Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: Hello, class!
Mark: Huh?
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: Today, we will learn how to find the area of a triangle. (Stares into space) So, today, the lesson is on how to find the area of a triangle. (Shoots a glance at Megan) MEGAN! Be quiet!
Megan: But--
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: That’s it; you have silent lunch! (Looks around room) In the lesson plan for today, we are learning how to find the area of a triangle.
Michael: A what?
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: (Stares at Michael for a while, presumably trying to think) A, uh… What did I say? Square?
Megan: I think you said triang—
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: One more word and you have a detention! (Pause)
Amy: (Smiling) Yeah, you said triangle!
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: Oh! Right! (Pause) Thank you so much, Amy! Here’s a bonus point! (Takes five minutes peeling the bonus-point sticker off it’s paper, then slowly hobbles over to Amy and gives it to her.) Okay. (Pause) Today, class, I am supposed to teach you how to find the area of a triangle. (Pause) Do you guys think you can handle that? You’re so slow! You’re the smart class and you’re behind the other class and I don’t know why. But today I’m going to teach you how to find the area of a triangle. (Looks around) JOEL! Pay attention!
Joel: I am pay—
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: Joel! I can’t believe you! Don’t let me talk to you again or you’ll get detention! (Sighs) In the lesson book, under today’s date, I am supposed to teach you how to find the area of a triangle. (Long pause) Umm… does anyone know how?
Mark: Huh?
Molly: Base times height divided by two?
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: (Pause) No. One-half base times height.
Megan: Isn’t that the same thing as—
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: Megan! I warned you! That’s a detention! (Takes a long time tearing out a detention form, then waddles/hobbles over to Megan) Here. (Pause) Today, we’re learning about the correct way to find the area of a triangle. (Writes something on the overhead which can’t be seen because it is covered by her other hand. Pauses, looks around room, and continues writing. Pauses. Continues writing. Looks at board, looks around the room, then writes for a few more minutes. Finally she takes her hand away and the students see: ½bh.) There. That is the way to find the area of a triangle. (Pause) How to find the area of a triangle is what we were supposed to learn today. …Right?
Courtney: Yeah!
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: Very good, Courtney! Come get a sticker! (Begins her long process of peeling off a bonus point sticker, but it falls to the ground.) Ahh! Uh, oh. Um… (Looks for someone to retrieve Courtney’s prize, preferably the farthest person from the fallen sticker.) Aaron, come get this sticker for me! (Aaron goes to the front of the room and gets her sticker, then goes all the way back to his seat.) Here, Courtney. (Hands Courtney, who sits in the front row, the sticker.) Oh, and could you go tell me what’s for lunch today?
Mark: Huh?
Courtney: (Goes all the way to the back of the room where the lunch menu is posted.) Okay! Um… Generic meat, generic entrée, generic slime, generic goop, and pizza.
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: Is the pizza good?
Courtney: Well, you asked yesterday.
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: Oh! (Pause) And what did you say?
Courtney: The same thing I said when you asked me the day before that.
Mark: Huh?
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: Uh… so how is it?
Courtney: A little like paper with fat on it that's been dunked in grease. It’s pretty good, by comparison to everything else they have.
Mrs. Very-Generic-Teacher: All right. (Pause) Let’s, um… (Thinks) Oh, yeah. Let’s go to lunch!
CLASS: (Leaves, with Mrs. V-G-T counting her money and hoping she can buy a whole pizza)
Mark: Huh?