Road Rules

When I moved to South Korea, my first impression of the drivers here was of idiotic bats-out-of-hell who operate their wheeled machines-of-death-and-destruction with little to no regard for the safety of others.

Boy, was I wrong!

What I learned, slowly but surely, was that drivers over here are actually all following a higly detailed and rigid set of rules governing just about any and every highway situation that could possibly arise.

Imagine my chagrin.

I herewith present to you excerpts from the for-reals, honest-to-goodness Written Driving Examination, as given by the Ministry of Driving and Other Stuff with Wheels, here in the Republic of Korea.

I did not make any of this up out of my own head.

No, really.

Honest.

1. You may honk your car horn

a) only in emergencies
b) to warn other drivers of possible danger
c) everytime you breathe.

2. Signaling before turning or changing lanes is

a) mandatory.
b) a courtesy.
c) forbidden by law and punishable by death.

3. A red light at an intersection

a) means STOP.
b) means SLOW DOWN.
c) is pretty.

4. Crosswalks are

a) for pedestrian safety.
b) intersection borders.
c) targets.

5. If there is a traffic jam

a) wait patiently for traffic to start moving again.
b) seethe quietly.
c) drive your car on the wrong side of the road. Honk fiercely at the cars heading straight for you.

6. The white lines painted on the highway are

a) lane markers. Keep your car between them.
b) suggestions. Please try to use them.
c) none of your business. Ignore them.

7. Motorcycles and mopeds should always

a) follow the same rules and regulations as other motor vehicles.
b) be ridden with a helmet.
c) be driven on the sidewalk, using pedestrians as slalom markers. Honk.

8. You may park

a) only in designated parking structures.
b) only in designated parking spaces.
c) only on driveways, sidewalks, busy traffic lanes, and pedestrian walkways.

9. If a police car, ambulance, or fire truck pulls up alongside you, and it's emergency lights and siren are on, you must

a) pull over immediately.
b) slow down to let them pass.
c) race them to the corner.

10. Bus drivers should pick up passengers

a) only if the passenger waves frantically enough.
b) only if the bus is already traveling slow enough to stop in time.
c) only if the bus is already filled to twice its capacity.

That was a trick question. The answer is d) all of the above.