Opener: Ammo Heritage #1 Contendership: Ole Christianson vs. "The Dark Flame" Scott Fire
Ole Christianson has one month to live. The Minnesootan told us all this last week, and the UWF agreed to give him his one dream in life: to wrestle. And wrestle he will. The Pollock will face Scott Fire, a man who narrowly lost last week o Alpha Wolf. The winner of this gets a chance to become Ammo Heritage Champion. If Ole should win, he would have a chance at an even larger dream: a chance to become a UWF Champion!

Match Two: The Tower vs. Calvin Botti
Last week, The Tower made an impact, returning, evening the sides by injuring Jax and Botti, and aiding Lonnie Hinds to victory over Giganto. Now, he may be heading into this match as Universal Champion, but Calvin Botti gets his shot at revenge here for The Tower's attack on him. The Tower is pulling double duty!

First Main Event: The Star Wars Freaks vs. Purity
The new team of Purity will debut against the also debuting Star Wars Freaks. Last week, Purity demolished Goliath, injuring him and the fans did NOT like it. Purity wants to purify all of those in the UWF who are unclean. The Star Wars freaks wish to rid the UWF of evil 'Sith'. Sure, why the hell not?

Main Event: Glori Allysin Rose vs. Monoxide
Glori is in the house and the fans at St. Cloud are going to be VERY happy to see the woman who claims to still be the Elvation TV Champion! The UWF wanted to draw fans to Ammo again, and nobody is a bigger male fan draw than Glori, who will take on Monoxide inher return match. And this is NOT an easy task. Monoxide was screwed out of the Elevation TV title last week, and he is looking for some payback, on the main event of Ammo!

[We got to the Ammo review show.]

The UWF Ammo card was a good event for the UWF at a small auditorium in Saint Cloud, Minnesota. The joint was filled with around five-hundred fans, most of them holding signs of their support for Glori Allysin Rose, or their tremendous dislike of the team of Pain & Agony known as Purity who were promising to be in the house.

Also, some of them showed their crazy addiction to Star Wars, as a few were dressed in all Jedi attire with light sabers and all, wanting to be the newest members of the Star Wars Freaks.

That was an odd way to start the show, and one of the two announcers for the evening, Kevin “Killer” Kobalski, falls right under the odd mark. He came out, clamoring of ridiculous tales and really pointless remarks about everything that he could, so it was no doubt that his sadness over seeing Ole Christianson come to the ring was a little humorous.

The old Pollock had told us over a week and a half ago that he had gotten a UWF contract, but it was basically because he had one month to live and the UWF recognized this oversized Pollock’s dream to be a professional wrestler.

Oddly, the word Pollock isn’t found by Microsoft Word to be misspelled. The hell if I knew that ‘Pollock’ was actually a word? I guess Minnesota is getting somewhere in the world.

Anyways, Ole’s first opponent would be Scott Fire, and Scott Fire had made a comment earlier in the week that he would be retiring after tonight.

So that voided the Ammo Heritage #1 contendership right away, making this a singles match. Scott Fire and Ole really put on a slow paced match that was more of a dist fight and brawl that was dominated by the MUCH larger Ole, who in five minutes took down Scott Fire and Fire was down for the three count.

Thus, Ole won in five minutes much to Kevin Kobalski’s liking, and will go to Elevation next week and team with Monoxide in the tag team turmoil match, that is going to be a damn mess if I might say so.

But we moved on, showing some clips of happenings on last week’s Elevation, where the three main eventers at Nemesis 3 were named. Michael ‘Switch’ McCormick, “The Impact” Nick Bower, and “The Titan” Aerius Hyrule. The match will be a classic, and with two titles on the line and the ultimate stipulation yet to be named, this could easily be one of the bloodiest matches in UWF history. Friggin’ period.

Okay, so we moved on The Tower coming out to large cheers from the audience. The ‘tap master’ had already become one of the most beloved UWF superstars, and many doubted that returning Calvin Botti would be able to stand up to the much larger man.

The doubters were pretty correct, however at the mid point of this match Calvin Botti went on a run that saw him nearly surprise everyone with a really, really close nearfall that he instantly debated with the ref. This allowed time for Tower to not only get up, but also to throw Botti with one hand…

ONE fucking hand from the ring to the floor. The Tower showboated in the ring, and he really got the fans over to his liking. I sense The Tower being a HUGE fan favorite in the UWF, especially with connections to the Universal Champion, Aerius Hyrule.

By the way, Aerius Hyrule is fucking awesome. I mean the guy has three straight weeks of successful title defenses. And he beat Giganto with that HUGE Star Scissors move. He made a fucking 445-pound GIANT tap. With the UWF joining the WWA, Titan will be WWA champ in no time should he choose to go for it.

Who is the champion, anyways? Some Michigan guy, eh? Fuck him, and fuck his promotion.

Sorry, I had drifted. Back to the match, where The Tower basically showboated for ten minutes, nearly losing the match due to a surprise small package from Botti. But when Tower became serious, he hit the Checkout. That was it. A win for Tower.

Bottom line: The fans love this guy, and Botti, well, Botti needs some work.

So we moved on, to the third match…The in-ring debut of Purity, the team of Pain and Agony. Ironically, they cause a lot of pain and agony. I, personally, had been looking forward to their debut.

Purity have made a name for themselves attacking both members of the Warriors at different points over the last two weeks, ridiculing them for impure habits, and promoting those impure habits as well. Equipped with a powerful move called the Purification process, this team of Pain & Agony is going to be the next evolution of superstar in the UWF.

So we watched them take on The Star Wars Freaks, who despite their obvious lack of size and, uh, well…reality, work REALLY well as a team. Pain & Agony were more powerful, they were brutal, and they really got a LOT of heat from the fans. However, The Star Wars Freaks stayed unfazed for a majority of the match and used swift tags in and out, hitting move after move to wear down Purity.

At one point in this match, Pain had been stranded in the ring for five minutes, and after building some momentum, the Freaks hit “For the Empire” their trademark combo move. Pain would have been done for, but Agony entered, breaking the count and throwing Adam Windu from the ring.

The ref displayed his authority in the match, forcing Agony out. However, the damage had been done. Pain Irish whipped Tucker Kenobi and took him over with a HUGE Endless Pain DDT. He made the count, and Adam Windu was to late to stop the count as Purity picked up the win.

Pain lifted Tucker Kenobi up instantly and Purity added insult to injury, hitting The Purification Process much to the dismay of the crowd. Adam Windu entered, clotheslining Pain over the top rope, but Agony took him down with a SCREAMING IN AGONY.

The fans were disgusted by this act, but lit up with cheers as Goliath returned, and along with his Warrior partner Alpha Wolf, attacked the team of Purity, knock them both over the top ropes to the floor after a short brawl.

A long of finger pointing followed, as the UWF Tag Team #1 contenders then raised their hands in the air to the crowd, as the crowd exploded with cheers!

So, we made it to the main event. Glori was making her debut against the obviously psychotic Monoxide. I like this Monoxide. A little insanity never hurt a wrestler, well, unless they knock themselves out for three days with a chair shot. That’s got to be unhealthy. But if they can sell it off as being nothing much, and they can do it with a solemn straight face… fuck, Monoxide will be UWF Champion in no time!

Throw in the fact that Monoxide could have become Television champion, and Glori proclaimed herself to be exactly that, and this is one hell of an Ammo main event.

In an other note, Glori seemed to be dealing with her own inner demons. Something about her back in the arms of Mike McCormick, or wanting to be, or…yeah, that makes me sick.

For the record: McCormick sucks.

Bower’s going to destroy him, destroy Glori, and then abduct Rory and wait fifteen years and marry her.

Yeah, I am a little goofy right now, due to lack of Coca-Cola. I am fresh out, and suffering with Pepsi! Yep, Pepsi!

So, these two hungry UWF combatants were set to go at it. Monoxide outweighed Glori but a certain amount of weight. Glori outlooked Monoxide by several, SEVERAL levels of visionary preference.

So, yeah, this match was even. Glori used her quickness and her evasiveness to startle Monoxide in the early match, and right away Monoxide adjusted to a new strategy. His first strategy of simply out powering Glori would not be effective if he could not actually get his hands on her. Pretty smart, eh?

Boy, I’d like to get my hands on Glori but that’s a different story.

Then again, it was my idea to have Kid Diamond beat her up on Elevation, anyways.

Yeah, this is B-Mac writing this, so that should make sense now.

For future reference, my reports are always biased towards UWF superstars known as: Lonnie Hinds, Aerius Hyrule, Kid Diamond, and Nick Bower. Also I think I like that Jacobias Discordia, or ‘Merlin’ as many of you know him as. He looks to be really good. That’s just the way I friggin’ work, okay?

Plus, I like hot women.

But not enough to actually justify their existence in a wrestling ring.

But did you know that the UWF signed another woman, Joanna? Yeah, they call her “hef”.

Anyways, So when Monoxide finally got his hands on Glori, he throw her off of the ropes and hammered her with a clothesline, having no emotions whatsoever. He didn’t care. He picked her up, and he did it AGAIN. He dropped her straight on her neck with two straight, stiff as all hell clothesline that had the fans riled up in a dramatic, dramatic fashion.

But Glori is one damn resilient chick. She worked back into the match, ducking Monoxide several times before hitting a dropkick. Then a missile dropkick. And then a huge Tornado DDT and a Frankensteiner.

Monoxide was confused and slid outside of the ring to catch his breath. This woman had taken it to him, and he was not about to be defeated. Glori looked like a rose, but bottom line is that she is as badass as a thorn.

Monoxide finally entered the ring again, and he went back to his normal pace. He brawled. And he would not allow the speed of the match to rise again, as he used submissions on the mat to keep Glori grounded. A good plan, again, by Monoxide, who was better known for his insanity than his smarts.

Ah well, Glori countered out of a sleeper hold with a jaw breaker, than hit a snap superkick to knock Monoxide from the ring.

Glori got some praises from the ring, than leapt from the ring over the ropes towards Monoxide. Monoxide caught her dead in mid air. And in one HORRIFYING motion he dropped her head first with a modified brainbuster.

Holy crap. I almost crapped my pants when I saw that, fearing Glori was dead. But she wasn’t dead. Her muscles reacted to the pain and she squirmed a few times, proving at worst she was only brain-dead. I’d still have sexual relations with her.

This match would have been over but Monoxide got into the ring and quite honestly…he was fucking retarded. He began to argue with himself and physically abuse himself as he looked like he was dramatically torn. It was quite a sight and chants started in the Saint Cloud crowd like:

WHAT THE FUCK!
WHAT THE FUCK!?
And…
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY HAT!

And I asked myself this question:

”What the fuck?”

Monoxide then proceeded to belittle his own efforts by throwing himself into the ropes. Glori, meanwhile, proved she was NOT dead and with a sign of relief from the crowd slid back into the ring. Even the ref was laughing at Monoxide by now. But Glori shrugged, waiting for the right moment, then hit a Queen Sunset flip off of the ropes for a three count and a win.

Odd. Very odd.

But entertaining.

And that was basically it. I enjoyed myself, but I wondered if there would be future Ammo’s. Elevation is so much better.

But for sakes of old times, B-Mac out.

And B-Mac off.

And in the end… you all will remember the B-Mac!

[End.]