"I'll have a screw driver and a stack of waffles; and make it snappy."

The bartender, who had been preoccupied with a twizzle stick and a twinkle in a luscious blonde's eye, looked up. "Get it yourself, you prick," and with that, went back to his fraternizing.

Paul removed his eyeglasses, loosened his collar and slammed his fist down on the hard oak bar.

"Hey, lay off the wood Mighty Mouse; if you do," the bar-keep feigned, " I could see clear to not beating the crap outa you!"

"A vermouth then, you an-alphabetition, post haste before I drive my sharp wit into your laggard heart; and a steak, rarely done."

"Get a-load of this guy Madeline, aint he the charmer. Listen up bud, if your not outa hear in five seconds I'll sick the dogs on ya, post haste," and he turned back to his distraction.

"A bourbon then, sour mash, Dickel if you have it, and a Ruben, dissected into equal triangles and a glass of milk." The bar-keep ignored him. "I'm ravenous, you Neanderthal nipple chasing mutton head, I'll have a bag of chips and a frosty mug of your dearest stout. After I'm quaffed I shall rectify these indignations with several severe blows to your cranium."

"That's it, motor-mouth, your dead."

"Very well then, a cheese sandwich-- rye bread with a supple mustard-- topped off with a bottle of Margaux: the '95," Paul said hastily "You shall serve me at the verandah." And with that, he retreated out the door and took a seat at one of a long cue of tables overlooking the canal. "Do not procrastinate," he shouted back into the bar, "for the longer I must wait for my potables, the dire the consequences will be. Do not ask for whom the bell tolls: it tolls for thee." He took a cigarette out of a silver case that was convenient to his touch. "A match then, surely your kind has discovered fire and put it to good use. A tinder from your hearth is what I seek. Do me this courtesy and I shall forgive you your previous transgressions. If you refute, I shall come at you with unrelenting vigor and rage; when I catch you, I shall drop you into the deepest well and pass out pennies to school children to throw at you."

The verandah was empty except for a couple seated at the far end of the porch. They had been in the throws of sophomoric diversion, and they paused to look up at the stranger. " I have a light," the boy offered.

Paul walked over to the couple and rejoiced. "Thank you my good man, may you subside in bliss for all the days you walk the earth. Your kindness sustains me; that there are still those among us with gracious souls," he shouted back towards the bar, "and pleasurable continence rekindles my faith in the common man; have you the irk to order me a peach schnapps? I fear I have alienated the innkeeper," he said offhandedly.

"Sure, grab a seat."

"A gracious host you are indeed, but my intrusion would be paramount to heresy which no absolution could resolve; Could you forgive such indiscretion? I prostrate myself before you."

"I can forgive you," Mary giggled."

"Champagne for the lot of us then," he espoused as he pulled out a chair and sat, " and we shall dine on quails eggs and caviar." He stooped over the table and received a light from an outstretched hand. A waitress came up to the table and addressed the stranger. It was the blond who had been fraternizing with the enemy.

"I got some words of advice from Joe for you," Madeline confided, " he says that if you give me any trouble you'll end up as a welcome mat over at the Moose Lodge."

"I have no animosity towards you, my dear, and I apologize for any misunderstanding with Joe. If I offended, it was only on account of my enthusiasm to placate a parched maw. Now if you would be so kind, a bottle of champagne, nothing pedestrian, and a tin of caviar, your very best."

"Can you pay for it?. Joe says I'm supposed to make sure you can pay for it first."

"Pay for it," Paul exalted, astonished, "why I could buy the island of Manhattan and give it all away on a whim and still not tap my vast resources." He reached into his coat breast for his billfold. "Hmm, I seemed to have misplaced; I'm sure it's here somewhere. It seems that I have left it in the proverbial, 'other coat'."

"Just what I thought," a voice came booming from inside the bar. "Now hit the road, Jack." They all turned toward the bar.

" The names Paul, you blithering troglodyte, and if you take one more step I'll rearrange your DNA molecules with a pugilistic flurry here-to-for unseen since Liston."

"That's OK," the boy pronounced, "this rounds on me. I'll have another beer and Mary, another Bloody Mary? What would you like Paul?"

"I'll have a tequila with a chaser," he said brusquely, "and a roast beef club. Hold the mayo."