Obits

Obits 111&119

by Tommy Z

Editor a Suicide by Drowning
After Jumping from Ferry

Somerville NJ--Michael Donovon, 68, editor of The Somerville Gazette, was pronounce dead at Hackensack Memorial Hospital, Monday (March 19, 1979), after an apparent suicide. City Coroner Edwin C. Ganzhorn gave a finding of death by drowning. He said that, according to witnesses, Mr. Donovon had jumped from the ferry--which was bound for the Statue of Liberty--about midway on route. No motive was given.

"Wet and wild, that's how I like um, is what he use to say. Ya remember that chippy, what was her name? Donovon's so called secretary. She used strip down to her underwear and prance around the office like she was at a Goddamn resort or something; one day I'm up there and she starts rubbing baby oil over anything with skin on it. He's just sittin' there in that battle ship of a chair of his, playing solitaire; like its a daily occurrence or something; ignores the phone, the editors. Jesus Christ you'd have thought he was some kind of beached whale and she was trying to keep him alive until the tide came in."

"Carlitta. Her name was Carlitta"

"Yea that's it, Carlitta."

"Si"

" I think he won her at a poker game. Used to be a domestic for one of those big swinging dicks over on Wall street."

Mr. Donovon began his career as a reporter with The Daily Trentonian immediately following his graduation from the University of Rutgers. From 1937 to 1941 he was telegraph editor for The Livingston Enterprise. He worked briefly on The Hillsboro Spector before joining The Princeton Tribune as general manager in 1946.

"Don't say?"

In 1952 he was employed by the Columbus Standard as production director and city editor, and from 1962 to 1978 he served as editor in chief of The Somerville Gazette.

"I remember one day he was up there, when Sheila comes strollin' in off the street; wants to show Donovon her new dress and asks me where his office is. I give her the spiel about how the boss has a paper to get out, and if I went up there every-time some dame needed to talk to him I'd be working down at the docks cutting up Mackerel for a living; but she keeps insisting that she has to see him cause they got some big shindig to do tonight and she wants to know if she looks ok; so I go up there-he's got Carlitta simpatico on the office floor and he's just about to pass go, if you know what I mean. Well I turn around and go back down there and tell Sheila that he's in the middle of an very important board meeting, real loud so everybody can hear, and that he'll meet her in an hour over at The River Club. Talk about indignant. She goes storming outa there like a banshee; me with tears welling up trying to hold it in until she gets through the revolving door. The minute she's out the whole place cracks up."

Mr.Donovon served in the U.S, Army during World War II as a sergeant. He was wounded in the Rhineland Campaign and was awarded the Purple Heart.

"How long was he married anyway?"

"37 years I think. Yea, something like that. Remember Inga, she used to come around dressed in that muumuu or whatever ya call it and sit on top of his radiator; file her nails for hours. I used to think her ass was made out of asbestos. One day I ask her flat out; how can you sit on top of that radiator for so long and not burn your ass. Ya know what she says?"

"No, what?"

"Determination. Determination, what a card!"

"What about Linda, remember her?"

"Who could forget Linda, all those years as a waitress, over at the Time to Eat diner. Donovon kept telling her that as soon as the divorce was final he'd marry her. Kept an apartment for her over in Raritan somewhere. Sweet kid. I use to see her walking her poodle down at Robeson park and we'd grab a bench and talk for hours. Used to be a Rocket back in the 70's. Got a kid that she sent through law school. I guess she ended up like all his other assignations: crying in her milk after he laid some song and dance number on 'er."

"She's working over at the Algonquin now as a maid, I saw her over there last month when I was checking up on a lead. Has those sad eyes, still. Just about backed right into me when she was vaccuuming the lobby."
"Don't say."

His relatives, friends and those of his children are invited to join the family for funeral services at 11a.m. Thursday at Thomas Conroy Funeral Home, 24 East Main St. Street, Bridgewater, New Jersey. Internment: Gates of Heaven Cemetery.

"Yea, She was asking about you, said to come on by some time. Like to shoot the breeze."

"I'd like that."

"So you about finished?"

"Yea, just got to dot a few eyes. Hey, what ever happened to Sally. Remember Sally, long blond hair: used to braid it up into a pony tail, elegant, demure, sophisticated woman about town--Donovon met her at one of those republican fund- raisers his wife was always hosting-- tripped over her own feet and fell into the punch bowl. It's a shame Jack was half loaded at the time or he could have immortalized the moment on film. Jack was working here back then wasn't he?"

"Yea, and Sally and Mary ended up being best friends, until Mary finally caught on that her and Mike were doing the horizontal mambo."

"Discretion is the always the better part of valor."

"So they say."

"So have you paid your respects to the grieving widow yet"

"Was over there this morning, the maid said she was in repose. I think that means that she was about five martinis ahead of the rest of us, but I'm not as sophisticated as most."

"You're telling me."

"Hey, remember when the news first broke that Donovon had croaked himself. What-did-ja think?."

Michael Donovon is survived by his beloved wife: the former Mary Wiggins; his son, Michael Donovon Jr., and his daughter, Barbara McCristen of Palm Beach, Florida.

"My first thought?"

"Yea"

"That some dame had pushed him overboard; but witnesses on the scene claim otherwise."

"Ya know what my theory is."

"What's that."

"Donovon's out on deck catching a smoke, minding his own business; he looks up, and just walks off the side of the boat; kurplunk, into the water. The catch is that Ms. Liberty is actually a-kind-of Siren set out there in the harbor by the Goddess of love as the great equalizer for all the jilted woman of the world. And she's got all of the rakes' names listed on that scroll that she carries around; when some poor smuck is unlucky enough to get caught crossing the harbor she emits a hypnotic ray from her torch that only he can see, and zap, the guy steps off the ferry and drowns. I'm considering doing a story on it: Lady Liberty Lashes Out At Libidinous Lotharios. What do you think?"

"I think you should lay off the Scotch for awhile."

"Just a thought."

"Get outa here!"

"Just one more thing Bill, Kate ever catch you cheating?"

"I'm not a very good swimmer."

"Who is? with a giant monolith breathing down your neck!"

"You're not telling me you really believe this crap are you?"

In lieu of flowers, the family has requested that donations be made to: the Emma Lazarus Foundation, 17 South Main St. Morristown, N.J 08849.

"Why not, makes perfect sense when you think about it. The Statue was modeled after one of those Greek Goddesses wasn't it? "

"I think so."

"And Donovon inexplicably walked off that ferry and drowned, didn't he?"

"Yea"

"Can you think of someone more deserving of a woman's wrath?"

"Mike Tyson?"

"Has Tyson ever visited the Statue?"

"Not sure"

"Probably not is my guess."

"Maybe Miss L. is particular to whom she dunks. Maybe the list has to be followed in a particular order; ya know, the real stinkers go first and then the rest of us semi-stinkers follow."

"Don't think you can be a little bit pregnant, do you."

"No but just look at Jimmy Carter, he lusted in his heart didn't he."

"Yea but that's all he did. Millions of guys think about it every day, but that's all they do."

"So who's next on the list then, Joe Shmo?"

"Could be anybody I guess."

"Woody Allen?"

"Only time will tell."

"Give me your tired retched polygamists, so I can hypnotize them into walking off the ferry."

"Something like that."

"Like lemmings walking into the sea."

"Precisely."

"I'm looking forward to your next story."

"I'm taking Jack out there--to get some photos."

"Of what!?"

"I want him to get some shots of that scroll she's carrying around."

"I think it's more of a tablet"

"Whatever. Do you know if there's anything written on it?"

"Not sure."

"Well I want him to get some shots of that, and a bunch from the ferry."

"Do ya think that's wise."

"What"

"Jack isn't exactly an angel himself ya know."

"I got that all figured out. I'm gonna chain Jack to the railing for the ride over there and back."

"You're kidding me, right?"

"Nope."

"Don't you think that's going to look a little bit odd. An award winning journalist crossing the harbor, with his photographer shackled to the bow of a ferry. The tourists already think New Jersey is a weird enough place."

"Its got be done."

"And what about the rest of the male passengers, will you be passing out restraints to them as well?"

"I'm just not taking any chances with Jack, that's all."

"I'll see you tomorrow Skip. Try and get some rest will ya"

"See you in the funny papers."

On a personal note: I know I speak for the entire staff of The Somerville Gazette when I say, that on both a personal and professional level, Mr. Donovon will be sourly missed.

Reporter Dies in Boating Mishap

March 21, 1979-Steven "Skip" Hernandes, a reporter on special assignment for The Somerville Gazette, fell into the Hudson River early Wensday morning, and drowned. According to Jack Pallo, a photographer on the scene, Mr. Hernandes fell overboard when he was helping secure a chain to the railing of The Shining Star Ferry, which was on route to the Statue of Liberty. The incident is still under investigation.