like black ink.. seeping into every pore of a white sheet... so the deep darkness spreads its ugliness.. over every aspect of her life... it will be.. the final curtain... black and velvety... at the end of her play..... pulled shut with authority.... as she waits back stage.. alone in the now darkened theater..... it will.. collapse... in a sea of fabric... heavy and thick.. covering her.... suffocating her.... its already so hard to breathe sometimes... she can only close her eyes so tight... where can she go..... where can she run...... when it seems.... like everything.. and everyone.. changes.... she has nothing left to.. count on..... nothing is... always there... retaining its form... a replica of her memories... no one stays the same... but she doesn't want to.. stunt their growth..... she can feel... eyes.. watching.... but she won't look... she can't see anymore..... can't think... can't.. remember..... she cuts her connections... slowly.... fearing.. more hurt.. will be piled on.... drawing on past occurances.. she waits for history to repeat itself.... holding a hope in the back of her mind that this time... maybe this time.. it will be.. different.... but she can't count on that...... she doesn't know.. how close is too close... and she keeps thinking that she's the one that got left behind... when maybe.... she's the one that left..... she's not sure of anything.... and she can't understand... she won't pretend to know anymore... won't think that she has it all sorted out.... when it all keeps getting more and more tangled everyday.... she's.. afraid.... of what it would be like.. to.. not feel.. sad... all the time.... no matter... how much.. she hates.. the pain... the hurt... the loneliness... the anger.... the.. sadness... no matter how much.. it drags her down.... no matter how far she has fallen..... no matter how overwhelming and confusing it may be..... it is... there... it has been for so long...it is.. normal.... she can't explain.. her reasoning..... she's not sure... herself.. she sighs... she's tired.. its late.... but she hasn't been sleeping well.... haunted by.. dreams... unpleasant.... reflecting.. past present and future..... invading her sleep..... leaving her... isolated.. to fend for herself.. in a place where no help can be offered..... defenseless... to the attack....... but she still... wakes up.....