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DRCs for Thursday, September 13, 2001
Black for a reason.
Jesus and Satan and Duckman, oh my! -The Chimp
PMBorisStoke: If you say so. You're the smart one.
If I was made of caramel I'd be forced to eat myself. -Survivor
PMBorisStoke: If you were made of caramel James Bond would eat you.
"This edition is not shown in its entirety because of certain comments inapproprietly poking fun at yesterday's terrorist incident. -Morts2005" kinda puts that "jew in an oven" joke into perspective, huh?
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PMBorisStoke: That's different. It's about jews. WHOOPS! Send all hate mail to Kevin McClory.
I know that WDIIA isn't The Chimp. I sent in that UDRC before Chimp had updated, so I thought he'd include it in his day's edition. I was mistaken. And I don't see how my "seal walks into a club" joke was edited out because it was in poor taste in light of Tuesday's terrorist attacks. Hm, maybe it was just left out for a different reason, and someone ELSE sent in a bad joke also, only one that was bad in a different sense of the word. In any case, I go sleep now. -Jai Deliete
PMBorisStoke: Relax. It was probably left out because it wasn't funny.
So... anyone like Johnny Cash?
*dodges stones* -Amazing CAP
PMBorisStoke: I've got 25 minutes to go!
I have now realized (read: had it brought to my attention) that there is a new Vibe up. Hm... this one is going to require one heck of an answer. I'm working on it. However, in the meantime, good luck to all others who enter as well! Except for Revomak, because he'll probably win.
-Jai Deliete
PMBorisStoke: Glad to read that you're "working" on it. It should be a nice change of pace from the slop we've been getting.
I apologize in advance for the length of this UDRC. However, I typed it
out already, and I couldn't fit it into the Vibe topic, so... here it is. It's
about RPS... you know, Rock, Paper, Scissors. The game.
Often have I wondered how paper automatically can magically "beat" rock by
simply covering it. It doesn't hold up, logically.
There is one explanation, and that is that the paper smothers the rock by
covering it.
This is, however, sadly an obviously invalid reason. Rocks don't breath. You
could set the paper on fire... but rocks don't burn unless the paper magically
was able to burn at a heat equalling that of volcanic lava. And even then,
rocks don't really burn; they melt.
Perhaps it just means the paper holds superiority over the rocks when it covers
them. After all, the wrestler who gets on top of his opponent holds the higher
ground, the advantage... and the wrestler who wins is always the one on top at
the end of a round. However, this explanation is too pat for my tastes, too
trite and insubstantial for the reason as to why a shredded-up slip of tree pulp
can overpower a mighty stone that has outlasted all living things and will go on
continuing to do so. Rock should beat scissors AND paper.
This creates the problem of unbalancing the game. With an obviously unbeatable
option to choose, games will end in draws for eternity if rock is given it's
rightful place in the game. What solution is there for this?
Simply this: Rock is too mighty a force to be lumped into this crude game. It
should be set aside, loftily and powerfully as it deserves, and a new force set
in its place. What should this new contender be? I think the answer is
obvious. So as not to upset the acronym of "RPS", and therefore not to upset
the fragile minds of those who play it, this new force shall be... Rick, the
Accountant.
It is well-known that accountants are masters of paper. Rick easily beats
paper. However, scissors have an equally easy job of SLICING THROUGH RICK'S
JUGULAR LIKE TWIN STEELY KNIVES. Problem solved! The balance has been
re-achieved.
BUT WAIT! No it isn't. I just said it WAS to FOOL you. Have you so easily
forgotten? SCISSORS BEAT PAPER! Now SCISSORS are the dominant, unstoppable
force! Paper can beat NOTHING! The feng shui of RPS is still in turmoil!
But, heed my words. Before you begin to think I've got something in for paper
(which I do, stupid motherless mashed wood pulp of a goat), we shall simply
dispose of the factory-constructed contestant we all knew and loved/hated as
"scissors". And in his artificial stead, we shall set up a new
champion/loser...
CHILD-SAFETY SCISSORS! He cannot beat paper, even though paper is the weakest
thing in the world! He cannot rip through Rick's throat, no matter HOW you saw
and cut away with its terminally blunt edges! Wait... the balance is not
achieved. Nor does the word "child" start with the letter "s", so that idea is
right out. We begin anew. Who shall the heir of the oft-feared scissors be?
He shall be...
...the Superman 64 Cartridge! Rick cannot beat him and his blurry eye-searing
visuals! Paper can grasp him in its cursed white-dyed pressed tree mash grip
and hurl him from the Empire State Building! Superman 64 Cartridge cannot fly,
despite it's shoddy gameplay and bemusingly weak Man of Steel! And should paper
accidently lose it's hold once in a while and fall into the abyss itself, it can
always handily and cunningly fold itself into an airplane, such as schoolboys
and other lazy ragamuffin-type urchins do in their abundance of spare time!
Paper can catch an updraft of air in this fashion, and float triumphantly once
again to the top of the building and safety!
Rick the Accountant, Paper, Superman 64 Cartridge. The new RPS. Radically
redesigned, and now morally sound. The public lets out a sigh of relief it did
not know it was holding.
-Jai Deliete
PMBorisStoke: ...but how would you make the hand symbols for all of that? You belong in the UN.
Comments, by PMBorisStoke
I would just like to officially state my concern over what has happened with these terrorist attacks. It is a truly saddening thing to have happened to the great country of The Unites States of America. I feel nothing, but sadness and anger when I think of this topic. It makes me sick. I would like to express my extreme condolences to those involved.
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