Constable Fraser and the Three Rays

by MR

Once upon a time, in a little house outside of Skokie, there lived three Rays. Raimundo Vecchio, Ray Kowalski and Stanley Raymond Kowalski (a cousin of the second Ray who looked a lot like him, except for the glasses). And every morning, following breakfast, the three Rays would leave the house and commute to Chicago, where they worked as police officers.

Then one day, when the three Rays were away at work, an RCMP Constable named Benton Fraser was out walking his pet wolf, Diefenbaker, and a terrible storm came up. Lots of lightening and thunder, and very strong winds, and since Constable Fraser was the practical sort, he decided to take shelter in the three Rays house.

"After all," he told Diefenbaker, "I'm sure whoever lives here won't mind us going inside to get out of the storm." Diefenbaker ignored him. (in addition to being only half-wolf, he was also deaf).

So Constable Fraser and Diefenbaker went into the three Rays house.

Constable Fraser was very tired, and since there were three chairs in the living room, he decided to sit down in one. But the first chair (which belonged to Ray Vecchio) was hard and uncomfortable. He tried the second chair (which belonged to Ray Kowalski), but it was too narrow (Kowalski was built like a whippet). Then he tried the third chair (which belonged to Stanley), and it was very comfortable and just right.

Although he didn't mean to, the chair was so comfortable that Constable Fraser fell asleep a short while, only waking up when Diefenbaker stuck his nose in his crotch. "I wish you wouldn't do that," the Constable said to Diefenbaker, who woofed. "Yes, I realize you're hungry, but we can't be eating whoever lives here's food. It's rude enough that we came into their house."

Still, the smells coming from the kitchen were very inviting, and Constable Fraser's stomach was starting to growl. "On the other hand, perhaps if we leave them some money for the food, they won't mind." Diefenbaker agreed with this, and they went into the kitchen, to find the table set for three.

At the first setting (which was Vecchio's) was a veritable Italian feast (you think his name was Raimundo for nothing?). Dief was all for this, but Constable Fraser wasn't particularly fond of Italian food. So he checked the second setting.

The second setting was for Ray Kowalski, and it consisted entirely of take-out. Pizza, Chinese, West Indian, East Indian... Just the smell alone was enough to make Constable Fraser a bit queasy, though Dief thought it looked interesting.

The third setting belonged to Stan, and Fraser didn't even recognize a lot of the food there (which was Polish). Still, it smelled very good. "Just a taste won't hurt," he said to Dief, who was already halfway through Vecchio's manicotti. But when he started eating, it tasted so good that before he knew it, he'd finished everything.

"Oh dear," the Constable said. Diefenbaker, who was midway through the second Ray's Thai chicken, ignored this as well.

All that food made him very sleepy. "I shouldn't be doing this," he told Diefenbaker, as they started down the hallway that led to the three Ray's bedrooms. "But since I've already sat in their chairs and eaten all the third one's food, I doubt that it matters that much."

The first bedroom belonged to Ray Vecchio. The dcor reminded Fraser very much of a brothel he'd once shut down, but beggars can't be choosers. When he tried the bed, however, he discovered it was a waterbed, and just watching the motion of the waves made him slightly sick. So he went into the second bedroom.

The second bedroom belonged to Ray Kowalski, and looked rather like ground zero of a nuclear blast. Plus, the bed was very small and very narrow (I told you the man was built like a whippet), and it was impossible for Constable Fraser to get comfortable.

With a sigh, he went into the third bedroom, which was decorated a bit oddly, but felt very homey nonetheless. The bed was a double, and the mattress was soft. Plus, the pillows smelled good. "Probably whatever aftershave he wears," Fraser murmured, and then he fell to sleep.

At dusk, the three Rays came home after a tiring day at the Precinct, only to find the front door standing open. "We've been burglarized," the first Ray said, and they all pulled their guns and went in.

"Looks empty," the second Ray said.

"Well, somebody was here," the first Ray snapped, "because my chair's still warm."

"Same here," the second Ray said. "What about you, Stan?"

"I think they probably fell asleep," Stan said. "Maybe they wanted to get out of the storm?"

"Shut up, Stan!" The other two Rays said in unison.

"Let's check the kitchen," the first Ray said.

So they all went into the kitchen and stood a minute, looking at the table.

"Jerk," Vecchio muttered, eyeing what little remained of the Italian food his Mama had sent over. "They ate almost all my dinner."

"Same here," said the second Ray. "Except for the garlic shrimp."

"Well they ate all of mine," Stan said. This depressed him, because his Mum had made the meal, and good Polish food is hard to find.

"Bedrooms," said the first Ray, and they all snuck quietly down the hallway.

"Whoever they were, they've been in my room," the first Ray said. "Cause my waterbed is still moving."

"Yeah, well, they were in my room too," the second Ray snarled. "Messed the sheets up."

"How can you tell?" The first Ray asked.

"Guys!" The third Ray (well, Stan actually) said, because the other two Rays were about to get into a fight, and he really wasn't up to that after a long day at the precinct. "They're in my room."

And sure enough, there was Fraser in his bright red serge, lying comfortable on Stan's bed. Dief was on the floor next to him, and when he saw the three Ray's crowded in the doorway, he growled and woke Fraser up.

"Oh dear," Fraser said, awakening to find himself confronted with three armed men. "I'm terribly sorry about all this, but Dief and I were out walking when the storm broke, and we took shelter here, as it was the only place available."

"Yeah, right," the first Ray said. "You still didn't have to eat all my dinner.

"I think that was Dief," Fraser gestured at the half wolf. "He's very fond of ethnic cuisine."

"Yeah, well, you didn' hafta mess up my bed, either," the second Ray snarled.

"How could you tell?" Fraser asked.

"So, um, why're you sleeping in my bed?" Asked Stan, who thought this guy was downright gorgeous.

"It was the most comfortable of the three," Fraser replied. Whoever this guy was, he was pretty cute, especially the glasses.

"Okay, simple case of B&E," the first Ray said. "I'd call central to come and book you, but I've got a gig in Vegas I've gotta see about. Ciao."

"Well I sure don' have the time to book ya," the second Ray said, checking his watch. "I got a hot date with Stell tonight, an' I'm already late. Stan, you deal with'im." And he left as well.

"So," Fraser said to Stan, who was still standing in the doorway staring at him. "Are you going to arrest me?"

"Can't see why," Stan replied, reholstering his gun. "I mean, it's not like you did any real damage. Except for eating my food, and I'm pretty sure I can get Mum to make more. You really think my bed's comfortable?"

"Very much so," said Constable Fraser. "Do you have someplace you have to be as well?"

"Naw. Vecchio's going undercover with the Mob, and if things work out the way they usually do with Ray and Stella, we won't see him again for a few weeks. You gotta name?"

Fraser crawled out of bed and held out a hand. "Constable Benton Fraser of the RCMP at your service. The wolf's named Diefenbaker."

"I'm Stanley Raymond Kowalski. I'm a detective at the 27th."

"Any relation to the man who was going on a date with Stella?"

"He's my cousin. He's the good lookin' one, though. Me, I'm just dorky'."

"You are not," Fraser said, moving a little closer. "You're a very attractive man. I especially like the glasses."

"Ya do?" Fraser nodded. "What's an Mountie doin' in Illinois?"

"Ah, that," Fraser ran a fingernail across his eyebrow. "I first came to Chicago on the trail of my father's killer, and for reasons too tedious to mention, I'm still here."

"So. You, like, got anywhere you need to be?"

Fraser smiled because Stan was blushing. "Actually, no."

"Greatness. Cause, ya know, I don' have many friends. I was sort've hoping we could get to know each other better."

The Constable felt himself blushing now. I can't believe he doesn't realize how gorgeous he is in those glasses. "As would I, Stan. As would I."

So Constable Fraser stayed with Stan in the little house outside of Skokie, which they eventually enlarged and opened a Bed and Breakfast in. And they lived pretty much happily ever after.

What Happened to the Other Two Rays?

Ray Vecchio spent three years undercover with the Mob in Vegas before the FBI broke the case. He returned to Chicago to find that Ray Kowalski had also gone undercover, taking his place at the Precinct. He was really surprised to hear about Stan and the Mountie.

Ray Kowalski went undercover at the 27th for Ray Vecchio, after he left for Vegas. He and Stella were already divorced, and the date he'd spoken of didn't go well, as Stella made it very clear she wasn't interested in getting back together. When Vecchio came back, Kowalski figured he'd probably be booted down to Narcotics, but somehow or other, Vecchio met Stella, and the two of them hit it off, and the next thing he knew, they were getting married and moving to Florida. This bummed him out to no end until Fraser introduced him to a young Mountie named Turnbull, who worked at the Canadian Consulate. That made things a lot better, and eventually, he and Turnbull moved to the Northern Areas to raise sled dogs.

Nobody's really sure what happened to Ray and Stella in Florida. Not too surprisingly, nobody really cared, either.

FIN

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