Note: word usage mistakes made by Mrs. RaVioli were written in on purpose.

Mrs. RaVioli--Science

Students begin filing into a classroom whose walls are covered by an unbelievable amount of tacky teacher posters and other junk. There is a removable wall adjoining this classroom with Mrs. Finger’s, and you are to feel sorry for the misfortune of Ms. Finger and her students.

A woman walks in. She has enough freckles to compete with the amount of stuff on the walls, and her short hair has been bleached blonde at the ends only; today, there’s another surprise—it’s in cornrolls. This allows us to see her very pale scalp, which sports a few freckles of its own, somehow. Furthermore, she is wearing leather pants with an oversized, aqua sweater, which makes her pear-shaped body look rather like a fanciful, upside-down guitar. Finally, she is wearing glasses that look more like magnifying lenses over each eye. Hail! She speaks in what may be the most annoying voice ever to agonize the ears of students, and at the top of her lungs, screaming to place emphasis on arbitrarily selected words.

Mrs. R:        A’IGHT! ToDAY I’m going to SHOW YOU how the WORLD TURNS! A’IGHT? It turns on its AXIS and that causes the SEASONS! A’IGHT? It WORKS LIKE THIS! The world goes around the sun with the NORTH POLE pointing at the SUN! Then the NORTHERN HEMISPHERE has SUMMER! A’IGHT? Then, it turns so the axises are PERPETUAL with the SUN! Then we have EQUINOXES. A’IGHT? THEN it turns UPSIDE DOWN and the OTHER HEMISPHERE has summer! A’IGHT?

Mark:        Huh?

Alexa:        Um, I always thought that it was like—

Mrs. R:         NO! IT’S NOT LIKE THAT! I already TOLD YOU! You’re NOT going to DO very WELL in HIGH SCHOOL if you DON’T LISTEN. A’IGHT? And BELIEVE ME—I know FIRSTHAND! Not from me; from my DAUGHTER! Y’KNOW, the HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS are REALLY MEAN! And HIGH SCHOOL is your life. It’s all that will EVER matter! It’s my job to PREPARE you for it! (Walks over to Alexa) HEY! You’re DRAWING in my class!? Well, (Grabs notebook and looks at it) you can just go OUTSIDE and draw all you want! (Throws notebook back at Alexa, who, luckily, catches it, despite the fact that Mrs. RaVioli cannot throw.) 

Alexa:        (Ponders Mrs. RaVioli’s proposal) Um, oka— 

Mrs. R:        (suddenly) ARE YOU GOING TO? (Obviously regretting letting Alexa do exactly what she wanted to do anyway)

Molly:        (Gives Alexa a look that says, “I’ll bitch about her with you later.”)

Alexa:         Uh, no. I’ll stay here. (Puts notebook away)

Mrs. R:        PUT THAT NOTEBOOK UP, ALEXA!

Alexa:        (Hesitates, unsure of whether she should point out that her notebook is, in fact, already put away.)

Mrs. R:        (Glares at Alexa through glasses that make her eyes blurry splotches that take up half her face) A’IGHT. (Walks to front of class and resumes, *cough*, teaching.) YOU! (Vaguely) PUT THAT UP SO I CAN LECTURE! 

Class:        (Put up their doodles/letters/etc. and get out notes)

Mark:        Huh?