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Prison, it sounds better than it really is, everyone says its not that bad. You don't have to work, eat for free and drugs, well they are pretty much a given. But, the thing they don't mention is the worst part about prison. It isn't the bad food, or even the how much the guys liked showering together, a little too much. No, the worst part, was when you are stuck in the cell, alone and stuck with the worst thing of all, yourself...
*I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
the thought is too
Much to conceive*
The very same things, that had got her here, were the things she would never
be able to make up for. Buffy was dead, and there wasn't a damn thing she could
do about it. Yet still, she couldn't understand how god could be so cruel.
No one understood, why Faith hated her so much. Buffy, was the reason Faith
had a reason to fight her insanity. Faith had always wanted to be like Buffy,
everything so pretty and neat. But Faith would never have that, and now neither
would Buffy.
Angel had come to visit her, upon the news. Faith understood, losing someone
you care about isn't something you want to talk about in front of your closest
of close. Still, Faith found her heart warm a little, just knowing that someone
cared.
*I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause*
Angel had always tried to be there, even if he had turned against her. She understood
now, why he had done it, because he cared. Cared? It sounded so uncertain, cared,
was a word Faith had never heard nor felt in all of her existence.
Maybe, that's why she felt free for the first time. Free in prison, now there's
an irony. Faith felt free, yet she was lonely. Which was understandable, no
roomie. No visitors. After Angel's last visit, he didn't come back. Month after
month he had visited, now nothing. Faith felt her mind losing its loose hold
on the world around her. She never knew how dependent she had become.
Faith never knew what to do on days like today. Worthless, is what she was.
Mud is what she will always be, no one's "everything," and everyones
"nothing."
*I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made*
Faith took in the white line, as the powder shot through her system, Faith smiled.
It was the only thing that kept her from breaking herself out of this place,
sometimes the walls seemed so close she could almost feel the cold steel bars
brushing against her soul.
Soul? Something Faith would have never admitted to having, but now... It was
different. To do things and pretend not to care, that's what it starts as. Then
before you know it, things you do to people, they don't matter, all that matters
is no one is paying attention to you. Why should they all have perfect lives,
they will never know the things I have suffered through...
Faith let her mind go, experiencing the drugs effects. The walls seemed non-existent
now, field of wild flowers, blew in the wind before her. It was so real Faith
could almost taste the air. Fresh air, god has it been that long?...
*So where were you
When all this I was going through
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do*
There are things you can't control. And there are things you can, Faith knew
her fading existence was something she couldn't control, but the way she would
fade... That was always in her hands...
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::UNDECLARED::SPLASH::END ONE::