the Society of Meaningless Titles


The members of the SOMT are devoted to giving themselves and each other meaningless titles. These titles are recorded here.


Members: (alphabetically)


Matt Carey
Flycollector
Neo of Nerf
Colonel of the Nerf Wars Army
Squisher of Backbones
Devil's Avocate
Founder of SWDDA
Zonkian
Ghost (the nickname that's just spooky)
Apparition
Suicidal Soccer Player
Veteran of the IF wars
Brother Matthew Spectrum
Member, Payne Geographic Society

Jonathan Fox
HPU Class of 2002
Foxy
Shorty (the Pimp)
Grassboy
Flailing Boy
Butch
El Presidente`
Pirate of the Cove Charter Member 1st Class, Reformed
Parkview Baptist Church Minister to Youth and Students
The Token Fundy
The Fundamentalist Sidekick to Our Roman Catholic Friend
Official Member, Minuteman Militia (the real Stavesacre Fan Club)
Knight Exemplary of the Most Sacred Order of the Skate Tree
HPU Men's Soccer Defender
Cave-dweller
Charter Member, Alpha Delta Delta
Carrie's Boyfriend
Member of the Institute for the Preservation of Useless Knowledge
The ORIGINAL Colonel and Field Commander of Nerf
The Sixth Member of the Simpson Family
Antagonist of Dr. Stevens
Haunter of the Stacks
That Freaky Long-Haired Kid
The Freaky Kid That Used to Have Long Hair
Member, Dogbert's New Ruling Class
Disciple of Bill Watterson
Gremlin
Summa Cum Laude
Most Cunning Fox of the Zonkian Regiments
Bearer of the Sacred Light
Collector of All Things Israeli
Unofficial Honorary Beau for Alpha Delta Kappa Sorority
Railrider
Member, Criswell Meaningless Society
Nephtali
Thanatos
Charter Member, Alpha Delta Delta
Poet
Secret Monk in the Holy Order of the Larkspur
Alopeks
Dynamite
Canerite (TCC)
Jacobite (TCC)(not in the Scottish sense)
Stickboy
Mosh Fodder
Fluke
Suicidal Soccer Player
Member, Payne Geographic Society
Poet
Member, Order of the Donut
Veteran of the IF wars
IFraeli
Father Jonathan of the Foxes
Climber of Trees
Member, Payne Historical Society
Holder of the Sacred Shower Curtain

LaRonna Fox
HPU Class of 1969
Lady Exemplary of the Most Sacred Order of the Skate Tree
Teacher

Shawn Gafford
Lord Scotsman
Knight Exemplary of the Most Sacred Order of the Skate Tree
General of the Zonkian legions
Veteran of the Nerf Wars
Keeper of the Sacred copy of Monty Python ick den Holy Grailen.
Doc

Connie Gunter
Princess Indeniyl
Lady Exemplary of the Most Sacred Order of the Skate Tree
Resident of the House Insaayne

Tim Gusukuma
Brother Timothy of the Goose
Monk in the Holy Order of the Larkspur
Music Critic of the Zonkian Legions
Knight Exemplary of the Most Sacred Order of the Skate Tree
Veteran of the Nerf Wars Army

Greg Irwin
HPU Class of 1999
Dr. Swampthing, King of Intelligencia and Ruler of the Ivory Towers
High Priest of Useless Information in the Order of St. Clifford Claven of Boston
Knight Exemplary of the Most Sacred Order of the Skate Tree
Veteran of the Jennings Heat Wave of 1994
President and Dictator for Life of the Big Eugene Fan Club
Bridger of the Gap Between Allenites and Gremlins
Gremlin Most Excellent
Allenite Exquisite
Player of Horns
High Bat
Founding Member of the Society of the Bubbling Mud Pits
Semi-Regular Client of the Knife and Spoon Inn
Co-Founder, the Terminally Single People of America (status:exiled)
Thwarter of Fratboys
Exile from IXA
Founding Member, Alpha Delta Delta
President Emeritus, Alpha Delta Delta
Lifetime Member, the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Singles
Almost Member, Christian Dateless Men
Member, the Hubby Club
Member, the Society of Helpless Romantics
Climber of Trees
Supreme Tiger of the Zonkian Legions
Walker of Dogs
Member, the Cool Hat Club
Scribe
Appreciator of Squirrels
Fan of Bob the Squirrel
Writer-Downer of All things Un at HPU
Scribe of the Institute for the Preservation of Useless Knowledge
Writer of Songs
Poet
Founding Member, Alpha Delta Delta
Recipient, Claven Medal of Obscurity
Beau of Phi Alpha Hydroxy
Charter Member of Oak Grove Baptist Church
the IFsurper
the ADD (Scottish) Texan
Member, Payne Geographic Society
Member, Payne Historical Society
Member, Payne Parody Patrol/Silly Song Society
Member, the Greeklish Society
Wild Man of Borneo
Last Chanter of Ooga Booga Bah?!
Member, Dogbert's New Ruling Class
Giraffe
Recipient, Creative Parking Award
Holder of the Sacred Drum
Member, Order of the Donut
Veteran of the IF wars
Member, HPU Alumni Association
Confuser of Things
Senior Fellow of the Institute for Unfrat Studies
Recipient, Cheerfulness Award
Recipient, Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned from Star Trek Award
Banister Slider
Recipient, Scott Honea Most Likely to be Missed Award
Starter of Newspaper Controversies
Attender of Homecoming
Sleeper on Frank's Couch
Sleeper on Tank's Couch

Summer Irwin
Princess of Firandis
Antelope
Lady Exemplary of the Most Sacred Order of the Skate Tree
Member, Order of the Donut
Veteran of the IF wars

Stephen McKenzie
Loremaster in Charge of All Things Tolkien
Master Captain of the Rangers of Brownwood
Knight Exemplary of the Most Sacred Order of the Skate Tree
Member of the Institute for the Preservation of Useless Knowledge
Member of the Board of Directors forthe Institute for the Preservation of Useless Knowledge
Master Philologist for the Institute for the Preservation of Useless Knowledge
Stephen The Green
Zonkian
Co-founder, the Cool Hat Club
Co-owner of the Knife and Spoon Inn
Director of Hospitality for the Knife and Spoon Inn
Strider
Member, Payne Geographic Society

Alathia Paris
Truth
Silly Girl
Crazy
Mother Hen
Oh Yeah, Her
the One Without a Boyfriend
Proud Librarian
Keeper of the Chronicles of Zonk
Queen of Gossip
Psycho
Ex-Movie Manager
Helper of the Needy
Matchmaker
Heart Breaker
Non Stop Talking
Historian
Roomate of Connie
Former Member, Cool Hat Club
Zonkian
One Time Pledge of Tri Zeta
Menial Worker in Bealls Shoe Department
Lady Exemplary of the Most Sacred Order of the Skate Tree
the Unsilent One
Resident of the House Insaayne
Member, Payne Historical Society
Member, Payne Geographic Society

Cade Riggs
IF-master
the minor deity of probability
Master of All Things IF
IF
IF, the Mighty
IF, the MagnIFicent
the Tailor of IF
the IF-teller
The Galactic Emperor of IF
the IF-terrorgator
the Great IF-ofactor
the IF-sence
Veteran of the IF wars
Winner, Numerous Patronage Award, Knife and Spoon Inn
Best Customer of the Knife and Spoon Inn

Stacy Shane
Duchess of Teh
The Proven One
Zonkian
Frank's Long-Lost Daughter

David Tankersley
Tank
Chaplain of the Nerf Army
Veteran of the Nerf Wars
Colonel in the Nerf Wars Army
Wearer of Socks
Maker of Useless Rules
Bestower of Meaningless Titles
Executive Director for the Institute for the Preservation of Useless Knowledge
Knight Exemplary of the Most Sacred Order of the Skate Tree
Zonkian
Allenite
de facto leader of the Unnamed Monkey Cooking Blankicans (Logsdon thing)
Co-Owner of the Knife and Spoon Inn
Director of Security for the Knife and Spoon Inn
Pastor of Center City Baptist Church (Okay, that's not a meaningless title)
HPU Senior
Co-Founder of the Cool Hat Club
President of the Militant Single People of America
Founding member of the Universal Consortium of Davids
Commander, 1st Armored Division of the Zonkian legions
Founder of the Society of the Bubbling Mud Pits
Utar the Loyal Viking (pronounced OO-tar)
Monitor of ???
Dissident in the Stinger Rebellion
Allenite extrodinare
Gremlin Minor
Guardian of the Coffee Room
Member, Payne Geographic Society
Member, the Greeklish Society
Member, Payne Historical Society
Member, Payne Parody Patrol/Silly Song Society
Pinch Preacher
Master of Plausible Deniability
Token Single Guy
Hunter of the Popup Ads
Member, the Order of the Shower Curtain

Frank Wacholtz
teh demigod of mispeling
Lord Teh
Count Fwacho
Zonkian
Knight Exemplary of the Most Sacred Order of the Skate Tree
Founding Member, Alpha Delta Delta
Former Member, Terminally Single People of America (status:exiled)
Member, Payne Geographic Society
Founding Member, Alpha Delta Delta
Poet
Member, the Hubby Club
Member, the Greeklish Society
Veteran of the IF wars
Member, Order of the Donut
Daddy
Scribe, the Big Eugene Fan Club










See Also the Society of Pseudonobility.



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