sleepiness settles on her eyelids.. she has been so tired lately.. she has not been sleeping well... she's also so cold.. very very cold.. she feels so distant... like what happened earlier today never really happened at all... she feels like she's drifting in a dream somewhere.. and that nothing is real.. and nothing will stay... she holds it all in now... she won't reveal anything.. all hopes.. dreams.. memories.. secrets.. fears.. feelings... its all inside.. its all there weighing her down.. but she feels she has to keep it all.. she doesn't want to be a complainer.. doesn't want anyone else to have to share the burden... she likes to think her intentions are good... and sincerely hopes they are... she feels selfish for worrying so much about herself and her sadness.. so she tries not to care about it so much... she wonders if its selfish to keep it all inside... and wonders how she can be selfish for caring so much about other people... she wonders how she can be selfish for giving everything else of herself.. even if she never gets anything in return... she feels so messed up.. in a messed up world... she sighs... and yawns.. and hopes sleep will come soon.. so today will be over.. so she can forget about everything for a few hours.. so she won't have to think... she longs for the peaceful unconsciousness of sleep without dreams...