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Dead. Gone. Never again. No matter what way you phrase it, the bitter truth rung through his mind. How could she? How could he? The things he would never be able to say... The way she looked right through his mask... Only she could... and now...
*Your words to me just
a whisper
Your faces so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear*
Angel could see her, in his mind. The first image he had ever laid eyes upon,
that had been that beautiful. Her soul rung true, not like evey other being.
No, she had a pure lust for living, something he had always envied.
Now, that lust would never be released again. He could feel the tears, but didn't
care that they stained his face. Never before had he cried, not since he could
remember. Only she could...
*'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said*
What he wouldn't give, now to be there... To erase the time when he left...
Start over... He knew if he could, he would never left Buffy out of his sight.
She would never know how precious she was to him, the closest thing he had ever
had.
It was a time like this, Angel had wished Angelus to return. Let his soul be
free... to be free with her...
The night he had left her, he knew things would never be again. If anyone knew
how hard that was to grasp, how hard it was to leave... to leave her. And now
he would never be able to tell her...
*So I speak to you in riddles because
My words get in my way. I smoke the
whole thing to my head and feel it
Wash away 'Cause I can't take anymore
Of this, I want to come apart,
or dig myself a little hole inside
your precious heart*
Angel's face felt like it was leaking, silent tears they were, but tears none
the less. Somethings he could never control, his being... her life... dealing
would be the hardest part. Memories flooded into him, unwelcome. He tried to
supress them, but in doing so, only more soaked through.
She had been his reason to exist. At a time when things seemed worthless, hopeless...
it had been her that convinced him, life was worth living. And now, after all
this time... after all the tears, the laughter, and the rain... it was now Angel
realized, he would never be able to pay her back.
She made him feel human, and that was something more than anyone should have
to do. He couldn't save her, if only he hadn't left...
*I am nothing more than a little boy inside
That cries out for attention,
though I always try to hide
And I talk to you like children,
but I don't know
I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed
But it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said*
If this was a life worth living, it couldn't get any worse. A life without Buffy,
was like a life without love... Love. That was something Angel, would never
feel again. Not the same love... No that was something... Well, that was something
else all together...
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::UNDECLARED::SPLASH::END ONE::