really have to get on that Factory Mod deal. |
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Thinking Outside the (Kit) Box |
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5 August 2000 - click on a picture for a larger, clearer (or maybe fuzzier) image |
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Having an ego as big as
all outdoors (or, at least, "outdoors" as defined by the
States of Montana and Wyoming), there are, it follows, more than a few
things that raise my internal temperature by a few degrees now and
then. One that comes to mind periodically is what I refer to as the
"Delayed Comprehension Stampede," or DCS for short. How does
it work? Quite simply, as it turns out. In fact, if you've ever read
the "Dead Squirrel/Toothless Eskimo Woman" pages of this
site, you already understand the basics. |
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Yes, it's a '94 Geo Storm
GSi. Yes, it's a promo, and yes, it's not painted. Yes, getting a
chassis under it was a major packaging pain. Yes, when you look
closely, it resembles the illegitimate, stunted offspring of an unholy
liaison between a '92 Camaro and a '95 Trans Am (and who
says those GM designers recycled ideas?). And yes, it is
an American four-seater, as defined by the MVMA (Motor Vehicle
Manufacturers Association), the NADA (National Automobile Dealers
Association), and, most importantly, the NHRA (I don't have to spell
that out, right?) Technical staff in Glendora. Hey, if the NHRA, in
its infinite wisdom, considers a Ford Fiesta an American car, who am I to argue, right?
I've taken it to a few races just for the extremely high "Woo
Factor" (as in: "Woo! What the **** is that supposed
to be!?"). Followed by the explanation, followed by the
documentation folder, followed by a bunch of mumbling and muttering
and eyebrow arching. From that point of view, an excellent choice. |
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Road Trip? Road Trip! |
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31 May 2000 - click on a picture for a larger, clearer (or maybe fuzzier) image |
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(If you're a little bored listening to me blow smoke up my own nether regions on these pages, and are hoping I fell on my own sword at the World Finals, cut to the chase with this handy Spare Me The Incessant Whining Link, and go right to the gory details in the summary chart. Hey, I think the same thing about your site, bunkie. So there. Now where was I before those rude cretins left? Ah, yes; as your English teacher used to say, the narrative part.) There I am, thinking that it's been a while since I attended a big race at anything other than my home track. Couldn't make the Winternationals or the big Ohio race, and, after looking at the slot car drag racing checkbook, the World Finals weren't looking all that likely, either. Then the Blonde Bomber calls up. "You goin' to Tennessee
for the Worlds?" He had a point; in my transcendental state of cheese-weenieness, I know how to do both really well. **** it. So I decided to go the Monday before the Worlds. Turned some coms, made some tires, agreed to meet Mr. Bill there, packed my stuff and took off. Occasionally, I looked like the aforementioned idiot, and occasionally I didn't. In approximate order, (and with sincere apologies to those who really qualified where I erroneously recall I did): SS/D - Oh. A 3-light tree. Oh. This won't take long. It didn't. Qualified 3rd and 4th, and was back at the box after about the first round. Didn't have time to debug or dial in the gearing of the new "Uncorvette," either (details some other day), but the new Corvette ran pretty well, with a best qualifying pass of .995 on (I believe) a .987 TQ. One of these days, I'm going to figure this SS stuff out. Right after I get good on a .500 tree. Yea, right. Pro Mod - Qualified maybe 2nd or 3rd (.918?), and managed to make it to the Finals. So of course I stapled it to the track - "There's only about an eighth inch of glue down. I better add more." Bogged the crud out of the car, which wasn't really as meaningful as the accompanying red light, I guess. Sigh. So there's a 2nd place. I should go home now. I suck on toast. Factory Modified - No, I'll stay and run two Factory Mods, except one kind of bites. Change the spur gear. It bites worse. Change it back and pray for surf. Qualified 3rd and 4th/5th (?) and made a round or two before I red lit out. But (big but), I learned two things. First, I was seriously screwing up my gluing. That crap was thick out there, I basically build (or try to) no-glue or little-glue cars, and I was putting on even more. Duh. Second, my light may have munched the Big One, but the cars, save for the Pro Mod screw-up, were all running within .010 or less of where they (solo) qualified in side-by-side runs. Hmm. If I could just stop red-lighting and... Hmmm. Top Sportsman - What the heck, it's only money. Why not enter two cars? The car I borrowed from Clean Gene was running well, so I took the Factory Mod that's always hated being a Factory Mod and "auditioned" some motors for it. Hey! This one has a pinion on it! It must be good, huh? Changed the tires to a set a bit wider. Qualified - what? 2nd and 4th? 3rd and 5th? Whatever. Made some rounds, then red-lit the quicker car. Oops. **** me. There's like a jillion cars in the Class and I'm looking at Gene's car and thinking those are really wide tires for a 20 and I should have rebuilt the motor and... I'm in the finals. Oh. Time for a late-race choke. Aimed for a brave smile as runner-up and pulled the trigger. Wow, no red light! Hey, no green light either, which means... You know, they give you money and a really spiffy wall plaque when you win one of these big races. I frequently forget that part. Car Show - Gee, what do I have that doesn't look boringly similar. Aha! I haul out the new Corvette SS, the John Force A/FC, and my Super Comp truck (pictures of the latter two are on the next page), wipe off the crud and glue, put them on the track, and go outside for some air. There are a lot of really neat cars, and I figure this is just going through the motions. Then someone calls me in and hands me this big trophy for Best Appearing Lexan Car. The Tom Douglas ("Mas") painted truck won it. Gee, this is getting better. Pro Stock Truck - You'd think that after three years and a gajillion races, I'd have built myself more than one of these, wouldn't you? Nope. Same old truck, same old body, showing signs of getting a little ragged. Qualified 2nd or 3rd (?) in a pretty big field. Cut to the chase. Wow! I'm in the finals again! Way past time for that .385 red light. I'm gonna' choke. So I did - literally. I swear I swallowed a bug or something. I started coughing so hard I had to call a break rule. My eyes watered and I couldn't even focus. What's the difference - I'm going to screw this up anyhow, so let's get it over with. Click. I look down the tree for the red light. Uh... I looked up to see my car crossing the finish line before the other guy. Hmm. This didn't work out at all like I expected. Sometimes you get lucky. ****, sometimes you get real lucky. Neat. Another big plaque and a big pile of money. I forgot they were paying a minimum of $100 to win. Hey, this is turning out to be a great weekend, and I switch from my normal "I'm doomed" attitude to "Just run the cars and have fun." It doesn't have to get any better than this, 'cause it's pretty good right now. A/FC - Two cars again, both aging gracefully. You know, one of these days I need to build some cars for me, at least until the Blonde Bomber starts sending me care packages before big races. Qualified 3rd (same e.t. as 2nd, with less speed) and maybe 4th-5th? Made the semis - the other semi was a bye run - with the quicker car after red lighting the other one out. I was so pleased at putting my opponent in a lane he hadn't run all weekend, I screwed up both my gluing and my staging. Which, of course, turned my already legendary crappy concentration to home-made dog ****. Ah, there's that .385 red light I've been looking for. Yep, sure did run a lot quicker than he did. Sure didn't win. Count it as a 3rd and go sit down, Unc. Pro Stock - This one I remember - mostly. One car, the same piece I (and a cast of thousands, it seems) have been running the last three years. Same tires I ran last November at the Super Slots Fall Nats. The Bomber made me promise I'd turn the com, so I did - at the track, only the second time I've ever turned a com anywhere but in my shop. TQd with a .657 in the first qualifying session, and bogged the second, but the time held up. Hey, I get a bye in the first round! I'll try less glue - lots less. Neat. I've never seen a car spin evenly for 55 feet and run .863 at 79 mph. OK, ****can that idea, and thank God for bye runs. I make the Finals, ready for the next Big Choke. Click. I'm once again staring at the tree, amazed that there's no red in my lane, and everyone starts yelling and hooting. Oh. A .661 at 79-something, but a .400 light! They're all thinking "perfect" and "sandbagger" (or, alternately, "that ******* lucky *******"), and I'm thinking "Gee, just .001 away from a red light." Shows you how my mind works. Count that as a win and a new Track Record. Plus (big plus), another neat plaque and another pile of money - another Class that paid a minimum of $100 to win - a bunch more. I'm not making this up: when they gave me the PS/T and Pro Stock payout envelopes together, I just stood there and said "Wow!" and "Holy ****!" several dozen times. I hardly ever think about winning stuff, at least not in the normal sense you might expect, so I never think about what you get when you do. Wow, I'm impressed. |
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Other Notes: I figure a better driver might have made the Finals in maybe two or perhaps three other Classes if he were driving my cars. Probably SS/D, F/M, and A/FC. Why? Because other than the two Pro Stock and one Pro Mod gluing screw-ups, all the cars ran within about .010 of where they qualified, even in side-by-side passes. Beats me. Example: I watched two fast guys, at least one (and maybe both) of whom outqualified me in Pro Stock Truck, run just before me during eliminations. It was something like a .823 vs. .832 race. I then ran (appx.) a .792 race on a .787 best qualifying time. Do I understand why the difference? No, not really; I have suppositions, but nothing I can point to for sure. I'd like to think it has something to do with the way I build cars. My memory may be faulty (insert appropriate personal comment here), but as I recall, other than the PM Final, I never ran slower than anyone I raced all weekend, no matter where they qualified. Granted, this may seem inconsequential to you, but, hey, it's meaningful to me. I take what I can get. And Speaking of Meaningful Things - There's recently been a discussion in some circles - yet again - about "Team Racers" and the "special" parts they have access to. Gee, I'm a Team Racer (albeit not a blindingly successful one). I wonder what "special" parts I use. Let's see: I use over-the-counter cans, magnets, endbells, hardware, bushings, bearings, screws, springs, brushes, shunt wire, gears, axles, guides, braid, setscrews, wire, wheels, tires, chassis and body-mounting tubing, and bodies. The chassis are over-the-counter items I mix and match parts with, mostly uprights, with pans to carry the ballast. Then those "special" parts must be "magic" arms, huh? Right. The motor in my Pro Stock Truck smoked its original arm during last August's Global Nats (after being turned a total of 13 times). The Blonde Bomber picked one off the rack (of the three available there) at Eddy's Slot Car World in Vallejo, CA. Eddy rebuilt and installed it, the Bomber sent it back and I raced it, untouched, at the November Virginia Fall Nationals. When I turned the com before this race, I metered the arm. On a Frontline meter, it reads 144/144/144, is timed at 38/39/40 degrees, pulls more than eight amps on the analyzer (who knows why), and, for some reason, runs great in the truck. No, it didn't TQ, but it did manage to win which probably proves some vague point here. The only car I did TQ with, the Pro Stock, runs the only .450" 27 arm I've owned for the last three years. On the same meter, it reads 140/140/140, and is timed about 44/45/45 degrees (and no, I don't even look at the ammeter breaking in that puppy). The point here? Several. First, man does not race on armatures alone. Ask all the guys who are faster than I am (which is a big number) if you don't believe me. Second, all the power you could ask for still has to get to the track as efficiently as possible. Which means a chassis and tires that work well under all circumstances, as well as gearing that matches the power and torque range of the motor to the track conditions you're actually racing on, among other things. And that, sport fans, is far less common than you might think. Just food for thought from a guy who figures he's luckier than he is fast. What? No Pictures? - OK, here's some of a losing Corvette. Can't go SS/D (or GT/D, for you purists) racing without at least one C5, can we? So I had to build a new one. Needs some gearing work, but still managed to qualify 3rd at the Words. And yes, it has side windows. Not really sure why they never show up on these pictures. |
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