Introduction

Incest happens in all walks of life. It doesn't matter if a family is financially well off or comes from a low socio-economic status, it happens. Race or ethnic descent makes no difference nor does it to those of all religious traditions. Incest happens to boys, girls, infants and adolescents, age is of little consequence. Any sexual abuse which occurs within the boundaries defined as family is incest. To have accurate statistics on incest is impossible because most victims never come forward. Of all sexual abuse crimes, incest is the one least reported. The reasons for these are due to pressure from family members, threats as well as the guilt and shame which the child feels. In many cases the victim does not fully understand that anything is wrong with the behaviour they are encountering. Younger children especially are told that this is a "learning experience," because of their love and trust they believe the abuser and also figure this happens in all families.

Most incest survivors suffer long-term effects because of the abuse. Studies have shown that children who were sexually abuse by a relative suffer more intense guilt and shame, low self-esteem, depression and self-destructive behaviour than children assaulted by strangers. The process of recovery for a victim of incest is slow, painful and something they may never recover from. They must first admit they have been abused and be willing to accept help which is offered. Help can come from a variety of resources for both children and adult survivors. There are books, self-help groups, workshops, short and long-term therapy programs and legal remedies. One important aid in their recovery is having someone who believes and is willing to listen to them without being judgemental. They have to be accepted for themselves and not pushed into doing something they do not want to participate in.

Statistics

"Incest, as both sexual abuse and abuse of power, is violence that does not require force...It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child, rather meeting the needs of the ‘caretaker' at the child's expense...incest can be seen as the imposition of sexually inappropriate acts, or acts with sexual overtones, by - or any use of a minor child to meet the sexual or sexual/emotional needs of one or more persons who derive authority through ongoing emotional bonding with that child." (Blume, 1990, p.4)

"Incest between an adult and a related child or adolescent in now recognized as the most prevalent form of child sexual abuse and as one with great potential for damage to the child." (Courtois, 1998, p.12)

Incest is sexual abuse of a child by a member of their own family. These members include mother, father, siblings, step-parents, uncles/aunts, cousins or grandparents. In a large number of cases it also includes multiple members. As an example the same daughter may be suffering abuse from various family members such as father, brother and uncle.
 

Why is it that a person can sexually abuse their own children, yet appear to be very normal as far as society is concerned? How can such a person with a sick and violent nature act so casually around their friends, co-workers and family? Any adult or older relatives that will force, coerce, bribe or trick a child into a sexual relationship has to be mentally unstable. Their thinking processes have gone astray, they are violent people who love to have power over others weaker than themselves. Due to their own weaknesses and insecurities they try to bolster their own ego by preying on there own helpless children. Why would do they do such a thing? Most of the time, they know that children are naturally trusting and that they want the love and respect of their parent or relative. This makes it extremely easy to take advantage of the child. The perpetrators know that they will not have to use force in order to get what they want. They are clever and know it just takes time and patience in order to fool these poor children into doing as they wish. Do they not have any feelings of remorse or guilt? Remorse, guilt, highly unlikely, they are more interested in their own personal satisfaction that the feelings of their children. It is themselves who come first, after all, as far as they are concerned these are their children to with as they please. The consequences of their acts and the effects it leaves on these children for years to come is of little significance.

Incest usually occurs in a dysfunctional family. Although outwardly the family may appear normal and for all intensive purposes, describe as normal, for incest to occur there has to be some form of dysfunction somewhere. Frequently no respect or compassion is shown toward the children. There are rules set by the family which is inconsistent and strictly enforced. The child is not allowed to voice their beliefs or needs, they are often criticized, rejected with little nurturing provided. The family did not become dysfunctional because of the child's birth, but has always been so. The only difference is that now the problems are transferred onto the child. The child is taught denial and dishonesty are valued within the family. This may have been done unconsciously but it is the way for keeping family problems and secrets within the boundary of the family. Children in dysfunctional families are encouraged to rely only on other family members, thus isolating them from the community at large, and discouraged them from forming friendships. The consequences of these family lives are that children learn lath love is conditional upon meeting the needs of others and on being pleasing and compliant. The fear of disloyalty to the family keeps the child from seeking outside assistance. They have been very easily coerced with promises of love and acceptance, thus making them easy targets for sexual abuse. Eventually, the child learns coping mechanisms to deal with the incest. That doesn't mean it has gone away, only pushed into their subconscious. It is only years later that they have to deal with the problems. Questions such as "Why me?", "What did I ever do to deserve this?" "Why did I allow this to happen?" "Why didn't I fight back?". The answers to most will probably go unanswered. There is no quick answer, so the pain remains causing problems of self-blame for most. The most important statement a child or adult who suffered sexual abuse/incest can repeat and remember is "SEXUAL ABUSE/INCEST IS NEVER THE FAULT OF THE CHILD."

Incest and child sexual abuse happens frequently within society today. Both male and female children are affected by this sickening abuse, although the victims are usually girls. Even though the rate of incest is high between father/daughter, the most frequent occurrence of incest is sibling abuse. Many feel that sibling incest is not as traumatic for the child as parent incest because no generational boundary has been violated. This type of thinking can actually cause more damage to the victim because the trauma is not recognized.

A majority of persons feel that sexual experience between siblings is a result of natural curiosity and experimentation toward sex. If this is the case, why the need for secrecy? "Enforced secrecy ... sexualized contact which is kept secret due to fear, coercion, or threat, cannot be considered harmless sex play." (Canavan, 1992) This secrecy is extremely damaging to the female involved. She is left with feelings and guilt. She must remain silent about what happened, she feels she has no other choice. In many cases the female will submit because she feels powerless or threatened. Even today society plays a role by allowing male dominance to revered and acceptable. Incest between siblings can be very devastating to the female and affect future relationships she may have later on. It can and does leave a lasting effect, causes emotional damage which could last a life time. "None of us has had clinical contact with women reporting sibling incest of a benign or positive nature." (Canavan, 1992). "Our survey data show that the notion that brother-sister incest is usually a harmless, mutual interaction is seriously wrong." (Russell, 1986)

Indications of Sexual Abuse

Although sexual abuse is not usually identified by physical indicators, there are many signs that could point to the possibility of abuse taking place. It does not mean that the following indicators state a child is being abused, but they are a good indication that abused is happening. If a child displays several of the following indicators, it could be cause for alarm.

Indicators of Family Incest

Difficulty in Recognizing Sibling Sexual Abuse

How a Person May Feel after Incest

Effects of Incest

· Inability to trust

· may never marry or make poor choices in marriage

· fear of intimacy, problems with relationships

· feel sex is disgusting or humiliating

· sexual promiscuity and using sex as the only way to relate to men

· depression, guilt

· anger at yourself and others (mood swings)

· isolated and alienated from others

· eating disorders (bulimic, anorexic)

· disgusted at your physical appearance

· suicidal thoughts and other self-destructive behaviours (self-mutilation)

· drug and alcohol dependency

· force yourself to be busy and always on the move to block out memories
 
 

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