Never Again I never wanted to end up like this – with no one and nothing – I hate being alone – not having anyone to talk to or go out with – I never thought I would come to this – I never wanted it to – damn, I hate my life so much – I am so damn lonely its not even funny – but how do you change something like that – how do you put the pieces back together – I have supper glue I wonder if that will work – I doubt it though – nothing is ever easy for me – I wonder where everyone went – maybe I pushed them away – maybe they ran so fast to get away I never even saw them leave – maybe they were never there in the first place – have I really always been alone – wallowing in my own pathetic misery – I wish I did not have so much pride – maybe then I could end it – maybe then I wouldn’t be so alone - No one has ever taken the time to get to know me – the real me – maybe that’s the reason why – maybe I hold people at arms length – never letting them get close – maybe I am just afraid they will hurt me – they always end up hurting me – leaving alone in the end – I often wonder what my life would have been like had I tried to keep it more simple – with out all the sex and drugs – with out trying to slowly kill my self from the inside out – and yet I failed at that too – I should be dead right now - if it had not been for my mom – rescuing me – nurturing me back to health – feeding me – caring for me – she never judged me – never laughed at me – I can still see my self like that - with my sick pastel color skin hanging off my frail bones – track marks up and down my arms and between my toes – there was not much holding my 84lbs body together – just my pride – I remember not eating for days on end – waking up after sleeping for 48 hours straight and not being able to walk because my feet hurt so bad and the only think that would make them stop was my next fix – I hated the days and dreaded the nights because it would get so dark with no electricity – and the candles would only last so long – fearing for my life – and yet wanting it to end – Jessica