Hello, kiddies...
Tick tock tick tock go the hands of time as they slide inexorably towards the coffin lid (or the urn top, as might be your wont). The cold winds blow, the bare branches rattle in the dark, and we wrap ourselves tighter still in the clothing of our ancestors, huddling for warmth as the demons of the night breathe down our necks. Happy Christmas, everyone!
January started off the year as it usually does: another head injury for Steve Young. Sigh.
For me, though, not much changed: I went back to school after the winter break, bemoaned my single status, figured out my taxes, figured them again, swore like a sailor, tried a third time, and then resigned myself to feeding The Black Hole (a.k.a The IRS) more than I've ever fed it before.
My sister got engaged! I figure I better get that out of the way up front, so that I don't have her calling me at all hours of the night, complaining about the short shrift I may or may not have given her impending nuptials. Michael, her fiance, is a great guy and I'm really happy for them both. I get to be in the wedding, too! And if the thought of me in a tuxedo doesn't scare you, nothing will.
So, it appears that at least one Hansen child knows how to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.
On May 22, 2000, after about 6 nano-seconds of soul-searching and spiritual enlightenment, I became an ordained minister. There's a certain irony about me being able to sanctify and perform marriages simply by clicking a few buttons over the Internet, and irony is always welcome in my little world. Plus, I get a cool parking pass and ID card.
Just as school was ending, I went to see a very nifty musical production: "Shockheaded Peter." Eve (remember her?) and I saw it in June and I loved it so much, I bought a ticket to see it a week later. If Tim Burton and Tom Waits had re-written Grimm's Fairy Tales, it would have looked and sounded a lot like this. Thanks to that show, I am now a huge fan of The Tiger Lillies.
During my summer vacation, I took a month-long road trip throughout the American Southwest: Arizona, New Mexico, Texas (Hi Ilene!), Louisiana, Missouri and many more. My tiny little Geo Metro has no air-conditioning, so windows were rolled down and arms were sunburned throughout the entire journey. I was able to visit Roswell, Carlsbad Caverns, Tombstone, Houston, New Orleans, Hannibal and that wasteland known as Highway 80 between Salt Lake City and Reno, among other places. I wrote numerous "on-the-road" emails about my trip and, at some point, I'll put them up on my website for your perusal and edification. It was a great trip, and I had an incredible time. I met some really cool people, and I learned a lot. It was much better than Cats.
A few short weeks after my return to California, Grandma Hansen died, just before the end of summer. She was cremated, and her ashes spread over the sea. I wish I could have been there, just to close the circle, if you will. I wish I could have seen her one last time, and I surprised myself by feeling that; I'm usually not given to fretting over lost chances. Jean Hansen was a good woman, and she'll be missed.
School started at the end of August again. The difference was that this year I was tenured. Finally--I was not probationary, not temporary. It would now take the literal act of god to remove me from the classroom. Back in June, one of my co-workers decided to leave the teaching profession, thereby turning me into the Senior 6th Grade Staff Member. Only my third year there, and already the Senior Staff Member. You are now allowed to shudder.
October rolled around and I really wanted to try working for a (assumed) professional Halloween Event. I auditioned for Six Flags up here in Vallejo (about an hour away) to act during their Fright Fest event. They were very happy to see me, very enthused about all my experience at that other Haunted House...and then, on my first night, do they give me a scary mask and hide me around a dark corner to jump out and scare people? No. Do they splatter fake blood on me and turn me into a vampire? No. Do they let me have any customer interaction at all?? Nope.
They put me in a 3' x 8' cubicle and forced me to push a 150 lb. wheeled cart back and forth all night. Push the cart forward. Pull the cart back. Oh, the humanity!
I blame the parents.
Did I then go right back to my old haunt, GYRO's World of Terror, the next night and dress up and scare people for the next three weeks to my heart's content? Jumpin' jive, did I ever!!
Just before Thanksgiving, I got to put that ordination to good use, and I gave my first wedding ceremony. It was a beautiful (albeit zippy) ceremony, at Elliston Winery in Sunol, and I got many compliments. I think I found a new part-time gig. If nothing else, the food is great!
A terrific Thanksgiving was spent up in Paradise with my Grandpa Penhall, and the few family members that could tear themselves away for the weekend. The stuffed mushrooms were great, and the big meal was divine. Sorry the rest of you missed it.
I hope this holiday season does wonderful things to your brain,
your belly, your bank account, and your libido (not necessarily
in that order, mind you). And one more thing to give thanks for:
I got this far without ever mentioning Florida's voters. Oh,
wait...damn.
Never mind.